This is my new friend, actress Sheila Hayes, but you knew that already I'm sure.

She hungout with me and Aaron at Roman's talking about True Crime novels and movies.

This is not the greatest pic of her, because in person she is smoking hot! But under all that tight body of hers is a full body of talent.

Aaron liked her instantly and almost forgot he has a Thai wife waiting for him in the sauce.

Later we palled around with another actress...









That's right!

Jessica Alba!

Okay, so we were just standing in front of her poster for "Sin City" like a couple of Nerd-Pervs...

Whatever. Be that way, then.













Halloween at Roman's was a scary mess with creepy people like Michael who dressed up like a Gandorf the Gay from, "Lord of the Cock-rings."

Fernando thought the Jack-O-Lantern was a bong.

And these two customers came in without any costumes at all.

Many have asked what I dressed up like for Halloween.

Well, I dressed up like an Antiquarian Bookstore Clerk whose seen little sunshine, has bad eyesight, and in a bit of Method Acting... Has the flu.

Kids knocking on my door expecting candies were treated to the suspense of waiting for the door to open... The door never opened.

Opening the door would have been predictable. I like to leave 'em wanting more when I do the entertaining.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover
your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:


Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden
leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.


Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.



Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next week he gets a small parcel and a note which reads:


Dear Sir,

Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your
bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co

My sweetest friend...

I dump on you, but you are always there for me.

I love you! I'm not shitting you, I do!

You've seen me at my worst.

I know it seems like I give and give and you take and take, but it's more complicated than that...

Isn't it?

I hate to dwell on this but...

With all that is shooting out of me from both ends, you'd think I would have a nice figure?

My toilet is my coolest friend now. It is so nice to lay my fever heated face against it's cold surface.

Between hallucinations and vomiting, I took some time to watch, "The Indestructible Man," part of my Netflix Film Festival.

Lon Chaney Jr. is "Butcher" Benton and is executed in the electric chair, but a scientist's experiments revive him as an unstoppable killer, impervious to bullets or other weapons. He searches for his former crime partners, to pay them back for selling him out.

It is kind of a bad movie, but it has some amazing shots of Los Angeles that I love. Like Angels Flight and the Bradbury Building.

If you love Old Los Angeles and Lon Chaney Jr. grabs some Theraflu, speedball it with Niquil and Jagermeister, then get ready to step into the Tee Vee set, go back in time, wake up nude in the alleyway behind your house...

I can't remember much else...

I wish I were Indestructible.

I hate being sick!

I don't mind being mentally ill, but physically ill, just blows!

And that's what I've been doing. Blowing chunks!

Nice! Aren't you glad to be reading all about this now?

Aaron came back from his Bride Buying Bali Bonanza with stop overs in Cambodia and Thailand for good measure.

He is happy and very much in love.

I like seeing that!

He looks good after short timing in the sauce.

I was sick, but all his friends were getting together at the Van Nuys Hamburger Hamlet and they promised me healing Onion Soup!



Scott Chapin, Eric Kirby, Steve Kellener, Chris Horton, Greg Chun (not pictured, but still loved), Aaron Smith, and me, Jerry Lentz all talked about movies, terrorism, the election, "The Incredibles," and how if I purchased the latest Boflex exercise gym system I could use it to hang my laundry as well as let it collect dust.

I don't see these guys very much, I would like too, but feel out of place with them as they are all geniuses. Also everytime I see them I'm short on cash and end up stiffing someone on the check.

I never leave without giving out something though, and this time I believe I gave them all the flu virus.

With all the rain there has been quite a bit of flooding on my street. I might need a sub to get around. Then I could live the life aquatic, North Hollywood style.

I wish I could tell you something amazing was going on in my life, but with the wonderful change in weather we are having, so too is my body changing.

No, not puberty.

The Flu.

Or maybe food poisoning?

My head is throbbing and my ass is killing me and everything in between is all fucked up.

I performed the grossest thing today while driving. While sitting at a light on Gower, I noticed a car pulled over and the driver's car door was open and I thought he was sitting inside yet leaning over to look under his car from his seat, but as I pulled up next to him I could see he was vomiting.

The light turned Green and so did I as was nearing Paramount Studios, I began gagging and I too had to pull over and vomit. I guess it was a chain reaction from just witnessing it, but after I did it my throat was raw all day.

I wondered what the cars that were following me were thinking seeing two guys puking from their cars. I also wondered what the people waiting in line to see Dr. Phil's tv show were thinking as they watched me hurl.

Nice...

I think my Netflix "Queue" operator might have had a heart attack with my recent jump around the cinema spectrum.

I just watched and thoroughly enjoyed, "The Five Obstructions" by my hero and Danish filmmaker Lars von Trier, a leader in the Dogme 95 movement.

In this cinema therapy/game show Trier takes fellow director Jorgen Leth, and challenges him to remake his 1967 movie "The Perfect Human" five different times with different hurdles tossed in his path and then documents the entire process, allowing viewers to see two geniuses at work.

I highly recommend it!

Not only because at first glance it appears so sadistic of Lars von Trier, but because later we learn of an amazing love he has for a friend/mentor who seems to have fallen into a depression and how being forced to be creative has awaken the sleeper inside...

Or something like that...

Anyway, after that great work what is the next DVD being shipped my way?

Movies Shipped:

"The Amazing Transparent Man" and "Indestructible Man" (1956)
The Indestructible Man stars Lon Chaney Jr. as Butcher Benton, a notorious criminal brought back from the grave Frankenstein-style.

The Amazing Transparent Man is about a scientist who tries his new invisibility formula on a safecracker.

Yes, I must have some reason for doing this.

As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know.

I talked with one of my brothers this morning and he asked me, "Are you gonna vote this year?"

Meaning, "Who you voting for...?"

I didn't know what to say cause I believe my family is completely Liberal.

I know my dad has voted and is voting for Nader. I also believe there are some Libertarians in my clan, but mostly I know they are all voting for Kerry.

I have one brother that LOVES ketchup, so I know he's voting for Kerry.



I however believe that now looking back on my life, my career life, that of all the times I was unemployed was during a Democrat Presidency and when I was gainfully employed there was a Republican in the White House.

So even if we are destroyed by terrorists, dirty bombs, illegal aliens, the religious right, and groping phonesex addicted bosses... I'll be employed.

Last night I watched, thanks to Netflix, "Mystic River." Boy was that some kind of movie!

It was so great and depressing...

Somehow, seeing it after seeing, "Team America: World Police," made it better since all the actors in "Mystic River" are represented in "Team America."

I was moved by "Mystic River," but also by the Charles Rose interviews that come as part of the bonus features.

I was talking with a girl I'm writing a small part for in a segment of a film I'm making, and I mention how powerful some things in "Mystic River' were even played very small.

She said, "And you could just see that Julia Roberts was going to be HUGE after that movie!"

I wanted to tell her she was talking about "Mystic Pizza," but let it slide as she's kind of a babe.

Later, I hung out with Steve and another friend, Hoops at Roman's. Somehow they had the BEST French Fries EVER!!! I didn't want my small order to end, but it did.

I also drank too much Iced Tea and continually had to keep getting up to pee after I went to bed. No sleep for me and my bladder.

I had a dream about an old friend from Texas who I was so in love with. It was a great dream scheduled between bathroom breaks.

In the dream, I was back in time to when we were friends and I was falling in love with her. I thought she was the smartest and most talented girl I had met. We could talk about anything.

I felt myself getting that hunger, that thirst your heart gets when you know you are about to lose part of your loneliness. That void is about to be filled. You are about to acquire something from her you lack in yourself. Something that keeps you from being whole.

The hole that keeps you from being whole.

I dreamed we were in her apartment sitting on the floor as time moved around us. We were in some kind of bubble where the past surrounded us.

I saw the days where I wanted so to kiss her but was afraid to screw things up. She saw it too.

Then we saw the events that lead to me believing she and her best friend were Lesbians. She saw the people who first told me she was taken with someone else and how it wouldn't work for me.

Then we saw how things worked out for her in life. We saw how things ended up for me. We saw how she wasn't ever a Lesbian and how that simple misunderstanding changed the course of my life.

She is better off in the dream as her life flowed to a wonderful man.

Then the bubble burst.

I laid there for a bit even though I needed to pee again really bad.

Thinking.

Thinking of a dream that might have ran earlier in the night. One that was about seeing "Saving Private Ryan."

I don't know if this was just in the dream, or that part of it had really happened, but you know how it is sometimes when you dream, you can't always know what's real.

In the end of "Saving Private Ryan" when Tom Hanks is riddled with bullets and Matt Damon, also represented in "Team America: World Police," is grabbed by the collar and Hanks pulls him closer and says, "Ernest!"...

"Ernest?"

Who the hell is Ernest?

The Dictionary says it's a masculine name and that's about all.

Maybe my dream is telling me to be more of a man and suck it up and accept that cards that life has dealt me. Maybe I'm the one that need saving. Is this a cry for help?

Maybe my dream was actually playing game with me because I know Hanks really said, "Earn This!"

Maybe I'm suppose to earn and accept the results of my living.

But something in the back of my mind tells me Hanks also said, "Urn This!"

As if I'm suppose to bottle the ashes of a lost, dead life that could have been.

Then again, it could be a dream about "Ernest" and the life of Jim Varney best known for his work as Ernest P. Worrell, who was a classically trained actor whose "Ernest" character was so popular, it out shined his important skills.

Varney died at 50 with the better part of his talents still inside him smothered by "Ernest."

"Ernest" may have been his Id.

Sometimes the Id wants to murder us. To sabotage the conscience. The Id may be the Succubus.

Sometimes dreams can help us and sometimes they can twist and deceive us by confusing the truth.

Many times we are to easily swayed by lies and half-truths, like eddies and whirlpools in the stream of life that end up pushing us on courses uncharted and paths unwanted.

We may find ourselves on dried up riverbeds, or worse, fighting the current as we pour off over the bottomless waterfall.

Maybe sometimes the cool clear and smooth river carries us under shaded arching Spanish Moss covered trees with the sounds of giggling children playing on the banks as their kind parents set up their picnic lunches.

I would hold you close with your back up against my chest. I would pull up the blanket around your neck. I would let the soft sounds of the water lapping against the boat calm you and sooth you. I would brush the stray strands of your hair away from your face. I would kiss your cool cheek. I rub my cheek softly against your warm ear.

We would both sleep and see where the dream and river takes us.

Interpol, the agency not the band, just announced that if you buy that fake Armani T-shirt or knock-off Gucci bag, you could be lining the pockets of terrorists.

What if terrorists put dirty bombs in the lining of these knock-offs?

Also, a report is soon to be coming out that if you buy bootleg copies of movies, that those too will be funding terror.

Imagine buying a bootleg, "Fahrenheit 9/11" and then the money goes to blow up something else.

I was just offered, "Team America" on DVD but passed when I was told that silhouettes of the audience carrying in popcorn is visible.

Even Alexander Payne's "Sideways" was offered and this bootlegger was getting fancy. He had attached a bottle of Charles Shaw wine to the DVD.

My friend next to me discovered it was Charles Shaw when the label for the expensive wine peeled off in his sweaty hand while we were walking back to my car.

I imagine a future where one day, people will bootleg other people by some sort of cloning. Someday you may be able to own your own copy of the celebrety you worship.

You could have your very own copy of Bill O'Reilly chained in your cellar to be your gimp!

Here's a mystery for you...

Anyone that knows me can tell you I love birds.

Don't know much about them, but I like them. Don't even mind so much when they shit all over my car, cause I know when you gotta go, you gotta go.

I just try and move my car away from crap zones.













Well here is another strange tale for Art Bell, or George Noory:

As you know in recent postings I've come across lil' birds that seem fine, then up and die right in front of me.

I don't think it's just me, cause lately I do find birds laying around dead almost where ever I walk.

Maybe it's just when I'm walking around I stare at the ground a lot. Sometimes you find lost money from a bank robbery and sometimes you find dead birds.















I have found lots of birds that just die after I make friends with them, or take pictures of them.

Maybe it's best you don't leave me in charge of your pets or small children.

It may be some weird alien virus that is killing off all the birds.

Remember the Martians were killed off by birds in "War of the Worlds," maybe they are trying to kill the birds first before they invade...




















Or it's just pre-movie hype for Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg's version of "War of the Worlds."

Would they kill sweet lil' birds to make their movie a blockbuster?

There is a very important, life changing choice I need to make in the next few days.

Last night while talking with my sister-in-law about this, she, in her kind, understanding, and thoughtful way, said, "Just do it, and don't be a chicken!"

Nice...

With no one else to talk about this upcoming event, I crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling all night as shadows of rain drops moved across my ceiling.

The rain looked like a ever changing roadmap with cars making quick zig-zags to their destinations while being bombed by meteors.

One wrong move and a dripping raindrop was hit by another raindrop.

I wanted so bad for my mother to still be alive so she could hold me and pat me on my back and say, "Everything will be alright, baby. It all works out in the end."

I don't remember her ever doing that for me, but it feels right. I would do that for someone if they needed it.

"Baby!"

"Chicken!"

"Stupid!"

The voices in my head chanted this over and over all night. Even the dog barking in the rain next door rhythmically joined in calling me names.

Somehow the monotony of this mantra lulled me into sleep.

I dreamed there was a homeless man that I knew pretty well from just seeing him around the area. I stopped in KFC and bought the biggest bucket I could buy and walked out to his grocery cart and trash pile.

"Look what I got. Thought we could have dinner together." I sat down next to him.

He grabbed the bucket and took all the chicken.

"Thanks! Now leave me the fuck alone!" He was so mean.

I woke up terrified!

It doesn't seem like a scary nightmare typing it out, but I was frightened when I woke up.

I wondered, while sitting on the toilet thinking, that maybe the homeless guy was me, who lived his life in fear and that was the path fear lead to.

"Chicken" was what he ate. You are what you eat. He was alone.

Maybe fear kept him from making the right decision for him/me.

Making choices is hard.

But I've decided to trust my dream and never eat KFC chicken, ever!

Also never talk to my sister-in-law again!

Well, Today kinda blows, other than the gloom and rain which I just happen to like...

A radio station that I was really into and ready to join as a Morning Show Host passed because the Program Director that was into me got fired, or quit...

Whatever...

It sounded like a cool gig, great money, great music, small, but groovin' College Town...

Oh well.

Maybe some great radio programmer will remember all the wonderful radio I've done and think it wonderful to invite me to their lil' town.

Sitting in traffic after a big rig jumped the center divider, hearing my neighbor at 3AM experiencing night trauma or shell shock or sleep apnea... And hearing Police tell me horror stories about my 'hood has just made me want to find a nice small town to crawl into and hide.

The thing is... No small town radio station wants a Broadcaster who's worked in Major Markets. They just don't want to have anyone too good in their signal.

Art Bell has it made! He lives in a lil' desert town and built up a huge career while adding on to his mobile home. Cheap living with big paycheck!

I got an e-mail from a hot looking Swiss Chick who builds websites, acts, works on films...

I'm not sure why or how she found me, but so far she seems pretty cool.

Looks like I'm starting to change my looks again.

I'm picking out new clothes, new foods, new exercises...

I started all this by picking up the latest issues of Cargo and FHM, now I just have to do all the rest.

As I was checking out at Borders with these mags, the cute clerk asked me if I had found everything I was looking for?

I told her I was looking for a Men's Fashion magazine that wasn't all naked girls. She did a double take and said, "I think I know what you mean."

I thought I might have made a connection with her, maybe women are tired of guys buying porn dressed as fashion, so I said, "Do you know of any magazines like that?

"Well there are there is the Gay section."

Then I thought she might think I was Gay.

"Well, not that I'm apposed to naked girls. I like 'em!... Like that." I stammered out.

"Can I have the next person in line please?" She asked playing hard to get.

I love the chicks at Borders, always marking their boundaries.

You can't tell by these photos, but after Steve and I were releast from custady by the Sheriff's Department, we all hit Philippe: The Restaurant and had Beef Dips and Ham Dips.

Steve and I had seen "Team America: World Police," I think I enjoyed it more than he did.

I felt sadly disturbed when the puppet sex scenes were oddly erotic and I found myself aroused. I dared not tell Steve this, but think he may have been aware when once the movie was over, I had trouble standing up.

While people may not entirely like the movie, or even see it knowing that a Gay Propaganda film like "Sharktale" beat it, I feel it was very important to see that cinema can be made out of just about anything.

I was reminded of Todd Haynes' film, "Superstar," with Barbie Dolls and how compelling that was...





Steve can doze through all this because he makes a living as an Animator, but I think if someone works for others and is told what to do all the time, they could make their own work with little money using basically sock puppets, junk-mail, glue, thrift store crap...

There's really no reason a filmmaker can complain about not having anything at their disposal to use as actors.

So much acting these days, and the characters portrayed are cardboard, why not use cardboard?

Okay, turn off that computer, stop using CGI, and get out the box-cutters and start making cutouts for your movie!





Aaron is spending his "Sharktale" profits buying up Thailand property.

You need lots of space if you are breeding Elephants!

He may build a movie studio there just to get the full body massages with the "Happy Endings."

I can't wait to visit his Villa Grotto. I imagine it looking like Kurtz's village in "Apocalypse Now."

"Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were going all the way."

I love the rain! I like to imagine Olivia d'Abo asking me to dry her after we get caught in a storm.

That's what we finally got. Not too many of my neighbors are as happy about it as I am.

Driving down Burbank Blvd near Woodman, I saw water nearly up to car doors.

Tonight was "Law & Order: Criminal Intent's" Rock the Vote!

I tried voting for Olivia d'Abo's character to live, but feel the voting, much like the Presidential Election, was useless.

In 1996, one of my favorite movies, "The Whole Wide World" starring Vincent D'Onofrio of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" and Renee Zellweger, whose role was originally developed with Olivia d'Abo in mind. But Olivia was five months pregnant when the film went into production, and, as a result, was unable to appear.

After the "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" show aired on the West Coast, fans were asked to go to NBC.com, where both endings will be available for viewing and where votes for the favored conclusion can be cast.

The online polls will remain open through Wednesday. The ending receiving the most votes will be broadcast with a episode to air Oct. 24.

I'm sure Florida's votes will be in error.

I've been listening to William Shatner's new CD with Ben Fold and I really love it.

"Common People" is playing right now and it's just so cool!

I use to see Shatner almost everyday, but these last few months we haven't run into each other much. He must hang with different folks now.

I wish he could meet my older brother, I have told him they are quite alike, Bill said, "I'm... So sorry for him."

I remember Bill showed me how to crash my first computer.

Well, the internet is an amazing thing. Thank you Al Gore!

I asked if anyone knew the species of the lil' bird from the posting day before yesterday?

Here's a small sampling of replies:

"It's a chicken."

"It's the finger next to the index finger and it's finger-lickin' good!"

"The bird is called, "Steve" and my cat wants him back."

Then there was the correct and polite response:

"It's a Cedar Wax Wing. They come through So Cal on their migration. Pretty things, aren't they? Hope he didn't really die?

They used to come through my neighborhood when I was growing up -- they get drunk on Pyracantha berries, and it was pretty funny to watch."

~ Samma

Cedar Wax Wing

Thank you!

Speaking of migration, I have been in talks with a couple of people about talking my radio show into their markets and one everywhere with XM Satellite.

With Howard Stern moving to Sirius, there seems to be lots of changes coming in terrestrial broadcasting. We'll see if any of that change is good and if any of that good stuff lands on me.

I just need to find a forward thinking and strong GM/PD to trust that I'm the apex on a vanguard of the next wave of powerful radio hosts.

My dream has been these last few years to find a smaller market and settle down with a cool station, do cool local stuff, make movies, write books, create a even bigger internet presence...

Meet a nice girl...

Build a nice home...

Make new friends...

Join or start a nice Church...

And...

Become the King of Porn!

Wish me luck!

I'm a huge Prince fan!

I don't care what you say, I am and I'm proud.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame member is getting some heat with a new music video showing an Arab-American teenage girl, Keisha Castle-Hughes, 14, the Oscar-nominated actress from the movie "Whale Rider," dreaming of herself as a suicide bomber.

The schoolgirl witnesses a terrorist attack experiences racism from classmates and others. That racism pushes her to imagine herself carrying a bomb into an airport.

"Cinnamon Girl" the video is by director, Phil Harder.

I like his work, but not as much as the videos by Phil McCracken.

I was thinking about my video directing career and how it has nose dived from major labels to factory defects. I need to get out there and push more but I'm so tired and need my sleep...

I saw a nice video from Muze, for "Time is Running Out," that has Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove all over it.

I love the song.

When I first heard it, I thought it might be Radiohead. I ran right out and bought the CD.

I was thinking of Prince, his video, suicide bombers and KRS-One.

The New Yorker Festival on October 2nd, KRS-One claimed that he and other African-Americans "cheered when 9/11 happened . . . I say that proudly."

He said that prior to the attack World Trade Center security guards prevented black people from entering "because of the way we talk and dress. So when the planes hit the building, we were like, 'Mmmm -- justice.' [9/11] doesn't affect us. 9/11 happened to them, not us. The rich . . . those who are oppressing us. RCA or BMG, Universal, the radio stations."

Right on! Bro'...

See ya at The Academy Awards when Chris Rock hosts.

Laying on my bed. CD player next to my big fat head. I burned some incense and part of my pillowcase.

Watched a spider slide across the thinnest of webs from the antennae of my shortwave radio in one corner all the way above and across me to a picture frame of my skull X-Rayed in the other corner of the room.

Life seems too tough. Too confusing. Too threatening.

Like a delicate contestant on "Fear Factor" inching her way between two building on a greased pipe, this spider thin and long, gracefully moved into a shaft of sunlight cutting through a slit of my aluminum foil covered windows.

The spider lit up like a crystal and stopped.

I watched it, both of us motionless as Muze kicked in...

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
Yeah you will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
We can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of breaking this fixation
You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

And our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
We can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this

HooHooHoo yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
HooHooHoo yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
HooHooHoo yeahyeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah you will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
And our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

And how did it come to this

HooHooHoo yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
HooHooHoo yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah
HooHooHoo yeahyeah yeah yeah yeah

Sometimes life is so magical!

I was down in the dumps and feeling lonely when all of the sudden Nature sends me a little friend.

This is the prettiest bird I've seen all day, I said to myself.

If anyone knows what kind of bird this is let me know.

I think he/she was trying to tell me something.

Could it be something wonderful is heading my way?

Then I was listening and it sounded like it was whispering to me.

I moved closer.

It moved closer.

Still whispering and acting like Lassie did when she was trying to tell Timmy something.

I listened closely for possible news, so I could actually say, "A lil' birdy told me something."

I imagined that this bird was going to offer me three wishes!

Then my head started spinning cause I thought that maybe it could really happen.

What would I wish for?

Maybe it was a trick question. Maybe I should ask for an infinite number of wishes. That could be a wish, couldn't it?

Just as that thought entered my head...

The bird keeled over and died.

Maybe it was the Greed of my question.

I think about my friend Aaron, making his movie in Cambodia sweating while producing and dating teenage hot girls and how he and I both have a love for the book by Frank Norris called, "McTeague: A Story of San Francisco." Norris was a student at Berkeley as was Aaron.

I love Erich von Stroheim's lost silent film "Greed" based on the book and there is that great scene where the little bird dies as a result from all heat and neglect...

Maybe I want too much?

Maybe I love too much... How can that be?

Can one care too much?

Isn't greed for lack of a better word, good? Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies and cuts through and captures the essence of evolutionary spirit. Greed in all of its forms, greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldare Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.

That's it! I've gone insane.

But grief does that.

And I mourn this lil' bird and fear that I might have caught some strange disease from it.

I received numerous e-mails explaining to me, that I have no reason to be sad or depressed, unless it is for, as many say, "Not listening to Kelli and getting a new look"...

A few said, "would you like to live like Chris Reeve did while he was suffering?"

"Imagine being Melissa Etheridge and finding out you have breast cancer. For a dude that would be embarrassing."

"You could be Derrida, the Father of Deconstructionism, die and decompose..."

"You could be like Michael Jackson and Eminem could make a video about you that was very demeaning."

"What if you were Veronica Lake's ashes and were just collecting dust in a Catskills boutique...?"

That one had me confused. I thought Derrick, who is always kind enough to write me from someplace called Tongatapu's Hu'atoritori prison was just simply insane.

Then...

Someone else asked me about my old friend Donald Bain and a book he wrote about Veronica Lake. So I figured something was going on with two e-mails talking about her.

I'm sharp sometimes...

Like the other day when a producer for the Today Show called me about appearing on camera to talk about my posting on the Neiman-Marcus' Zeppelin.

I slept through the call and didn't do it.

Anyway...

Donald Bain was the one who was the ghostwriter on Veronica Lake's autobiography. It also turns out that when no one cared enough about her to attend or help pay for a decent funeral Bain proudly paid the money and I believe was the only one to show up at the service.

I'll have to ask him about all that.

Now supposedly her ashes are in the Catskills in some antique store with a price-tag on them.

Sad.

I love her and have a copy of her in, "I Married a Witch," which I first bought a long time ago because I loved Robert Benchley.

Then when I saw how cool and funny she was...

I think my friend Kelli looks and acts like her a lot. I wish Kelli were a witch, cause I know she'd make everything right and wonderful in my life.

But then, if she were a witch she would have all the Marc Jacob shoes she could conjure.

Kinda in a slump...

A rut...

Feeling poopy.

Oh well, chin up!

New Day. New opportunities right?

This is me sitting in Coral Cafe having breakfast in front of one of their many movie posters.

I like eating there for that reason. I wonder sometimes about the old Hollywood ghosts that might be able to look out from their old posters and one sheets and lobby cards to see us, the living looking back at them.

Do they envy us? Do they laugh at us? Do they spit in our food when we look away?

Probably.

I imagine that Cornel Wilde would...

Man I hope John Kerry never mentions my name in public...

Christopher Reeve dies.

This pic is from one of my favorite movies of his, "Somewhere in Time."

I also think he's great in "Remains of the Day."

But I imagine him being just like he was in "Somewhere in Time," as Rodney Dangerfield holds the door open for him.

http://www.christopherreeve.org

This is the only picture I had of Actress/Niece Callie Lentz.

This isn't the greatest pic of her, I got it from the Finalist page for the Miss Teen USA 2004 pageant.

She's smoking hot!

I know that's wrong and weird to say about a relative, but it excites me to no end that something so beautiful was able to crawl out of the same gene pool I festered in...

But she is my Niece, so you guys that write me from prison and Bulgaria better just watch what you say.

I just talked with her tonight before she ran off to perform in a play.

She lives and goes to school in Hawaii where there are growing opportunities for her acting with show's like "North Shore, " "Hawaii," "Hawaii Five-O: The Next generation, " and "Magnum P.I." which I didn't know they were still making.

I had lunch with an assistant cameraman for "Hawaii" and he said he was having a horrible time on the show, because with the hours he has "to work there's no time to bang any chicks."

Don't worry Chuck, I won't mention your name so that your wife and her lawyer will know. It's all hush hush here at "Lentz Confidential."

Here's a small world kinda story that uncovered itself
to me tonight:

Here's Ben, a young actor friend I see almost daily at a place I eat. Okay, it's Roman's.

He's been in "Hair" and now is doing "Guys and Dolls" well the play anyway, not doing guys and... Oh whatever...

Anyway, talking with him, I ask where his new play is being theatred (is that a word?)

So he tells me it's the Knightsbridge Theatre that my friend and partner at Radio Potato, Mike Fuller owns!!!

Well, he owns the actually building it's in...

Man, is that wild or what? Of all the places in this State...

I thought that was cool!

My other partner at Radio Potato, Marshall Such wrote "Radio: The Musical" which was a big success in Texas and I was trying to see if possibly we could round up some interest to stage it out here so my buddy Mars can visit and get a day at the beach.

Marshall is working on a very scaled down, musical revue, tongue-in-cheek look at radio. 4-5 players. Lots o' pop tunes from the past 60+ years. Called "Radio On Parade."

Not that Marshall has a one track mind when it comes to playwriting, but radio is a big part of his Art.

I've heard rumors that Marshall will be heading the Showtunes Channel on XM Satellite, or Sirius, but he won't budge with the details.

I need to get out and see more LA Theatre, but just the Drama you see while driving is so impressive it's hard to imagine actually having to pay for it.

I got an e-mail:

Animation = BIG $$$. Learn from an extraordinary panel�

Dear Jerry,

If you think of some of the biggest blockbuster movies in the past, some of the names that would come up would be Shrek, The Lion King, Toy Story, Finding Nemo�the list goes on. What do all of these movies have in common? They�re all animated! What else do they have in common? The people that came up with the ideas and worked on them are very, very rich.

Come hear a candid discussions from:

Jeff Howard: Director of creative affairs, DisneyToon Studios. Credits: Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas, Bambi and the Great Prince of the Forest and The Three Musketeers.

Saul Blinkoff and Elliot Bour: Directors, DisneyToon Studios. Credits: The Emperor's New Groove II, Winnie the Pooh: Springtime with Roo and Spy Groove.

Karen Foster: Development executive, Dreamworks Animation. Credits: Shrek 2 and the recently-released Shark Tale. Previous Disney credits: Treasure Planet and Home on the Range.

Heather Kenyon: Director of development for original animation, Cartoon Network. Former editor-in-chief, Animation World Network (for animation news, information and resources).

Tom Sito: Animator and storyboard artist. Credits: The Little Mermaid, Shrek, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King and Looney Tunes: Back in Action. President, Hollywood Animators Union. Animation instructor at USC and UCLA.

Robert Souza: Story artist. Credits: Shrek, Spider-man, Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World and Disney's TaleSpin series.

Roger S.H. Schulman: Screenwriter/producer. Credits: Shrek, Balto (executive produced by Steven Spielberg), Mulan II and The Jungle Book II.

Bayard Maybank: Literary agent, Hohman Maybank Lieb.

I sent this e-mail out to all my friends working and slaving in animation...

Aaron, while sweating away in Cambodia making his live-action thriller took the time to sent this genius reply:

ACTORS, ARTISTS,
MUSICIANS, STUDENTS:

EARN BIG MONEY

cleaning houses
____________________

Yeah, it's sad but true...

I was thinking now that I got lots of money saved, new car, buying a big house... Something is missing.

Talking with my Niece Callie made me think I would be a good Father. I am a supportive person, kind, and feel I have something worthwhile to impart onto a young person.

Talking with my friend Steve, who also is single with no kids, it made me wonder what I could do about it.

Doesn't seem that I'll be impregnating any ladies anytime soon, won't be able to partake in the in vitro fertilization pre-embryo transfer (IVF-ET) fertility procedure, so I thought I would give adoption a chance.

Single parents adopting is very popular now out here in Hollywood.

Steve sent me a link to a sweet looking little girl that I would give anything to be able to adopt.

She's from an underdeveloped country, but has the most beautiful smile, yet can hardly afford any clothes.

Her name is Mirza Odette Garcia of Guatemala and I want to be her daddy so bad. She needs me!

As many of you know, my life money-wise has been going pretty well as of late. So I decided to stop fighting and buy a Mercedes.

I know, it's weird, but I wanted to blend in just a bit with my friends. I'll still keep my wonderful and beat up Honda, so I can have some street-cred...

Shooting a video with the car had made me grow fond of its fine sleek craftsmanship. I wonder if I can get a hitch welded to it so I can drag a trailer behind it?

I visited my friend Steve the other night at his place and we watched his work on Drew Carey's Green Screen Show. But before that we also watched "Blue Collar TV" in Steve's High Definition Screening Room.

I loved that show and might make it a regular thing. Reminds me of all my fun at various truck-stops when I was driving across the country.

I see that Lion's Gate will be projecting their latest sci-fi movie "The Final Cut," starring Robin Williams and Mira Sorvino, via satellite to theatres so they can avoid all that postage and costs of shipping prints.

I have a couple of friends that just got laid off from Lion's Gate, so this is progress in action.

I watched Bush and Kerry on a Plasma Screen, but feel if it had been HD I would have enjoyed it more. I was slightly distracted by the compression of the signal and poorer sound quality.

I want a nice Projection TV System instead of the Emerson Portable B/W TV that I now have so that when Hilary Duff's movie "Raise Your Voice," comes out on DVD, I'll be able to fully enjoy it.

I was reading that a Czech reality dating show got axed after it was discovered the shocking information that three of the girls had posed for erotic photographs or videos and planned to use their fame from the show to promote them. Those included a group sex video...

I need to remember to check on ticket costs to Czechland.

Los Angeles County health officials sent letters to producers and directors in the porn industry, urging them to use condoms during sex scenes to help prevent an HIV outbreak.

Not only was it funny that I received a letter, but as a potential viewer with some knowledge of the industry, why would the producers and directors need to wear condoms?

I once wore one of those Glow-in-the-Dark condoms that you got as a gag just so my partner at the time and I could see if it actually looked like a Light Saber in the dark...

It did!

With a slight bend...

Well, after playing around all night I fell asleep and later I had to go pee.

So I did without flipping on the blinding bathroom light. Everything was fine until with my eyes still closed I felt my way down my penis to give it it's customary shake and was horrified that my weener had swollen up horribly like some freakish blowfish!

Was there some toxic chemical, like radiation that makes those rubbers glow?

No.

I had fallen asleep without removing the condom. I just inflated it like a waterbed.

I waddled back into the bedroom with this water-balloon dangling from my pecker to show my friend.

She didn't care.

Probably just like you.

See if I ever show you my willy!

I am absolutely not ashamed to admit that I'm a huge Billy Bob Thorton fan.

Bear with me and I promise I will show you some hot chicks!

Thorton and I use to work for the same guy. That was tough enough, then he made his way through Arkansas, clinical depression, insane women and dish-washing at Red Lobster...

The guy is awesome in my book!

My x-wife use to be friends with his ex-girlfriend and I loved hearing the story of how Thorton would sit on her couch and stare off into space for hours without doing anything.

I love that story cause I can do the same thing.

She also said he had the biggest cock she'd ever seen!

I stare off into space for hours without doing anything.

Course then there's the whole Angelina Jolie thing...

Imagine being able to dump a piece of ass like that for no reason other than you can.

Then the guy's an artist. I mean ARTIST!

Watch him take Oliver Stone's, "Wrong Turn" away from Sean Penn in his small role. Amazing!

Well anyway I love him, he inspires me and all that crap, plus he got his star on the Walk of Fame. In the picture above, he is pointing to the spot where the homeless will pee.


This is a dream come true!

This is my friend Russian Actress/Model/Dancer Tatyana!

She sent me a letter letting me know she was dreaming of me.



I love shit like that!

She also wanted to show me that she has a new hair style.

I like to dream about her myself. Here as I look at her pics, I dream this one is her showing me this magic necklace that makes all her dreams come true.

"Jerry baby, Stare deep into my necklace. Do IT!"

"Yes Mistress Tatyana."

"Jerry Darlink, My necklace is about three inches higher than where you are staring!"

"Yes Mistress Tatyana."

Then she tells me that she will be my lover and Master if I can correctly guess the color of her underpants.

"Mistress Tatyana, you are wearing Black panties."

"Ha! You Lose! Loser!!! I'm not wearing any undergarments, SEE?!!"

I wake up from this dream crying, yet aroused.

I hope her dream comes true!

Wouldn't it be great if her dream was the same as mine?

She could be my Angelina Jolie... Well, she will when I go back to sleep and dream it anyway.

Gee, I hope she doesn't show this dream to her folks. Russians have many magical and spiritual ways of protecting their clan. Some visualize a beautiful and peaceful aura surrounding the gun they kill you with...

I love the Russians!

This right here is four hot looking chicks! The one on the left is a little creepy... Wait! That's me!

I have to be very careful about this picture and what I say. I was warned by Alla, who is right of me as we recreate Mount Rushmore in this photo, that I couldn't write anything bad.

So I will only say...

There was a Party. No Boyfriends were allowed. No Parents were informed. No Non Alcohol Beverages were consumed. No Anti Drug Campaigns were followed. And it was a school night!

These are very bad girls! If you see them they should be SPANKED!

I was so excited today to learn scientists have recreated pathogens from the 1918 flu pandemic, the greatest plague of the 20th century, in a bid to find out why this strain was so extraordinarily lethal!

I learned this as handshakes and kisses were being placed on me at a meeting with strangers.

The 1918 pandemic was called "Spanish flu" and I was hanging with Latinos eating Mexican food at the time.

I've washed my hands more times today than I have all my life.

They asked me if I was going to get the flu vaccine when it comes out, but one guy said, "No way mans, George Noory on the radio sez da Government is putting alien shit in it."

George is huge in the Latino demographic

I got a very nice e-mail form Jason Nathanson producer of, "The John Ziegler Show" KFI AM 640 telling me they had hired a new ass-prod for their show. I believe that means assistant producer.

My friend Steve and I got together later and talked about how much we loved Rodney Dangerfield. Steve has a nice collection of Dangerfield's work on DVD and video, but mainly has a lot of his work locked in his head.

Steve was reeling off some great jokes.

Steve's new show is Drew Carey's Green Screen Show and I can't wait to see it.

I was watching Tiger Woods wedding in Barbados to the lightest skinned Black woman I've ever seen, Swedish model Elin Nordegren. I thought Eddie Murphy's wife was light skinned, but Nordegren is the Edgar Winter of Black Women.

I kinda dig that!

I'm looking forward to seeing Queen Latifah in "Taxi."

I believe she is playing the Marilu Henner part to Jimmy Fallon's Judd Hersh. Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen plays the part made famous by Christopher Lloyd.

I like Queen Latifah and her new CD of jazz, soul and pop standards covering artists as diverse as Dinah Washington, Al Green and Billy Strayhorn.

Just check out, "The Dana Owens Album."

I use it as mood music. I run a bubble bath. Light candles. Burn incense. Dim the lights. Red wine. Rose petals. Warm oils. Hot and Spicy Buffalo Wings.

Yeah, my skin is so soft I just have to kiss myself. I even lick myself cause these Wings are juicy.

Sometimes I wish I had someone to share my time with here, but then I'd have to order more Wings...

And I ain't paying for that!

Howard Stern made the announcement that he is leaving terrestrial radio and acquiring three channels on Sirius Satellite to program other talents.

Boy I hope he remembers me!

But I bought the XM system because of his advertisements on the Stern website.

Do I get a refund?

I caught a weird movie the other night with Artie Lange called, "The 4th Floor."

It was directed by Josh Klausner and it was about woman played by my favorite Scientologist/actress who played the Late Great Rodney Dangerfield's daughter in his best role... Remember?

Okay, it was "NBK" and it was Juliette Lewis!

Anyway, she inherits a rent-controlled apartment and is terrorized by a neighbor.

William Hurt plays a weatherman like his "Broadcast News" guy a lil' bit. He advertises himself as signing a pact with the devil to be a national TV weatherman, and in the end that's exactly what he does.

That's what I need to do!

Make a pact...

Who do I need to contact about setting something like that up?

It's a pretty creepy movie, but I really dug it! But then, I had a few Cosmopolitans in me from a visit to my local British pub, the Robin Hood.

The drink looked so Gay in all that "pints o' Guinness." The cute barmaid said, "Nah! There's more Alchy in that drink than a whole six pack of Guinness!"

I wobbled down the street to my car and set there in the dark listening to "The Killers" on KROQ singing, "Mr Brightside, " from the great, "Hot Fuss."

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking the drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullaby
Joking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

I fell asleep in my car on that dark street. Woke up having to pee real bad, so I reached behind the seat and pulled out an empty Arrowhead plastic bottle that I would fill.

Sitting there I tried desperately to squeeze the head of my pecker into that bottle's opening. It was like threading a needle, but I did it!

Then as I let loose it looked like I was going to over fill it. I began to panic. The thin plastic began to get warm. Then the worst happened...

I began getting an erection.

It was stuck like when I once had my tongue stuck in the vacuum of a Pepsi bottle.

I yanked the plastic water bottle off scratching my weener on the molded plastic lip, but my grip on the bottle was too tight and I squeezed all the warm piss all over my lap, stomach and shirt.

Great!

Walking into my place I run into some neighbors and found myself caught in a conversation with them about wild drinking parties on my street that have them worried.

It was dark, so I hope they didn't notice my wet clothes, but they might have noticed the alcohol smell, unless the aroma of urine masked it.

Single Ladies?

This man is available!

Gadget Helps Women Poop With Confidence in Bathrooms in Japan!

When Japanese women have to squeeze one out they cringe in embarrassment at the thought that other patrons can hear the sounds coming from their stall.

That's when she turns to the "Sound Princess."

A growing number of Japanese women, press a device installed in public toilets to simulate the sound of water flushing to mask the cruder noises of nature.

I use a radio to cover my fart sounds. I play Rush Limbaugh and it seems to work best, but for times outside of his schedule I just slam cabinet doors, belch, and hum. Real Loud!

Leading toilet producer Toto Ltd. has sold 500,000 of their "Sound Princess", in Japanese.

Japanese women are very embarrassed by the sounds they make in a toilet. So much so many have has their bowels surgically removed.

And what happens in a bathroom stall is, well, among the dirtiest things that humans do.

That's why I find it disgusting and refuse to participate in the Mile-High Club on an airliner. That and also because no one has ever asked me. Some girls are just too shy to approach me, because of my swarthy, steamy, and seductive looks.

Going to the toilet has been considered embarrassing and even shameful for women since ancient times in Japan.

That's why some Jap girls are so tiny. They know if they eat, they'll have to dump.

Sometimes you see people talking to each other over a stall in Western countries, but that would never happen in their culture.

That's because we are filthy Americans!

Some schools have done away with urinals because boys are increasingly too embarrassed to use the stalls, since going there would tell onlookers exactly what's going to happen next.

Many young men have committed Harry Carrey because of pee pee stains.

Young boys have had to find new places to masturbate due to the embarrassment of being seen using the bathroom for purposes of urination.

Some older men are welcoming these poor young hairless boys into their spaces to provide them the opportunity to relieve themselves by masturbating.

Ya know, just to help the boys out...

No charge.

I started watching UPN's "Veronica Mars" and have to admit I totally dig it! Kristen Bell is awesome. I just wanted to mention it.

I was watching KLCS and a documentary about the great old days of the Greenwich Village called, "New York the Way It Was: Greenwich Village."

Cool stuff about the neighborhood's 1940s to '60s cultural revolution.

Where is the location of the New Revolution I've been waiting for?

Oh, that's right... It's in a Japanese Toilet!

A vibrating sex toy shut down an Australian airport.

The vibrating object was discovered inside a garbage can at the terminal cafeteria and everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out.

You never hear of Rock Stars with cucumbers wrapped in aluminum foil tripping off the detectors anymore after "Spinal Tap" came out.

The emergency alert was canceled after 45 minutes when the package was identified as an adult sex toy.

The humming sounded exactly like a vibrator said someone who knows the sound well, but it was better to be safe then sorry.

No one has claimed to toy yet, but DNA has been taken from the "Anal Intruder."

A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it.

67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

I've never mistaken my dick for a chicken neck, but I have been known to choke the chicken from time to time.

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.



But the dog won't have long to live.

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were.

The first was a Lockheed-Martin employee who said his dog was an excellent draftsman.

His dog was named "T Square," and he told his dog to go to the
blackboard and draw a square, a circle, and a triangle which he did
with no problem.

The old McDonnell-Douglas employee's dog was named "Slide Rule," and he claimed his dog could do calculations.

He told him to go fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back and divide them into four piles of three each, which the dog did without eating a crumb.

The Boeing employee said that was all pretty good and started to show what his dog "Measure" could do.

He told him to go buy a quart of milk and pour exactly seven ounces of it into a 20-ounce glass, which the dog did without spilling a drop.

The three of them agreed that their dogs were all pretty smart and all wanted to see what the Government employee's dog could do.

The Government employee snapped his fingers and his dog, "Coffee Break," strolled over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, screwed the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back, filed a Workman's Compensation form and went home on sick leave.

Janet Leigh the great blonde actress in Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" died of a blood disorder. She was 77.

Richard Avedon, one of the most influential portrait and fashion photographers of the 20th century, has died at age 81 in Texas.

He was a consultant for the 1957 Fred Astaire and Audrey Hepburn film "Funny Face," about a fashion photographer in Paris which was based on his life.

His portrait of a nude Nastassja Kinski in 1981 wrapped in a long python become one of the most talked about photographs of its time.

I almost mistaken my penis for a chicken's neck everyday as that poster hung above my bed as a kid.

He was one of my favorite artists.

I was reading Ray Carney's, "Path of the Artist," about a dream of the future of Art and how it becomes corrupted by marketeers and publicists and salesmen.

My friend Rick Schmidt mentions the work of Thomas Kinkade as evidence that Ray's nightmare of the future is here.

Kinkade is America's most collected living artist.

Kinkade is a devout Christian, uses his artistic gift as a way to communicate and spread the life affirming values he embraces.

He worked at Ralph Bakshi Studios, creating background art for the animated feature film "Fire and Ice." After completing his work on the Bakshi film, Kinkade began his career as a painter, selling his originals in galleries throughout California and now the World.

I find myself wanting to run and hide from this horrifying future of Art as Ray describes it, by hiding in one of Kinkade's own pretty lil' cabins in the woods living like a Hobbit in Ralph Bakshi's version of "The Lord of the Rings."

"What the #$*! Do We Know?," a small film that mixes quantum physics, animation and documentary filmmaking, is spreading across the country like a New Age fad diet, or like a Satanic "Passion of the Christ."

A depressed wedding photographer played by Marlee Matlin learns to control her reality through meditation and spirituality.

"What the #$*!" has taken in $4.4 million and last weekend cracked the top 25, thanks to converts spreading the word in yoga classes and health food stores.

Since I'm never in any of those places I have yet to see it, but my friend Kelli and others I know say I need to see it.

Gordon Cooper, one of the original Mercury astronauts and a pioneer in space exploration, has died. He was 77.

The second attempt by the rocketplane SpaceShipOne to soar into space and snagged the $10 million Ansari X Prize.

I'm still hoping this guy gets up there! Maybe Thomas Kinkade will have him sell his artwork off-world.

"Shark Tale" opened this weekend as the highest October box office draw in history. So my friend Aaron is already planning on how to spend his profits.

To: "Jerry Lentz" lentz2001@yahoo.com

Subject: You don't write, you don't call...

Date: Mon, 04 Oct 2004 21:00:12 US/Mountain

Jerry,

Dude, get to LAX, get a ticket to Bangkok, and get on this chick Poon!?!� After seconds of light prepping, she's ready for you.�She gets off work at 3:00, can you be here by then!?

Saw an ad for a really nice house on a few acres of land.� Unfortunately, it was overpriced at around $37,000.� Just no way to pay for a spread like that unless you're actually farming the land.

Looks like I'm going to have to put off plans to move here for another year or so.� "Shark Tale" did pretty well this weekend.� Have to stick around until at least 6 mo's from now when they payout that bonus!!!�

You're going to love it here.

Ok, just read your site.�

(Aaron reads what I wrote about his choice for my possible future wife who's name is amazingly what I'm after... "Poon" and the horrible and regretful things I said while trying to be funny... I apologize to all involved... Jerry)

Dude, that's whack!� Poon's a nice girl, with a great name.� She looks like she's about 27, c'mon, you know these Asian broads!?�

And what's the deal, no update on Gordon or Janet Leigh???� I expect to hear it here first!

Alright man, well have a good day.� You still on vacation?� Quit fagging out watching all those "LOTR" DVD's, get outside and get on a frigging plane!!!

Later,

Aaron

85 year old singer-songwriter Billy Joel married his 23 year old fiance!

This is a photo of Billy Joel's new wife after helping Billy remove his make-up.

What kind of signal does this sent me?

If I want a young attractive woman/girl I need lots of money!

Okay so he's only 50 something. It was a typo.

Still, he's 30 something years older, so would it really be wrong for Justin Timberlake to start planning ahead and begin picking out fetuses for future dates?

I have a friend making a movie in Cambodia right now and he's fallen in love with a teen-aged girl who is helping them on the shoot. He tells me he found someone perfect for me, but get this...

She's older than me!

Why does he get the young pretty and stupid one?

Because he's loaded!

I get love letters from a toothless old gook, I read them in the darkened lonely apartment crying, getting weak, while "Charlie" squats in the bush getting stronger.

Okay, that was wrong. I was trying my best Martin Sheen voiceover and paraphrasing something from "Apocalypse Now."

I'm sure she's a fine woman.

But do I have to travel outside America to find my soul-mate? My love? My wife? My deduction?

Isn't there anyone here in my Time Zone that's dumb enough to risk my affection, attention, and desire?

Age really isn't the issue...

If she just happens to be cool, smart, attractive and 19... It's okay, I'll try and make it work.

If she's all that, but in her 40's that's cool to, it's just almost on a nightly bases, I have what they call, "The Old Hag" climb up and sit on my chest like an incubus.

So I feel I'm already seeing someone older than me.

It would be nicer if I was the older one in my future relationship.

See, I could totally be happy dating my friend Kelli. She's smart, young, attractive, rich and spends lots of time in her sports car as many of her photos on my page shows. However, she is wanted by so many other men, plus she needs someone more attractive and stylish than me.

I have to admit, after all these years she and I have been apart, I have found myself quite in love with her again.

It's hard for me to imagine that now we are so far apart, yet I must stress that this love cannot be at this time. I do not dare believe she is in love with me and would never project that upon her without proof. But what kind of proof is needed?

She may love me yet...

But...

What she may love is but a shadow, a thought of what I once was...

Or maybe never was...

Possibly, somewhere out there across vast plains and just below the horizon of time I might yet become the Man a Woman such as Kelli, or dare I say, Kelli herself, would welcome my shadow to darken her doorstep. My humor lightening her kitchen. Chasing her through the cool damp sheets drying on the line. Splashing her with water as she and I carry it from the river. Making love to her at sunset in a small clearing next to the tall corn in the field. Singing love songs I wrote for her as she skins and guts rabbits for dinner.

Nah, doubt that Kelli's the woman.

Nor am I the man.

I'm possibly the rabbit that got away and is running free.

Run.

Run.

And don't be late.

Well... I totally feel Gay now!

I just finished watching all of "The Lord of the Rings" DVDs. I watched them back to back. Over twenty three hours of movies...

I dunno, seemed like it.

Feel like I've been gangbanged by Hobbits at a Renaissance Faire.

Coming back from seeing my friend Michael, who is doing all he can to get me to get out of my rut and go out to some bars and clubs and try and meet some chicks...

I run into my neighbors, the boys from Bad Acid Trip. They are the sweetest and coolest people you can have next door, even if they are bringing down property value in the area. They have great parties, great fans, loud rehearsals and cool special effects that all take place in their front yard.

I love seeing people driving down our street suddenly slow down when they see the graveyard and nude artwork Dirk has growing in his yard.

I wish I could have a band again.

I love the idea of a group sticking together and creating.

I always seemed to hook up with members that hated each other and fought all the time.

I've been reading Ray Carney's fantastic book, "Cassavetes on Cassavetes" that Ray kindly sent with the greatest personalized note he wrote to me in the front.

This is Ray's book with my sunglasses on John.It is so inspiring and maddening in many ways.

All those questions I keep having churning in my head about, "How to be an Artist? How to be true to yourself? How to balance life and creation and business and love...?" They just loop and spiral in my head with no result other than a headache.

John addresses many of those things in the book and in a way, Ray also has created a work of art searching for the truth about John.

I feel I am so close to making something great and important. At least to me. I can almost touch it. Taste it.

I'm ready to erupt like Mount Saint Helens.

I know I must let something go to be able to step off that ledge, to trust myself that I won't fall, that I won't fail, that I can rip that idea out of my head and hold it in reality in my hand. To show. To let breathe. To live.

And let go...

I know it's like Frodo with the ring on the chain over the lava, but unable to let it drop away.

You feel you are losing something of yourself. A child of yours you fear will be maimed by critics, by school bullies, by teachers, by...

Yourself.

You do nothing.

The fear has you in a lock.

You create nothing but regret.

A void hovers near like a ghost to haunt you. Remind you of what could have been. What you could have been.

But you are safe from the critics.

Safe from pain of bullies.

Safe from Love.

Safe alone.

Alone.

Japanese Women Sleep With Man-Shaped Pillow!

Radio DJ, Junko Suzuki likes to snuggle at bedtime after a hard night's shift. She says she's found the perfect partner: a man-shaped pillow.

Kameo Corp.'s new "Boyfriend's Arm Pillow" consists of a headless torso and a stuffed arm that curls around the sleeper.

Perfect for the girl afraid of actually removing her man's head from his torso.

Suzuki and about 1,000 others in Japan have bought the pillow and have nearly given up on sleeping with real men.

The pillow is not only an emotional comfort, but that its shape keeps the body balanced by supporting the sleeper from both sides.

Sleepers typically curl up in between the body of the pillow and the crooked arm, with the sleeper's head resting on the pillow's "bicep."

The pillow is only on sale in Japan, where customers can buy one for $80. Covered in a shirt-shaped pillow cover, it comes in blue, pink or green.

For Suzuki, who is estranged from her husband, the pillow has definite advantages: It doesn't squirm or thrash in the night, and you know it'll be there in the morning.

I believe her husband left her when he found her asking her pillow if she could borrow some money for new shoes.

Suzuki said in her home outside of Tokyo. "I think this is great because this does not betray me."

Though neighbors have seen another pillow they believe is also performing duties as the Gardener.

The company also has a prototype for its next big project: a female pillow for men. This one will be shaped like a woman's lap, with a "skirt" cover. Panties. Big soft Silicone shaped pillows on her pillow. And a strap-on for the Bi-Curious.

Once I was asked by a Japanese Travel Agent if I knew, "who the most attractive man in Japan is?"

I didn't.

She replied, "A Tourist."

America has what Japanese women might want... "Pillow-shaped Men!"

I very much like the idea of a Woman-shaped pillow, however if she developed a headache I would be crushed.

I don't know how I would get over it if that happened.

That's why I sleep with multiple Woman-shaped pillows. It's like a pillow orgy. Some of my pillows are Lesbians and one has even begun reading the Qur'an while I'm at work.

She's an odd pillow.

The other pillows have ignored her and I feel for her and want her to feel comfortable in my bed.

I sometimes find her on the floor.

If you ever want a Pillow-Shaped Man, call me!

I'm soft, warm, generate a soothing sound that is not unlike that of a kitten's purr. It's just a little rougher in sound, little louder, more bassy...

Okay, maybe it could be called snoring, but purring is what I believe it is!

Damn! You sure are picky when it comes to pillows!