In Los Angeles, I could make these Amish dudes Supermodels!

The sad sad fact of life on my brother's farm is that animals are slaughtered. These two hogs, both sows, not Sow as in my friend Aaron's wife, but sows...

Anyway, they were raised from baby hogs, had names, were like pets and friends to my brother's grandbaby... Well, it's "Pets and Meat" here as these guys killed them fast!

They shot, skinned, hung up and carted away these two. One Amish guy had his right hand bitten off by a previous hog that put up a fight! Look at the pic to see his hook! To him, this work may be personal!

They both were cool, quiet and perfect for Amish Male Monthly.

This is a place I used to eat everyday back when I was a nearly and sometimes not so nearly homeless teen in Springfield, Mo!

There were many times they fed me free!

Once a friend working at a seafood distributor found that the packages of shrimp packed in ice actually had squid and octipus in it and NOBODY ate those, so I packed them up and gave them to the family that ran this place and the LOVED IT!

Click on the picture of the Bamboo Inn and you'll see my old friend Bill who was so excited to see me.

Bill is such a sweet guy and helped me out a lot back when I was a kid.

Did you know Springfield is where Cashew Chicken was invented over a 100 years ago? It's true!

And possibly it was done by one of Bill's family, or maybe Bill himself!

I found a VERY haunted house down the road from where my brother's farm is and I couldn't help go in; take pictures and record some EVPs inside...

I'm here to tell ya, it was very scary. I was all alone. It was cloudy and cold. I didn't see anything unusual, but looking at the pics later there were some odd light phenomena in a few of the photos.

I haven't listened to the recordings yet.

Will post some more pics of this place later and put together a video so you can see just how frightening it was and is.

There isn't any info I've been able to get about this place, but the wildest thing was as I was leaving I found myself getting tangled in vines and branches as though the place was trying to hold me back.

Also, when I was entering the house the door opened just a little as I was walking to it. I'm sure it was a breeze, but you couldn't help think that some spirit was welcoming me in.

Stopped by Branson, Missouri last night to see xmas lights for $8!

Branson is like a Redneck Vegas, but well worth a visit! If you like seeing live performances by people you've never heard of before, this is for you. Remember, Whatever Happens in Branson, Dies of Boredom in Branson...

Borat has his own theatre here, but uses the name Yakov instead.

Many of the performers doing shows here are in fact dead.

Still, it's pretty.

This is my niece's daughter, which I think makes her my second sister or something. I'm not sure how we're connected. She is so cute and has pretty red hair.

No one in her family or mine has red hair. So I'm thinking she's adopted, an alien baby, or Irish. I tested this by holding up a bottle of Guinness.

Click on the photo to see her standing under the biggest Deer made out of aluminum foil in Missouri!

Everyone knows I LOVE fishing!

Mainly, fishing for compliments...

But nothing makes me happier than climbing into a big Bass Boat and hitting the lakes for some late night fishing.

I like to say Bass Boat, by pronouncing "Bass" like the Bass in sound. That way the "Brothers" think I'm all HipHop and into Mixing and Scratching the discs while trolling the banks for da bitches!

I don't really like to use a rod and reel to fish. I don't like touching worms! I find if you can chum the waters with bait and get the fishies close to the surface, gunfire will do the job. Even if you miss the fish, which is the case when I use my 9mm, the concussion will stun them enough to get a net around them.

I think it's cool, but people here think I'm retarded.

But I LOVE FISHING!

My niece shared with me the latest fashions I might encounter from today's young Missouri teen homemakers!

Girls out here love wearing big floppy men's workboots unlaced and without socks.

Red pajama bottoms cut short and capri-like for the unexpected flooding and the occasional cow-pie splatter.

The slumped stoop of hard labor, baby carrying, depression and the onset of Osteoporosis.

Heroin Chic was once the fade, but teen fashion models now try to acquire the sexy look of Osteoporosis.

This is Coy, my niece's baby boy!

I have arrived at my brother's farm and found that not only does he take care of pigs, dogs, armadillos and two fainting goats, but also his two grandchildren.

Now he gets to take care of me!

I am having a great time with the baby Coy! I hope I'm spelling his name right? It might be like the fish, Koi, but I'm guessing it's not.

When I told my friend Aaron and his Thai wife Sow, they laughed and said, "His name means "penis" in Thai!"

But I'm sure the Thai spell it differently.

Sow would have a great time out here, because there are so many animals her people could eat, just none of the animals we eat, but there are plenty of dogs, cats, bats, and stuff like that...

I believe it was Thanksgiving last year when Aaron took her to a restaurant in Thailand that had a turkey dinner and when she told her mother what she ate, her mother asked, "You can eat a turkey? What's it taste like?"

And Sow answered, "A little bit like horse."

Here's a photo I took that has been published in the The Springfield News-Leader by Gregory T. Matthews the Online Editor of News-Leader.com!

I can take pretty pictures once in a while!

My friend Aaron will be glad to know his film, "Flushed Away" is playing at the Princess Theater in downtown Aurora, Missouri!

I don't know how old this movie theater is, but I'm guessing it dates back to the civil war!

Using the Wi-Fi Internet access at a McDonald's in the small town, my car is struck while sitting empty in the parking lot. Several teenage girls ran to tell me that the teenager sped off in his pickup truck when they tried to stop him.

The manager of the McDonald's called the local police department and to patrol cars arrived in less than two minutes. I'm thinking they got there so quickly because it only takes two minutes to traverse the borders of this small community. In fact I believe Main Street is one of the only streets and almost everyone knows the stray dogs by their first names.

Being that this was a, "leaving the scene of an accident" the detective work of the two officers kicked into high gear, until they discovered the teenager perpetrator was not only the son of someone they knew, but also one of the star football, basketball, baseball players of the town's high school.

Being that I'm from California and possibly a liberal/Jewish/fag/MAC user/book reader, it looks like the kid is getting away with the crime.

All the years I lived in California not once did I get a speeding ticket or have anyone in my car, and both of those things to happen since I've left...

... it has to be a sign!

I am now in Missouri and I can tell this by the beautiful farm lands, the rolling hills, the speed traps, a church every 300 yds and a multitude of "Embryos are Babies" billboards.

I've seen these billboards everywhere here!

Talk of stem cells is all over the local media. People here seem to think stem cell researchers and abortion clinics and satanists are after their preteen daughter's unborn baby.

Imagine some midtown Manhattan New Yorker receives stem cells from some random Missouri gene pool and suddenly discovers an uncontrollable urge to shop at Wal-Mart and get a cement pond.

It is a germ of an idea like this that lead to quality television programming! I think this could be a hit TV show!

A modern day "Green Acres!"

I drove through the coolest McDonald's I've ever seen!

Thank goodness this car has a sunroof, because that is how they deliver your food. You order by cellphone and then you reduce your speed to 55mph and it drops to you through the bottom of the bridge like structure.

I had already gone past two exits when I realized my iced tea was sweetened when I had asked for unsweetened.

I couldn't exit or go back because I would've had to pay a toll both ways.

This is very much like the Audubon in Germany, but with a speed limit.

I need a drink and I need it bad!

On Route 66 I find no one that can make me a Manderin Cosmopolitan!

They look at me funny and ask where I'm from...

Beer and nothin' else!

I even order Ice Tea and get it with no ice and I ask about it and I'm told, "YOU like it with ICE?"

It's tough out here on the road!

Life on the road ain't for sissies, that's fer dang sher!

Fucking Coppers!

I get a Speeding Ticket!

He makes me get out and sit in his car and he small talks me like I'm his buddy.

I answer everything and tell him funny stories. I perform for him like a monkey. I use my best material. I tell him I have Cancer.

He tells me how to pay the ticket. He doesn't budge. He's cold. I tell him Happy Thankgiving and he says nothing.

The sky is so clear of smog. It's so clean and clear. No clouds. No planes. No chem trails spreading deadly viruses to lower the population of the U. S. and A..

I get a call about a radio station that say they are interesting in me doing mornings in their town if I can start December 1st.

I get momentarily excited.

Turns out they are flakes and pull back their offer. Weirdos!

I turn to my new iPod for comfort and hear P.J Harvey sing/scream, "Big Exit"

Look out ahead
I see danger come
I want a pistol
I want a gun
I'm scared baby
I wanna run
This world's crazy
Give me the gun

Baby, baby
Ain't it true
I'm immortal
When I 'm with you
But I want a pistol
In my hand
I wanna go to
A different land

I met a man
He told me straight
"You gotta leave
It's getting late"
Too many cops
Too many guns
All trying to do something
No-one else has done

Baby, baby
Ain't it true
I'm immortal
When I 'm with you
But I want a pistol
In my hand
I wanna go to
A different land

Sometimes it rains so hard
And I feel the hurt
In my heart
Feels like the end of the world
I see the children
Sharp as knives
I see the children
Dead and alives
Beautiful people
Beautiful girls
I just feel like it's the end of the world

I walk on concrete
I walk on sand
But I can't find
A safe place to stand
I'm scared baby
I wanna run
This world's crazy
Gimme the gun

Baby, baby
Ain't it true
I'm immortal
When I 'm with you
But I want a pistol
In my hand
I wanna go to
A different land

I found a town filled with Germans!

Even saw a German Shepard walking across the road to this cafe.

Everyone was nice.

I had to stretch and walk around, but when inside and sat down and ate a cheese burger instead.

Two young girls sat next to me and talked to me about their High School football game and the trouble with boys in their town.

People are so friendly here and wanted to know all about me, one even told me I should stay a while.

People stood next to my booth and asked more and more probing questions.

People were begining to scare me.

I think they wanted to kill and eat me and serve the left overs to other tourists.

The dust behind my car was blood red in the glow of my tail lights.

This road is endless!

I'm seeing the same people trapped on it as it fades into the distance.

The bathrooms I stop at are filthy, yet seem clean just because they lack gang symbols.

In see the same hitchhiker over and over...

I saw a huge shooting star!

I made a wish.

77 seems like a good speed.

7 + 7 = 14

1 + 4 = 5

It's 5:11 in the afternoon and 5 + 1 + 1 = 7

I am so fucking bored!

It was dark and cold and I was catching my refection illuminated by the very bright Honda Civic dashboard instrumentation in the window and it looked like a ghost.

The rocky moonlike terrain passes me.

The history of bloody battles, red sand, rotten flesh, arrowheads lost, abandond horses foaming at the mouth and ghosts trapped and confused by the lies of their betrayed beliefs.

The frames of time stacked together like loose cards in a deck of cards and all the crimes of the past fold in on themselves and walk together in the darkness just outside my safety glass.

Trucker stop and pickup young female hitchhiker heading to Hollywood to become a movie star and as some miles and hopes of sex pass, he discovers his passenger is fading away...

He has picked up a ghost!

With the sunroof in the car, I've shaken things up by opening it up to let the cold wind blow in as I'm driving!

I've even partaken in a lil' fun by standing on the seat, putting it in cruise control, stearing with my left foot and flashing my big floppy man-breasts to terrified Greyhound Bus passengers!

But when I've finished with a DVD that I had playing on my laptop on the dashboard, I like to look up and stare at the brilliant stars in the night sky through the moonroof.

The car practically drives itself and the guardrails prevent the car from careening off into the canyon below!

The new iPod has made this trip so wonderful!

Radio blows out here and with so many syndicated shows, it's like finding a Starbuck's in every town...

Everything is the same in every town.

The air is getting cooler. I've hit an area that was 20 Degrees.

Truck stops are so awesome!

Everyone is so friendly, because everyone is bored out of their minds traveling across the West without Indians to break up the long stretches of depression with scalping.

It's all looking the same.

Same cars passing me.

Same trucks on my ass like that truck in the movie, "Duel."

Same dead animals on the road.

Someone told me the pics look like stills from Vincent Gallo's "The Brown Bunny."

Without the BJ unfortunately...

I'm on the road and eating crap!

I went looking for America, but seem to be eating it instead.

Bloated and nearly unable to stear as the wheel rubs tightly against my belly, I scan the radio to find every station to have a Christian Evangelist screaming at me.

America appears hateful to me.

I tear open the Reese's Pieces Bites bag and pour those lil' balls of happiness into my mouth and feel the woozy sugar love blow over me and all is better.

Dang, is America big, or what?

I'm beginning to see more and more roadkill and some of it is animals!

I need to pee and I think the empty Arrowhead water bottle has too small an opening to squirt through and it's a bumpy road here. I might need to make it look like I'm checking out something on the car and pull over and relieve myself.

What a great performance!

I acted like I was checking the oil on the engine. I had the hood up and opened the passenger door to cover me while I wizzed.

I did a sense memory of getting an oil change that was so intense I even got hot greasy oil on my weener, but really...

It ain't like it's been the first time!

I'm already bored with life on the road...


I think I've made a mistake!

I tried watching a DVD on my laptop by sitting it on the dashboard, but it was too bright out.



Is it too late to turn around?

I know I'm going East... I know that!

Just like in "Easy Rider" when Peter Fonda takes off his watch and tosses it into the sand because where he's going, he doesn't need a schedule, I too will do that as soon as I reach the Mojave.




I just need to stop and buy a watch first!

Out on the road!

My adventure has already started, but I forgot I need to get gas!


A going away present was a new iPod fully loaded with songs I love, but I decided not to start it up until I get into the desert.



I barely have left Los Angeles and I'm already lost.

I stopped by to say goodbye to my friends Aaron, Sow and Dominique.

As you can see by the photograph, they have yet to remove the Halloween decorations of cobwebs from the front door. You can also see that they are snappy dressers!

It can also be seen in their expressions that they are saddened by my departure to travel across America in search of myself and cheap medical care.

We are all excited about the new David Fincher film, "Zodiac" that tells the true life story of Aaron and his dad Robert Graymith discovering the true identity of the zodiac killer.

The trailer for "Zodiac"

I am not sure that I'm going to make it back to Hollywood in time to partake in the premiere parties for the film, or even be around to hear the excuses why I'm not invited.

I can't wait to see this film!

Sometimes you have to make a decision and you have to act upon it quickly and without hesitation.

I got my hair done and decided to hit the road in search of a new experience.

I wasn't sure where I was going or how I was going to get there, but I hoped there would be Free Internet Access.

But first I needed to to get rid of things I didn't need to carry.

I would have to say goodbye to friends and sell what I could for gas money.

This was the first step of many steps on a major journey into the rest of my life.

Being that it's the weekend, I thought I would do something for myself!

So I slept 26 hours straight!

I don't believe I even got up to go pee. My bed was dry. My pillow however was soaked because I believe while snoring I must have drooled, and I mean drooled!

Other than having my mouth agape for insects to crawl into, I wondered what else could have made me salivate in my sleep?

Then I remembered, a dream I had where a friend of mine who is married to an Asian lady introduced me to a friend of hers. It was a crazy dream, one involving exotic lands, colorful silks, spices, Kung Fu and sweat shops.

In the dream, when she and I went walking in the rain up in the hills above her village, and as she told me of the ways of her people, there were subtitles that were blurry and out of focus. It was difficult to understand her, but what I saw under that wet, clinging, gauzy fabric was all I needed to know.

Later I found out her family hated me, yet her mother believed I could provide for her a better life than what her little village under the volcano offered.

The family fought and she ran upstairs crying, but because the walls and floors were made of rice paper, her tears caused her to fall through and land back in the middle of the fight. There was no escape for my little yellow lover.

Her brother got mad at me and trying to show his father what a man he was, he expanded in size and became a giant monster that crushed all the little homes and cars until he got caught and tangled in the power lines coming from the nuclear power plant, then the dream just started getting all silly.

When I woke up I discovered my neighbor was standing outside my door having an argument with his girlfriend and I wondered if this yelling had influenced my dream?

Now I'm ready for a nap!

I certainly didn't want this page to go another day without mentioning another important death.

I promise some fun and happy news soon! Hopefully something happy will happen.

William Styron was a pretty important writer in my life when a therapist I was seeing for my own bouts of depression, suggested I read some of his work.

The first book I picked up was "Sophie's Choice" not exactly what my therapist meant for me to read, I found out at the next session, but I was still moved and I'm a sucker for any Holocaust story.

Finally, she loaned me her copy of, "Lie Down in Darkness" about a family dealing with a girl's suicide. I would read three chapters and then pull out the nightstand drawer to get Gary Larson's "The Complete Far Side" to balance things out.

So now I can't think of William Styron without thinking of "The Far Side."

"Darkness Visible" is Styron's personal story of depression. Someday I will write my own story of a depression, but with funny cartoons illustrating my point.

Anyway, he's dead.

I've been very bummed out lately as there have been so many deaths among people I really admire.

Because of this, I feel my own mortality. I'm growing old and the end is near and all I seem to talk about is the weather and the obituaries.

Just a month ago, I rented a four or five DVDs containing the works of British screenwriter Nigel Kneale, best known for the Quatermass TV serials and films.

I learned that last year BBC Four broadcast a live remake of "The Quatermass Experiment" starring David Tennant and Jason Flemyng, about the story of an alien monster brought back to Earth by a British space rocket, I've been trying to get a copy of it.

I've been a huge fan of his since I was a kid watching the Hammer Films versions of his work.

Plainly, this is another example of me renting a DVD and then someone who is involved in its production, ending up dead.

Speaking of the BBC, you might want to check out this site, if you are a fan of Science-Fiction.

Adrienne Shelly, 1966 - 2006

Adrienne Shelly, the beautiful actress best known for her roles in the Hal Hartley films Trust and The Unbelievable Truth, has been found dead by suicide, in her office by her husband, according to The NY Post.

On Nov 8 and 9 FACTOTUM, a film in which she performs, will play at the New Beverly Cinema in Los Angeles, I was wondering if anyone would be interested in something like a candlelight vigil, or just to meet and talk about Adrienne Shelly's work? Might be kind of healing and nice to meet other fans...

Maybe?

Please contact me if interested!

I was very shocked and saddened by this. I dug through my stuff and found postcards for "The Unbelievable Truth" and "Trust." It's really because of her that I fell for Hal Hartley films.

I know I have tapes of the two of them somewhere from interviews I did back when "The Unbelievable Truth" came out. I met them before the film was screened and I remember seeing her walking in the parking lot not knowing she was in the film and thinking she looked frail and small, but it was different when I finally talked with her.

But then, maybe she was as frail as we all are...?