Boy, I guess I needed some sleep! I slept something like 19 hours, I think. I didn't even go to the bathroom. I did wet the bed, but that was from drooling.

Don't you hate rolling over on a wet spot on your pillow? Eewww! Yet, it's nice and cool in the Summer pillow flipping months!

The e-mails and phone messages of boycott and backlash is still pouring in, but I don't know what to tell you, other than, "Don't." Some Advertisers have called about letting a protest and rally happen on their premises and parking lot. That's very nice!

It might be really cool to have a big party with some of the local bands I supported on the show and at clubs.

Some listeners have started various petitions of advertisers. Many are even using their personal power to voice their opinions to the other local media when they feel their opinions are not being heard.

Like:

The Fresno Bee E-Mail

KSEE 24 call the News Tip Line: 559-454-2454

KMPH FOX 26 E-Mail

KFRE WB59 News
Phone: 559-453-8850
Fax: 559-255-9626

ABC-30 Phone Numbers:
Office: (559) 442-1170
Action News Tipline: (800) 423-3030
News Department Fax: (559) 266-5024

Fresno Famous

Fresno Famous E-Mail

And Clear Channel's own KGPE 47 CBS
Phone Numbers:
Main:
(559) 222-2411
Main Fax:
(559) 222-5593
KGPE 47 CBS E-Mail

So if you must, knock yourselves out and let the Corporate World know how you feel about being ignored... They'll ignore you too... Let them know, How you feel about losing local fun. In a way, someone pointed this out to me in an e-mail:

To: lentz2001@yahoo.com
Jerry,

How many more Starbuck's do we need? How many Wal-Marts?
How many local businesses have to be destroyed by big
corporate bizness? It's like "Local" has become dirty word.
It's just the same when we have to be forced to listen to
National Radio DJs tell us how great everywhere is and how
we suck because we are ignored in their content and music.
I have already visited three businesses that advertised on your
show to complain. They too, were unhappy and plan to move
their money elsewhere.

I thought you were great! One day I came in late from an all
night party watching a small band play at Tokyo Gardens. I
turned on the radio and heard you talking about the same show.
Counting you, there had to be only 15 other people at that
show, but I knew you supported the local scene when know one
else would! I will follow you anywhere in this town you go. I just
pray there is somewhere in this town brave enough to have you.

Kurt
-------------------------------------
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

We are starting a petition to let them know how the Valley
feels about letting you go. I know you may think it
won’t help but we would really like to try.

Please, just give us the chance.

Thank you!!
--------------------------------------
Hey Jerry,

I am a long time listener. I was in shock when I turned
on the radio that horrible Monday morning and heard.
Mornings are not the same without you. I feel like
someone has died. Wait someone did die. R.I.P. I just
cant believe it. I keep thinking to myself every morning
when I get in my car to go to work that I will hear your
voice. But NOOOO. So I have to put in my System of a
Down CD. I honestly can't handle listening. My 16 year
old son and all of his headbanging friends are not listening.
Please take care of yourself Jerry and keep us updated on what's
going on. Your welcome to email me anytime you want. I would
love to hear from you. You always have a friend in Clovis.

Take care,
Dawn R.
-------------------------------------
What the hell is going on!?!?!?!?!?!?

i turn on the GD radio and you are no where to be found let me
know what's up.
--------------------------------------
Dude?

What happen? I stopped listening to The Front Row until my buddy
told me to listen to you. Then we got every one at work to listen to
you. I dug your work and stayed a listener, now they are jacking me
around no more!

Why are they playing "Coldplay" and "Maroon 5" in the morning?

Please let us know on this website where you end up! Miss you!

Eric
-------------------------------------
Subject: A Front Row Listener
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

I WAS A LISTENER...THAT WOULD HELP ME START
MY DAY....I WONT LISTEN....I THINK THAT IS DUMB FOR
LETTING U GO......THANKS FOR THE MEMORYS,,,,,

JENNY
-------------------------------------

Subject: Wronged
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com
That's how I feel. They wronged us all.

To not allow you a final farewell show. To not allow the opportunity
to make one last appearance. To fire a person and not even let you
say good-bye.

Wrong!

Many of us have listened for many years of our lives. We have shared
laughs, tears, marriages, divorces, births and deaths with DJs who
became more than disembodied voices on the radio.

You became friends. Many listeners went to certain
events knowing that our favorite personalities would
be there. Local celebrities who were down to earth
enough to share a piece of themselves with us every
morning.

I only listened from 6-10 am. Now I don't listen at all. There is no
reason to.

Take care Jerry and know that there are
many voices out here who would like to be heard and
tell the Corporate Stiffs they are Wrong!
This decision was not thoroughly thought out and I
honestly believe they will feel the error in a very
short time.

Be Well

Allie
------------------------------------

Hmmm, This is sad, but I will have to start sending out resumes soon. Since there is only two Radio Corporations in this town, my chances of staying are limited unless some minds are changed.

And when does that ever happen?

If that were to happen, then that would be proof to me that God exists!

"Infinity Radio CEO Joel Hollander told the advertising community that there are more opportunities than challenges for radio in the rapidly changing world of information and entertainment technology. Hollander helped kick off Advertising Week 2005 by sitting with Bill O'Reilly of Fox News and WOR (710 AM) for an hour-long interview/talk at the Museum of Television and Radio in front of ad-industry people. Infinity radio will hire five or six morning show hosts to replace Howard Stern when he moves his program to Sirius Satellite Radio Inc. next year, Infinity Chairman Joel Hollander said."

Yay!!! Here I am! Look into my eyes... You Will Hire ME!

Listen to what the People WANT!

Subject: NO No NOOOO!

Jerry,
I wrote you a couple weeks ago about the Watts Valley
Wolf Ape, and have been trying lately to be a better
listener. Only Monday as I was driving to Visalia I
was confused to find some impostor in your guy's radio
timeslot. I tried to make sense of it (keep in mind it
was 6am, and I'm not a morning person).. I figured
everyone had called in and they let an intern take
over for the day.

I feel so lost. The only feeling I can compare it to
is the betrayal felt when you find that your
significant other has been "doing it all for the
nookie" with some cheap slut. I honestly feel betrayed.
I'm really glad you came to Fresno Jerry. I enjoyed
your time on the show. The listeners of Fresno love you,
and I hope you do stick around. I would DEFINATLEY
follow you. As for now, I really have no reason to get
up in the mornings anymore.

Best of Luck Jerry, and keep us all updated!
Kate
---------------------------------------------
From: "Editor"

Hey Jerry,

Sorry to hear... That sucks. Thanks for the
nice things you said about FF, and if we can help you
out in some way let me know. I posted your email on
the blog, Fresno Famous so
maybe someone out there is looking for a new DJ.

Best,
Jarah
-----------------------------------------------
Subject: where you at

Jerry. My name is Ken. I have e-mailed you in the past.
I moved up here from Orange County not quite two years
ago. Anyhow I've been listening since, I am fond
of you. What happened!! Where did you go and why?
Please get back to me and let me know if you will still
be making any appearances.

Thanks,Ken...........
-----------------------------------------------
Subject: I need you real bad, Jerry!, Jerry!

Hey Jerry,
Just wanted to say Thanks for the laughs---it was good
while it lasted!!!!!!!!!! I keep checking the radio every
morning thinking it's all been a really bad dream--but
then reality bitch slaps me across the face & I realize
it's not a bad dream. They can take you away--but
they can't take my memories of the BEST damn morning
show to ever hit the air waves! I wish you the best--take
care of yourself & Rock On!!!
Angela H.
--------------------------------------
Okay, here's a cute joke from a pharmaceutical friend sent me:

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies. They're going to be called....

"Pre-dick-a-mints"

That's what I find myself in... A predicament!

Happy Anniversary!

It was Last Week, 7 Days Ago that at the end of the show, I was told my "Services were no longer needed." I was asked to get my things and leave the building.

I need to get my head out of radio. I need to just accept that there are those in power that do not want me on the air. I need to chill and watch more movies!

I can't wait for this one!

Stay

Since I've got some free time, I've been eating even more! I'm hooked on the Crispy Flautas at Chevy's! I found out that during Happy Hour they're $3! Yumm!

There has been some very interesting calls from past co-workers and former bosses in other markets and other stations that have seen my name come up in the Trades. Many have asked if I'd be interested in moving. I guess... doesn't seem to be many job offers knocking at my door here. Looks like I will have to move soon if the Brinks Truck doesn't back up to my door.

Got this in my e-mail today:

From: "The Learning Annex"
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Make money just by using your voice!

Dear Jerry,

There are a ton of ways to make money in this world…it really amazes me.

For instance, a lot of people think that the voices they hear on the radio and TV belong to actors with years of voice training. But the next time you hear a voiceover, really listen to the voices. Are they incredibly rich? Or unique? Do they sound like vocal experts with years of training?

Probably not.

In fact, the best way to describe these voices is REAL. That’s because people are more likely to listen to – and therefore BUY FROM – voices they can relate to. That means people with normal sounding voices are in demand. People like you.

Are you ready to cash in?

MAKE BIG $$$ IN VOICEOVERS
Don’t be afraid of the voiceover industry. If you think you can be the voice behind the next catchy commercial or even huge cartoon character, then you don’t want to miss this exclusive panel. Our voiceover professionals will not only tell you how to break into the industry, but how to rise to the top and become an in-demand performer! On Tuesday, October 11th, you’ll learn how to:

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----------------------------------------

Yay!!! I could be RICH!!!

I'll get right on that as soon as I digest this Chevy's Bowel Bomb I got coursing through me.

Waking up on Monday Morning and listening to Mancow on my time slot on KRZR didn't hurt me as bad as I thought it would.

Ever get fired from a job and then go back to the establishment a few weeks later to find you'd been replaced with a Mentally Retarded person? That happened to me once and I'm not saying that's the case here, but when it happened, I thought, "Did they do it cause there's some tax break in hiring the handicapped? Does this mean a retard can do my job better? How can I be mad at them when a dude with Down's Syndrome is wearing my uniform?"

Oddly, I felt okay with it!

I even laughed at a few things that happen on his show! Then I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

The greatest thing out of all this is the feeling of Love being sent to me from listeners in e-mails and phone calls. Being a guy who lives alone and is alone most of the time, that feels great!
---------------------------------------
Jerry,

Where do I start...I have been a Front Row Listener from
the beginning through all the DJ's, skits, jokes and comedy
just like many others.

It really doesn't matter who's decision it was to cancel the
show...it was the wrong decision. just like some of the other
people who wrote to you should have let you do a final show
a farewell show. At least that you could have left
with your heads held high with dignity. Instead no class, no
character, and just a lack of respect to the people that made
local radio in central valley.

What am I going to miss the most.. is Jerry.....Area 69,
the Hollywood Buzz, and just simply your humor.

I hope you can keep us all updated from time to time on yourself,
because.... The Listener's care!

From.........Todd-N-Tulare
-----------------------
Hi there............ I'm a long time morning show listener, It's a sad
day in radio. What does some syndicated radio host care about
Fresno? Nothing. I already miss the local brand of humor. Maybe it will
come back. Oh yeah - won NIN tix on one of your shows. Great concert.
Thanks. Good luck.
------------------------
Hey Jerry
Its Chad, uh the guy who chugged a beer, the guy who brought in
pictures of hot naked chics, the guy who won the warped tour
thingie.......The guy who owns Harms Way Apparel. If there is
anything I can do let me know. I grew up with the Front Row and
its hard to go without it. I am sorry you guys lost your jobs and
it has to suck for you and the rest of the Front Row. I am getting
deeply involved with the music scene of Fresno because I sponsor
bands with my clothing. Like I said if there is anything I can do to
help you please do not hesitate. Perhaps with the proper persuasion
and enough people to gather a voice you guys can get on air
someplace else......

Lookin out for you
Chad
Harms Way Apparel
-----------------
First off, I cannot believe this has happened. Ive been listening,
Every morning, my MP3 player with an FM tuner was on 103.7
from 6:00 to 10:00 so i can listen to you at work. The Front Row
was always the first one to put a smile on my face in the morning
because im hardly a morning person. Other people looking at me
laughing out loud but by myself and i just point at my earbuds.
Man, i would sometimes think what would i do if they ever got
canceled. Well today i ended up leaving work, i couldnt even finish
the day. I had found out the Front Row is no more was just too
much for me. Like i said, Ive been a listener and just like you said
it felt like i lost family. No more hollywood buzz, area 69, news breaks,
talking to local people and local places. Thank God my MP3 player
has an FM recorder and ive been recording as many breaks of the
Front Row as possible. I can still listen to you anytime i want, but it
wont be the same. Nothing like the live off the wall comments you
made. I know you dont want people boycotting or anything like that
because of the friends you still have there, but something so near
and dear was torn away from me and until i hear you again on the radio,
I wish you all the best in whatever you do. I have like 20-30 gigs worth
of Front Row breaks including your first day at ZR, some have a little
static or run on into the commercials but they have plenty of laughs in
them, and if there was a way to work it out id like to make them available
to other faithful Front Row listeners somehow. Heres to brighter days in
the future for all of us but especially you, Jerry........LONG LIVE THE
FRONT ROW MORNING SHOW AND LONG LIVE THE ASTRONAUT KITTY!!!!
Steve P.
------

I can't believe so many people have responded to my Astronaut Kitty story! If you don't know this, here goes:

When I was a kid in Kansas City, about 5 years old, these neighbor kids were into model rockets. Shooting them off, chasing the parachutes and blowing stuff up.

The also were into throwing their G.I. Joes off the roof and even attempting launching him up on a rocket.

Well, one day their dad brought a huge tank of helium home and the started filling up balloons for a Birthday party. One thing led to another and soom G.I. Joes were being lost in space.

Then, I thought about this stray cat under our porch that had a litter of kittens and one favorite of mine was a kitten that was Black, but with a White head. It looked like it was wearing a helmet.

I called it my, "Astronaut Kitty!"

So the older boys told me they had a mission for this lil' cat to go to the moon! I believed them and so with about Six balloons my cat left the Earth.

Being again, about 5, I believed it lived on the moon and since the moon was made of cheese, there had to be plenty of mice!

Now, being 29 years old, I know the cat died a horrible death, either suffocating in the stratosphere, freezing, or falling to it's doom when the balloons popped.

Still, when I am out at night looking to the stars and wondering what God has in store for me job-wise, I imagine that kitty pouncing mice on the moon.

A friend has made me some CDs to ease my pain and sent them last Monday First Class from LA. Did they arrive?

Not yet. As a former shipping clerk... That blows!

Why spend First Class money, if Media Mail gets there just as fast. Well, not always, but dude! That should have been here.

I've been meeting people about the TV show. But who knows...

I shot a lil' thing this morning about Tartar Sauce vs. Tartar Control Toothpaste. I did a lil' stop-motion duel with it. No real stop-motion I just went in to iMovie to edit out my hand movements...

SSSSSSLLLLOOOOWWWW!

I put the iSight camera on the end of a thin PVC pipe to see if I could get some crazy angles... DUDE it's cool! I just need to get a really long cable. May have to get one made.

If I can, I think I'll use it to video tape myself out on the streets. The PVC will take a lot of the vibration out.

I once saw a Brazilian TV show where the guy just handheld the camera on himself for the whole show while he interviewed people. I know it sounds strange, but it had a cool effect when watching it. I couldn't even understand what he was saying, but I watched the whole show!

People have called and e-mailed.

Several people from work have called. People I didn't even know, or know well. That made me feel really great!

People from other stations in town have called and e-mailed, that really ROCKS!

I haven't been sleeping well, but didn't before either. A lil' sleep. Yes, I was worrying and thinking and thinking and thinking
and thinking and thinking and thinking...

I went to Target picked up two cool $9 lamps, walked around and then left the cart filled and alone in an aisle and walked away empty. I just couldn't spend.

I hope the lamps stay on sale, I think I want to use them to light some scenes in my movie. The flexy part of it can really point the lights, but the thing about it I really want is the stand. I can clamp lights to the pole!

Man, it is crazy outside. Everybody wanted to drive into me, bump into me, jump in front of me, step on me, spit on me and even ignore me.

I overheard two guys in their 40's and 50's talking about the Watts Valley Wolf Ape, but the guy called it, The Devil Ape. That really cheered me up! I wanted to say something, but didn't. I know they heard it from the radio show, or someone heard it and told them. Sometimes it's fun to be invisible!

I know how to get press!

The Morning Mouth.com

Radio and Records

FMQB

Bad press anyway...

Least they spelled my name right!

More calls from Listeners and Fans come in as well as e-mails:

To: lentz2001@yahoo.com
Subject: Dude

Hey man this really blows i was a KRZR fan since the beginning...
again sorry jerry. It really blows.
------------------------------------------------------------
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Okay, I just have to vent, then I'll get rational.

DUDE! Who thought this was a good idea. I hope the Watts Valley
Wolf-Ape bites their balls off!

Ugh, sorry about that, but it had to be done.

Well, Jerry, what can I say? I've been listening to The Front Row for a
few years now. I can't imagine starting my day without laughing along
with you. Hell, I would say you kept me sane while I was studying for
the Bar exam (passed by the way), and kept me sane through all the
other daily crap. This just bites ass, but it is one of
those crappy things that happens I guess. I don't have to worry about
you too much though because I think you are talented and you will
be just fine. Anyway, thanks for the laughs, the Freaks, the great times,
and for getting me ready to face the day armed with a smile and a few jokes.

Mark
-----------------------------------------------------------

Well, the mail from the listeners are sometimes hard for me to read, not just because it's so sad, or because most of the listeners can't spell, but because I know what it's like to have a friend move away, a parent die, a favorite TV Show get canceled, a favorite radio station flip to a language I didn't understand, and a radio personality that was funny and smart about local things I could drive by and see for myself, get blown out. How cool is it to hear a DJ talk about some idiotic thing that you yourself thought was silly in your own town?

Well, vent if you need to, write if you must, call if you wish, I am here for now.

Give Mancow a try. I have a friend that LOVES him! Maybe you will dig him too! I would hate to see you boycott KRZR and their advertisers. I still have friends working there and it just might mean if they lose your support and the support of advertisers, they'll lose their jobs and then one morning it's "All Spanish All the Time!!!"

Boycotting Advertisers is something those crazy old Christian Ladies do! Sure they get their way and it works! But do you want to do what they do?

Did Jesus ever boycott a Radio Station?

No!

Be like Jesus! And if you know Jesus, tell him to get me a show quick! I can't eat at Hooter's with their prices if Daddy ain't hauling in the money!

Well, I slept like a baby. A baby that has been fired and rejected by its parents and dropped in the dumpster.

Leaving my phone number on Yesterday's posting may seem like a bad move, but so many great people have left messages, expressing their feelings that no one else wanted to hear or cared about hearing.

There are many wonderful listeners who called and sent e-mails. Here's just a small sampling:
------------------------------------------------------
Weeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaak!

Interesting how you have to give notice when
you leave a job, but they can fire you without
notice! That blows!

So where's the podcast? Better have one up
by tomorrow so the people who go to your
website have something to listen to.

Steve
-----------

I just heard.

What the hell, You rocked
that place!

Alright, well I'll try and keep my furor
low for now. I'm sure they had a perfectly
good reason...

You can do a whole where is Jerry Lentz thru
your site, or other sites? And point people to
you're next gig? You can call it, "Where
in the World is the World Famous Jerry Lentz?"

Kinda catchy, you are World Famous after all.

Well, dude, I'm really sorry to hear about it. I'm
sure you must be stressed out right now. Or
maybe gone into hibernation. I hope you're
handling it well and trying to keep your
momentum. You're so much better than
all that you were putting up with. I hope
you can jump right to a tv show. I know you'll do
good at it all.

Take care of your bad self.

Later tator,

-A
------------------------------------------
Hey Jerry,

Just wondering, what has happened to the Front
Row? I havent heard anything the last few days
on the show, that would indicate you guys no
being on any longer. I look up the front row website.
Please tell me whats going on! I'm a great fan of the
Front Row, and I dont want to see you guys go.

Johnny
-------------------------------------------
I can't believe you guys got canceled..... You guys have
actually -saved my life- on several occasions simply by
waking me up with a laugh before I drove off the rode.
You guys were the only redeeming quality to Fresno
morning radio. If you get another show PLEASE let
me know so I can listen in.

A loyal fan-
William
--------------------------------------------
Hey Jerry what is going on and what is going to
happen to the Front Row?

Chad
---------------------------------------------
So I'm driving to work listening to ZR as I always do
when I hear some announcement of a new show.
What the hell? I've listened to the Front Row and it was
the only good one on the air. I'll be honest Jerry, I really like
you and then they can you. I hope you stay here
in Fresno, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I have
your podcast bookmarked at home so I'll listen for any
Watts Valley Wolf Ape stories, but it won't be the same.
Good luck in finding a job and I hope you stay in Fresno.

Mike
---------------------------------------------
Duds this sucks !!!! I literally grew up with this show.
When Did they tell you , and why did they not let you
guys have friday as a "swan song" at the very least.
I am very disappointed right now.

Anyway, sorry, hopefully things will improve ...
I will check your site periodically to see if you find
anything new in Fresno. I wish you the best of luck.

Cornfed
----------------------------------------------
Whats up with this? Tell me they aren't getting rid of
you.

Teasean
-----------------------------------------------
I'm sad to hear that the front row is gone... I've been
listening since it started. I was pretty young, but my
dad listened to the show and he's the one that got me
started. I think i was like 8 or 9 when it started... and i'm
almost 25 now. I was a friend of show caller since i was 15,
although i haven't been able to call in for awhile since i got
a real job. This really sucks man... Well i wish you
the best in your further endeavors, i really enjoyed listening
to you.

Thanks for the Morning laughs... You will be missed

Alissa
-----------------------------------------------
Jerry...what are you going to do now? Can I help you in
any way? I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to seem rude
or insensitive. That is NOT my motivation at all. Please
let me know. If there's anything that I can do...please let
me know.
------------------------------------------------
well any way I am trying organize a boycott of my
former favorite rock station. I wouldn't have been
nearly as offended if I had at least known they were
replacing you!!!!! I could not believe it. I am truly enraged
by this move. I want the people to rise up and fight for
what we want to hear.

-Jason
-------------------------------------------------
what's up jerry...just one of your fans that was really
disappointed this morning. Was wondering what the hell
was going on. You rocked. I know you won't have any
problems getting a job on air. I know the rest of the crew
won't either. Well take it easy man, I'll
smoke and drink one for the "front row" tonight! Peace.

Moses
-------------------------------------------------
Hey Jerry you don't know me but I listen to you just
about every morning on the front row morning show.
And one of the few times i missed the show was the last
show. i found out a bad way to find out. i went to check out
the web site cause i wanted to see what you were up
to if anything new and i could not access the web site. so
i went to the home page and my heart dropped into my
stomach when i saw the home page.

man i feel sick. i have heard that show since i was in jr. high.
i am now 28. can you imagine how i feel? man its like you
said it is like you guys died. man i am sitting here writing
to you and i still can not believe its true.

sorry man i hope things work out for you. i want to thank
you for dedication to broadcasting great material. i am
deeply sorry and i am going to miss you. you where like
family to me. i hope i can hear you again someday.
so sad and hurt

Gabriel
------------------------------------------------

Well, I think it can be good to get things off your chest and express your feelings. I'm not sure thoughts of violence, boycotts of advertisers, e-mail campaigns to staff and petitions to Corporate will do anything.

I don't believe anyone but maybe a few here locally wanted this to happen. Those that might have, aren't in charge.

Everyone hates change. People hated me when I started. Some people learned to hate me. Some hate me now.

There's nothing like being the ugly adopted kid in a new family of pretty brothers and sisters. But if you give everyone at least a chance, you might make a great new friend.

If you still can't stand the changes after a few months, well, you can do what you want, but If you want to hang with me on this site and call and e-mail me... I'm here for ya!

Local media has been great to me today and Yesterday. Some advertisers that supported me on the show and had me voice their commercials have approached me about cutting off their monies to Clear Channel.

I don't really want that!

I know people think that's good and makes a point, but I want to work and I would rather you show your strengths in supporting me, my advertisers and my work through ratings and through any charity work or groups I highlight.

My new goal is to get a TV Show that I've been working on be picked up as a series here locally. Your help and support will be greatly appreciated.

I do want to get another radio show as soon as possible. Some very nice inquiries from other stations and formats about me have and are coming in and believe me that's nice to be wanted. And when and if a show comes open for me, then you can come with me just as those advertisers will.

Then we'll have a HUGE Party!

Keep my home number and bookmark this page! E-mail me all you want!

Don't stop the Area 69, Ghosts, or Watts Valley Wolf Ape letters! Those make me very happy! Scared, but happy!

I got an e-mail today from a fan who says he believes he saw the Wolf Ape in a home movie of a school friend of his when they were kids. He said he would try and get it in video for me. I'll post it here if it comes true.

Please keep in touch, there are four hours out of my day now that I used to truly feel alive, that are now gone. So I need to stay in touch with you more than ever!

Today I might sleep in...

Wait. I'm up already. Habits die hard.

Well, Yesterday something happened that actually didn't surprise me:

I was Fired!

Well, not just me, but The Front Row Morning Show, too. The end of an Era that started before me, had many players, good times, bad times, fun, Rock and Dirty Talk.

Many people grew up on it. I just started with it almost a year ago, but I think getting to know everyone who called, wrote in and some that I worked with, will stay with me as one of the best times of my life.

Already so many people have asked me If I plan on going back to Hollywood...?

I would like to stay in Fresno, if I could get a show. If you have one, know of one, or have the goods in the way of Blackmail-able photos of someone in charge of handing out shows, please help me out!

I feel as I was just getting going. Just learning what is cool about the people of Fresno and the Valley. Just meeting nice people.

Many have asked me, Why did this happen?

It's complex... It's all about money. Sometimes these things happen and they're not personal. They feel that way. Radio wants to please those listeners that spend the money. Radio stations want Advertisers to spend money on them.

It doesn't mean radio thinks your opinions mean nothing when your favorite DJ, Host, or Band is booted off the air... It's just business.

When I was a kid, and a DJ was fired, sometimes it was like losing a brother. One day they were just... GONE!

Like they died, or something.

You could never get any info out of the station about what happened, or where they went.

This was before the internet. Now you can search online. Maybe the Jock has a website, a blog, a streaming online radio show, or a podcast that can ease the pain of loss.

I'm still here. If you care to reach me, I'm here. Still in Fresno, hoping something good comes along. I want to do a show on the air in town, but till then, or not, I'll do a podcast for you.

It won't be all the music, but if there was anything about what I had to say that you dug, you found familiar in yourself, or if you felt we could be friends... Keep it here and let me know.

The station can't tell you anything about what happened, there is a Press Release out, but if you call the station, I'm sure you won't have the answers you want. Because the answers are never what we want to hear anyway. Life is hard. The World is tough. Jobs suck. Great jobs are so hard to find. Harder to keep. America is about making profits. Show Business is a Business that needs profit.

Sony is laying off something like 10,000 workers. North West Airlines laid off 1400. Who hasn't been fired? It really sucks. We're all in a boat, in flooded cities, in a hurricane with no rescue coming.

Some have newborn babies to feed.

Some just got married.

And radio stations are suffering too...

More people are listening to original podcasts than ever, downloading music is so easy, radio too, is treading water. Changes hurt, but they are needed sometimes.

Local radio is disappearing, but podcasting can ease that pain of loss and need for a local voice, a nearby friend...

I am here.

Bookmark this page, let your friends know I'm here till I'm back on radio, or TV.

It would be a shame to lose all my new friends. And if and when I get another offer to host a show, I'll take you along to that station!

The host of a new Dutch talk show plans to take heroin
and other illegal drugs on air in a program intended
to reach young audiences on topics that touch their
lives, producers said Wednesday.

The show is called "Spuiten & Slikken," or the "Shoot
Up and Swallow" show.

Even in the liberal Netherlands, where marijuana is
sold and used openly, the proposed action by presenter
Filemon Wesselink is illegal.

The Shoot Up & Swallow show's main hostess will
interview guests about drug use and abuse, while
Wesselink and another presenter will carry out
in-the-field experiments with sex and drugs.

Wesselink, 26, plans to ingest heroin in the form of a
pill. In other segments of the show, Wesselink plans
to go on a drinking binge in a series of pubs. He also
will try LSD — on his couch under the supervision of
his mother.

BNN has drawn viewer complaints for programs in the
past, including a sex education program called "This
Is How You Screw." One segment discussed how to have
sex in a nightclub and featured life-size mannequins
with sex organs.

Psychopaths could be the best financial traders!

A team of U.S. scientists has found the emotionally
impaired are more willing to gamble for high stakes
and that people with brain damage may make good
financial decisions, the Times newspaper reported
Monday.

In a study of investors' behavior 41 people with
normal IQs were asked to play a simple investment
game. Fifteen of the group had suffered lesions on the
areas of the brain that affect emotions.

The result was those with brain damage outperformed
those without.

The scientists found emotions led some of the group to
avoid risks even when the potential benefits far
outweighed the losses, a phenomenon known as myopic
loss aversion.

Who wants to be a Killionaire!

A Church of England vicar has unveiled his self-styled
"100-Minute Bible", an ultra-condensed edition of the
Christian holy book which claims to neatly summarise
every teaching from the Creation to the Revelation.

Such improvements is "Thall shall not!"

Subject: Area 69
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Jerry,

I was playing around in the kitchen about three years
ago when I decided it would be a good a idea to try
and scare my dog with our black and decker dough
mixer. I put it on high speed and pointed it at the
dog who started to run away.

To prove to the dog that it was harmless I attempted
to stop the blades with my hand. My fingers got bent
back to my wrist before the mixer
gave up and I broke my fingers.

The pain was so bad the grip of my other hand squeezed
the trigger harder, though I didn't know it at the
time. I tried to turn it off and run it back manually
to pull my fingers out, but slid the switch above the
trigger all the way over to reverse.

It spun and wrapped my fingers back the other way also
cutting one knuckle deep. I finally let go of the
pistol grip with my right hand and yanked the cord
from the wall socket, but the rubber tore free of the
wires and it started sparking, so without thinking I
quickly tried to pull the severed plug from the socket
and shocked myself so bad, I dropped to the floor. I
must have knocked myself out by hitting my chin on the
edge of the counter on the way down.

I was out and I heard paramedics putting me in the
ambulance. I could almost see them, but it was so
foggy. They were leaning over me under a light. Then
it seemed I was in the hospital. I saw on doctor reach
over and pick up what I was thinking was my mushy
brain. He played with it in his hands.

Then I realized it was the cookie dough I was mixing.
I was still on the floor and as the doctor stood up
over me, I could see they were like incects, but with
thin human like bodies.

I screamed. One of them was holding my mangled left
hand. Past him laying on the floor was my dog, asleep,
or I thought at the time, dead.

As I tried to sit up there was a rushing sound, they
all stood straight up and shot right up through the
ceiling of my kitchen. No hole, just sifted right
through.

Okay, people told me I was dreaming, but I never told
anyone till now that my panties were laying up on the
counter next to the mixer. My dog woke up, but sadly
died about 6 months ago. He was old so don't get to
sad.

So there's my Area 69 story, hope you are happy
getting all the scoop from a shy and quiet girl. Oh,
and guys? You ROCK!

Thanks, Romy

Some 30,000 taxpayers in 13 states better be prepared
to open their checkbooks again. Payments they made
last week are now most likely at the bottom of the San
Francisco Bay.

The checks were lost early on the morning of Sept. 11,
when the truck that was transporting them to an IRS
lockbox got into an accident on the San Mateo Bridge.
Thousands of pieces of mail were blown all around,
including into the bay.

The IRS spokesman, are asking people's patience during
this period.

Yeah, if it was the other way around... I'm sure
they'd have lot's of understanding and patience.

The U.S. space agency, NASA, unveiled the spacecraft
that will succeed the Space Shuttle program: the Crew
Exploration Vehicle, or CEV. The spacecraft will be
designed to carry four astronauts to and from the
moon, support up to six crewmembers on a future
mission to Mars and deliver crew and supplies to the
International Space Station.

Hopefully the $104 billion dollar lunar program will
bring jobs to the valley.

President Bush has targeted America's return to the
moon with two missions per year with the goal of
building a permanent lunar outpost. And one outpost
and resort on the surface of the sun.

A JetBlue airliner with its front landing gear stuck
sideways safely landed, balancing on its back wheels
as it slowed on the runway at Los Angeles
International Airport.

The safe landing was made at an auxiliary runway set
apart from the main terminals. The pilot landed using
the back wheels first and then eased onto the front
tires, which smoked, popped and sparked on contact.

Emergency crews from across the area massed near the
runway, ready to help the 139 passengers and six crew
members.

Sources say in the landing the pilots didn't even
spill one drop of their drinks.

INXS has tapped J.D. Fortune as its lead singer on
CBS' Rock Star: INXS.

Fortune, who once paid the bills by imitating the King
and, when that failed, lived out of a car.

INXS, cohosts Brooke Burke and Dave Navarro, performed
in front of a live audience at the same Los Angeles
studio where Producers built a replica of downtown
L.A.'s Mayan Theater, the Mayan was the site of the
band's final L.A. concert with the late Michael
Hutchence. Hopefully J.D. Fortune won't go the way of
Michael Hutchence, but Producers built a replica of
the noose used just as a boost to ratings.

After directing four of his band's videos, including
the recent "Question!," System Of A Down bassist Shavo
wanted little to do with the promotional clip for the
title track from the group's album, "Hypnotize."

Currently finishing production for the video in Los
Angeles, he has apparently caught the eye of
Hollywood: he says he's entertaining an offer by
Miramax Films to direct a feature film.

Ed McMahon is taking to the road to pay tribute to
longtime TV partner Johnny Carson, stopping in the
late-night king's home state to reflect on the pair's
friendship.

Carson, who grew up in Norfolk, NB died Jan. 23 of
emphysema at age 79. He was the host of "The Tonight
Show Starring Johnny Carson" from 1962 to 1992.

Many props and friends of the show will be on display
for fans to see. One prop is the lil monkey that peed
on Carson's head, now dead the stuffed monkey will
surely bring a smile to the faces of all that view the
video clip.

Police say a man repeatedly hung women's underwear on
vehicles while they were parked for the night on his
street.

They say he hung 30 to 50 stolen bras and panties of
various sizes on cars.

Police say he admitted doing it after being caught on
videotape. He told investigators he was upset with the
women in his area.

An Orange County family's pet dog is lucky to be alive
after a 200-pound alligator grabbed the pet and
attempted to drag it under water.

Heather Robbins said her 4-year-old Labrador, Ellie,
was retrieving a tossed toy at Lake Mary Jane when the
alligator grabbed the dog.

Family members swimming nearby noticed the attack and
swam to help the dog.

"I turned around to do something with the kids and I
heard a yelp and she was in the alligator's mouth,"
Robbins said.

The dog was freed from the alligator's mouth and was
treated. The dog could not stand but today she was
walking around.

A rare Gold Rush-era coin owned by a descendant of
Chinese immigrants who worked in the California gold
fields sold for $253,000 at auction.

The coin has been confirmed as one of only 12 "Quarter
Eagles" known to exist from the 246 that were made at
the San Francisco Mint in 1854.

The seller's great-grandfather acquired the coin
between 1856 and 1858 while working the gold field.

Four women arrested after going topless on a downtown
street say they didn't break any laws and want the
charges against them dropped.

The women, each charged with exposure, are to appear
village court. If convicted of the violation they each
face 15 days in jail and/or a $250 fine.

The attorney representing the women, said he's filed a
motion to dismiss the case, maintaining that a 1992
state Court of Appeals decision allows women to go
topless anywhere a man can.

The "Desperate Librarians" 2006 wall calendar is a
professionally produced a calendar to sell as a
fund-raiser. 12 librarians posed provocatively, using
oversize books to cover the naughty bits.

The keywords here are "Oversized books."

A Texas woman has sued ABC's popular reality show
"Extreme Makeover" for more than $1 million claiming
among other things that an abrupt cancellation of her
appearance on the program led to her sister's death.

The suit starts with the blunt description: "Deleese
Williams is considered ugly" says one doctor who
promised her "a Hollywood smile like Cindy Crawford."

The producers sent a crew to Texas in January 2004 to
interview Williams and her family.

The "Extreme Makeover" crew manipulated Williams'
sister, Kellie, into making cruel statements about
Williams' looks.

The night before Williams was to begin her makeover,
the show's producers told her it would take too long
for work on her jaw to heal. They canceled her
appearance and sent Williams home where Kellie,
distraught over what she had said about her sister,
eventually killed herself.

TV can kill!

Groping charges against Christian Slater will be
dropped if the actor stays out of trouble for the next
six months, under a plea agreement reached with
prosecutors.

Slater was arrested May 31 and charged with forcible
touching for allegedly groping a woman during a late
night run-in on the Upper East Side. He faced up to a
year in jail if convicted.

The controversial death of Rolling Stones' founder
member Bryan Jones is the subject of a film that
claims that he was murdered.

"I am convinced. I don't think it was alcohol or
drugs," the director of the film "Stoned," the fruit
of an 11-year cinematographic investigation into
Jones' apparent drowning in his pool in 1969.

According to official investigations into his demise,
Jones died from drowning brought on by consumption of
drink and drugs but Woolley believes differently after
having "contracted private detectives to meet people
who were there that night."

He leans toward myriad claims that Jones was killed by
Frank Thorogood, a builders' supervisor who was
working on the musician's home at the time of his
death and who reportedly confessed to the crime on his
deathbed 25 years later.

The director never spoke with the remaining Stones'
members in making the film. He explains that he "took
care that there wasn't any contact. This a film about
Bryan Jones, not about the Rolling Stones."

Wolfgang Petersen's upcoming film, "Poseidon," is a
remake of the 1972 film of "The Poseidon Adventure."
Other than the major plot point of a boat in peril,
the new movie will be a completely different movie
with different characters.

Man, I guess I needed some sleep...

I just woke up. I went to sleep about 12Noon Yesterday.
What is that? 15 Hours, or something?

I must be depressed again and just don't know it. I think
I need to get away and do some traveling. I want to go
visit Aaron in Thailand. I also want to go back to
London and Paris.

Ahh, Paris and French Fries!

Grand Forks, N.D. residents here have gobbled up a
new record for the largest single serving of french
fries. An estimated 4,518 pounds of french fries were
consumed during the annual french fry feeding frenzy.

The event is held during "Potato Bowl U.S.A" week,
which recognizes the potato industry in the Red River
Valley.

Couch potato, Suresh Joachim broke the Guinness world
record for the longest time spent watching TV. He
finished with 69 hours and 48 minutes.

A man thought he might get a protection order lifted
by secretly videotaping himself having sex with the
woman he was told to leave alone. He was wrong, police
said.

Justin W. Fraase, 26, gave the video to an officer,
expecting it to show the woman didn't fear him.
Instead, the tape revealed more than enough evidence
for his arrest.

"He obviously didn't watch it before he gave it to
us," Lt. Tod Dahle said. Fraase was charged with
sexually assaulting the woman two days earlier in his
apartment.

A woman, who has two children with Fraase, said he
called her over to his home to discuss the custody of
their kids.

When she arrived, he cornered her and wouldn't let her
call for help until she had sex with him, she told
police. Afterward, Fraase showed her a camcorder and
told her he had taped them.

The video, which is 30 to 40 minutes long, includes
audio of the woman's struggle and makes it clear she
didn't want the sex.

"He provides us the videotape and doesn't realize that
there's all this evidence on there that ends up
putting him in jail on all these felony charges,"
Dahle said. "So basically he arrested himself."

Schwarzenegger is going to run for Re-Election.

Governor Schwarzenegger is calling on the federal
government to help prepare California against New
Orleans type flooding.

The governor wants $90 million in federal aid to make
improvements to California levees. In June 2004, a
levee broke near Stockton.

The governor says studies show California's levees
have a 100 year level of protection.

The levees that broke in New Orleans had a 250 year
level of protection.

Experts say if California levees were to break,
thousands of acres of farm land would be destroyed and
millions in the Valley would be without clean drinking
water.

And what States would come to our rescue? America
hates California!

And California hates Fresno!

Amber Frey was in a North Valley courtroom in a battle
over her daughter's paternity.

It turns out the man who was told he was the father of
Frey's oldest child is not.

Anthony Flores was in a Madera County court to stop
child support payments to Frey. A judge agreed.

The ruling comes after a recent DNA test shows Flores
is not the father of Frey's child.

"They are going to be stopping all collection
proceedings for child support that have been going on
for the last few years and lifting the stay on his
driver's license which has hindered his work," said
Flores' attorney, Glenn R. Wilson.

"That's four years of my life thinking I was the
father of Ayainna ... and Amber made it very difficult
during the whole time to have any kind of relationship
or visitation," said Flores.

Man, is that chick trouble for guys or what?

Thanks to Aaron for this cool info!

Did you hear about this? I'm thinking of heading
down to see the props and stuff.

Star Wars exhibit

Here's a direct link to a series
of costumes:

Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Storm Troopers, various
cantina creatures...

When would one ever see this stuff again? Or care too?

I had a great time watching The Emmys!

I rarely watch them, but I was cleaning my guns
and didn't know where the remote was, so I let
it roll.

Pretty good! My highlights are:
David Letterman talking about Johnny Carson
Jon Stewart talking about David Letterman
Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw talking about
Peter Jennings
The Black Eyed Peas singing with a rap verse,
about Martha Stewart: "Went to jail, got a show,
that's the way entertainment goes."
William Shatner of "Boston Legal" receiving best
supporting actor honors and performing the
"Star trek" theme... Fantastic!

Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil is recovering from
a leg injury after slipping off stage during a
performance. The band was about five songs into the
concert when Neil leaned over to sing along with the
audience and slipped off stage.

I want to see that video so bad!

Christopher Paolini could be mistaken for a student.
He's just 21, and the author of two best-selling
fantasy epics, "Eragon" and the new best seller
"Eldest." He's under contract to write the third book
of what is called his "Inheritance Trilogy," and a
movie version of "Eragon" is currently filming in
Hungary, starring John Malkovich and Jeremy Irons.

Not bad for a project Paolini began when he was just
15.

Now, Paolini doubts he'll ever attend college.

"To be honest about it, I make my living right now
writing down my daydreams, which is a wonderful job.
As far as I'm concerned, it's the best job in the
world."

In its first week of release last month, "Eldest" sold
more than 425,000 hardcover copies, making it the
biggest single-week sale ever recorded for a Random
House. There are 1.8 million copies in print.

Ireland's national TV station and the BCC was ordered
to hold back an advertisement featuring disintegrating
Zombies until after the watershed viewing time of 9pm
when most children are asleep.

The ad for an energy drink infringed advertising
codes, in particular the general principle that a
commercial should be "decent."

The ad features images of Zombies whose limbs fall off
and whose eyeballs pop out.

The watchdog said the images were particularly graphic
and children could be frightened.

Zombie Minority Groups have protested this ban puts
their image in a bad light.

Supermodel Kate Moss acknowledged that tabloid
allegations that she recently used cocaine are true,
The Daily Mirror printed images from a video
which it said showed the model doing five lines of
cocaine in 40 minutes at a late-night music recording
session, preparing them with a credit card and
snorting the drug through a five-pound note.

Kate Moss Apologized for Drug Use!!!, but I say, Kate,
you are so hot and thin and don't Apologize, because
if it wasn't for you, I would never have been
introduced to the sweet-sweet appetite curing effects
of Coke, blow, flake, candy, nose candy, pepsi, coca
puffs, "C", Charlie, toot, gold dust, AKA, Vitamin C,
snow, girl, glass, the real thing, white lady, o.k.,
okey doke, or the King's nose detergent!

Thank you, Kate! Thank you for making me a waif!

Caroline Young died of kidney failure at Fresno's
University Medical Center. Before you get too sad,
listen... She had been an inmate at Central California
Women's Facility in Chowchilla. One of California's 15
female death row inmates.

Young was convicted in 1993 of two counts of murder in
connection with knife attacks on her two
grandchildren.

Young had been on death row at the women's prison
since October 1995.

The Wilson family arrived in Hanford after moving from
the New Orleans Convention Center to the Astrodome in
Texas to Arkansas. But a valley realtor stepped in and
arranged to have the couple and their 3 boys live in a
brand new house. The best part is they don't have to
pay rent or utilities for a year.

With huricane weather and more huricane's on the way,
some crop growers are concerned how valley weather
will be affected when it comes to growing Weed!

Caltrans is now hiring for Fresno, Stockton, Bishop
and San Luis Obispo.

They also offer a long list of benefits such as:
alternate work schedules; bereavement leave; health,
dental and vision insurance; educational
reimbursement; employee assistance program; family,
parental, military & other leaves; paid holidays;
retirement plans; savings plus plans such as 401k;
sick leave; and paid vacation time.

I've applied as Bus tour guide announcing interesting
sights and tidbits of info on locations like crime
scenes and drive by shootings... Look to the left and
you'll see where "Fresno Uncensored" was shot and if
you look to the right you'll see where the Yang
brothers were shot.

Subject: More Watts Wolf Ape
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Hello Jerry,

It was my weekend with my kid and so I took him to the
Library. While I was there, I thought about what that
listener of yours said about searching for Watts
Valley Wolf Ape stories at the library, so I send my
kid off read childrens books and I started looking for
monster pictures.

After a while a Librarian came over and asked if I
needed help. I told her about the Wolf Ape Stories
you've told on the show and calls from listeners...
She seemed weirded out by me and left.

I felt odd about my excitement in telling her,
embarrassed and I wanted to leave. Suddenly an older
man came over who I guess works in the back. He said
she told him what I was looking for and he remembered
hearing about it when he was a little boy. That must
have been long time ago, cause this guy looked to be
about 200 years old.

He pulled up a chair and told me about a one room
school house where the Wolf Ape, then known he said as
"The Devil Fang" busted in while students and the
teacher was in fear.

All the kids piled their desks up and climbed up into
the rafters while the teacher locked himself into a
closet. The wolf ape prowled around under the kids
feet as they all screamed. It tore open the desks to
get the lunch bags the kids brought to eat.

The old man said all the fathers got together and
tried hunting it down. He then told me the same story
you told about the Preacher killing one and hanging it
up at his church for all to see. But he said the
Preacher sold it to a man in a traveling circus freak
show. The Preacher made so much money he moved to San
Francisco to built a church there, but was murdered so
badly they couldn't identify his body for a long time.
People then said it was a curse of the "Devil
Fang/Wolf Ape."

As the old man told me this I looked and everyone in
the Library was listening. I don't think a Library has
ever been as quiet.

See what I get for listening to you!

Justin

Residents of a German city were warned not to let
their children play alone outdoors after a wolf beast
was at large despite an intense search by police,
hunters and a helicopter.

"It's a very ferocious animal that won't be easy to
catch," the spokesman said.

Although the wolf should pose little danger to people
unless cornered or harassed, police advised people to
ensure their children did not play alone outdoors and
to keep their dogs leashed while out walking.

Rogue Groups of villagers with torches and pitchforks
are out on the hunt to destroy the Wolf Monster.
Another group of Animal Rights Protesters lead by 22
year old fashion model Alice Lang attempting to
protect the wolf was attacked by the beast.

A company I used to work for has stepped up to the
plate... Video makers notorious for filming women
flashing their breasts said they will donate revenues
from "Girls Gone Wild" episodes tied to Mardi Gras to
the Red Cross to help Hurricane Katrina victims.

Swimming Loch Ness was barely tolerable for a group of
nude swimmers who surrendered to bad weather.

Their charity stunt, a nude 23-mile lap and bait for a
Loch Ness Monster ended as temperatures sank and winds
rose.

"We swam all through the night and successfully
completed one length in 14 hours and four minutes but
the conditions were so bad we couldn't go on," said
the first swimmer to set off in the nude.

British Naturism had organized the sponsored relay to
raise money for Cancer Research UK.

Subject: Area 69
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Jerry and Area 69 aliens,

When I was about 5 or 6 my mom bought me and my twin
sister a lollipop. You know the old school pinwheel
kind? Anyway, I finished mine off and my sister being
mean as she still is today had to go to bed without
getting hers.

Even with a sugar high I was asleep when a bright Blue
light fill our room. I heard my skates fall onto the
floor and rolled over to see what is now the popular
tall skinny Gray alien holding onto my sister Kelly's
lollipop looking at it really close.

I think I would have been scared, but seeing it
holding a lollipop made it kind of cute. I remember
thinking in my head, "Please go ahead and eat it, my
sister is a meanie."

Then it turned and looked at me with it's big bug eyes
and in my head it said to me, "This is for eating?"
Then it put it in a yellow bag it was carrying.

In the morning my sister was crying and I heard my dad
lie to her and tell her that he got hungry and ate it,
but that he would get another one.

My sister always gets her way with dad, men, and even
with aliens.

My name is Karen, You may not remember me but I showed
you my ass once, but you must see so many asses.

I love the show! Keep Rocking!

Is there anything exciting going on in your world?

I just watched, "The Life Aquatic" and I know many
people didn't like it, but I really dug it. If I could
swim and wasn't afraid of the ocean and had money to
buy a big boat like that... Oh, I guess it's just
better to buy the DVD.

To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Hey Jerry,

I was telling a friend earlier today about the Watts
Valley Wolf Ape. He and I have an interest in the
paranormal (I'm actually part of a group that
investigates haunted locations in the area) and
decided that we were going to look for it. So I did
a google search on it and the first thing that came
up was your blog (awesome blog btw) and I saw
the posting of the e-mail that was orginally sent
to you. I do know where the cemetery is at, but
where he started would help a lot that way I have
a general location to work with. I'm also working
on a blog documenting anything paranormal in the
Central Valley. Thanks a bunch.

Michael

Florida Highway Patrol troopers are searching for a
woman who they believe is a chronic drunken driver
after she allegedly hit a car, a truck, a bank, a
boat, a school, an abortion clinic, a liquor store, a
lagoon and tree in separate crashes all on Wednesday
night. Police said the University of Central Florida
student was involved in two more drunken driving
incidents within the time it took me to read this.

A groom spent his wedding night in jail with his
father, his brother his father-in-law and seven other
members of his wedding party after the group allegedly
brawled with another bridal party and police.

Police were called to break up the melee at the Crowne
Plaza Hotel in White Plains, NY when a case of
mistaken identity by a member of the second wedding
party confronted the other's best man, believing him
to be a wedding photographer, who had absconded. The
best man allegedly responded with force sparking a
bench-clearer.

"Everybody's fighting everybody," White Plains police
spokesman Martin Gleeson told the Daily News. "And
both brides are kind of walking around helpless like,
'This is my wedding? I can't believe this is
happening! The cakes were destroyed!"

After police intervened by arresting all the members
of the wedding party who objected violently, leading
to their arrests. The eleven suspects, were charged
with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and
first-degree riot, a felony punishable by up to four
years in prison.

"We believe the event may have been alcohol-driven,"
Gleeson told the Daily News.

Ya think?

Ore. man Dwayne Earl Anthony Etzel was arrested on
drug possession charges after a police officer caught
sight of him pedaling on a bicycle with three uprooted
marijuana plants under his arm with what they
described as a "big smile" on his face.

"I see this guy riding up the street with what looked
like a big old bush under his arm," said Eugene
Narcotics Detective Scott Vinje. "It didn't click
right away that it was marijuana. Then I smelled it."

He pulled up alongside the bicyclist, showed him a
badge and ordered him to stop.

When police tried to stop him, Etzel pedaled off as
fast as he could go, being as high as he was... After
catching up with him, three seconds later, the officer
used pepper spray to get him under control.

Autry stands by plan to bring hurricane victims home
to Fresno!

The mayor stands firm in his decision to head to
Hurricane Katrina's 'Ground Zero.' 400 evacuees on
their way! I already bought an extra bed and air
mattress. I don't know what she'll look like, but I
bought a Costco-size box of condoms just in case she
hot.

Fresno County's Health Department has just launched a
new web site that allows you to see how restaurants
and other food-related businesses rate and all I'm
saying is, with as much eating out that I do, it's a
wonder I'm still alive.

The California Air Resources Board is set to consider
a rule requiring that new school buses in Southern
California have the cleanest burning engines
available. And for students to refrain from passing
gas until Spring Break or Holidays in Tijuana.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney's four-month-long
union is finally over! I give Jack White two more
weeks! Meg White knows I'm still single, she's just
playing hard to get and uninterested with her
restraining order an everything...

If I said the movie titles, "Adam & Steve" or "Guys
and Balls", what kind of films would you think they
were? Well, they are some of the 50 short films,
documentaries and features that are the lineup at this
year's Fresno REEL Pride, an annual gay and lesbian
film festival.

Great actor, turned porn star Tom Sizemore used a
rubber wang, a Fake penis... "Sizemore?" not in a movie,
but because he had a drug test to take, and the only
way he could produce clean pee, while someone watches
the whole thing, was to steal/buy someone else's wiz,
put it in a fake dong, and then release the stuff into
a jar. The deception was discovered and Sizemore is
still in big trouble.

Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline multiply
and replenish the earth with more white trash. The
child is Spears' first, Federline's third, as far as
we know.

Miramax is releasing "Venom," about a voodoo-crazed
serial killer, murder and mayhem in the Louisiana
swamps a few weeks after Hurricane Katrina brought
real death and destruction to the region. Many of the
locations used are now gone. Some Louisiana natives
that worked on the film believe it will be too much to
see the dead walk after the disaster in New Orleans.

Evil Dead: Regeneration, a new game for the
PlayStation 2, Xbox and PC, picks up where the
cult-classic horror-comedy films from director Sam
Raimi left off. While previous games based on the
films have ranged from mediocre to terrible,
Regeneration is a fun, inventive, hilarious action
adventure that will thrill fans of the series.

As the game starts, chainsaw-wielding,
boomstick-toting Ash, voiced by film star Bruce
Campbell, has been committed to a mental asylum after
the events of Evil Dead 2. He busts out when a mad
scientist unleashes the minions of the Necronomicon
into the world once more.

Early in the game, Ash meets up with Sam, a friendly,
undead midget who agrees to help him. In battle, Sam
runs around and attacks enemies by climbing up their
backs and ripping their heads off.

A 12-year-old boy awoke to an unpleasant surprise
this week when a python bit him in his bed.

Michael Rodriguez discovered the 4-foot snake
clinging to his right arm early Monday morning. He
flailed his arm, flinging the snake to the carpet.
"I didn't cry, and then I walked to my parents' room,"
Michael said Tuesday, still displaying bite marks on
the side of his right hand. He suffered only a minor
injury. The snake is not venomous.

"We thought he was dreaming, but he was holding his
hand and it was bleeding," said his father, Cedric
Esqueda. "It was a pretty good bite, and I think when
he threw it from his arm it made the bite worse."

The family just recently moved into the northwest
Fresno home and doesn't own a snake.

"We have no idea where it came from," said Michael's
mother, Christina Esqueda.

Animal control officials seized the ball python and it
could be adopted or euthanized.

A Deltona FL convenience-store employee was suspended
after a customer became violently ill upon drinking
soda that tests later confirmed had been urinated in.

"He vomited three or four times afterwards," said the
victim's attorney.

Newlin said his client, a foreman with a Daytona Beach
construction company, became suspicious of the drink
after he chugged "a lot" of the beverage last week.

"Imagine a construction worker just grabbing a
Mountain Dew and just sucking it down," Newlin said.
The man took the soft drink back to the Howland
Boulevard store and told the manager of his concerns.

Testing confirmed that the soda had been urinated in,
upon the advice of an infectious-disease doctor, the
construction worker was being tested for diseases such
as gonorrhea and hepatitis C.

"CDC [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] does
not consider urine to be a potentially toxic thing,"
said Dr. Scott Brady, the senior medical director for
Florida Hospital Centra Care. "As gross as it sounds,
the urine is not harmful as long as it's not bloody."

A mobile phone dealer has been arrested for allegedly
selling thousands of amateur sex videos he had
downloaded from cellular phones brought to his shop
for repairs.

The footage had all been recorded by the dealer's
clients for private use on their mobile phones, and
stored in the devices.

Thousands of such sex videos were also found stored on
computer hard drives seized in the shop. The suspect
faces charges of distributing indecent material and
breach of privacy.

Jerry Dunlap spent more than a year fixing up his 1910
dream sailboat. But a gaggle of about 15 hefty sea
lions managed to sink the 50-foot craft in just 30
seconds.

"This is a major setback. I'm 63, I don't know if I
feel like working another two years to get a boat to
work."

The scuttling of Dunlap's $24,000 boat may be the most
striking example of mayhem that sea lions have caused
since they started showing up in the harbor in May.

Residents complain that they bark all night long, the
city received a report that a rogue sea lion tipped
over a mother and her child in their kayak, and two 20
year old bikini models were trampled and pushed into
the sand when three sexually aroused sea lions began
humping them.

The Harbor Patrol sprays the sea lions with fire hoses
but they reboarded the girls within minutes.

Police cited an Ohio man for harassment after an ugly
prank involving his sister.

Glenn Connolly, called state police in Mercer and
asked them to advise his sister, that their mother had
died.

Troopers did just that, only to find out afterward
that the woman hadn't died.

Because police filed only a citation, the man faces no
more than a $300 fine and 90 days in jail if he's
convicted. After he was held with his arms behind his
back so his sister could repeatedly kick him hard in
the nuts.

Nicholas Cerino was watching"America's Most Wanted"
with his brother Mark, when the show announced that
the brother sitting next to him was the fugitive
profiled on the show.

Mark was identified on the show as a contractor wanted
in Florida for allegedly scamming elderly residents
after last year's hurricanes.

Mark was arrested within hours of the Saturday night
broadcast.

"America's Most Wanted" officials won't reveal the
reward, or whether Nicholas turned in his brother
because the tipsters are anonymous, but a spokesman
for the Fox TV show said Nicholas wouldn't be able to
comment due to his world tour and nightly stripper
parties.

A Manitoba jail has stopped serving tea because some
inmates were using tea bags to make cigarettes.

Smoking has been banned at the Headingley Correctional
Centre near Winnipeg since November 2003, but that
hasn't stopped some inmates from finding creative ways
to get their fix. All they need is a dried-out tea bag
and some nicotine chewing gum.

The Correctional Centre has also banned Tea-Bagging in
the showers.

Subject: Another Watts Valley Wolf Ape thing.
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Hey Jerry!

I've been a long time listener of the show but sadly
haven't been able to listen as much anymore. I caught
the show where you read the letter from the listener
about the Watts Valley Wolf Ape and became a bit
obsessed with it. A few days later as I was driving I
caught yet another wolf ape story, drowning me in the
obsession.

Sitting at my mother-in-law's house tonight it just
popped into my head again and out of curiosity I asked
her if she had ever heard of it. I was surprised to
hear her say "Oh sure!" and begged her to tell me what
she knew. I thought I'd share with you the view that I
got from her.

She said that it was quite a popular urban legend in
high school. That kids would go out to try to see it,
but the story they were told by adults was that in the
60's there was a scientist guy who lived just north of
Watts Valley and he had a variety of animals. As he
got older he started to adopt the animals out and died
before he could finish. Apparently he had a gorilla. A
gorilla that had a sort of mutation/growth stunt thing
going on. The gorilla midget made it's home in Watts
Valley and adapted to live in the area. And since they
have long life spans, it's very possible for it to
still be roaming the area.

I thought it kind of made sense because from the
descriptions I heard, it had hands and a face like a
human. Which are characteristics of gorillas too. I
plan on asking my grandfather, he's in his 90's and is
a full blooded Native American from this area. I'm
hoping he has a story too!

If possible I'd love to see the pictures you and Brad
have gotten. I know... curiosity killed the cat, but
satisfaction brought it back!

Keep on rocking and glad to have you in the Front Row
family!

Kate

Donald Trump sure knows how to pick a winner. Tthe
fourth season of The Apprentice, a contestant is a
"tough as nails" ex-stripper. Alla Wartenberg focuses
on her self-made millions but fails to mention her
pole-dancing past, she danced at Las Vegas' Palomino
Club under the name Ecstasy and was involved with
convicted murderer Robert Acremant, a client of hers
who apparently considered her his girlfriend.

Acremant would reportedly shell out between $500 and
$1,500 for a night in the company of Alla/Ecstasy (or
"X," as her friends called her) and eventually
developed something of a cash flow problem.

Low on funds, but desperate to continue seeing his
scantily-clad lady friend, Acremant attempted to rob a
pair of Oregon women in 1995 but ended up killing them
in a heist-gone-wrong.

Later that year, he also murdered Scott George, a
friend from California, in a second robbery attempt.
He was convicted of all three murders and was
sentenced to death in both California and Oregon,
where he is currently on Death Row.

As a result of her association, Wartenberg was called
upon to testify at his trial in Tulare County Superior
Court in August 2002, where she explained that she had
simply "used him for money."

"I liked him as a client," Wartenburg said, according
to the court transcript. "I thought he was really
nice."

A former painter on David Letterman's Montana ranch
who faced charges of scheming to kidnap the talk-show
host's son and nanny has been sentenced to 10 years
behind bars on lesser charges.

Leonardo DiCaprio, who played Howard Hughes in Martin
Scorsese's "The Aviator," is ready to charge up San
Juan hill as Teddy Roosevelt in, "The Rise of Theodore
Roosevelt."

The biography focuses on Roosevelt's youth and his
personal journey from frail child of privilege to
Spanish-American War hero as commander of the Rough
Riders cavalry regiment, which set the stage for his
celebrated political career.

As U.S. vice president under William McKinley,
Roosevelt became the youngest man ever to assume the
presidency after McKinley's assassination in 1901.

His life at 25, begins to transform himself through
sheer force of will from this asthmatic, near-sighted
125-pounder to this Sherman tank of a man so tough
that he once got shot on the way to make a speech and
completed his talk, bleeding with a bullet in his
chest.

After the failure of his Zoetrope movie studio, a
bankrupt Francis Ford Coppola found himself at "the
beginning of a very continuing low period."

He had to pay off creditors, so the job Coppola took
in early 1982, was "The Outsiders," and it came to him
through the mail.

A librarian at the Lone Star Junior High School in
Fresno, California, wrote him:

"We are all so impressed with the book, 'The
Outsiders' by S.E. Hinton, that a petition has been
circulated asking that it be made into a movie. We
have chosen you to send it to. In hopes that you might
also see the possibilities of a movie, we have
enclosed a copy of the book."

"It was signed by like 110 little signatures," he
recalled. "Who can ignore that?"

He didn't. And on September 20 he's putting out a
two-disc DVD with a version 22 minutes longer.

Fresno police say they will not file charges after two
children were found unconscious in a car.

Monday, Fresno police closed the case saying they
found no criminal negligence.

On August 17th, two children were in an unlocked car
for about 45 minutes in 99 degree heat before family
members found them.

Two-year-old Brianne Munguia has since been released
from the hospital.

Her four-year-old brother, Joseph, remains in fair
condition at Children's Hospital.

More charges have been filed against a Fresno teen
accused of murder over a fish tank.

Jay Xiong is now facing a gang enhancement in the
fatal shooting of Tony Colombo. Xiong has pleaded not
guilty to all allegations.
The 61-year-old victim died in July after being shot
in the chest.

Detectives claim Colombo confronted a group of teenage
boys who had stolen an aquarium from his porch.

Monday morning, Colombo's family wore t-shirts with
his picture to court to show their support.

"He would of gave it to them had the guy asked for it.
He could have had it, you know. He didn't think he'd
use the gun," said the victim's son, Joe Colombo.

Prosecutors believe Xiong committed the crime to
benefit a criminal street gang.

The 18-year-old will hear the evidence prosecutors
have against him during a preliminary hearing later
this month.

Collecting money for hurricane survivors turned
dangerous for a Fresno State student this weekend.
Outside Saturday's football game, a Bulldog baseball
player was tackled while he collected donations for
the Red Cross.

According to campus police, two men pushed him to the
ground, and tried to take the money.- But they didn’t
get away with any cash, because the unidentified
athlete tossed his donation jar over a fence.

The baseball player wasn't seriously hurt and went
back to collecting donations at the game. University
police are now investigating.

Fresno County Sheriff’s deputies and state narcotics
agents busted a pot plantation in the hills near
Auberry on Monday.

Crews spent most of the day cutting down some 5,000
marijuana plants in a remote area above Pine Ridge.

But first, they flew over the remote area to pin-point
the location before hiking their way in.

Later, authorities reached their destination; finding
the drugs but not the people who planted them.

Anyone hiking in the Sierra National Forest should
keep an eye out for the signs of other pot operations:
irrigation pipes, excessive trash from a camp site and
well-worn trails in a remote area.

Rangers say not to engage anyone you might suspect of
illegal activities; instead, leave the area and call
for help.

A German thief stole a man's in-car navigation system
and unwittingly auctioned it online back to his
victim, who had police arrest him.

Police in Berlin said the 26-year-old victim spotted
the device on an Internet auction site and quickly
re-acquired what he had reported stolen from his car
some two weeks previously.

He informed police, who went to the thief's house
posing as the buyers and then arrested the
21-year-old.

"I think the thief got a bit of a surprise," said a
Berlin police spokesman, adding the man confessed to
the theft.

The thief began crying immediately...

A monkey, apparently a pet, escaped, then chased a
12-year-old boy into his house and bit him on the
buttocks in the western Malaysian state of Pahang.

The monkey, which was believed to be a pet animal
because there was a chain around its neck, ran up and
down the street in the housing area in Kuantan town as
it appeared just after dusk, scaring people who were
afraid to have their butts bitten.

Hawkins County, TN has pulled the plug on a tanning
bed used by emergency dispatchers. The Hawkins County
911 Board voted that the tanning bed, which employees
bought with their own money, must be removed from the
Central Dispatch center.

The center handles emergency calls for fire and law
enforcement departments.

The employees paid for it, but they cannot use it
while they're on the clock. The employees sit for 12
hours, and they get kind of stiff, so they go in there
after clocking out. They say it helps — the heat on
their back.

Also on the outs is the Thai massage girls who give
good happy endings to stressed 911 Dispatchers.

Subject: Area 69
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Jerry,

I had heard a few of these UFO stories on your show
before I had to leave for the summer, but now that I'm
back, I wanted to write you guys and add to the
weirdness.

I lived in a guest house behind my landlord in Visalia
about six years ago. I had just come back from a bible
study reading at a girl friends house. Don't laugh. I
was there because I was all hot for a guy that was
music director of my church. It never worked out.

Anyway, I had popped open a cold Red Stripe set it on
the kitchen table and started the bath. I knew I could
finish the beer before the tub was full because the
pipes were so corroded the water practically dripped
out.

I went back into the kitchen, lights flickered and I
heard a loud ringing in my ear.

I saw something moving in my living room. I walked in
and saw what I've described to others as a pale jack o
lantern stuck on my wall. It was just half way out of
the wall. Like someone hung it there. I walked over to
see if what I was looking at was something a friend
had put there as a gag.

I got close and it quickly stepped back into the wood
paneling and disappeared. I think I must have
screamed. It just walked into the wall and through it.
I began to get dizzy and as I turned to run out, it
stepped back quickly toward me and grabbed my arm.
Another one also moved through the wall and the IKEA
bookshelf next to me. It moved right through my TV set
and grabbed my head.

I fell to the floor.

I opened my eyes and I was getting my teeth worked on.
The dentist was drilling and I looked to my side and
my mommy was sitting reading a Redbook magazine.
Things seemed okay, except my mom had been dead for
about 15 years. This had to be a childhood memory.

I tried to kick myself out of the dental chair and
suddenly I was laying on the floor in my living room
and as I set up Mrs. Miller my landlord was opening
the door and calling for me.

The tub had run over and was pouring into her garage.
It must have been overflowing for quite sometime.

I didn't know what to tell her, she was mad, saw the
beer on the table, saw me on the floor passed out... I
was in a mess.

The beer was warm and I can only guess I was out for
over an hour.

I know what I saw and what happened to me, but Doctors
told me I had developed Frontal Lobe Epilepsy. The
Front Row has done more for me than any doctor I've
seen, just because your Area 69 has let me hear other
peoples encounters and let me know I'm not alone.

Thanks so much, Allison

Mission: Impossible 3,' exploding into theaters May
2006!

The action/adventure, whose plot is being kept under
tight wraps, is being directed by "Alias" and "Lost"
mastermind J.J. ABRAMS and also stars KERI RUSSELL,
JONATHAN RHYS-MEYERS, LAURENCE FISHBURNE, PHILIP
SEYMOUR HOFFMAN and, of course, the returning VING
RHAMES.

Do we care anymore about it? May of next year is a
ways off...

The most frightening TV series right now?

DANNY BONADUCE is exposing it all for his new reality
show, "Breaking Bonaduce," his emotional therapy
session on TV! It's creepy, sad, and scary.

Johnny Depp, has played so many different roles that
he's finally found a role he wants to stay in: the
buccaneer Captain Jack Sparrow.

Depp, said his role as the suave Sparrow in the next
two editions of "Pirates of the Caribbean" was too
delicious to pass up.

He's promoting "Corpse Bride," an animated feature
made by his longtime friend, director Tim Burton, yet
his mind is on Jack Sparrow, a character based on
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards. Depp was
nominated for a best actor Oscar for the role.

Two Pirates' sequels are filming in the Bahamas and
are slated for release in 2006 and 2007.

One may be titled "Pirates of the Caribbean: Let Cap'n
Jack Off"

A tape delivered to ABC News in Pakistan this weekend
contains threats against Los Angeles and Melbourne,
Australia.

On the tape, a masked man says, "Yesterday, London and
Madrid. Tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne".

ABC News says the man is believed to be an Americana
name Adam Gadahn from Orange County with some ties to
Fresno. Gadahn is purported to be an al-Qaida member
and wanted by the FBI. His family says they haven't
spoken to him in several years and declined to
comment.

Then a widespread power outage hit Los Angeles,
knocking out electricity to thousands of customers,
snarling traffic and stranding high-rise office workers
in elevators or trains as officials scrambled to determine
the cause.

The family of a teenage girl has won a six figure
judgment against the Sanger Unified School District
over a hazing attack.

The girl was a freshman on the Sanger soccer team when
the attack happened.

She says her teammates duct taped her hands and feet,
dragged her down a hotel hallway, piled on top of her
and touched her inappropriately.

Late Friday afternoon, a jury awarded the girl
$110,000.

Sanger Unified had claimed the students and coaches
didn't do anything wrong, that the kids were just
playing around.

But, the jury ruled the school district bears much of
the blame for allowing the attack and not doing
anything about it.

The teenage girl is now enrolled in another school
district.

A San Jose hiker who was missing for three days after
getting lost in the wilderness emerged from a trail
with a minor ankle injury, Leon Zheng, 27, set out on
a solo hike from White Wolf to Seavey Pass.

He lost his way near the Cathedral Creek drainage and
injured his ankle. It healed enough so he could walk
out, but delayed his return.

Some are speculating he was tracking the Watts Valley
Wolf Ape.

Comedian Tommy Chong has spent almost three decades
wringing laughs from cigar-sized joints and
smoke-filled vans but now a nine-month jail term has
turned him serious and revitalized his flagging
career.

Promoting his documentary "a/k/a Tommy Chong" at the
Toronto International Film Festival, he hopes the film
will expose what he says is the U.S. government's
heavy-handed dealing with marijuana offenders in the
post-September 11 era.

"The United States is under martial law, it's under
dictatorship," the 67-year-old father of four said in
an interview.

The film chronicles his 2003 arrest and imprisonment
for selling drug paraphernalia online to an undercover
U.S. drug enforcement agent.

The bust was part of a sting operation known as
"Operation Pipe Dreams," which the film likens to a
witch hunt by former U.S. Attorney General John
Ashcroft following claims that drug trafficking
financed terrorist activities.

The film's producers say the federal government spent
$12 million pursuing Chong and compare that to the $25
million bounty for the capture of Osama bin Laden.

Chong has been an outspoken marijuana advocate since
his days in the Cheech and Chong comedy team, which
rode pot culture to fame in the 1970s with films like
"Up in Smoke" and "Still Smokin."

The documentary suggests the government's motive was
not to rid the Internet of a mail-order pipe-and-bong
business but to send a message about Chong's three
decades of movies and stand-up routines celebrating
marijuana use.

Steve Martin threatens to kill himself!

"If the extraordinary young actress Claire Danes she
doesn't get an Academy Award nomination, I will kill
myself," Martin said in an interview with Reuters.

Danes, 26, plays a Saks Fifth Avenue glove saleswoman
enticed into an affair with a rich man more than twice
her age who gives her everything but love and she
steals the picture.

"Shopgirl," which was shown at the Toronto Film
Festival, is based on a best-selling novella by Steve
Martin, with a screenplay by Steve Martin, who also
produced it and plays the lead male role.

Then, in a flash, he paused to consider just what he
had said and backtracked a bit -- he noted that he
said the same thing about Eddie Murphy who starred
with him in the 1999 comedy "Bowfinger" and he did not
get an Oscar nomination.

Renegade author Hunter S. Thompson lamented the onset
of old age and his physical limits, in an apparent
suicide note published on by Rolling Stone magazine.

The scrawled words, perhaps the last he ever
committed to paper, were written four days before
the self-described "gonzo" journalist shot himself to
death at his secluded home near Aspen, Colorado.

The brief message, scrawled in black marker and titled
"Football Season Is Over" (an apparent reference to
the end of the NFL season he avidly followed as fan),
reads as follows:

"No More Games. No More bombs. No More Walking. No
More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past
50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am
always bitchy. No Fun -- for anybody. 67. You are
getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax -- This won't hurt."

I hate Football! So much violence and death...

Woman Charged $1,133 to Clip Toenail

A lawsuit spawned by a $1,133 bill to clip a toenail
and run some tests at a hospital has been certified as
a class action.

The officials say the downtown operation is authorized
by Medicare to charge higher fees because it is
licensed as a hospital, and they maintain that such
charges are a standard industry practice.

One unidentified doctor who had a procedure on his own
toe at the downtown complex e-mailed Virginia Mason
chief executive Dr. Gary Kaplan last year after being
billed $1,200, including a facilities charge of
$1,138.

"I call it obscene," the doctor fumed.

During a birthday party for her kid sister, Caroline
tied a pair of helium balloons to Mousie the mouse and
began pushing her around the house, partly to give her
rodent friend an aerial view of his lodgings and
partly to find out how many balloons it takes to float
a mouse.

But someone left her bedroom window open and, as
Caroline watched in horror, a sudden gust carried the
floating Mousie out the window, past the maple tree in
the backyard, over the rooftop and gone.

Caroline and her mother began running down the street,
trailing the floating mouse.

They plastered the neighborhood with flyers, posted a
missing mouse notice online. They offered a $100
reward. They placed a classified ad in The Chronicle,
perhaps the most woeful classified ad in the 140-year
history of this newspaper.

So far, nothing. A few crank calls, from people who
fail to understand the gravity of the situation, but
no mouse.

"This whole thing is a tragedy,'' Caroline said. "I
know there are bigger tragedies, like the hurricane.
But it's a tragedy to me.''

Mousie, it should be pointed out, is not a live mouse
but a 3-inch-tall stuffed mouse.

An adult film star who once ran for California
governor agreed to behave for a year or face jail
after allegedly touching herself inappropriately
during a dance routine at a strip club, according to a
report.

Mary Ellen Cook, 25 -- better known as porn actress
Mary Carey -- was arrested in Lakewood, Wash., last
year after performing a dance act.

Cook was respectful to the judge, but outside the
courtroom she blasted the state's strip club laws,
calling them extremely ridiculous.

She said she's now thinking about moving to Washington
so she can do what she did in California, run for
governor with the platform of promoting more liberal
adult entertainment laws.

I too have been thinking of moving to Washington...

Subject: Area 69
To: lentz2001@yahoo.com

Dear Jerry,

One night my girlfriend and Soroity sister Kim and I
were driving up to see her ex-girlfriend who lived in
a small house just off Highway 49 in Mariposa.

We got there just as the sun was setting. Lucy was
sitting on her porch in the hottest cutoff denim
shorts you ever saw and drinking lemonade. She greeted
us with hugs and kisses. Then we went inside to
exchange gifts.


Kim opened up a box and it was Victoria Secret stuff
and body lotion. I remember getting a pain in the pit
of my stomach as these two girls still had some
feelings for each other. They kissed and as they both
had moved to drinking harder stuff, the kiss was a wee
bit too long for my heart to take. I stood up to go
outside, I was dizzy, angry and sad. I heard Kim say
my name and ask what was wrong as the floor seemed to
tilt forward and slam into me. I guess I passed out.

I woke up in the car as Kim was driving. I could tell
she was mad at me cause she kind of just stared off at
the road as we drove. Maybe she was thinking about
Lucy. Maybe while I was asleep they made out. I don't
know, I was mad.

Suddenly Kim says, "We're almost here."

I look and we are pulling up to Lucy's house. Lucy is
on the porch drinking lemonade and waving at us.

I said, "What are we doing?"

"Don't be silly we're here to see Lucy."

Had I dreamed that we'd been here? I grabbed Kim by
the arm and told her we'd already been here, but she
looked at me funny.

We got out and Kim told Lucy what I had said and they
both ganged up on me making fun of me.

We went inside and on the floor and on the couch were
the presents and the paper wrapping all laying around.
The gifts were opened and these two started thinking
there had been a robbery.

They seemed out of their minds.

I told them we unwrapped them and had just been there.
I showed the the drinks and glasses and wine that they
drank.

Needless to say, Kim and I broke up not long after and
she and Lucy dated again for a spell. I hear you tell
Brad about your lesbian friends, so I know you know
what I mean when I tell you dykes are just crazy
bitches.

About three years later Kim came to me one night and
told me she had been having weird dreams about ufos
and aliens and said she had been hypnotized for some
work related injury and relived the whole thing.

It seems aliens were in the process of examining Lucy
when we arrived and waited on us as we partied, then
we were traumatically frightened by the alien
creatures as the walked suddenly into the living room
from the back bedrooms.

With some kind of silver wire they touched Lucy on the
forehead shocking her to the floor. I too was knocked
out then Kim. We were taken aboard a spaceship sitting
behind Lucy's above ground swimming pool.

The three of us and a man and his daughter from a few
miles down the road were examined on board.

I couldn't believe it when she told me this and I
swear if I hadn't been high as a kite on weed when she
told me this, I would have kicked her ass out.

Later Lucy also backed up the story by saying the
aliens implanted us with the story that it never
happened, put us in the car and told us to drive, but
some how we came back thinking we hadn't been to
Lucy's yet.

The three of us one weekend talked all about it at my
apartment and then Lucy wanted to show us some scars
she felt, but couldn't see for herself on her