Happy New Year!!!

I just know 2005 will be a great year!

Unless you are like some of those friends of mine that got fired just before the Holidays. But then if your employers loved you THAT much, who needs them anyway?

Whatever.

This is where I spent my New Years night. Crossroads. I found myself at the crossroads wondering which direction to take. Leave? Or Stay?

I stayed thinking there might be a slim chance that I could find the woman I have always been waiting for...

Or maybe just some skank that wouldn't mind kissing me at midnight.

I know God would hook me up if it were in his power, but I doubt God has any better control over women than any of the men I met tonight.

Every couple I met, seemed to be having trouble with one another. There were fights. Screaming. Sadness. Attempts by women to make their men jealous. And all that followed by crying and vomiting.

Some girls tonight had their cleavage exposed.

Maybe some of the women were wanting a simple kiss as much as I was...

Maybe they were too scared to ask to dance as I was...

There wasn't really any music to dance to, unless you can dance to Metal and that I would like to see you do gracefully.




Some girls had pretty tops that glowed in the Blacklight in the darkened bedroom of the after party.

Where nothing at all happened.

Blacklights are great if you happen to be carrying a lint-brush.

There was one woman who was put up somehow to kiss me, either as a prank, a dare, or was simply paid to do so.

I didn't see it coming. She grabbed me. I didn't even get to see her. I have no idea what she looked like. I have no info on her medical record. She jammed her tongue into my mouth. Me, a totally stranger. How many tongues had she been on before me? How many dicks before my kiss? How could she do this?

I should have carried some Listerine in that travel-size container.

I guess I should be thankful that she kissed me, but now I have no idea who she was...

No slipper left behind for me to find her with...

No monogrammed handkerchief to trace her initials...

But there is plenty of DNA evidence left in my mouth.

I'm hoping she's a sweet gal who was caught up in the moment, like when WWII ended and there was kissing in the streets, or when Scott Peterson was found guilty.



These girls were onstage with me to welcome in the New Year. One began stripping and while I was distracted the other one riffled through my pants looking, unfortunately for only my wallet.

I am too shy to follow through and ask a girl out when she's going through my wallet.

I need to stand up and ask for what I want in life!

I want to blow a load onto your face!

No. That's not what I really want in life. I can't believe I said that! Please realize, I'm still drunk as I type this...

I want a wonderful relationship with a smart woman, or girl... But tonight, every dude I saw with a women was clearly having troubles with them. Or the women were having troubles with their man.

Who wants that?

I've been married. I've been there. I've seen that tired, eye rolling, sighing, throwing and breaking dishes and crashing cars...

I'd just like to have someone sweet to talk about things with... Things and stuff! Simple things. Small things.

Nothing heavy!




The crowd welcomed me with open arms and open legs and extended fingers.

They are all so wonderful!

You special, sick, dirty, sweaty, unwashed people...

I love you!

I love from afar, though.

There is safety behind my microphone. In my anti-bacterial handcleaner. Inside my condom.

Here in the open, I'm vulnerable.

Exposed to the elements.

Disease.

Viruses.

Bullets.




Yet, somehow this is what I want and deep down crave.

Mommy and Daddy didn't love me enough. Possibly hated me. Tried to kill me.

Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed then what does that tell us about God?

We are a generation of men raised by women. I am wondering if another woman is the answer we need.

I want love. To be loved. To be needed. Can this crowd provide that for me?

I doubt it.

Unless I have free t-shirts and CD's to throw out to them.



I had several people ask me tonight about my friend Aaron.

I have just now found out that he is in fact alive!

I still have not spoken with him, but friends looking out for him and friends at Fox sent me the proof I needed to know that he is okay.

2005 is starting off just great!

But now, I have a burning, tingly feeling on my tongue...

Well, I guess I needed some man-time. Wanted to hang with the boys. Man-o-ahh-man-o...

I was watching the News to see if my friend Aaron would be mentioned as a survivor of the horror in Thailand.

Nothing.

I miss him and am so worried. I know his family must be so upset. I can't bring myself to talk to them.

I know Aaron would try and contact us in some way if he could.

Our friend Steve also is upset. I was on the phone all day and night with him trying to figure out what to do.

So many listeners have stepped up to the plate and sent me links, numbers, and addresses to organizations that could possibly help. I tried them all. I guess I will just have to wait.

I tried driving to LA. It was raining and I was worried that there would be snow up in the mountains where I'd have to pass through to get to my other home.

I was listening to an old radio drama called "X-Minus-One" in my car. In the dark. In the rain. The windshield wipers sounding like a heartbeat.

The radio show episode was written by James Gunn from my hometown of Kansas City. It is called "Cave of Night" and it's about a radio host that is doing a story about an astronaut trapped in a spaceship in orbit around Earth and how there is no money to send a rescue.

I turned the car around and headed back to Fresno.

I wish I had money to fly to Thailand right now! I just know I could find him.

But it's all silly really... Isn't it?

I couldn't do any more than what they are doing over there now. It's such a disaster, so huge, so epic... There's just no way I can wrap my mind around it.

I want to bury these horrible thoughts and sadness in a mass grave.

I was talking with my brother on the phone about it all. It just seems so Biblical. There maybe over 200,000 deaths. That's like one big city gone.

Okay...

Where did I put those nude pictures that those cute girls e-mailed me?

Ever since I started posting pictures from listeners, expecially their ass shots, the competition has increased.

I have found that the girls are very competitive here and feel their asses are better than the others.

Now that to me sounds like a contest!

So, here are a few of the latest ass pictures that I have received...






I know you must be as tired of seeing ass pictures as I am...

Subject: Re: Jerrys love life

--- Krystal wrote:

Jerry,

No strings attached kind of a thing. Two people
that have fun together. Maybe go out to dinner every
once and a while. Or just stay in and try out that
inversion table. Then you can add that to the list
of odd places where you've done it.
On that note have a great day. Keep up the great
work. I always listen to you guy in the morning
while I'm working at my boring job.

Krystal

This girl is totally hot! I just know it. I have seen a small picture of her in the past, but I could tell she was cute. I can't wait to hook up with her in some capacity, just because I know my older brother will freak-out because he hates when I date anyone his daughters ages or younger...

This chick is 20 years old! And one of the few girls in Fresno that hasn't already been married or have six kids.






I might be going back to LA this weekend to pack up more stuff from my place there.

I hope I don't get shot when they start shooting in the air on New Years.

I saw "The Aviator" as you probably know and totally dug it. I might see it again...

I've been writing a new horror film script that I might be making through the radio stations as a contest for listeners to act in... that might be fun to do.










2005 looks like it might be a good year for me! I've had it rough for a while and I'm ready to have some fun finally.

I spent Xmas all alone... That kinda blew. I'll probably be alone on New Years too... I hate that, but I have only myself to blame. People have asked me to show up at their parties, but I'm still a bit shy. I don't know why?
I just am.

I guess that's why deep down inside... I really like girls to send me nude pictures of themselves. Cause I would never do that and that for some reason turns me on...

Man, I am so excited!!!

As you can see, the fine people at Apple who have given us great things like, iMac, iTunes, iPod, iChat...

Have blazed another trail similar to their U2 iPod marketing plan and created for yours truly the iJerry!

Fuckin' A!

iJerry!

That's me!

That's my silhouette!

Soon you may be able to download me and do with me what you will.

I'm cute. Sweet. Soft. Round, and that's a pleasing shape say the geniuses at Apple when it comes to design.

Thanks goes out to Steve Kellener for taking the idea to Steve Jobs and all the other Steves at Apple!

I have received so many e-mails and nice calls from people genuinely concerned about my friend Aaron who is in Thailand.

With the death toll rising, everyone is so worried about how his death might affect me.

People know I'm very close to him.

People know I get depressed.

He has helped me out so many times you wouldn't believe what he's done for me. I owe him so much money for all that he's invested in me. He's made me laugh. He's produced artwork for me. He's been my straight man in my stupid jokes. He's killed me in jokes and pranks of his own. He's passed on great stories about all sorts of wonderful and even scary things.

I have been told I am in his Will. I wish I had something for him in mine.

I am told I am a beneficiary in his Insurance Policy. Unbelievable.

He has told me many times, "If something happens to me, get to my house and take what you can before everyone fights over it."

If he isn't found, I will never get to pay him back for all that I owe him.

I will get a large settlement from the Insurance Policy.

I will get to raid his house for all that I can load up.

These things mean nothing to me at this very second. But I am very touched by the warm emotions and prayers people who visit my site have passed on to me. Offers of help, hope, kindness, dates for New Year's Eve, shoulders to cry on, nude pictures to distract me from my sadness...

The New people in my life are amazing. Kind. Sweet. Weird.

The attention I've been getting from local press asking for info on my friendship with an American lost in Thailand is immense. I have not responded to their inquiries, but may if it will help find my friend.

At lunch today a very attractive lady from the radio station where I work put her arms around me and held me tight. She was very maternal. Caring. Giving. She smelled really good and has real nice breasts.

She held me so hard I felt one breast slip upwards like I was a corset on her too tight.

She offered to pay for the meal. I let her.

I wished I had ordered more, but I thought I would be paying.

She offered me dinner. Homemade food at her place.

I said I would think about it. I later passed.

She put her number in my coat pocket and told me, if I wanted to stay over at her place so I wouldn't be alone, just call her...

Tonight at home, someone figured out where I live and left a box of Chocolates by my door with a note of Condolences.

If Aaron is ever found, I'm not sure I will let my World know it. Things are going good for me now, but I was thinking what I would do with all of the Insurance money...

I sure as hell wouldn't go to some Third World Country like Aaron did.

My friend Aaron as many of you know from visiting this page, loves Thailand and it's people and culture...

Well, he's in Thailand now and he has not yet been able to contact us as to his safety from the tidal waves that have taken at last count nearly 14,000 lives.

I've e-mailed him, called him, and Steve, our friend has SMSed him whatever that means... They both are rather technical.

Anyway... Nothing yet.

He would think it funny and sad if I worried about him as I regularly do...

Maybe all communications are down and he's trying...

There are many horrible stories coming out of that area...

Aaron has great timing.

Checkout Aaron's past adventures in Asia by visiting his website:

Chimptested.com

If you are one to Light Candles, or say Prayers... Please do.

How I spent my Xmas!

Or as I like to call it, "The Day Chinese Restaurants Make the Big Bucks."

They certainly seem to be the only ones open.

The food places here could have been makin' big money next to the cinemas, cause they were packed!

Those that know me, know I got a bit of the old OCD...

Okay, there I said it.

I know I got some problems with shaking hands, washing hands, touching door knobs, crowds, turning off the TV or radio only on a positive note, eating the same food everyday or my World ends in tragedy, kissing, being sneezed on, being coughed on, eye contact, oh and living in this World.

Anyway those are just a small sampling of the fun I am...

So what gift do I give myself on this blessed of Days?

That's right...

"The Aviator"

I loved it!

And after seeing it, I came home, collected all my Kleenex, bottles of my urine that I save, threw them away and made myself stop saying, "Way of the Future."

Go see it with a loved one who has OCD and maybe you'll be a lil' more understanding.

Or not...

This is Francine.

She works at the station. Doing what, I'm not sure. She's very nice, cool, funny and likes Star Trek.

She was showing me her cool boots.

They really are cooler looking than my picture here shows. I really was trying to get a shot of her boots and not look up her dress.

Okay, I had a peek. I won't show you those pictures. Nice.


Dear Jerry, I saw you sticking your tongue in
bellybuttons. I think more men should do that for
their girls. I heard you say one morning on your
show that you like the Military. That is very nice.
We need all the support we can get now. My whole
family is! My brother is a Marine and he's
marrying a Navy girl. Can you believe that?

I love your show and think you guys ROCK! And I
would love to get your tongue in my
button anytime you want. I'm so glad you moved
here!

Sgt. Tif Mather Army Aviation Support Facility (AASF)

-----------------

Wow! Sargent, I would love to drop and give you twenty or thirty... If I wasn't so weak. Thank you for all your work and pictures. You are the kind of Army I like to get behind! I don't believe your uniform is regulation, but who cares!?

Like a good boy atoning for my sins of the last few days, I lit some lights in my backyard.

Yeah, my life has been good as of late.

I was thinking how I was so sad and depressed for so long. It's really like God put a spotlight of success and happiness on me, to reward me for making my way through it all without taking my own life. I did think about it several times.

As always, I believe, if you are susceptible to thoughts of suicide, you should make sure you always leave some unfinished business around your place that you would be thoroughly embarrassed for the authorities to find after your remains are mopped up.

Mine is trashy Romantic paperbacks and porn.

I would hate to be a ghost, forced to watch as friends and family go through my things and find crap like that...

That's why I still live.

I just hope I don't get killed accidentally.

Then I'm screwed.

Stacey took me to a nice Mexican place in the Tower District.

This is her pretending to play a violin. She's mocking my worries and concerns by saying I whine too much.

Bitch!

I met her son and her dog and all of us walked around the area. I saw thrift stores. I saw theatres. I saw cafes. I saw Tea shops. I saw that Stacey's dog was very embarrassed to be walking around clothed.

Yes, Stacey puts clothes on her dog.

I know. Me too.

Her son was cool, goofy and also clothed, just not as good as the dog.

I believe I'm an artist. I believe what I do is an art!

As a radio personality, just one of my many artistic vocations, I feel my tongue is a paint brush and words are my pallet and what I paint is beautiful portraits... Of Hot Looking Chicks nearly nude with some body part of mine on them, or at least near them!




I hated that first tongue shot. The microphone shadow was in the way. I swear that's a microphone.

I also hated the way I looked. I could have been poking my tongue anywhere from the way that photo turned out.

So being the perfectionist artist I am, I asked for another try. She too is an artist and understands the needs of one who lives the life of the mind.

She was all too happy to lift up her garments and gentle press her smooth, clean and soft belly up against my hard stubbled face. I slowly moved my wet tongue out of my hot steamy mouth. Into her sweet round small belly button hole it slithered.

Gently now, Jerry. Don't scare her away. Don't let the tickle be too much at first. Don't make a mess in your pants.

Advice to the amateur photographer:

Make sure you have plenty of pictures, different angles, various poses. When you post your pictures on your porn site, viewers want variety and to get multiple shots, do what I just did; Lie to her and tell her something was wrong with the picture you just took and ask her to do it again.

I bet I asked 19 times to get it right. She did it again all those times. She's not easy, she's an artist.

I wish I could show you when just moments later when she removed all her clothing, not for more pictures by me, but when she took a Brillo pad and scrubbed all my DNA and germs from her angelic body.

Try your hand at posing for the cameraphone and e-mail me your results.

It's funny what can happen to me in the fog, after a few too many iced teas, passion pineapple fruity booze embedded drinks and a smoking hot goofy chick that encourages the bad boy inside me.

Stacey took this picture of me wizzing with perfect precision and water pressure.

I am available for parties and fire related rescues.

This is just wrong to do in public, but if you're as good as I am at aiming without spillage, somehow you'll be respected.

I went out with Stacey!

She totally rocks and just may be the coolest chick I've ever gone to Red Robin with!

Oh, but she's so much more than that!

She later took me to a place called, Logan's Steakhouse, or Roadhouse... Not sure. It was too foggy to read the sign on the building.

She introduced me to some fruity flavored iced teas that were so sweet, I couldn't taste all the booze that was in it.

Yes, I got drunk.

Yes, I started putting my hands all over her ass and making a fool of myself.

Yes, I went home alone.

She really is very funny, artistic, and probably will never talk to me again.

I just found out that, you can't eat your icecream and have it too.

I was so sick after this that I wanted so badly to throw up, but because it was rather expensive to buy, I thought it would be a waste to puke.

So I held it in. Like the man I am!

I bet John Wayne never barfed.

It was so foggy today, I could barely see the top of my xmas tree that I decorated outside in my backyard.

I'm not use to the thickness and the amount of fog we get here. It comes in fast and quiet.

I've never heard noisy fog, but I always imagine it being announced by a fog horn like in those old Sherlock Holmes movies of a London of yesterday.

When I was a kid, I thought all fog sounded like that.

Whenever a caller calls (cause that's what callers do) and asks, "Who did that last song you guys played?" I always answer, "Korn."

90 percent of the time I'm right!

I love this plane!

I pass by it every weekend to LA and back from LA.

I had to stop and jump the fence to climb in it.

I want to learn to fly so bad. I wonder if my fear of heights will cause me any great difficulty in that goal?

I wonder, will my flight instructors be curious when I tell them I only want to learn to fly, but care nothing of learning to take off or land?





Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

With a plane like this, I know chicks would dig me!

With a plane like this I could bomb something!

With a plane like this I would need a sexy flight attendant with a groovy uniform!

Maybe if I just got me a a sexy flight attendant with a groovy uniform and forget the plane, I would save money on learning how to fly.

Okay, I have to get ready for my January 1st start date for my New Fast!

This is the "Bottomless" fries from Red Robin!

Jen introduced me to the evil world of the Robin weeks ago. Now I am a daily customer, cause there is one right next to where I live.

I was asked to leave one day when I ordered the "Bottomless" fries and then asked if the waitress could serve me "Topless"...?
Then she laughed and said, "You first."

I pulled off my shirt.

It got a good laugh from almost everyone, but the manager escorted me out.

Thank God I already ate the Whiskey River BBQ Chicken Sandwhich, cause I didn't pay.

There really was no need for anyone to freak out. I wasn't completely nude.

I was wearing a bra!

This is two cool dudes!


This is Brad and my new friend Gabe.


Gabe handles the show I do with Brad and Jen called, "The Front Row," at KMRQ Rock 96.7 Modesto/Stockton. He's really a nice guy as all the people there are... They have a receptionist that is smoking hot there and should be part of their new calender.



All the e-mails and letters I've gotten from listeners in Modesto and the area around it, just goes to show me that they are really cool people who like to party, have fun, and introduce me to their sexy looking single friends and sisters.

I'm having a Goth Xmas I believe.


I like a Dark room with scary toys and a snowman that dies, melted and lived again.

There is suspence in not knowing what has been wrapped up in a pretty box.


Is it a head?

Is it an evil creature?

Is it an Xbox?

I hope all my evil dreams and wishes come true on the Xbox!

I didn't want to drive back to Los Angeles this weekend in the fog and the dark.

Instead I wanted to spend time doing things fun. I wanted to explore my new hood. I wanted to meet new people and make new friends. Find new places to eat and hang. I wanted to possibly find the next major love of my life.

I lit a candle.

Thought about God and Jesus.

Thought about how they might help me.

I wondered what Jesus would do if he wanted to get laid. Could Jesus get some in Fresno?

Of course he could, homie!

With Christmas so close, he's drop the hint that his B'Day was coming up and chicks dig that. People are very giving here.

I drop a few, "I don't have any plans on xmas, cause I know no one... Me all lonely here."

A few nibbles...

I wish I had Jesus hair, cause the heavy metal look still works here.

I wish I had Jesus abs cause who doesn't like a hard body? If you have a washboard stomach, chicks will overlook the lack of Jesus hair.

I lay in bed thinking about Jesus and how he might mentor me in ways of gaining a following, then I fall asleep for about 13 hours. I never leave my place. Nothing gets done. Candle burns out.

The company xmas party was fun!

All of Clear Channel was there, TV, Advertising, Radio...

I have a couple of pics. They're kinda dark, but one is a girl grinding her ass into me on the dance floor.

She's actually is a cute Hispanic chick that dragged me out there to dance. And at dancing I suck, but everyone appeared drunk, so who the hell even noticed me? You can't tell in the photo but she's a girl grinding into me. Next to her is a big dude grinding into me. His name is Coyote and I felt his junk up against my leg.

I counted the minutes till I could scour my body with disinfectant.

I've had so much attention from the ladies here. I'll try and post some pics and portions of e-mails I've been getting. It really pays to have some amount of fame. No matter how small.

Some samples:

Subject:
Re: Jerry's Love Life

Hey Jerry,

I would have to agree that a shaved head is a total
babe magnet.

When I heard you had a bald head, it made you more
attractive. I think you have a very sexy voice on the
radio and look very sexy. I hope you have fun at the
christmas party.

Kim
---------






Welcome

You crack me up! Jenn said you like lesbians, I'm not
all the time, but just for fun with my friend. She
likes you too and said we should be in a Jerry's Girls
video. Are you a River Park snob now? What do you want
for Christmas? This is me and my Kerri trying to stick
her toungue down my throat. Yuck! Pleez e-mail me
back! I'm bored!

Carri
------









Hey babe I would love to go to your Christmas party.
But dont ask me to dance.
---------

















Why can't I get a picture of your eyes on the web so we
can see them?  I bet you are more attractive without
those huge dark glasses.  You may have better luck
fucking me if I could see your eyes.

Welcome to Fresno. 

Long time listener

Allison
-----------------

This a very small sampling of the e-mails I've been getting. I'm not bragging, I just think it's all wonderfully weird. If you can, get famous somehow. Not Scott Peterson famous, but famous in some way and pussy will be thrown at you.

I have not had any sex, though many offers, including a few last night, have arrived. I don't feel so comfortable with my body right now, but now I have a good reason to fix that....

I'll be up late working here at my new place typing out my letter to the producers of, "The Swan" if you wanna e-mail.

Lately, my life has been a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, dreams...

I feel there is a ghost in my new place. I feel it. I hear things. I can feel the slightest touch on my shoulder while I sleep, or stare at my xmas lights.

When Jen, Brad and I went to Modesto to have a meeting and introduce me to the various aromas I would have to pass through before getting there, I met some really cool and great people from KMRQ Rock 96.7 and also Jen's lil' boy who was so cute, funny and sweet!

I had a blast!

Okay. I swear she's not a stalker. She's just really cool and funny.

Stacey wrote:

OK as far as wanting to meet people goes; here is my
take on what you got(or dont got) goin on. First of
all, you are going to Modesto for lunch, not
vacation.

Second, if Jen is taking her son, you're
not going to be there late, and you're not going to
be partying at strip clubs. So I figure late lunch
and some site seeing (there s a lot of that in
Modesto) puts you back in Fresno, with bad traffic ,
by 6 or 7. I realize how exhausting sitting down (in
the car) can be, but give me a break. If you are to
have friends, you must want friends. If you want
friends, you must be a friend. If you want to be a
friend you have to take chances instead of naps. I
don't think you will turn into a pumpkin if you're
out past 8 or 9. Come on Jerry make me an offer. If
you're lucky I'll honor your offer and all night
long it will be "honor offer honor offer" HEHE I
love that one! Anyway, get a grip, call me, stop
being a weasel. I doesn't have to be a late night or
a long visit, but we need to get this first meeting
out of the way before i get cold feet or lose
interest or die of old age.

Luv Luv Stacey

I don't think she's a stalker at all, but if you are a Profiler and know the score, please e-mail me privately on what your thoughts are...

I'm such a loser I fall for any girl that even looks at me.

That's why it's dangerous for me to be out in public and why porn is so safe.

There is a really cool girl named Stacey that writes, sends in pictures and calls into the show. She's not a groupie as far as you know and you better not call her that!

I like her because she gone out of her way to be friendly and offer sex to me when no one else really stepped up to the plate here in Fres-No. I have yet worked up the nerve to go out and have drinks with her, or anyone really...

She wrote:

hey Jerry,
I was starting to wonder if
maybe you were just a mythological figure, concocted
up by Brad and Jen and voiced over by some station
unky. No harm no fowl on Thursday night. I took a
wing man of sorts with me. And we just hung out and
had a few drinks. I really didn't expect you to show
up. I'm sure it's kind of intimidating. Your morning
pals are putting a lot of pressure on you and your
sexual exploits. I'm really not down to just get laid.
AND I WAS NOT BENT OVER WITH MY ASS
AGAINST THE SCREEN!!! LOL.

I know your not down to
play on school nights but we're gonna have to meet
half way on this. Sat and Sun are not usually
weekends for me. How bout Thursday night, but not
too late. Thursday in the Tower there is usually
something going on. Meet for Casual drinks? I'll
make sure and get you good directions, and now you
have my cell number. I can meet friday, but thursday
is better. Hope your trip to LA was ok! Find a fat
chick with a pick up to move your shit? I'll talk soon,

LUV LUV....Stacey

Ladies? This is how to e-mail me. I get many like this almost everyday, but most are by Stacey. I don't believe she's a stalker and I think stalking per se has received a bad rap. I'd say she's persistant and with that kind of drive, you just know she must be wild and freaky in bed.

Maybe she will tell me if she is...

But I never kiss and tell.

Oh okay.

I guess I do.

I am having a fun time learning about the area and want to meet new friends. I have barely left Blackstone Ave since I've moved here. Just from home to work, work to home...

But as you can see, I put up my xmas tree and lit the lights. Hard work, but now must rest.

I have no internet access but at the station, so I doubt I will get to download porn over the weekend.

--- A cool chick named Jane wrote:

Hm....

I checked out your website...

apparently you post pics and correspondence on your
website...

should I be concerned that our emails will somehow
end up as reading material
for the general public?

So, have you found a maid yet?

Incidentally, I'm not French, (although I do enjoy
watching good French
movies w/ English subtitles) and I don't look
anything like Sophia Loren, but I do
have experience in housecleaning. Perhaps you will
consider hiring me as a
maid? (I promise not to speak what little Spanish I
know and burst out in
laughter when you or anyone else enters a room).

Jane

Dear Jane,

I will not post any nude pics you send me, but others
I might if it's okay with you.

And just to prove that I won't, you can send me a nude
pic of yourself just to see if I do.

I have not yet found a maid, nor have I had SBC hook
up my DSL.

I eagerly await your reply and photos,

Jerry

Candace wrote:

> i happen to like chimpo,
>even though he is a stupid
> ass, but when you said
> that his sister sounded like a dude, that was just
> mean.
>i cant beleive you
> would say that. saying you sound like a dude for any
> girl is just horrible, and to
> say that you have a higher pitched voice then she
> did was just wrong,
>no
> wonder you cant get laid.
>

I too like Chimpo, I just met him in person today. I like him a
lot and don't find him to be stupid at all.

It would be mean if it was her I was originally
talking about, before Brad and Jen ran with it. I
didn't hear her in my headphones when they started
talking to Courtney. The voice I heard was Brad's, so
I was thinking I would hear a girl's voice, but I
heard Brad.

(backpeddling here...)

Then after it all started I too just ran with it. But
she does have a rather deep voice.

By saying that, would mean I feel I have a girly
voice.

I doubt that Courtney having a deep voice has any
bearing on me getting laid.

But I hear that Chimpo's dad has a very high voice.
Now that being said, it's no wonder I'm not getting
laid.

Thanks,

Jerry
=====
My friend Marshall Such sent me this joke:

A three year old little boy was examining his
testicles while taking a bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"
Mama answered, "Not yet."

I like that one. There hasn't been much of me getting out. Being in a new place has me a bit scared to go out and meet new people again. It's hard for me. I'm really very shy.

So, I just read, write, lay in bed and play with my nuts.

This is my friend Chimpo! He's huge in Modesto and Fresno. Hell, he's huge anywhere. This is him just before he pushed me to the ground, sat on my head and farted.

Other than that, I think he's very talented.

He did it just to defend his sister's honor when I accidently said his sister didn't sound like a female on the phone. It was a mistake. I'm sorry about that and it's not just because he hurt me, though that did help me say "I'm sorry" with much more urgency.

I believe now, his sister sounds completely like a female.

Still without DSL and a computer.

I am borrowing this one.

I have plenty of pics to post, however am unable to do so now.

I have a few new/old posts below without pics, but soon as soon as SBC visits me, we'll be rocking...

I think.

Guess where I am?

Okay...

No.

No.

No, not there either!

I'm at the station! Using the internet. I bet this makes me look like a model employee showing up on Sunday.

I'd look like a fashion model employee if I only had Tyra Bank's help.

LA sucked, by the way, in case you didn't know. I almost got robbed as I was walking to my car, which was loaded to the roof with my crap, there was a guy walking around my car with his face pressed to the glass looking in. I think I scared him and his friend more than they scared me.

I'll tell ya about it later.

In LA for just a few hours to pack up more crap I left behind and don't want or need. Yet, I find myself hauling it to my new home.

I stop off for drinks and Thai girls with Aaron at Hollywood Thai and listen to the Thai version of The Crannberries' Zombie.

As I drive around Hollywood, I see many places I have passed by everyday when I lived her, but did not explore. Now, I would like to visit these places because I'm not here and am afraid I will have missed something that might have been wonderful. I would stop and venture in right now, but many of these locations are closed and breaking in, while fun and exciting might cause trouble for me. My car is too heavily loaded down to make a quick getaway now, unlike before when I could almost peel out and hit a top speed of 60MPH in less than 60 Minutes.

I guess I don't need to see these places anyway. If they wanted me to, they would have invited me in, opened the gates, locked up the guard dogs, woke up the Playmates and poured me some drinks.

I don't need Hollywood anymore I have Fresno and anyone with half a brain up their ass knows Fresno is the best place to be when you want to meet people who smoke weed and take nude photos of themselves all day long and are sweet enough to e-mail them to me!

Fridays are the best!

After the show, I head home after saying goodbye to all my new coworkers. I skip out to my car happily leaving them wondering "Who the hell is that guy?"

Then I nap for a few and wake up after the sun has nessled itself beyond the fields of crops and manure.

I wash up and hit the road for some fantastic late night driving to Los Angeles!

Driving in the early AM is the best!

That's when the only drivers on the long stretch of road between here and there are drunks, serial killers and the CHP.

Time flies when I drive late and early. There's one point where radio reception just stops on AM and FM, so I either pop in an old radio drama like, "Lights Out" or I begin playing games like seeing how far I can drive without headlights.

That's a fun game!

And it's funny to suddenly flip the headlights on and see the startled reaction of the wildlife that I nearly hit.

This is my friend Brad and I about to terminate some evil doers. I would have been better at fighting crime if Brad wasn't such a smoker. My eyes were raw from the combination of second hand smoke and the garlic fumes from the garlic fields we passed through to Modesto.

Thank Gawd it's almost Friday!

Still without internet access and or my own computer. I do get your e-mails, read and enjoy them immensely.

As far as pics go, posting them on my webpage has been slow without DSL.

Life still good for me here in Fresno and I'm having a blast. Need to get a local map though as I'm spending too much time just driving around aimlessly.

I've never lived in a city where I've had to make so many U-Turns.

Getting to Modesto is also a goal of mine. I use to be on the air there via satellite when I did a classic rock show for ABC Cap Cities/ Radio Network. My letters from listeners in Modesto were always great!

Besides, I love George Lucas and he's from there!

My Program Director at KMRQ Rock 96.7 is Jack Paper and he seems really cool and hopefully we'll get to meet soon. I am told Modesto and Stockton women rock!

--- Willow wrote:

Hey Jerry!

Enjoy hearing you on the Front Row. I'm glad they
found you.

Excellent answer on the Han/Greedo question, not
everyone realizes there was a re-edit of that scene.

You're excused from the essay.

So I've been reading your blog off and on and
viewing the self protraits you produce with your
camera phone. I'm seeing your photograph and it's
been bothering me that you look like someone.
Couldn't place it until you said "Goth."
Then it hit me. You remind me of Mr. E, the bass
player for The Children of the Plague.
www.thechildrenoftheplague.com

Could you have someone smack a bloody handprint on
your head? You know, just so I can get a better
comparison.

Oh, and the only band that ever really mattered- the
Clash.

Be well.
Willow