I will be going back to LA this weekend to pack up more crap. Would love to see Aaron and Steve and maybe some strip clubs.

Also, Kelli will be in town,(LA) so I hope she can get some time off her work to visit me. She is so cool!

How hard is it going to be for me to date, or at least have sex with a beautiful gal like her? She's rich, sexy, travels the World and has every Marc Jacobs shoe ever made!

I'm really having a great time in Fresno! People have been recognizing me already just from being on the radio.

One gal at Borders saw my name on my credit card and linked me to the show, so we hit it off well. But now she has my card numbers!!!

My new friend Chazz, the internet guru has put a link to me on the Front Row website and I've been getting tons of e-mails. Some even with nude pictures of various listeners.

I've been asking on the air, where are the cool hangouts and what is cool to do around here...?

All I've been able to figure out from the e-mails is:

People love to smoke weed and take nude pictures of themselves.

A woman named Mona Lentz e-mailed me wondering if we were related. I thought she may have heard me on the radio, but it turned out she lives in the South. She wrote:

All of the Lentz' I know, about 258 so far
are from Mississippi. I am the oldest of the
grand children. My father is the oldest of
children and his father the same.

Makes my oldest, the oldest of Great grand
children and her child the oldest of great
great grand children. How about that?

Mona Lentz

Then I have to be a jackass and write:

Hey! My dad is from Mississippi!

Maybe we are related! I guess that means
we can't date each other. But then again,
Mississippi is the South...

How horrible is that? She's probably a sweet 97 year old lady just wondering if we are related, cause she either Googled, "Lentz" or "Lentz Porn" or "Lentz in the Nude" and found me.

Thanksgiving Turkey Hawaiian style.

One of the cool things about my new gig, is that I have many new gigs packaged with it!

In addition to KRZR in Fresno, I'm also on mornings in Modesto made famous as George Lucas' hometown and the background for "American Graffiti."

Jerry:

Figured I'd reach out on e-mail first. I'm sure the
whole moving thing has got you running around crazy.
Just wanted to say welcome to the team and I look
forward to working with and getting to know you.

Your 'partners in crime' are great people and you're
going to love working with them. Reach out when you
get a second so we can formally
introduce ourselves.

WELCOME to the Rock 96-7 Fam!!!

Jack Paper
KMRQ Rock 96-7
PD/MD
Modesto/Stockton CA

How cool is that?!!

I've already been contacted from other markets interested in picking up the show for their stations. Some of them I've worked with before and know me pretty well. We'll see.

As soon as I get a bit more settled and have shut down operations in Los Angeles, I will be focusing on some film and TV work in Fresno.

I've been getting mail from actors and bands that want to work with me on various projects.

I think this new year will be very busy for your snuggle boy. I will be busy, but never too busy for you.

Okay, enough about me, How you doing?

Aaron and I crossing the street next to Premiere Radio Network where George Noory and Phil Hendrie work and where we almost got our asses kicked by angry street bums.

A reader of this page refering to an earlier mention of a screen Goddess wrote:

Nice pics of Sophia Loren but isn't she Italian? I
didn't think she was Latin at all...maybe I'm wrong?

I'm not sure what I wrote way back then. I could go back and reread it, but who really gives a shit?

I thought she was Italian for many years, but was told by biographers that she is Latin. Later, it was explained to me she was in fact Native American Indian. This I was told by a California Indian Gaming Commissioner.

Weird, isn't it?

Oh who cares. She was still a hot piece of ass no matter what.

And she had no tatoos!

If you do, I have to see a picture of you and your tattoos. Almost all my friends have them, but even though I know some good artists, I've never found any one image that I felt powerful about.

I change my mind about things so much, I'd hate having some stupid picture that I'd learn to hate stuck on me.

I love some I've seen on others and think they're pretty cool, just never had a story I wanted on my skin.

One of my best friends has the stars next to her eyes and behind her ear.

I should be back in Fresno soon. I dread that drive back. It really seems long now. I got stuck in the Holiday traffic.

Horrible!!!

The best way to do the drive is at 3AM when only vampires, aliens and horny truck drivers are out.

Many of the young actresses that come to me to help shape their future careers in the food service industry are from Latin cultures.

Many of them I take under my wing and with my guidance, destroy any good self image they may have had.

Well, I found a place in Fresno. Almost moved in. Got my own garage. Two bathrooms. Water fountains. Porch. Still need to find a maid. Live-in, or weekly visit. French or Spanish. Makes no difference to me.

But no more House Boys!

Still in LA for Thanksgiving.

However, while driving into Fresno, I heard one of my new KRZR partners Brad and his Turkey murdering story and was so disturbed I have decided I can't work with him!

My new goal for the upcoming year is to get him fired, just for telling that story on the air and making me gag.

It's not so much the slaughtering of such an innocent and sweet creature of God, but the fact Brad got turkey blood in his eye while doing it.... EEeewwww! Yuck!

Who knows how that's affected Brad's DNA?

Anyway...

Happy Day after Turkey-day to you and yours!

I'm all alone at Roman's. Thank God they are open! Cause me all hungry!

Me and Brooke. Damn we look good!

If I wasn't old enough to be her... Older brother, and she didn't think I was all creepy and everything, I bet we would have more sex than we do. Which is none.

But her movie career is way more important to her than settling down with me, or the boyfriend that's going to kick my ass when he sees this...

I'm an open book. Not a great book, but say an open book that's fun to read.

Like an old trashy paperback.

Driving back and forth between LA and Fresno has giot me to thinking to myself, "Man, what's that smell?"

Then after it passes and just before another wave of methane aromas hits the vent of my car, I think, "I hope I can make a lot of cool new friends, have parties, and live life to the fullest!"

How will anyone get to know me? The real me?

Ask me a series of detailed questions and if they are good, I will think about answering them.

To just start blurting out crap would be a vulgar display of power.

Also, you know what I look like from this here blog where I just blurt out crap in a vulgar display of my power...

I'm not so interested in hot looking people, being that I'm constantly surrounded and bored by them. But if you are hot looking, I won't judge you. Or objectify you.

I'd like a pic of you. Possibly one with you either in a bathing suit, or panties.

Just kidding!

You don't have to be wearing those things, nothing at all is fine.

My friend's car is so pimped out he can watch porn, drink, and get taken for a ride all at the same time.

This is really great! Me like alot!

My car came apart like this, danced across the highway, but never went back together properly.

My future car!

Sitting in traffic so many times, I wished my car could do this.

Thanks goes out to Steve Kellener, for hooking up with me at CalPizKitch tonight!

Man, it is so boring in my filthy nearly empty apartment.

There has been hardly any e-mails with nude pics inside sent to me tonight.

Alone in my apartment with no where to sit and no spanking material.

Fresno? Here I come!

This is Liz.

She told a friend of mine that she thought my webpage was weird.

I was at first hurt. Then I may have cried. Then I thought about all the people who have died in war.

Then I felt better.

I asked her about it later and she seemed shocked. She said she never said that. Maybe she felt bad that whoever she told that to in confidence would tell me.

People just can't keep secrets.

Sometimes I get horrible letters from people who are mad because I posted a picture, or letter they sent me:

Jerry, I really liked you when I first read your
page after hearing about you on KRZR. I read
your webpage and believed I found someone
who was not only talented, but also friendly and
funny and could be a friend.

I told you a personal thing about me and my
sexuality. Then you posted a picture of me. What
if one of my coworkers or worst one of my family
had seen it?

Be very careful, Fresno isn't Los Angeles, people
here know each other like in a small town. And they
may not be as forgiving as they are in LA.

And I also get letters like this:

Hey asshole! I sent you the picture of me with my booby
sticking out for you, not all your fag friends to jerk off to.
I should be glad you didn't post the other ones. If I see my
crotch on your webpage, you'll meet my Dad in the radio
station parking lot. He will not be as nice about it as I am.

Sometimes I get nice e-mails and pictures too. Today just wasn't one of them.

This is the famous comedian, Livia Squires and her friend Or.

I ran into them at Roman's and had a great time talking with them. Or is so cool and likes the same movies that I like.

Livia seemed perturbed by past mentions of her in these pages. Oh well... I won't write about her anymore then.

Comics can be so depressing and self absorbed. Not that she's like that or anything.

Wait...

That sounds like me I'm talking about.

Maybe I should try comedy. I look funny, so I'm already part of the way there.

I found that Fresno has a huge Goth scene! I've always been big into Goth. When you look like me... Who else will have you?

Hey Fresnogoth,

Just wanted to say "Hi" and introduce myself...

I've only been to Fresno once, but start work
next Monday and hopefully will make friends.

I love your site and feel I have some connections
to the scene. I was in a Penis Flytrap video for the
movie, "Dead Hate the Living." I was also involved
in many horror films. I did some work for Gothic
Beauty, Rue Morgue, and College Circle.
I've made some Goth fetish videos, "Angry Blue
Planet" and videos with lots of bands.

Anyway, as soon as I move in and settle a bit, I
want to find the cool scene to hang in...

Later,
Jerry

Hey Jerry,

I see that you will be working with Jen & Brad on the
Front Row Morning Show! Jen and Brad are acquaintances
of mine, although we have been out of touch.

I used to work with Brad's brother at Hobbs Grove
Halloween attraction www.hobbsgrove.com. I was their
PR guy for about 3 years.

Jen used to help out at Hobbs with sound and I was
once a guest on the Front Row show a few years ago.
Although I'm usually sleeping in the morning
hours I listen and laugh my ass off every time I can
catch it.

Definitely I'll check out the films you have worked on.
Anyone I cross paths with that has worked successfully
in the Halloween/Goth industry I like to check out their
work. All of which I find very admirable.

When you can make it out to the club let me know
and ill add you + a guest to the guest list!

Its great knowing more people are coming out
and discovering what's going on here in town.

Fresnogoth and Futureshockk have only barely celebrated
our 2 year mark, but its been a great 2 years.

I'm a huge Dinah Cancer fan, which guy are you in
the video? That's such a funny video, I love it!

Its always cool to meet people that have worked on
interesting projects and ghoulish endeavors.

Once you are all settled in Email us and we can meet
up with you at a cafe or something. We have a very
friendly scene and I'm sure you will get to know
people very shortly.

Looking forward to meeting you!

-Maverick

Hey Maverick,

Thanks for the quick reply!

I'm very excited about living in Fresno. I'm worried
about meeting new friends. I hope I can make some new
friends.

I've received many e-mails from people who have
visited my webpage telling me about Club Fred and
Futureshockk. I can't wait to visit!

In the Flytrap video I play Uncle Fulci, the Nosferatu
type character. I also shot some of the footage for
the movie.

You might know the film SHRIEKER.
I did the narration on that and a ton of Full Moon horror films.

I'm sure I'll be adding pics from Futureshockk events
to my page as soon as I get there!

Later,

Jerry
==========

See? Meeting people is easy!

I hope I can meet some cute Goth girl. Well, maybe not cute, but mysterious.

But not bitchy!

Goth without attitude.

I dunno.

I like the Dark, but not if it's so depressing.

I guess I don't need to meet a Goth girl after all...

But if you are a cool Goth girl in Fresno, please e-mail me a picture so I can post it here, just to show people there are cool Goth girls in Fresno.

I'm not the only one driving a lot it seems. This is Kelli. She's so smokin' hot behind the wheel in her Dark sunglasses. I wish she were driving to me, but I know she's just driving men crazy.

I wish Kelli could be my Anna Karina. I wish I could be Jean-Luc Goddard. I'm watching his, "Vivre Sa Vie" right now.

I believe when I get a bit settled in Fresno, I will be able to make some more movies. Of course doing morning radio is enough, but I'm always trying to create. Writing, painting, filming, downloading porn, it's all creative.

My new boss calls me on my cellphone. I can barely hear him, but am somewhat afraid to let him know this... I fear it may look bad if I have poor signal reception. So I say, "Yes," to everything he says, or ask.

Who the hell knows what he's saying?

It's like when my friend and maid, Sierra would say "Jes" to everything I said. Then her cute 16 year old daughter would say, "Jerry, she doesn't understand what you are saying."

It became a game then. I would ask Sierra, "Sierra, can you really clean a carpet with a chicken?"

"Jes!"

"I want to marry your daughter when she turns 18, is that okay with you?"

"Jes!"

"Have you killed many men?"

"Jes!"

Okay, I know it's cruel, but don't think there haven't been times when I would walk into the room while she and her daughter were talking in Spanish, then see me and suddenly burst out laughing.

I would like to find a nice maid when I find a place in Fresno. Maybe even a live in maid, if I find a place with enough room. Maybe even a young French maid.

But she must be fluent in French cinema. Oh and be hot looking too!

But I've been told that if I keep posting thoughts like this here for women to read, my chances of actually meeting a woman that could possibly be lover material will not happen.

Maybe it's a defense to guard myself from being hurt by love.

Maybe I should be careful what I write.

Okay.

Maybe my new maid doesn't have to know much about French cinema.

This is Aaron, me and a friend at Johnny Rockets!

I just got home from playing Halo 2 at Aaron's house. Earlier I was at Roman's having a meeting with one of the owners, Sam and it seems I took his car keys.

Sam has a habit of tossing his keys on the table and walking away. The keys had total access to all his money!

Damn!

Aaron and I played Halo 2 until about 3 AM, then as I was about to leave found Sam's keys in my pocket. I had no idea they were his keys.

Aaron's cat Dominique freaked us out by letting the huge bulge on the side of her face pop and ooze blood out all over the couch and floor.

Gross!

Then I couldn't take it and left but when I got home the lil' Gray cat that hangsout at my apartment had a bloody scratch on the other side of its head from possibly a cat fight.

How weird is that?

There has been a bunch of cats here lately because there is one that's in heat.

I just thought it was strange.

Not as strange as the five minutes it took me to figure out I couldn't open my front door with Sam's Jaguar key that I found in my pocket.

Halo 2 RULES!!!

I was distracted...

More e-mails from Fresno:

Jerry,

Well I've been told I'm a kick to hang out with. I
have a funny sense of humor and usually give as good
as I get. I won't get mad if you talk about me on your
page, but I'm a little hard to handle and can be
brutally honest.

It takes a while for me to develop trust but I carry
no emotional baggage per se. I would like to hear an
educated man with honesty and integrity on krzr.

Brad told me about what you wrote on Tower,
you wont be a fag if you move there, but if
you drop your wallet don't bend over to pick it
up. hahaha.

This is the odd thing. But I'll tell you cause I think you care.
I am 33 and have never slept with a man. I thought I was a
lesbian till 9 months ago when... oh forget it.

I will tell you in person soon. I know you from your famous
Jerry webpage and know you will not judge me and can talk
about anything with you.

Are you going to see Korn? I was going with my friend but
we broke up but I have extra ticket if you want, it won't be like
a first date or anything but like a friend. I'm sure I will see
you around Fresno, cause I will read you daily posts to find
where you visit.

Stalkingly yours,

Dedra
=====

I always make friends with Lesbians no matter where I go. Butch Lesbians never give me the time of Day, but Lipstick Lesbians always turn out to be my best friends.

I've been driving back and forth between LA and Fresno. Driving is tough!

It's only something like 3 hours away. It takes me that long to get to Santa Monica from North Hollywood sometimes. But there is less to look at on the drive to Fresno.

When you get hungry there's plenty of great drive thrus to pull up to. That is if you're not a fan of "Supersize Me."

I have found myself getting the McChicken sandwich, which being something like chicken fools me into thinking it might be healthier.

I find my belly has grown. I need to workout. I hope there's a workout facility at my new place. When I find a place to live.

I want to really workout and get hot looking. It's a goal!

Being single in a new city, knowing no one is going to suck, so I want to help the odds of hooking up with a girl possible.

My LA friends are evil and have enabled me with the addiction of Halo 2 and the Xbox.

I do not want to be fat, bald and addicted to the Xbox all at the same time. One of those I'm okay with... Okay two of those I'm okay with...

Maybe I could get toned up with the Xbox. Other than just lifting the Xbox I could use help from Maya.

Maybe with her help it could be possible to hang with a girl like the one above.

Dear Jerry, Can't wait to listen to you on "The Wild Hare." This is my wild hair. My sister took this with her camera phone and I see you like camera pictures. This is me getting ready to go to Club Fred. You'll find out soon enough where you go when you get here.

Jen and Brad are cool, you'll fit in perfectly as I can tell because I've completely read your entire blog! You need help my friend and I'm your new Doctor.

If you need help decorating your new house, my favorite show is "Trading Spaces."

If you want a new friend e-mail me and I'll show you what you can do that's fun in Fresno.

Carly in Clovis

Thanks Carly!

Guys? This is just a small sampling of e-mails I'm getting from KRZR listeners and I haven't even been on the air yet.

I've been getting lots of e-mails from others in the radio industry congratulating me on my move.

George Noory host of "Coast to Coast AM" said, "Good for you, Jerry!!!"

There was even a couple of job offers from back East from two stations that are in the same company. They saw the press I was getting and remembered me from before but had lost contact.

Life is funny!

Thanks to Aaron, I already have some pranks in mind that my new friends Jen and Brad can pull on unsuspecting potty people.
RoboDump 1.0

There's probably a law against that...

Swedish Space Corp. workers carried out final preparations on a rocket that is due to be launched next week.

Maxus 6 is expected to be launched from a launch pad in Sweden.

If it is successful, the rocket will climb to an altitude of 441 miles, reaching the edge of space, and float weightless for about 12 minutes before falling back to earth.

Soon there will be Swedish Flight Attendants with cool looking uniforms walking up and down the aisles of the spaceship serving drinks.

I for one can't wait!

But now, I want my own RocketGrrl!

I want a Spaceage Chick!

Our love can be weightless, but we can be down to Earth too.

I don't want us burning up on reentry.

This is Jen.

She might be a Spacegirl, but I know her as a filmmaker who has a ghost in her house that likes to crawl into bed with her at night.

Really, can you blam the ghost?

As you can see by the ominous misty lights in the pic, spirits were all around us on that cold damp night.

I met Jen when her date and Aaron and I tried to see a screening of Wes Anderson's "The Life Aquatic."

I say try cause it never happened for any of us.

We did see the first five minutes about seven times as they never synced up the sound with the picture and they'd stop it, start it, stop it...

People left.

Some of us stayed.

Then we were all kicked out.

Not good.

But at least I got to meet Jen and hear her horror story of a ghost fondling her.

In some ways, that to me was better than seeing a movie... Now if only I convince Jen that I'm a ghost hunting scientist that needs to watch and videotape her preparing for bed to capture the evil molesting spirit.

I might need to watch Jen do everything she would do before bedtime.

Undress.

Shower.

Rub on lotion.

Dry her beautiful hair.

Slowly pick out panties and nightgown.

Quietly videotape her as she hears a noise outside the castle and with only a candle and see through teddy, she goes out into the garden to investigate.

I'm getting scared...

Go back to rubbing on the lotion part.

She'll never go for it. I'm no scientist. I have no diplomas in spooks.

I'm just a man,

A sad lil' man scared of the dark.

Yeah... I'm good.

Jealous?

I thought I'd spread the wealth around. A little to Out of the Closet. A little to the Salvation Army. A bit to Goodwill...

I know I shouldn't be giving all my stuff away. Watching the Clinton Library getting ready to open has made me wonder about how one can store all that stuff.

Will there ever be a Jerry Lentz Museum? Library? Archive?

Will I miss all the old radio shows that I did and saved, yet now have tossed away?

All my journals, photos, gifts, underwear...

How can one be free to roam the Earth like Kwai Chang Caine in "Kung Fu" with all that baggage?

Did Liam Neeson's Qui-Gon Jinn in "Star Wars" have a Public Storage to hold all his Jedi Awards and publicity pictures?

No.

These dudes were free. Nothing tied them down.

Remember when Peter Fonda's Cap'n America in "Easy Rider" takes off his watch and tosses it onto the desert sand?

Who needs time?

Who needs to remember anything?

Who needs rear view mirrors?

Who needs new panties?

Thank God for my friends at Paramount!

I love Trek! Even Sexy Trek!

Everyone I know is in Halo 2 wonderland right now. It's like a Jewish Holiday, the streets are empty, no traffic...

I hope Fresno likes me, cause I ain't ever moving again! This sucks!

I'm so sore, I'm thinking of hitting the street corners to score some Vicodin or any muscle relaxer.

Need to schedule a Thai massage for my first day on KRZR? Maybe one with a "Happy Ending?"

Laying on my back thinking of the show. I hope they don't expect too much on the first day. I might be living out of my car, still haven't found a place to live yet.

Here's some links to a couple of houses I like:

http://fresno.craigslist.org/rfs/48552231.html

http://fresno.craigslist.org/rfs/45355515.html

Okay... They just happen to be in the Tower District.

What? You calling me a fag?

Whatever!

Just because a area is an artsy and creative place, does that mean it's gaytown?

Shut up!

--- LIGHTVIDEO@aol.com wrote:

Hi Jerry,

Your review of "Extreme DV" is the best I've got so
far(!) so tell me where to send my #1 fan the signed copy!!

And I'd be happy to yak on your show sometime.

Best,
Rick Schmidt

Rick!

How are you?

I was just talking about you ten minutes before
getting this e-mail. There is an actor here in LA that
is getting good notices on his stage work and he was
telling me about his love of John Cassavetes. I had
just finished Ray Carney's book and that lead the talk
to you and your great work.

Well, you are most certainly welcome to send me a
signed copy of Extreme DV as mine is pretty ragged
now, or I can just send you this one and save you a
copy.

Or I can just take your workshop as I've wanted to for
so long and get it signed in person...

Send it soon as I'm moving to the filmmaking mecca of
Fresno.

Thanks so much for all you've done for me. You have no
idea what you've done.

Jerry

People? Buy that book!

Rick shows you how to make Art. I dropped a bunch of stuff of to an eBay seller, and he told me about some local filmmakers who are doing pretty well selling their movies on eBay.

While cleaning and packing I found an old sandwich.
Should I eBay it before I unplug my internet?

Sandwich?

But the image is not the Virgin Mary, it's Richard Branson from Virgin Records.

Someone named "Jed" sent me an e-mail asking if I'd seen a Fox show called, "NANNY 911?"

I haven't. I wouldn't.

Why?

Why would I want to see a show where they fly nannies into buildings?

Haven't we lost enough people to terrorism? To War? To Reality Tee Vee?

To Gang Violence?

My number 1 Nigga is dead!!!

NEW YORK - The rap artist O.D.B., whose utterly unique
rhymes, wild lifestyle and incessant legal troubles
made him one of the most vivid characters in hip-hop,
collapsed and died inside a recording studio Saturday.
He was 35.

Hard to believe he wasn't shot to death like so many of my hip-hop heroes.

I miss you bro'... Peace out!

Here's some more press that I've been getting without a single call for facts checking from reporters:

http://www.radioandrecords.com/NewsRoom/2004_11_09/StreetTalk.asp

"Clear Channel Active Rocker KRZR/Fresno hires former
LIVE365.com talk show host Jerry Lentz for mornings,
starting Nov. 22."

http://www.themorningmouth.com/

"Talker Mark Belling pulled from line-up at
WISN/Milwaukee --at least for now--after racial
comment.

KRZR/Fresno adds Jerry Lentz to mornings."
-------------------

I love being placed right behind Belling's scandel.

But I love R&R mentioning Live365!!! Forget all the History making Radio I've done. Forget all the TV and Movie work, let's mention the guy has a website that streams mp3's.

Oh! And they have me starting the show a week early... Thanks!

That just kills me!

All the happiness I should be feeling right now is dampened a bit by the death of my Uncle Larry Baker.

He was a great man that worked with Walt Disney when Walt drained a swamp to make Disney World.

And then Larry went to work for NASA.

He never got mad or angry.

Once when I went on a long driving trip across Florida, he made a wrong turn and we ended up driving about 500 miles in the opposite direction. He just laughed about it.

He never raised his voice.

He always saw the miracle that life was and is and that was enough to make him happy.

I want to go to his funeral, cause he was very important to me, but there is no way I can get there with all that is churning in my life.

I lit a candle for him and remembered how funny he was.

I popped in, "Return To The 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version" CD and sat in the dark with only that one candle.

It looked like a distant star from across the empty room.

I needed help cleaning.

Moving really drains me.

I have come across so many items that were missing and very much missed, hidden under other less wanted items. Under all my crap was a very thin layer of what scientists have told me is coal.

They told me if I wasn't moving to Fresno and I didn't clean my place, that in about a month I would have some diamonds.

I also found some Fossils.

Fossil watches that I use to collect and fossils of pets I forgot I even had.

There also was a human skeleton in the closet that was once a prop in a horror film I acted in...

It was next to the body of a young hitchhiker I forgot I had picked up.

I then found a slice of pizza from a party I had about three years ago. It was so petrified I used it to scape the scale off the tub that had built up over my ten years here.

I know, it sounds like I'm a pig, but...

Gee, I'm not sure how to end this sentence.

Good thing I'm leaving this area...

Scott Peterson was found guilty of First-degree murder for Laci's murder; second-degree conviction for unborn baby.

Just seconds after I heard the News on KFIAM640, the riots began!

My car was nearly turned over by ladies screaming and yelling. I saw a poor truck driver pulled from his rig and beat about the head with purses, handbags and kicked with Ughs.

The other important news continues about me and my new gig in Fresno. It brings great e-mails like this one:

Dear Jerry,

There is no way you remember me, because I was
about 7 years old when I met you with my older sister
Megan at Six Flags over Texas.

You were doing your show from the park and my sister
acted like she didn't know who you were when she truly
listened everyday. You were so funny interviewing her
and together you two hit it off on the air.

Mom recorded the show and Megan even took it to school
to show off her moment of fame. She loved you so much and
you my remember meeting her with I believe she said your
brother or sister at the Dallas Museum of Art where she was
an intern.

She listened to your show everyday until you left for El Lay.

Then she and her friend Sonia left for college in Arizona.
One day they both were killed by a drunk driver and died
instantly.

I always wanted to track you down and e-mail you, but
never did cause, what could I really say anyway?

Then I was listening to my favorite radio station KRZR and
heard you were coming to Fresno. I had so many feelings
washing over me.

I go to school here at Fresno State and can't wait to see
you and introduce you to the Bulldogs!

I remember Megan sent you pictures of herself when
you were making music videos and movies. Now I'm taking
some acting courses and have done some local theatre. My
roommate Maggie is a photographer so we will send you
some more pictures if you still make videos, or movies.

I know lots of bands that need videos and lots of girls that
want to be in them.

I'm so happy to be able to hear you again and can't wait to tell
mom!

Call me when you are here#

Nicole

No matter how hard Claudia held her hole, a baby was gonna pop out anyway!

I admit I've always been fond of her even when she, like my soon to be wife Kelli, began dating a magician!

I loved her bit as a character and a subject in the film, "Love Actually."

I hope she doesn't give her kid a stupid hippy name. Or something worse like, "Jerry."

Changing the subject from famous Super Models to soon to be famous super model...

I made the cover of Billboard Magazine!

Fox News also left a message as did my friend from KNBC4.

Next, part of my plan for World Domination will be to grace the cover of Rolling Stone, then Crawdaddy, then Barely Legal.

I may even place an ad for "Housing Wanted" in the Fresno Bee.

Touch me.

You know you want to...

I tried to show the article to all my friends, but they wouldn't answer their phones, or open their doors.

I'm hoping they weren't ignoring me and that it's just because Halo 2 came out and they are all lubed up in front of their Xbox's.

When can you come over and help me move all my crap out?

All my years of living like a pack-rat has turned my place into a warehouse of shit filled boxes.

I am donating all my stuff to "Out of the Closet" and their amazing thrift stores.

I done this before and have bought many cool items from them in the past.

They have a great selection of things Gay people never use. If they did, they would keep them and never donate them.

You won't find any Judy Garland stuff, or Leather Western wear.

I just found out that when you are hanging around a bunch of Gay guys at a party and you tell them you're moving and you say something like, "I'd like to stay but I gotta go home and pack my shit."

Well...

That's just not what you should say. They'll all seem very helpful and indeed want to help pack your shit.

I hate moving.

But my place is getting cleaner. Too bad I'm moving out now just when I found a reason to clean.

Not that I need any incentive now, but:

Woman Sentenced to Jail for Filthy House
AP

OMAHA, Neb. - After ignoring six years of prodding
from the city, a woman is going to jail for having a
filthy house. A Douglas County judge Thursday
sentenced Rosie Fellman to 45 days behind bars for
littering, with breaks every 10 days to clean up her
central Omaha home.

Trash and debris has been piled up to 5 feet deep in
the house and garage, which are a health and fire
hazard, the city's chief housing inspector Kevin
Denker said.

Last month, inspectors found more than 100 garbage
cans in the driveway.

City Prosecutor Marty Conboy said the city has spent
six years trying to get Fellman to clean up. There was
not much else the judge could do, Conboy said.

At the end of Fellman's sentence, the judge will
decide if she has improved the home's condition. If
not, she could be sentenced to another 45 days in
jail.

The city has ordered the home demolished, but Fellman,
who lives alone, is appealing the order.

"If she doesn't clean it out we'll just tear down
everything," Denker said.

I met this sweet girl at a Gallery and together we walked to get ice cream. Her name is Melissa.

She is a poet studying film.

We talked for about two hours about her life and travels. I get to meet so many interesting people. Many people just open up to me and tell me everything.

I can keep secrets.

Some of the juicy ones too!

She had lots of things to tell me.







Like the studly men we are, we leave from seeing, "The Incredibles" changed and somehow empowered by the storytelling and pure genius of the film.

I was upset that they didn't show the new, "Star Wars" trailer before the movie and for that these animation geeks labeled me a "fag."

I cried and cried.

Then Sara, Scott's wife walked over as if to comfort me from their harsh teasing, but instead she slapped me!

"Snap out of it! Stand up for yourself!" She screamed.








I did.

I then grabbed Steve plaid shirt from his Grunge Rock days and blew my nose on it.

I felt better.

Aaron, Steve and Scott felt bad about how they treated me, so they took me to Roman's.

No. They didn't buy me any food, but they ate in front of me and sometimes a lil' love is better than none at all.







I tried to get sympathy from Tina a Bulgarian girl that works there, but as you can see, she didn't give a shit about my feelings.

I made out pretty well later, when a girl I see there regularly, made out with me in the parking lot after finding out I was moving.

She almost had sex with me until I mentioned Fresno.

"Fresno? What do you mean Fresno? I thought they said you were moving to Fallujah!" She screamed pulling my zipper back up.

"I thought I was doing something good for your stinking American Country!" She yelled as she slammed the car door in my face.

So many people call and e-mail asking when Kelli and I are going to get married...

Well, not only has she left me for a magician...

But a Gay one!

This is Kelli in Vegas performing with Siegfried. The one that didn't get mauled by a tiger.

Kelli looks so good to me here, I almost don't notice the old queen she's hugging.

Note to self:

Learn some magic tricks that attract pussy, but not the tiger variety.

I made a new cool friend today named Paula.

She's Armenian, but even more than that!

She's a very talented singer, student, artist, poet, and a fabulous mother of a very cute lil' boy.

All my Armenian friends are warning me about her, but what do they know? They've never met her.

What gives anyway? Armenians should support each other and not talk bad about each other behind backs.

Anyway, it's not like we're dating or anything. Her life is pretty full without me. Can't I just be friends, without people getting all up in my face about Nationalities and crap?

I totally dig her! I love the same music she does and we have good conversations.

Even when it's in a smoky, loud dive bar with drunk people coughing all over me, she shines like a beacon.



I couldn't wait to meet her again after I went to NoHo to see my friend Courtney perform on stage at Theatre Tribe in an amazing piece from the Playwrights Festival.

Courtney is so cool and she knows it!

She is so beautiful on stage and truly deserves to be performing all the time. She's funny, cute, sassy and her timing is hilarious.

She's really an inspiration. She works all day, two jobs to pay for studies to better herself in the World of Acting. Some people just talk.

Courtney does it!

I have been getting interesting e-mails from people around the World about my move to Fresno and KRZR's Front Row:

Hello Jerry, nice to meet you.

I'm MJ. I've never been to California but I have been listening to the Front Row since 1998, even when they stopped streaming for a year. Don't ask how I managed that, it was probably illegal. Let's just say only the Shadow knows.

Jen sent me your web addy so I could get an idea of what to expect when I hook up my tin cans and string them across the country to listen to the hilarity. Okay, you can write and I'm all for literacy so you scored points there. Also your interest in old radio shows tells me you've probably heard of something called "history" and dumbasses don't pay much attention to that. It's looking good for you, Jerry.

Okay, I'm willing to listen in an open-minded, non-judgemental kind of way... And you don't look like Arch Obler, you remind me more of the skinhead Nazi guy that was an inmate at the prison I used to work in. You don't have tats on your knuckles, do you?

But Jen is excited and is looking forward to having you around so that's some damn important plus points for you. Just have fun in the Front Row like we all try to do every morning and don't kiss Gloria on the mouth.

Going out to buy some heavy twine for better reception now. Welcome to your new gig! Looking forward to hearing your voice.

Cheers!

MJ (I'm a girl.)

Resident in the blue spot right in the middle of ay-oh-way-to-go-Ohio

P.S. You referred to Brad as a babe. You did time, didn't you? That's okay. So did most of your future audience.

---------------

She sent no picture, but I like to imagine her looking like that girl. 

Look at some of the cool people I get to eat with here in Los Angeles!

This is my friend Anne, a famous Fetish model who I'm sure you've seen before. She also is an artist who designed her own tattoos.

These are just some of the fascinating people I will be leaving behind on my journey North.

I dreamed last night that I erected my own Fortress of Solitude, but while trying to furnish it, I needed help and hired several decorators to investigate my needs.

They filled the large empty ice covered spaces with thousands of couches and decorative pillows and throw rugs.

A therapist said I would make more friends once I had spent money on couches and seating. Buy it and they will come.

The floor lamps they suggested would throw beautiful light on the walls and ferns, melted through the ice floor and short circuited all my power.

The glacier melted, slid into the sea, and created a tidal wave that wiped everyone but me off the face of the Earth.

I woke up having to pee like a Muthafucker!

A gal named Nina who lives in Prince George, Canada and is proud of that, sent me this pic cause she knows I like Old Radio Dramas.

This is one of my heroes, Arch Obler. He wrote and hosted one of the scariest radio shows ever, "Lights Out."

He really was a West Coast Orson Welles. Frank Lloyd Wright was a fan of his and designed a great and beautiful house that was to hang over a cliff in Malibu, but as building was just starting, Obler's little baby walked off a ledge and fell to his death.

The baby's death haunted not only Obler, but horribly affected Wright who was unable to complete the project due to the sadness of the tragedy.

Only the carriage house exists today and one day I visited it and the people who live in it as their home. They were very nice, but knew little of Obler and his vast creative work.

Nina sent the picture because she thinks I look like him.

Do I?

It's so sad how some great bodies of work by geniuses of the past can so easily slip away from us. Lost to a void of public amnesia.

Makes one wonder if it's worth creating at all if it's all so precious.

Radio is so intangible. You can't touch it like a pair of new Ughs, or an action figure.

You have to see it in your head and that's too much work for many people.

Today, I had so many e-mails and phone calls congratulating me on the KRZR Morning Show job.

It was like some press release had been sent out.

I had to tell some people that I was leaving and that was hard to do. Everyone has been very nice about saying that they'll keep in touch, or they'll drive up and see me, but I know that probably won't happen.

People forget too easily.

What was I just talking about?

I could just reread that last sentence, but that would be too much effort.

I wasn't all that surprised by the results of the Election.

Everyone around me is in some sad daze. Stunned. Depressed. Angry.

I mentioned in an earlier posting, that in the past when ever a Republican won, I was would be making great money.

When a Democrat won, I would be broke.

Well...

BREAKING NEWS!!!

I accepted the opportunity to join Clear Channel's KRZR Morning Show in Fresno on the day Bush won.

Leaving here is going to be hard, but last night I dreamed that terrorists bombed LA because of Bush's win as I was driving up to Fresno.

Maybe it's a good time to leave LA.

It's only 200+ miles away. I guess I can come down on weekends and venture out through the rubble in my radiation suit looking for fun eBay items to sell.

I will miss so much, but there is so much more that I won't miss.

This is Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh whose work at times insulted Islam, Christians, and anyone else who couldn't have their silly religions, politics, or way of life held up to inspection.

I first talked with Theo back in the days when Robert Altman's "Vincent and Theo" film came out. Theo was a distant relative of the painter Vincent van Gogh.

I also had interviewed Leonard Nimoy about his staging of the play about Vincent and Theo. When I played Theo the recording of Nimoy's interview, Theo said bluntly, "Why didn't you ask him why Spock never fucked any of the sexy alien women?"

Theo was dark and funny. We dressed alike. He inspired me.

He was shot dead on his bicycle this morning.

Two knives were also left in his body, one pinning a note to his chest containing lines from the Koran.

A young man with dual Dutch and Moroccan nationality was arrested for the killing of Van Gogh.

Friends in the Netherlands and Amsterdam have e-mailed me about their concern for their security and worried about my security in America after our Election results.

To me, Theo's killing would be like Howard Stern, Michael Moore, or Larry Flynt, or Alan Berg getting shot...

Wait, two of them have been shot and one is dead.

Imagine being killed for what you say or think or paint.

You are going to see more of this.

Artists.

True artists are going to be weeded out.

Today I drove to Fresno!

That's right, Fresno!!!

It was everything I imagined and dreamed it would be... And More!

I use to see signs for Fresno when I would drive from San Francisco to Los Angeles and back and forth when I lived in...

Hell, both places.

But I never really seen Fresno.

I hungout with my friends E. Curtis Johnson, Brad, and Jen.

E. is the dude I'm pictured with above in front of the Clear Channel logo. He drove me on a wild tour of Fresno. Showed me the nice places and the bad places. The places where the gangs hang. The whores walk. The Gays talk.

He showed me where Fresno State rocks and the Bulldogs do what Bulldogs do...

It was really cool!

Everyone I met, from the chicks working the Marriott front desk, to the KRZR staff, everyone said, "I think you'd fit in real well in the Tower District."

I didn't quite understand until E. drove me through the Gay section of town and said, "Here's the Tower District!"

Whatever...



I think it's "Tower" name comes from the Tower Theatre, but you'd think there would be a huge Gay following marking their territory under this other phallic Fresno Landmark...














The Water Tower!





But no.
















This is Jen.

This is a bad pic, cause Jen is a babe.

I took this picture because at lunch, Jen's sandwich had a huge bite taken out of it before it arrived.

The Cafe owner swore it wasn't a bite mark, but it had to be. After all the CSI episodes I've seen, I know this was a bite.

Jen didn't care, she said she has swallowed worse.

Then she quickly reminded me she was happily married.

Maybe it's her husband that should be truly happy.

I didn't take Brad's picture because even though he too is a total babe, in Black Leather, tight trousers...

He doesn't swallow and feels he doesn't even suck.

You can listen to their show through live streaming to hear for yourself if Brad sucks.



Driving to Fresno and back put my delicate sinuses and breeding flu viruses through a manly workout. The trip has many unique aromas one must pass through before arriving at your destination.

I smelled:

Cows and their crap.

Crap being spread on crops.

Crap being hauled by the trucks in front of me that I can't pass.

And smells I can't describe or identify or ever recommend.

As a kid Fresno has been branded into my brain like a Red hot iron from all those years listening to the Old Radio Drama, "Suspense" with their sponsor that said, "Brought to you by Roma Wine of Fresno California. R. O. M. A."

I loved how they had to spell out Roma.

I got a little sad when I walked in from my trip. All tired by the drive. Yet still a bit wired.

I had no wine to open.

No one to drink with...

No one to welcome me back from my journey...

No one to hug me and fold down my bedsheets or run my bath...

Instead, I cracked open a bottle of Vick's Nyquil, that's V. I. C. K. '. S. of Cincinnati, Ohio.

Then dreamed of driving through miles and miles of crap, aiming for the beautiful rainbow made by machines spraying fertilizer in front of the Sunrise.