Oh, maybe today is my B'Day too...

Well, let's just make it a week-long Birthday Blog-a-thong!

Everyone that spends anytime with me knows how I love to lull people into a hypnotic state. There are times when I'm talking to people near me and they will find their eyes getting so heavy and tired. Many will just drift off.

Ask my friend Steve, he gets his best sleep around me.

To the ignorant and untrained observer, it looks like I've bored them to sleep by speaking gibberish, but that simply is not the case. Using specific words, phrases and gestures I have programmed people to do things they would normally be resistant to...

It's like a Jedi Mind Trick, really.

I've implanted thoughts in women's minds that float to the surface in their dreams. Dreams of me and them and how relaxing and soothing it is touching and holding me. You can almost feel your tense muscles relaxing and uncoiling as you read these words. Imagine how lovely I am in your presence, smoothing the silk and spreading out on the cool bed sheets under a open window breeze. Moisten skin, wet panting, aching and needing to feel, pushing, longing, mouthing the words you have wanted to hear for a 1000 years. We float on cool streams in a raft, wet from the mist of a waterfall, under a wet, dripping pussy willow tree, you unpack your box for a picnic snack on the shore, dishes of fishes, creamy sauces, mouth-watering sausages and I lick the fat china shiny clean.

This is where the panties come off.

I know mine are...

Don't resist!

You
are
mine!

Several longtime readers of this page have pointed out, that today is in fact my birthday!

It's funny, that many people use the excuse that they are unsure of what day I was born, to explain away their reason for not getting me a gift on time, or either day.

I too, have lived most of my life unsure of the actual date. My birth certificate has one date, my birth registration card has another date, and I have no date.

I really believed some beautiful woman would step forward and take me out to dinner and profess her love for me, without me having to pay her up front to do so.

The week has started off great! Other than the fact I haven't had birthday sex yet...

Many old friends have come out of the woodworks and it's been great catching up. Although it does suck that they are all so much more successful than me.

Soon, that however will change!

Already several actors interested in my workshop have contacted me about attending next month's beginning classes. Two of them I used to know from when I first moved out here years ago. A very close friend told me last night of his interest to do it as well, but, afraid I'd be too embarrassed to have close friends in my workshop. I don't know why. I feel they see me in one light and might not understand when I'm in my more serious mode.

This workshop is very serious to me. I imagine and feel this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

I don't mean to sound like it won't be fun, on the contrary, it is and will be a blast!

I am moving into my new place as soon as repairs are finished! I am so excited!

It is so funny to rent a new theatre space and a new living space at the same time. I found both places on the same day! Like it was all meant to be...

I can get paralyzed with thoughts wondering how seemingly random events collide.

Less than 2 hours ago, sitting in Sharky's, talking with my friend Andrea about her engagement, telling her about my friend bringing his new wife and baby to America from Thailand, when we saw the Thai woman that runs the restaurant next door run over an elderly lady.

We were completely stunned!

Andrea pointed out, that the Thai woman was on her cell phone and making an illegal turn. I pointed out, that the elderly woman was driving a brand new Cadillac, yet was dressed poorly.

"Who are you, Mr. Blackwell?"

I wasn't trying to be insensitive, I guess it just came naturally. I was wondering, how this woman who looked slightly better than the bag lady I see collecting plastic containers out of the trash next to the 99¢ Store on Victory Boulevard, can afford a brand new Cadillac?

Maybe she has made a career out of stepping in front of the vehicles of successful immigrants. You can only do that for so long, as you age your bones can become brittle and your skin easily bruised. I know this, because today's my Birthday!

Holy Crap! It's my Birthday!!!

My cake is being prepared.

My gifts are waiting to be unwrapped.

Some gifts are already unwrapped and being used.

I got some gifts today for myself. I picked up my friend Brian Keene's, "The Conqueror Worms" now out from Leisure Books. I can't wait to read it! I love worm stories!

One of my favorite old radio shows is Arch Obler's episode for, "Lights Out" called, "Revolt of the Worms" so I had to get this new book from Brian.

I got some other stuff, but I'm waiting to read your wonderful letters to me, so you better stop lurking and start writing me nice things!

I want to thank the many that clicked the "Make a Donation" button on the Left side and sent in a few bucks, but everyone pretty much wants to be anonymous. I don't know why? I want to tell everyone!

You guys truly ROCK!

Thanks for all the calls and gifts and money!

I have the rest of the day to party and celebrate, I know you all have fun family things to do, but thanks for taking time to spend some of it with me.

This is gonna be a great year for me, I can just feel it! Being 29 is such an important time for me and I hope I will use these next twelve months wisely.

Everyone thinks just because all my friends are so pretty, handsome, talented, glamorous, wealthy and stuff... That I have it made. Well, I made a wish that there was some nice girl I could meet, fall in love with and this year I hope I could make many more new friends.

Thanks!

Today Aaron took me to the New Home Depot next to Dreamworks!

What kid wouldn't like to spend his Holiday Weekend walking around the cleanest New HD Store?

The same store Jeffrey Katzenberg buys his lumber!

Aaron was preparing his home for his new wife and baby! They should be here in a few weeks, so Aaron wants to get his shower ready with just the right shower head that helped massage and sooth his wife into submission.

The Waterpik Cascadia Shower Head with it's sleek, futuristic design gives drenching rain power, much like his wife is used to in the jungle.

The shower head itself is oversized measuring 8" long. She loves it like that!

"It so big, like Amelican," she says.

She can choose from concentrated power spray or gentle rinse. It can be adjusted to numerous positions due to the 8 inches being flexible, just like the shower head!

If he gets the shower fixed like he tells me he wants it... Baby Number 2 will be on the way!

Have a great weekend and don't burn your weenies on the grill!

Ever have conversations like this:

You: Hey, did you see that thing on the Discovery Channel?

Them: You know, I don't have time for TV.

Or:

You: Have you heard that new song by, "Insert Band Name Here"...?

Them: Ah, I don't listen to music.

Or:

You: Did you read that blog...?

Them: I never read blogs.

Or:

You: What about that e-mail I sent you?

Them: Man, you have no idea what it's like for me, I get so many e-mails I don't even read them, I just delete them.

Or:

You: There's this stripper at VIP that is so...

Them: Yeah, Not only do I not go to strip clubs, I don't like women.

Or:

You: Hey this movie opens tomorrow, want to go?

Them: Saw it two weeks ago at the premiere.

Or:

You: Oh, my niece's baby is still in Intensive Care and it's already been three days...

Them: Sorry, Were you talking?

Or:

You: You're saying, the repairs are only gonna cost me $200?

Them: Yes.

Them: (later) The total, with tax, labor and some other things (garbled) comes to... $1750.

This is what I deal with almost daily.

Everyone somehow tries to top you, put you down, condescend, ignore you, make fun of you, rip you off...

It's like everyone in this town has been slighted because they're not as powerful at work as they believe they should be, they've been passed on the freeway by a more powerful gas guzzler, they aren't getting what their religion is promising them, they feel they better take advantage of you, before you can take advantage of them.

Wouldn't be so bad if I could come home and crawl into your arms and hide away with you in the dim flickering candle light...

But I don't know where you are.

I blame that mean old evil Bush for not having my Honda back already!

I am stranded!

Trapped with no food in my belly. No way to get out and go get it! Oh, sure there's Public Transportation, but seriously, am I getting on that freak show?

The shop just called me and it's costing me $800 after the $1000 I already spent the other day.

If my car was electric, would it be in the shop like it is now? I doubt it!

So I blame the oil man for my troubles, today!

Oh say, Can you come by and pick me up?

I'm a little upset!

After spending $1000 on my car, it broke down today in the middle of the road!

I was furious!

Had to get out and push it to the side of the road all by myself. Anyone offer to help? No. Nice town.

I got on my cellphone and called the shop that did all the great work and they sent this hot blonde as my roadside assistance helper!

Maybe they were trying to distract me with having this tall blonde amazonian model bending over my car.

I guess it worked...

Looks like if I am to get my car back tomorrow, I will have to fork over another $650!!!

Maybe I should buy a new car, but I love my lil' Honda...

Steve, a Titmouse compositor and cartoon expert, stepped up to the plate and got me my 1st B'Day present!

The big day is the 29th!

So you still have time, get crackin'!

Steve got me the new CD by Angels and Airwaves, which ROCKS! He also got me the special edition DVD of "Dr. Strangelove," it happens to be one of those films I watch over and over.

I have a niece that was going to squeeze out a baby and I was hoping it would be on my B'Day, However it already popped out... Dang!

This is her second baby, but this one is a boy. There were some difficulties and the baby is in Intensive Care. I've been trying to call, but all lines are busy. I hate to be such a worrier, but I just am...

Okay, I must move on and think of nicer things, no worries, think of happy things, what makes me happy? Oh, it's my B'Day soon, so get the cash or money in now!

If you are concerned about how to get me the gift, maybe you can just send me money by using the "Make Donation" button on the left, e-mail me what you wanted to buy me and I'll go get it with the money you sent! I'll even gift wrap it! Open it and act surprised!

Speaking of acting... You could join my workshop instead of buying a gift... See below!

My Acting Workshop is beginning!

I have been working intensely to get this up and running. I finally found a theater where I feel comfortable. It is small, only 40 seats, but it has a big heart.

While inspecting the space, I met theatre director Michael Holmes and had a wonderful talk about stagecraft, Orson Welles, John Cassavetes and how the 99¢ Stores can help low-budget theater.

Things seem to be falling into place. The other day while typing up my workshop plans on the PowerBook G4 over at my favorite cafe, a waitress asked what I was doing. It turns out that she was a casting director before she had two kids and needed steady cash. She was very interested in my workshop.

I told her, as I've told others, that I would offer a finders fee for every student that signs up to my class. She told me that she knows so many actors and she could use the extra money. She also told me, that she knows actors that could use the money and believed that I would never be short of students for the class with her and her friends signing up people.

I hope that is the case! I am spending lots of money to make this happen.

According to the plan of action, I will have a completed feature film on DVD at the end of every course. The students will see their work submitted to film festivals around the world, they will be seen by casting directors, but more importantly their talents will be seen by family, their friends and themselves.

Stay tuned to this web site to witness the progress!

Saw this sad Missing Dog poster...

It looks like a cuter version of the Taco bell dog, but one without a sponsor. I bet his family misses him.

I hope he is found, but I fear it may be too late as this poster was next to a Thai restaurant that is located next to a Mexican place and they both are battling for customers.

The fact that it is a Mexican dog, well...

It's turf war, people.

There was a story years ago about a German Diner next to an Arab family restaurant and they hated each other! They fought daily over parking space. Slowly, Arab family members began disappearing and it was discovered that one of the suppliers of meat to the Arab joint was a cousin of the German family.

He had been killing people and putting them in with the meats they served! For years this was going on! They were eating their own family members!

It's best not to read the News.

Went to see, "Brick" at the Arclight with Aaron.

While waiting in line for drinks a group of young attractive people stopped to say hello to the woman in front of us. They all hugged each other, so I pretended I was with her and got a very nice hug from the hottest girl on the block! All through the movie I could smell her perfume. It was nice, but kind of strong. I think she was using it to cover up the smell of weed.

We walked down Sunset Blvd to find some food, but found the latest work by the artist Cristo. He's covering this building in White fabric!

At Amoeba I picked of a DVD of "Winter Kills" as I was unable to find the copy I lent to a friend. I'm hoping I can get the director to sign it for me.

Last night we saw, "Art School Confidential" in Encino and I got so inspired that I too want to draw nudes! But really hot nudes!

Walking to my car I found that some nice person had vomited next to my door. I can't stand seeing vomit on the ground or in the air! I can easily puke if I see or smell it.

When I was young, I remember a kid throwing up in the lunch room and every kid that witnessed it, lost their cookies, then it was like a chain reaction. It was like a puke bukkake vomit fest!

I was so freaked by seeing this next to my car! I wondered why I couldn't even look at it? I thought maybe I could take this picture and see if it was the same.

Here it is.

Doesn't affect me as much because it looks like a cookie here, but it is not!

How weird would it be it the person who spilled his lunch in Encino last night, saw this on the web?

Come on, fess up!

As I was saying the other day, while waiting for my car to be repaired, I was in the lobby of the Express Lube where there was a Television for the customers with G4 playing. On the show the Model/Actress/Bimbo/Gamer/Host was talking about the game, World of Warcraft being turned into a film.

A kid that was in the lobby said, "Why can't games just be games and movies be movies?"

Going further, I wondered why books can't be books and plays be plays?

I propose a ban on any cinema that isn't original!

My neighbor is a fashion student who pays her way through school turning Men's White briefs (underwear) into Women's Tops. Okay, they look good if they're not used, but I don't want to wear my underwear anywhere else but on my ass. Why can't tighty whiteys be tighty whiteys?

Why should cinema be a dumping ground for works created in other forms?

By the way, I spent a few bucks shy of $1000 on my car, maybe I'm a lil' fussy...

Still in a spending mood, I bought a new digital camera! I have been borrowing my friend Steve's camera and wanted to get a newer version of that model. His is a Canon that takes 2 megapixel pictures, so I found one that gets 7.1 megapixels, but the price was $480!!!

Using skills I learned from reading, "The Game," I sweet-talked a cute young manager into letting me have a HUGE discount... I got it at $230! But I have to buy her dinner and a movie... It's not what you think... I don't believe I have to be with her at the time of the movie or dinner.

Happy and feeling powerful, I walked to my car holding the camera. It is so much lighter than Steve's and the case is smooth and slick. I had the camera less than 10 minutes and I drop it to the pavement!

If I had of just dropped it, I think it would have been okay, but I tried catching it in mid-fall and ended up juggling it before it bounced and skittered across a curb, sliding under my car.

Dinged and slightly battered, just like my car and me, I still love it! Now I don't have to worry about scratching it!

Seems like most of my friends are waitresses.

Well, except for the guys, and I guess they call themselves servers. Maybe the girls too call themselves servers, thinking waitress is a bit sexist, but I don't see it that way.

Since I was sick I haven't eaten anything but fruit and when I did try something solid, I got very sick and it all came up.

So I was trying to be good and buy fruit at the store, but it turns out there is a place I can eat a pretty big bowl of fresh fruit cheaper than I could buy it.

I eat there a lot and they all know me well. Maybe too well. There's this one waitress that is pretty hot. I mean really hot! Scarlett Johansson hot, seriously. If you go there, you'll know who I'm talking about.

Anyway, she says, "You're eating a lot of fruit. When I eat too much fruit, I get the shits."

Now, somehow because she's hot, she can get away with it. I might have even gagged more if it had been one of the skanky ones, but there are no skanky ones there. Still, I'm eating and she feels comfortable enough to share this with me.

She is right about it though.

With all the delicious fruit I've been consuming, It's like I'm a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer! What comes out looks like you could chill and it becomes a smoothy! I go to the bathroom and there are so many bright colors it's like Disney took a dump!

Best part? Smells like flowers!

Today was a very busy day!

I am moving again and for the last few weeks have ventured out into the world looking for a place to live.

Everyday, I have taken my life and put it in danger with some of the scariest places I have found myself. I would like to live in an interesting, yet inexpensive apartment, but so many of them seem to be located in 3rd world countries, right here at home.

I also have been planning a cross America trip to see my family in Missouri and then drive up to Tennessee to visit my mom's grave, which I haven't been to since her funeral. Today I spent $999.37 fixing my car for the road.

Just writing the check drained me.

Walking, no dragging myself to look at another rental property in the DMZ, I found a patch of happiness with beautiful flowers and little kittens, so I laid down in the grass, took a photo and took a nap.

It was so wonderful, then the ants woke me up.

Maybe I was too hard on radio the other day, maybe I should consider taking this class.

I got this in my mail:

Danny Bonaduce Makes You a Radio Star!

Dear Jerry,

Do you have what it takes to be the next radio sensation? Since Howard Stern went over to satellite, there’s an opening for someone…and it could be you! Whether you want to work as a D.J., radio personality or producer, you need to know how to break in and become a success... no matter what obstacles might be in your path. That’s why I’m bringing you a big name who already been there and done that – someone who can really tell you what it takes to succeed no matter who you are.

HOW TO BE A RADIO STAR – WITH DANNY BONADUCE!

Danny Bonaduce is perhaps best known for his role on the classic 70's series The Partridge Family. For the past five years, however, he has served as co-host of L.A.'s highly rated morning drive show The Jamie and Danny Show on KYSR-FM. Danny’s reemergence is largely due to his radio exposure – something that he earned and persevered for. Now, he’s busy filming the second season of his VH1 hit Breaking Bonaduce.

On Wednesday, May 31st, he’ll be at the Learning Annex to provide you with the shortcuts you’ll need to get on the air and into homes around the world! During this fun and informative course, you’ll learn how to:

Become a successful on-air personality

Make a winning demo that will have producers fighting over you
Triumph over any obstacle, no matter how challenging
Get your foot in the door and land your first job
Prepare for your big break
Use radio as a steppingstone to TV, public speaking, seminars, book deals, Internet broadcasting and more!

Plus, Danny will share his experiences along his personal path from childhood stardom to relative obscurity, and back to the limelight again. He’ll even answer your questions in a lively Q&A session!

A GREAT CLASS, A GREAT TEACHER, A GREAT PRICE

Danny’s class is going to be a ton of fun…and ton of information! He’s been there and done that – that means he’s got the kind of advices that counts.

I also want to offer the next 14 people who enroll a discount: save $20 and pay only $29.99!

Don’t miss Danny Bonaduce LIVE at the Learning Annex!

William Zanker
Founder and President
WilliamZ@learningannex.com

P.S. Maybe you know someone who aspires to make it on the radio… or they just are a big fan of Danny! Forward them this email and get them to this class. Just hurry...before we sell out!

Visit us online!
Learning Annex!

It used to be that money never meant much to me.

Now that I'm getting older and my birthday is coming up at the end of the month, that is May 29th to those that need to start shopping, I'm thinking more and more about money.

I don't want to be an old person that can't afford medical attention, because being the young person I am and not being able to afford medical attention, sucks.

I was reading in the newspaper about the top 50 wealthiest people in Loss Angeles and the weirdest thing occurred to me, I don't know a single one of them personally!

The paper made a big deal about how few Hollywood actors there were on the list.

Billionaire Kirk Kerkorian was named the richest man. The 88-year-old investor with an estimated wealth at $9.3 billion is someone that I've actually never met.

He was followed by Viacom Inc. and CBS Corp. executive chairman Sumner Redstone, 82, whose fortune is about $7.4 billion. Once I thought I saw him at my local Baja Fresh, I was so excited until it was pointed out to me that the man was wearing old dirty Bob the Builder slippers. So it probably wasn't Redstone.

Steven Spielberg, was at 14th on the lineup with a net worth estimated by the paper at $2.8 billion. I have never met him, but once his lawyer's hat blew off and I caught it.

In fact only Mel Gibson, who amassed much of his fortune from producing 2004's religious blockbuster "The Passion of the Christ" was able to crack the top 50, landing at No. 47 with a net worth estimated at $850 million.

I was talking with a friend last night, about various production companies that make religious films. I used to work next to one of them in Texas and they had a huge staff of telemarketers, that would call church members all around the country asking them a series of questions like, "Do you wish there were more Christian movies available? If so, please donate $25 and you will receive the 1st of many videos for the whole family!"

Once the production company received enough credit card numbers they would go and crank out the cheap film. It was brilliant! They presold the videos! There's no investor to pay back! The families can write it off as a donation to their church!

I always wondered if that was something Mel Gibson did and laundered his profits through some tax-free organization.

For the 29 years of my life, I feel I've wasted my time ignoring my money making abilities. I know I have mad moneymaking skills! I truly believe, starting on my birthday, just days away, start shipping the gifts now, May 29th, I could beat Billionaire Kirk Kerkorian's estimated $9.3 billion by the following birthday!

Going even further, dare I say accumulating $10 billion in 1 year!

Mark my words! My plan is simple, an idiot could follow it! I will only need $1 from 10 billion people!

I occasionally look at the stats, that tell me how many people visit my site daily. It has grown immensely these last 2 years, but nowhere near the 10 billion people I need, there must be 10 billion people in California alone, so it is up to you to spread the word. If you want some 88 year-old white man being the wealthiest person in Los Angeles, I feel sorry for you, but if you would like someone kind of cool like me, someone you can identify with, someone that's like your best friend, someone that's always here for you, someone that loves you, well you know what to do!

Click the "make a donation" button on the left and send to me $1, and tell every friend and family member you have to send me $1 and then tell the rest of the 10 billion people to send me $1 and by next year we will have knocked Kirk Kerkorian off the list!

I've fucking had it with radio!

Every once in a while, I get a call, or an e-mail from a station somewhere that knows my work and asks about their chances of getting me and my interest in moving to their station and or market.

I tell them what my feelings are, then they start in with what I would be willing to work for. Then they try and get me at a lower price. Then I tell them I will do it at that price. Then I don't hear back from them. Then I call. Then they tell me some more bullshit. Then they say they want to go in another direction.

All of this after getting me to humiliate myself by accepting their low price and getting my hopes up about creating something cool in their city.

This week alone I've had 4 friends tell me they've left radio for other interests. One is now in real estate, another doing software stuff, another is a stage manager for a traveling theatre company and the fourth one is a stay at home dad... I don't even know if he has kids.

Steve sent me an article about how more people listen to online radio, than AM/FM. People are getting podcasts and streaming content and giving up their radio.

Phil Hendrie leaves radio to do TV, then his sitcom gets cancelled by NBC!

Steve and others have pressured me so much about getting my podcast going and I promise I will, because other than the stations I am currently employed by now, I am through with radio!

Fuck Radio!

Today is Mother's Day as well as my mom's birthday!

I always get all little melancholy this time of year.

I always think of a gift that I could get her and wondered if she would like it. Maybe I would have to get her 2 gifts, one for Mother's Day and one for her birthday.

Sometimes she feels so close that I could reach over and give her a hug.

Sometimes I wake up and think I need to call her.

Sometimes I completely forget that she died.

I've been watching lots of movies lately!

I rented, "The Constant Gardener," an was very impressed with the chances such a mainstreams film took visually and with the script. Some of it is just so dreamy. Everytime I see a film with Rachel Weiss, I fall back in love with her. She's just so amazing to me.

I have friends that are so tired with Ralph Fienes acting, they say he plays the same character in every movie, but I don't see that. I think he is very subtle and I am a huge fan of his and his family.

Maybe that's why I also rented, "Spider," being a huge follower of David Cronenberg's career, I find it odd that I missed this film and, "A History of Violence," in the theater. I am such a sucker for films were characters have lost touch with reality, or was never in touch with reality at all.

This film is just heartbreaking! Watching the DVD extras you realize just how hard this was to make and why those involved had to make it.

I even told my relatives that they need to rent, "A History of Violence," and that was a hard call to make, because after I suggested they rent, "A.I." they swore would never listen to another rental suggestion from me ever again.

I watched, "The Squid and the Whale," with a friend and he was so taken with it, that he ran out and bought the DVD and watched it again later that night.

"The Weather Man," is a very interesting movie with one of the best examples ever put on film of the stream of consciousness that goes on in a man's head when he is off to buy Tarter sauce.

"Le Samourai," is a film from 1967 that I have to watch again almost every year. I don't know why.

I rented, "The Girl in the Cafe," written by Richard Curtis who was one of my favorite screenwriters and starring one of my favorite actors and someone I would love to meet, Bill Nighy.

He was such a bad guy in, "The Constant Gardener," here he is a sad and lonely civil servant that meets the coolest girl in the world (to me) and invites her to the G8 Summit in Iceland. The girl is played by the hot, Kelly Macdonald.

I've been going to cafes all my life and not once have I met a girl like this...

I'm huge Neil Jordan fan, so I couldn't wait to see, "Breakfast on Pluto," if you love films about transvestites that rock and the IRA, then this film is for you!

After fagging it out with that film I popped in, "The Virgin Suicides," and started feeling all dreamy thinking about Sofia Coppola. I still love her no matter what she says about me.

Tell me what you have rented and what you think I should see!

I had a strange event.

A friend, who I was trying to talk into letting me film her in something flimsy and see through for a new video and I were driving to get some food. I was trying to pay attention where I was to turn to get to the diner, but I heard her say, in whatever she was rambling on about, "Wicca" and I said, "Oh, you know about that?"

"Yes, I want my apartment all wicker, but my boyfriend hates it."

"I thought you said, Wicca. I was wondering if you were pagan... Have you seen "The Wicker Man?"" I asked her.

I begin telling her about one of my favorite movies and how they are remaking it!

Just then, as we turn left through the light, around the corner was a wicker store!

That was weird and funny!

Well, to me anyway.

I've been getting some good e-mail lately, please keep it up!

I have received a few female e-mails from ladies who have clicked on link on the left in an attempt to hook me up with their friends or relatives.

This is pretty nice! I hope this continues, however I may seem picky, but I just wouldn't want to waste anyone's time.

So far the majority of the women who seem interested in dating me are either in their late teens or early 20s. That is very sweet! It may mean that I seem immature. Or the demographics for this web site are skewed to a younger crowd, more so than I imagined.

I don't mean to sound cruel, or prudish, but I find it hard to date a girl whose mom is younger than me. That's just the way I roll...

I also received a couple of letters from girlfriends of women I supposedly dated in the past. In one e-mail the girl told me she was at one time best friends with the woman I went out with, but she did not like the way her friend treated me behind my back. She said, "I would hear her talking to you on the phone so sweetly, then after you got off she would call and talk to 2 or 3 other guys. It's good that you got out while you did, because she even screwed me around."

I don't even remember who she's talking about, but I guess I'm lucky. She went on to suggest maybe we could meet. I hope it's not one of those situations where there is the hot girl and the fat friend and I was dating the hot girl. But really, who cares? Like I can afford to be choosy.

I was thinking the other day, about when I was younger, there seemed to be an inordinate amount of TV shows about ugly girls getting cosmetic surgery and becoming the talk of the town. Do you remember those shows?

I remember a story about the ugly girl in school being involved in some sort of accident and getting a complete makeover to become the hot babe on campus. I used to love those stories!

Maybe I loved them so much, because I was dating the nerdy, artsy, klutzy, smart Girls and I was hoping that they would get in some sort of accident, get cosmetic surgery, become like a younger version of Kelly LeBrock in the movie "Weird Science," and that she'd be mine forever because I had been so kind to her when the other kids in school were making fun of her.

But that is a crazy fantasy! Because once they become hot, they always dump you for the jock!

That's why it's best if the accident they are involved in, causes some sort of blindness. Then they can't see how sexy the jock is, or how ugly you are.

I think that's why I used to be attracted to handicapped girls, but you know, the hot handicapped girls. I used to fantasize about dating a girl in a wheelchair that looked not unlike the actress Phoebe Cates. She would be paralyzed, but she would still have feeling in her vagina, so maybe she was only paralyzed from say, the knees down. Just enough so she couldn't walk away from me.

One time, when I wasted some money on E-Harmony, I was hooked up, after months of going back and forth with stupid qualifying messages, with an extremely attractive girl in a wheelchair. I thought my dreams had come true. We liked the same movies. We read the same books. We did the same amount of exercise. But once she met me, she informed me she would like a guy with hair.

I was so hurt.

I thought to myself that I should tell her, "Yeah? Well, I bet you would like to walk too." It was like she should lower her standards because she tripped down some stairs.

I was so hurt. Rejected by a chick on wheels.

For months afterwards, I illegally parked in any handicapped parking spot I felt I could get away with.

I wanted to get this up for his birthday, but was too lazy to go find it. I'm only 3 months late...

Henry Rollins has been a big influence on me. I want to make movies like he makes music or writes books. He just seems to make his own distribution routes.

At one of my regular hangouts, from time to time, I would see the actor Clu Gulager. I was a big fan of his television work as a kid, I appear in one film with him, was at a friend's house when he left a several page handwritten letter on the screen door kindly letting him know why he would not appear in my friend's film and yet later did. I always made sure I stopped by his table to say, "Hi!" and give him the glad hand.

At several parties for friends I would see the entire Gulager Clan. His son John was someone I would see at a distance and think to myself, "I could get along with this guy."

John Gulager directed the movie, "Feast."

I always believed that TV show, "Project Greenlight" was going out of its way to make John look bad.

In this interview with Henry Rollins I talked to him about John, David Lynch, Michael Mann, Michael Bay and the first time I met him in person when the I introduced Rollins on stage for two days at Lollapalooza.

Henry Rollins Interview!

I don't know if it has something in do with all the fruit I've been eating, but something in my brain wants to connect every event that happens to me to some higher meaning.

3 or 4 times today I've had instances dealing with cords to electronic devices being so tangled that they looked like they were knotted by a sailor. As if it were a dream, I began to contemplate the possible symbology and it led me to wonder, since these were power cords, that maybe my connection to an energy source has a kink in it.

Is it a cord to my higher self? Is it my connection to God? Or is it possibly a symbol of my paths winding road?

Sure, it could be that I just don't wind up and pack these chords properly, but that is highly unlikely.

During a break in my highly productive day, I was sitting in one of my regular cafes reading the Abel Ferrara biography when an older gentleman and a very attractive mature and very tall Lady turned to look at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw them pointing at me. I'm used to this. People point at me almost all the time.

Finally, she leaned over to my table and told me she had auditioned for Abel Ferrara on an episode of "Miami Vice" and another project he had been trying to put together here in Los Angeles.

She was very funny and told me a couple of stories that coincide with the information I was getting from this great book. I was telling the two of them about recently watching and listening to Ferrara's audio commentary on the DVD of his short films, which is the bonus disk for "Driller Killer," and how funny he is to listen to.

Just then, loud screeching tires shocked us as we turn to look and see a pickup truck fly up the air at least 4 ft., spin, knock down a sign, land on the lawn of a house on the corner, as the car that hit it rolled into view with the hood up over the windshield and its grill scraping the ground. I don't know what kind of car it was, but the entire interior was filled with inflated airbags. You couldn't even see the occupants.

I told my new friends that it was nice to meet them and I ran home to get my video camera. There is a portion of the Ferrara book that talks about how he would incorporate the events around him into his films. There had been a blizzard in New York that had shut down filming and about every other kind of business in the city, but he wanted to get some shots of the main character walking through the blizzard, because it was free and involved no special effects and added immense production value.

I too, have partaken in that kind of guerrilla filmmaking, like when I was directing the episode of the Hit TV show, "Split Screen" for IFC and Co-creator of the Nickelodeon phenomenon "Ren and Stimpy," Bob Camp was in my passenger seat filming me and we saw a car that had careened off the road and landed on top of a fire hydrant in front of the Hollywood Bowl. We pulled over and shot a scene of me pretending that the smashed car filled with spraying water was mine. To this day every once in awhile people who have seen it comment on it!

So I get home thinking that I'll get my camera and run back and shoot the accident and somehow work that into a film, but my OCD couldn't leave these tangled chords behind without first untangling them. I didn't even NEED the cords!

I was so worn out after unknotting them I figured anything worth videotaping had already been towed out of the way.

I need to carry my camera with me at all times!

I am so ready to go all electric!

Will I be booed like Bob Dylan?

A friend was telling me the other day how he is so tired of working for "the man." I agreed, but also tired of paying "the man."

There is so much information available on the Web now, on how to practically live free. I know I'd joke from time to time about living in my Honda, or getting a van, but as I was walking through Target the other day I noticed several cool and inexpensive tents. I thought to myself, how cool would be to have a small piece of land and maybe build a wood deck to place a really nice tent upon?

There are so many new devices for solar power, I could set up some of those for the fridge, the washer and dryer, air-conditioner, this laptop and other things.

I would probably still want to to be connected to the grid so that it could charge my electric car and my electric bike.

See this cool video of my new electric bike!

I suppose I started thinking about this because the battery on my laptop has always been rather low. Brand new, the battery only seemed to last 15 to 25 minutes, but Aaron and Steve took me to the Apple Store where I purchased a refurbished battery that gives me around 3 hours. It's so cool to be able to carry around the Web, my video work, or just write and post this blog from a cafe or restaurant without racing against time.

Since I'm still sick, all I've eaten pretty much has been soup, other than the occasional Chevy's mixed grill, so I would like a garden to grow some vegetables and make my own soups. Being that that I eat out 4 to 5 times a day, I believe I could really save some money that could be better spent on drugs and prostitutes.

Spike, The genius behind Bedazzled brought back memories to me that flooded in like, well a flood of... Memories?

Cut me some slack, I'm sick!

He posted on his website a video of The Pretenders playing The Capitol Theatre in Passaic NJ and one of the songs hit me hard.

"Precious"

I remember when they saved my life. That first album changed me. I remember driving my oldest brother, who is about 18 years older than me, around town when I was learning to drive and I put "Precious" on in my tape player. I wanted him to hear what I was hearing, To feel what I was feeling, How it was going to change my life and how this song and The Pretenders was going to protect me from the bullies in my world...

See, my older brothers we're really into music, but I was so much younger than them and all their music was of protest against the war.

The Viet Nam War... How old do you think I am?

Anyway, I got all their hand-me-down records, but I believe that made my musical tastes better than kids my age at the time. They'd be listening to Bad Disco and I'd be listening to MC5, or Neil Young, or The Kinks...

I think because of those days going through their music and searching the bins at the record stores is why I became a DeeJay.

And maybe why I'm partially deaf...

Back to that horrible day in my Mercury with my brother and The Pretenders;He hated it and we got in a huge fight. I may have even cried because I looked up to him so. I wanted him to be proud of something I discovered. A band that was mine and no one in that stinking town knew about them.

Seeing that video brought all that back. I like a lot of music, but they really got to me then.

I remember searching out Chrissie Hynde's lyrics and her critical writings on Rock and how I would find pictures and posters of her and imagine her taking me to her room in the tour bus and forcing me to undress in front of her at gun point and how she would strap me down and spank me with her belt.

I was very troubled as a child, but I knew she was the kind of woman I wanted, smart, cool, sexy, dark, mysterious and would force me to undress in front of her at gun point and would strap me down and spank me with her belt.

Time has passed, but I still want her. I use to write these embarrassingly long emotion letters to her. Get my mom to mail them to the record label. I remember I use to scent the letters with Aqua Velva thinking they would stand out from all her other teen groupies. I heard nothing...

Sad.

I loved then and still do the lyrics to Precious:

I like the way you cross the street ’cause your precious
Moving through the Cleveland heat how precious
Taking rides and all the kicks was so precious
But you know I was shittin’ bricks ’cause I’m precious

Made me wanna, made me wanna, you made me make it
Oh, you’re so mean

East 55th and Euclid Avenue was real precious
Hotel Sterling coming into view how precious
It’s a pity that you bruised my hip ’cause I’m precious
You shouldn’t let your manners slip you’re too precious

Made me wanna, made me wanna, you made me make it
Oh, you’re so mean

We went around and round and round and round and round the
Shoreway

We was a duet duet duet duet do it on the pavement
Oh maybe maybe I’m gonna have a baby
We was a duet oh we do it all night

I was feeling kind of ethereal ’cause I’m precious
I had my eye on your Imperial you’re so precious
Now Howard the Duck and Mr. Stress both stayed
Trapped in a world that they never made
But not me baby I’m too precious I had to fuck off

Made me wanna, made me wanna, you made me make it
Oh, you’re so mean

.......................

They were like scenes from a True Crime Romance, a Pulp Novel, Guncrazy, Detour, the lyrics gave me a location, a geography, she mentions Howard the Duck, a comic book I read and loved at the time, Mr. Stress, the Blues Guy whose career stayed focused while his wife and the world moved on without him, I knew this world, these words, the car, The Imperial and I wanted Chrissie Hynde in bed and waiting for me with the loot we stole in a room at the Sterling Hotel...

I would write more, but my head is throbbing!

I celebrated at Chevy's and got completely drunk.

As this photo can attest, I had a margarita and when the waiter asked if I wanted another, I thought and said, "Why not?"

The thing is, they didn't have any more clean margarita glasses, so they put the next one in a tall iced tea glass.

I figure four margaritas could fit in that glass.

Things were going good, then it hit me like a wall, "I'm DRUNK!" I couldn't drive and I could barely walk, so Steve offered to drive me home, but I didn't think I could get a drive back the next day to get my car, so I sat in my car for a few hours by the road waiting for my condition to change.

When the sun came up I drove home.

Now my head is throbbing and I'm wishing the French had won!

Today is Cinco de Mayo, or as I like to call it, the 5th of May!

I think today I will take part in the celebration by having a margarita at Chevy's. I believe the alcohol will be medicinal. Several of my male Mexican friends have warned me about not eating out today, saying that today is the day those Mexicans in the food service industries like to spit in the food of the white man.

I don't believe it, because they liked to joke around with me, but hopefully the alcohol will kill any viruses.

So many people think that today is a celebration for Mexican Independence in the U.S., but my many years living in Texas taught me that it is all about their victory over Napoleon III French troops.

Just think if those brave Mexicans had failed I would be celebrating today at Le Chevy's.

I just saw M:i:III and I have to tell you before all the folks that love to tell you "how horrible everything is" that I really dug this movie!

It's fast. Completely retarded with mindless flash. But I loved it!

The best part was just as the new trailer for "Superman" was starting sirens and alarms started going off and a recorded voice boomed throughout the theatre, "There is a Fire! Please exit the theatre."

We all did.

About a hundred of us random late night moviegoers stood outside and chatted each other up like only Los Angeles strangers do after an earthquake.

Then after about twenty minutes we were let back into the theatre without checking for our tickets. We could have gotten in for free if we were only psychic.

After the film, people gathered again outside to complain about Tom and the movie, yet they had to be the first ones to see it. People are so funny.

It was interesting to see who came to see it. Several groups of two men each came in and left a space in between, just so no one would think they were a couple, I guess.

Many girls with their boyfriends seemed to dig it, but their boyfriends would say crap to cut Cruise down. Like that makes them look like more of a man in her eyes.

I would tell you more about the movie, but I've forgotten most of it anyway. It's like eating cotton candy for dinner.

But I had a blast!

I was eating soup, French Onion soup to be exact, without croutons, today at a restaurant I frequent.

Soup is all I've been able hold down this last week.

My waitress, who is from Guatemala and very sweet stood at my booth tapping her lower lip with her pen and said, "I think yous just lovesick!"

"What?"

"You needs to find you a nice woman to take care of you. Give babies. There plenty of women to loves you! I always see you alone. The other girls ask the questions about you."

In the mailbox was 3 DVDs for me to watch alone.

"The Weatherman" with Nicolas Cage.

"The Squid and the whale" by the guy that writes like Wes Anderson.

And Steve Martin's, "Shopgirl" with Jason Schwartzman and Claire Danes. I'm currently 32 minutes into this film and already depressed that I'm not watching it with a girl, sharing a bowl of a microwave popcorn.

Last night, 15 minutes before closing time at Bookstar on Ventura Boulevard I was hunting for two books, one by Philip Pullman and another by Philip Reeves. You'd think I was in some Philip funk...

Anyway, I cut a across the Romance aisle and saw 3 attractive women separately looking for a good romantic read.

In my car, under the glow of a mercury vapor security light, I wondered why it's so hard for me to meet the kind of girl I believe in my heart I would be complete with, here in Los Angeles.

I watched a guy come to pickup his girl from a store that was closing. They walked so close to each other and his right arm wrapped around her and pulled her shoulder to him tightly. He kissed her ear and said something that made her laugh and I could tell some floodgate had opened and she began telling the high points of the day. He unlocked the passenger side of his car and held the door open for her as she stepped in, then he kissed her on the top of her head as it ducked in before the door closed.

I wondered if they would stop somewhere for pie and talk about their days, or go to the drive-thru at In-N-Out Burger, flopped down on the couch to watch something they had Tivoed, or maybe he had drawn a bubble bath and set candles around the tub for her before he picked her up?

I am "Lovesick" but more sick of being alone.

First, I would like to say thanks to all of you that took time out of your busy schedules and your own perfect lives to send me get well e-mail and comments to cheer me up during this long bout of illness I find myself smothered in.

Second, for the rest of you lazy bastards, you can go to hell!

Now, I thought I would share with you some time killers I enjoyed between hits of NyQuil.

Steve heard about this on the radio. Does you company need a temp? Why not get a hot one? All temps on this site can type like a billion words per minute, use Word, Excel, answer phones... every normal day to day office function. They just happen to be smokin' hot! Apparently this site is just temporary until they get all the temps entered.

Hot Temps!

This is very similar to a site I created about 3 years ago and have done nothing with since about a hot sexy college interns. I might need to start that up again!

Even criminals can have a radio station!

I can see it now, video games become the hit of Broadway!

Super Mario lives!

They've been making bad movies out of video games for years now, why not?

This is what I need, a Jet-powered Volkswagen Beetle!

It looks likes a Robot Chicken clip at first, but its not.

G4 Trek Ad

I have to see this documentary! Before "Asteroid" and "Defender" came into my world, The Who introduced me to pinball!

The Future of Pinball

Looks like an awesome documentary!

Jack White just made me buy a Coke!
The White Stripes ROCK!!!

Prices of GAS acrossed the USA color coded MAP!

I believe, I want to live in the dark green States!

I like Gray shirts, but this might be too small for me.

eGay?

I hope he doesn't sell anything that's reflective, like a teapot or anything like that fat nude photographer did... Remember that eBay pic?

Have to admit, the guy works out...

If you have any family member or friend that is horribly addicted to that one thing that is destroying more lives than marijuana ever will... Yes, I'm talking "World of Warcraft" then you must read this!

Are you following what Marvel Comics is doing?

A group led by Iron Man embraces the government's demand that they register as living weapons of mass destruction and reveal their secret identities.

On the opposing side, Captain America and his allies refuse. The issues include civil liberties and national security, public safety and private freedom.

The first seven pages look pretty neat!

So I hope you enjoyed the same time killers I cruised. They all can't be winners, but neither can we.

I'm so glad that this is the month of May!

May always gives me a feeling of hope. It could be like something new is beginning. Some change on the way.

May always makes me think it's a cool slow stream that carries my raft under long drooping branches of a weeping willow, where on the moss covered banks, a blanket is spread out under a picnic basket with not only cheese and wine, but summertime essentials like root beer chilled in an ice bucket, fried chicken, pork and beans, catfish, hush puppies with bits of chopped onions inside, cream of corn, garlic roasted mashed potatoes, celery sticks with peanut butter and deviled eggs!

Maybe its because, for me, the last days of school before summer were in May, or maybe it's because it's the month I was born.

I hope this is a good May!