I'm really starting to believe it's best to view art than it is to make art.

As you know, I've been casting a feature that I've written and am trying to direct. It seems to be directing me.

I can't tell from the auditions and the footage I'm shooting what's good or bad... It's all a blur.

I've received a little over 3000 headshots and my Postman hates me. I didn't use a PO Box...

It's great coming home to my mail scattered all over the lawn and sidewalk like I've been kicked out of my home and I'm wading through my laundry that my pissed off ex-girlfriend has thrown out.

My words read by others is horrible sounding to me.

It has to be my words, cause they all appear to be good actors with lots of training.

I was trying to watch some stuff that had been shot, but after a few minutes I was ready to shoot myself. I popped in a Guy Maddin DVD, "Careful" and just drifted off.

I heard Howard Stern is starting mornings on WPBZ a station I'm the voice of in West Palm Beach. Very exciting! I wonder just how long it will be before they fire me now.

That would just be great! Getting fired right now with my life as it is... Just might push me off the edge.

Ever notice how fast time flies on your day off?

It goes real fast when you sleep through it.

Yet, when I sleep at work, it still just crawls along like cold honey.

Ever fall asleep at work and wake yourself up by farting? You look around to see if anyone noticed.

Ever fall asleep just driving to work? The airbag seems so soft and pillow-like.

I've actually fallen asleep while sleeping I think.

I was so sleepy watching, "Fahrenheit 9/11" I started thinking how soft and pillow-like Michael Moore's belly would be. I know he was probably talking about important stuff, but damn that tubby boy is like the perfect Teddy Bear.

I doubt he smells as good as Snuggles though.

Seems a lady named Lita was reading my posting from Monday, June 14, 2004 about my dream/premonition about the bug I nearly hit with my car and she thought enough of it to send me this joke:

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity.

Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off! Angrily, the woman tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12-year-old daughter.

The little girl is just chatting away with her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Not wanting to expose his 12-year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age,the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

Last night I met Livia Squires for the second time. She's the standup comic I met at a showing of Robert Sheer's photography.

I liked her instantly the first time I met her. Other than being really beautiful and smart and talented and nice and other stuff and things...

She's funny, but mainly when she's onstage, or maybe when she's not around me...

Could be she's one of those not funny in person comics. Patton Oswalt is funny to be around, but Steve Allen was deadly dull when he and I were hanging out.

Last night Livia and I headed over to the Village Pizzeria on Larchmont to have a couple of slices and chat. She seemed troubled and had a lot on her mind.

Me being me assumed she would rather be some place else than being with me.

Oddly enough many people do feel that way.

Hard to believe, I know.

I kept trying to maintain eye contact with her but her need to stare off in to empty space while yawning was a powerful force to overcome.

I tried talking with my hands.

I tried holding shinny objects that might reflect some light into her eyes.

I even used pyrotechnics.

No use.

She was deep in thought.

Probably thinking, "How do I get away?"

She had invited me to a disco party at Hollywood and Vine where there was little disco and little party. I had fun even if I was not dressed for the occasion. I met a few nice people, all stand up comics.

It is hard for me at parties where I know no one, I didn't even know the person I went with.

I needed a drink.

I hit the bar to get my most recent regular fix... The cosmopolitan.

I'm use to buying them at The Good Luck Bar for $4.50 and at Pineapple Hill for $2.50, but guess the price at Hollywood and Vine after it had already been mixed and sat in front of me where it was too late to refuse?

That's right!

$11.00!!!

Wow! You must drink there. You're good.

So it must have been the best drink ever right?

Anyway.

I must have been a poor date, because Livia offered to drive a friend of hers home, another stand up comic who was really cool and funny, but as Livia drove me back to my car first, her car barley came to a stop before I was rolled out onto the pavement.

I turned to close the car door but that car was floored and the door shut itself.

On the way home I played the night back over in my head and wondered, was it just me?

Maybe this whole thing about "just being yourself" is bullshit. No one really wants you as you truly are.

I need a makeover!

Cosmetically.

Spiritually.

Financially.

Stylistically.

Maybe financially is the most import one. Then I could afford the other makeovers.

Driving back over the hill into North Hollywood I watched Police Helicopters guide my way with their powerful searchlights. It was like a Hollywood Premiere in the sky as the beam scanned my approach.

In my car I played Mitch Allan from SR-71, and his version of Peter Gabriel�s "In Your Eyes."

Love I get so lost, sometimes
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
The heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes In your eyes
In your eyes In your eyes
In your eyes In your eyes

I felt like John Cusack in "Say Anything" but here I was standing outside of my soul's window, holding up a boombox over my head, like some Lloyd Dobbler trying to lurer my heart out to freedom.

I wanted to run away and hide my head in other good thoughts.

Bury my sadness in some desert Indian Holy Ground where it could mutate into something wonderful and possibly sprout up into something Gold or Green and prosper in the heat and light and even the darkness.

I got home and wondered if I might have an e-mail from her saying she had had a good night.

Nothing.

Today I wondered if she might send one.

Nothing.

Tonight I came home from shooting some auditions for my new movie and wondered if there might be a message on my answering machine from her...

Or anybody...

Nothing.

Maybe my phone was mistakenly cut off?

I could check. I could lift up the receiver and listen, but maybe I should just assume that everyone in the World who might possibly care about me in even the slightest way...

Had other things to do than think about me.

I wish I had other thing to do than think about me.

I met one of my friend Michael's pals. I wish I could remember her name, but she was so cool and goofy. She is from Wisconsin and just when I think I could spend the rest of my life listening to her talk, turns out she's going back home.

She's got some farm dude driving out her to pick her up and drive her back. She's loading up the U-Haul but she'll be surprised when he shows up driving a horse and buggy like the Amish.

She's not leaving without taking a little of Hollywood with her, she's getting some more tattoos to go with the group she already has, and get this...

She's getting little piggies tattooed on each toe. That's not the odd thing. She's getting them tattooed to the bottom of each toe!

Ouch!

Imagine walking after all that.

Farm Dude will be carrying her back.

I saw something on the News that made me smile:

There was a man whose family had tied up a Yellow ribbon around the tree in their front yard for a friend's Soldier son, but some thieving bastard kept stealing the ribbon like an unpatriotic asswipe.

The guy had the Police ready to nab they guy.

Neighborhood Watch kept patrol of the area.

The guy sets up a hidden camera and...

It's a SQUIRREL!

Ain't that sweet?

The rodent was making a nest with the ribbon.

Told you it was sweet.

I once found a mice nest with pink lil' baby mice nesting in my underwear drawer. I thought they were baby angels and let them stay, but then I was only 6 years old at the time.

My mother freaked out!

She threw them out and I thought the little angels would die and I'd have bad luck for the rest of my life...

So I just figured out why my life has been like it's been.

We here in Los Angeles should be prepared for a new and improved riot now that video of a cop beating the driver from a high speed car chase with his flashlight. But I know it looks bad, but have you ever had the batteries of your flashlight go out? That's what I do when that happens. I pound the flashlight.

I have been in a bit of a funk today. I was talking with my brother about my upcoming exciting weekend when he just blurts out some crap about me being "Old."

What's that all about?

He's TEN YEARS OLDER than me!

Asshole!

Also, I have this thing about... When you are asking someone about a show you've seen on TV and they say some shit like, "Oh, I just don't have time to watch TV."

Like they're so superior and have no free time and you're just a loser for watching PBS or Telemundo.

Then later they have all sorts of opinions on some TV series like they must do nuthin' but watch TV.

I had an interesting movie evening...

I was offered the choice of going to one of two screenings.

The first offering was to see Michael Moore's, "Fahrenheit 9/11."

The second arrived just moments later and was... "Spider-Man 2"

Now guess which one I decided to go see...

I'll wait for the answer.

Things seem to be slowly coming back to near normal.

I should have most everything up and still more changes on the way. All this while casting a new feature film called, "American Girl X."

Resent posts should be showing up soon.

Just a quick stop to say I watched the documentary, "Waiting for Twilight" about Guy Maddin... Boy, that was really good, eh? If you want to watch a show about the struggles and troubles of an artist... This might be one to watch also...

Back to work for now!

My.

Site.

I've really been going through a Guy Maddin phase and buying all his DVD's.

Check out this Guy Maddin short film... Will make you happy!

It's called, "Sissy Boy Slap Party"
and it will help sooth your pain.

Also watch for the perfect way to park your bike.

I met a really cool and gorgeous lady tonight named Livia Squires.

She's a stand up comic and from what I've read and heard she is very talented.

I also hung out with my Wealthy Russian friends Olga and Marc. Olga said she wants to hook me up with some of her Russian girlfriends. That might be cool! Olga is very beautiful, so I think she might have attractive friends.

But then, I'm a friend of her's and I'm not so pretty...

I hope it's not a situation where attractive people just hang out with ugly ones to make themselves look better.

I forgot to mention...

The Olympic Torch ran by me over on Larchmont Blvd!!! How cool is that?!!

I got a Greek Flag!

I got this in my e-mail... I'm sure it's true.

Manure...history lesson

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship.

It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large�Shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a byproduct is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could(and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came

Below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

I always thought it was a golf term

I once did a radio interviewed writer David Gerrold, the inventor of the "Tribble" and producer of the Star Trek: The Animated Series a while back and talked with him about John Cusack making a movie out of his book "The Martian Child" it looks like it's going to be a big movie.

One time I actually owned a cel to the animated show as part of a contest Starlog magazine had that I won, then I sold it in a yard sale.

I'm such a loser!

Remember the big thing in Star Trek: The Animated Series where there was one cel that had Spock painted with Six Fingers?

I do.

Man, am I a loser just for knowing that!

Star Trek: The Animated Series Heading for DVD!
http://www.tvshowsondvd.com/

Andy Serkis, to play "King Kong"... Bob Burns sent packing.

The man behind the popular Gollum character from the "Lord of the Rings" films, is reuniting with Peter Jackson to become the man behind the monster in Universal
Pictures' "King Kong," the director's retelling of the 1933 classic.

Like he did for Gollum, Serkis will provide motion capture reference for the character of Kong, who will eventually be realized as a completely computer-generated creature.

Ang Lee who did the motion capture for "Hulk" also was considered.

As was Bob Heironimus who claimed that he was the guy in the gorilla suit in the famous Patterson Bigfoot film.

Serkis also has been cast as Lumpy the cook, a member of the crew of the Venture, the tramp steamer that sails to Skull Island.

Many have thought that little tubby hairy apelike man Jack Black would infact play Kong without much needed makeup...

Episode III is set to launch May 19, 2005, Lucas & Co. are finishing up postproduction work.

Are you getting wet yet?

The second unit team is now shooting some backgrounds of Wookiees at Fox Studios in Sydney were we will get to see a young Chewbacca, as well as the world he comes from.

I was asked by a voice talent wrangler to audition for background Wookie-speak she was holding, cause Lucasfilm is now casting voice talent to supply Wookkie Voices for background banter and Wookie Family Dinner chat...

But like the loser I am... Passed.

I tried and tried to do the wookie sound standing in front of my bathroom mirror, but couldn't muster up the needed sound.

My friend Aaron can really do the sound, but his schedule at Dreamworks leaves him only enough time to talk like Chewbacca during lunchtime.

Lucas' Industrial Light and Magic still needs to complete an whopping 2,000-plus computer effects shots by April 1 of next year.

All that work and you just know sadly it's going to suck...

I had some amazing dreams that I just couldn't get out of my head all day.

I tried to keep my mind on my work, but those images from my sleep just seemed more interesting than what I was doing.

I hung out with my Russian friend Olga and listen to some amazing stories of psychic abilities and manifesting goals with the power of intention that some Russians have...

She seems so cool!

I need to pull out my old videotape of the film, "Rasputin," and show it to her. She might like it, it's one of my favorites.

I love old Russian cinema and literature.

I stopped off at a 24 hour drugstore that looks dangerous to even park near, but I found myself shopping there and finding some good bargains. I found a GE Super III AM/FM radio that normally sells for $70.00 for only like $30.00.

The radio looks crappy, but ask any radio guy and they'll tell you it's the best radio for that price. I had a friend that had one and it was his favorite because it could really pull in the distant AM stations.

I might buy one.

I walked by an outdoor newsstand and got into a conversation with the proprietor about his alien abductions. It was pretty amazing that this guy opened up to me.

I believe in aliens an all that crap, but just hearing someone tell you about their experiences, I couldn't help but get that strong urge to point at something far away and when he turned to look, run as fast as I could to my car and drive away as fast as I could in my lil' Honda.

As fast as I can means something like 42MPH.

I purchased a few weeks ago a double CD of meditation practices by Stuart Wilde, one of my favorite Aussies.

Listening to him talk about the power of meditation I found myself giggling every once in awhile because it's like trying to be lulled to sleep by the Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin.

I wanted to write him and tell him about an amazing thing that happened while sleeping to a Theta beat that was looped on my CD player.

I wasn't trying to sleep, but did which is amazing in itself because the Theta beat that Stuart supplies sounds a lot like my alarm clock going and going.

But I fell asleep and woke up to a frightening dream about being behind the wheel of my car with Nicole Kidman in the passenger seat as a giant bug was flying toward my car. She screamed and the bug started flashing Red like a radioactive lightning bug. I woke up before it hit the windshield.

Strange dream.

Later in the Day, I'm going into Hollywood and I'm cruising pretty fast...

About 43MPH when a City Bus pulls into my lane a bit up ahead. I notice a huge poster of Nicole Kidman on the side of the bus for, "The Stepford Wives."

Just then the car in front of me slams on their brakes, it stops dead in the street and cars swerve out of the way.

This car was a Volkswagen Beetle... A Bug!

I nearly missed crashing into it.

Crikey

Man was today a long and hard one...

Sometimes that's not good.

There was much work to do and time just wouldn't wait for me to catch up.

I assembled many index cards with questions and emotion provokers to stimulate the actors who will have to suffer through the making of my feature film, "American Girlfriend X."

I hate that these actors will suffer, but if the audience is going to why not the actors.

I was at my usual hangout tonight... No the other hangout. Steve just happened to walk in and join me. He said, "I figured you'd be here."

He figured right.

Aaron soon joined after he came back from seeing, "The Chronicles of Riddick" I worry about that boy. He actually liked it, but I hear he may have been high while watching it.

After hanging out and hearing these two talk about computers, "Star Wars," things and stuff and other things and oh, that story I already heard about and then that thing I forgot... It was time for me to hit the bar and get me a Cosmopolitan heavy on the Vodka at Pineapple Hill.

I arrived alone and left alone, excepted for that Cosmopolitan and Vodka drilling its way through my kidneys.

I made it home to watch Usher on SNL in a rerun. Damn he can dance! I could dance like that to if I practiced like he does and looked like that, and did everything he does, and was just... Him.

But why would I want to?

Isn't it better to be yourself?

(He typed while sitting in his underpants nursing a canker sore and a boil with Benzocaine to deaden the pain... and sadness of his miserable existence...ooohh!)

I ordered "The Guy Maddin Collection" of DVD's from Zeitgeist films. I'm so excited I can't wait.

The price was a few dollars cheaper ordering them from Zeitgeist than it was at retailers selling their stuff.

I'm ready to fall into the Guy Maddin world.

I hadn't said too much about it, but I went to see a girl I used to date about twenty years ago. I found out she lived out here and we hooked up and had dinner.

She's still beautiful and talented, now she's rich and famous, but she made time for me. It was great!

We fell right back like time hadn't moved. It was all so overwhelming and wonderful that the cellphone interruptions we got on her ever present phone was almost welcome because I thought I'd explode with joy.

I hope we can get together again, but I'm afraid she has filled her life with work and there is little room for others outside of her business.

I need Guy Maddin to take me away from all the stress of this loveless void.

I just had a Sarah Lentz Concert in my house last night!

I ordered both her CD's, got them, and her music is great!

It was perfect with the new candles and incense I just got for my birthday. Nothing like sitting in a tub with Calgon bubbles and candles burning with the CD player tittering on the edge of the bath about to electrocute me.

After her CD's ended I popped in some Joni Mitchell and Carole King. I was a raisin when I got out.

I hope she can get some gigs booked out this way... Before I fry in the bath.

I need a vacation...

I talked with Callie, my niece, she is traveling all by herself all over Europe by rail and hitch-hiking.

All alone...

She's 18 now... I think. She may be younger.

I think the Olsen Twins are now older than her. Mary-Kate and Ashley are "Jailbait No More." So I guess they're not going to be hot anymore?

I read that Britney Spears is to launch a new fragrance called, "Jason's Finger." Not sure what that means.

I couldn't believe it when I heard that Rush Limbaugh is ending his Third Marriage! I couldn't believe he was married.

Also, it looks like J-Lo and Marc Anthony are already getting an annulment. Wow!

Who saw that coming?

I talked with my sis-in-law about how life on the Missouri farm was going.

I asked her about the price of cheese and milk as the price of pizzas have gone up here. My brother has started drinking 2% milk. That I guess has been a big step for him. I think he usually uses half and half in his cereal.

My other brother loves beer.

I never learned to like the taste of beer. All of my family drinks. I think.

When I was a kid I helped my oldest brother bail hay on a farm and it was over 120 Degrees or something and he brought a huge ice bucket of beer. I drank some and got violently ill.

When I was just a lil' baby, my mum and da use to have big parties for their business friends, one time I started drinking out of half drunken glasses that the grown ups had laying around...

There was a cigarette in one glass and I swallowed it... got violently ill.

My mom tried to get me to drink coffee at the age of three, so she wouldn't have to make coffee for everyone else and one cup of hot chocolate for me. I tried it... got violently ill.

I can drink fruity gay drinks, like Mandarin Cosmopolitans, or other, "Sex and the City" type girlie drinks...

Oh and Jagermeister!

But no milk!

While standing in line to see Ronnie's casket, an old lady in front of me started talking about Reagan's sense of humor. He was really funny.

She was pretty funny then she started flirting with a friend who drove the van there, and told this one that I'm sure the Prez never told:

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so
they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand
in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a
hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be
parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and
says, "How much?

She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says "Shit. All I've got is thirty."

She says,"Hold on."

She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for
thirty dollars?"

Harry says, "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty
dollars is a hand job.

He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his
pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be
right back."

She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly,
"Harry, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?"

Everyone started laughing then up ahead in the line a group of people turned and looked in horror at us laughing, like we were horrible for having fun at a funeral.

My site has been hacked. That's what I get for posting my link in Craigslist I guess. The server was completely shut down.

I can't post and it's driving me nuts. I might have to get another ISP as they're not too happy about the amount of hits my site gets.

My back is a little better.

I was just watching, "Harold & Maude," it is one of my all time favorite movies.

I have friends who know Bud Cort. They always said I looked like him. That's a good thing right?

I'll try and post some pics of me when I was younger and you'll see me as Harold.

One day they actually introduced me to Bud and even now we look alike.

I love Robert Altman films.

I'll try and find a pic of me with Altman. I'm the one that's not smoking weed in the pic.

I never got in to smoking...

I'm not a coffee drinker either so I have to suffer with bags under my eyes and nodding off in meetings.

I'm actually not a night owl. I just sleep way too lightly for the noise level of my 'hood.

I really know nuthin' of Alaska, but it looks nice in pictures. I think I'd like to run away there.

I like the tropics, but I hate muggy humid weather. I hate when my hair gets all curly on my back. I do like storms on the water though, weird huh?

I was offered a job once to do a radio show in an island called Pago Pago. I don't know if that is right. I don't know much about the place, but the pay was way low. They said living was cheap there.

I didn't take the job of course, cause I think the thing to do is bring US money and not work for their dollar, right?

Money stuff eludes me.

I actually don't think it'd be bad about not having a TV on the island. I doubt I'd be able to use Dish TV.

I only use the TV to edit videos with it acting as a monitor. I don't have cable, but here Telemundo comes in like HDTV.

I lived in Florida as a kid when I was around 13, my older brothers were born there. I worked at Disneyworld a bit, my uncle worked at NASA...

I think I may have been there the good years, cause the last time I was there it sucked. But it may have just been me.

I lived in Panama City for awhile. They do have the Whitest Beaches. Summer there sucked with the crowds, but Winter was awesome. You could actually lay in the streets cause it was a ghost town.

I did lay in the streets once.

They filmed, "Ruby in Paradise" there. I never ever saw a girl look like Ashley Judd when I lived there, but Spring Breaks brought in some drunk cute ones.

I once saw a girl walking out of her hotel with a wet t-shirt and I asked her how she did in the contest, but she said she was just drunk and spilled her drink.

If I knew then what I know now about the success of "Girls Gone Wild"...

I bet I'd still be poor.

It's been a pretty cool couple of days here.

I hung out for about an hour again with actress and Oscar Winner Diane Keaton. She's just great! I asked her about "Heaven" coming out on DVD. She said, "Oh that lil' thing? Nobody ever asks about that."

Met Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz and chatted with them about George Lucas, "American Graffiti," the new version of "THX:1138" and about their new work. They're really cool to talk with and have amazing stories.

The weirdest thing is later in the day Aaron buys a DVD of "Easy Riders Raging Bulls" and I watch it and they are all over the documentary! I had no idea!

Met Mary Wornov!

Talked about her work in my friend Ken Hall's movie, "The Halfway House," Gregg Araki, doing work for me, John Waters, life of the artist, Los Angeles, how I know she's an icon to young ladies everywhere, even though she doesn't believe me... She's great!

I'm casting a new film I'm working on about a guy who gets a divorce and then tries to figure out who he really is by interviewing all his ex-girlfriends... I know. Like what do I know about something like that?

I think I might even play the "Guy." A stretch, true, but it will save me a bundle on what Guy Pearce was asking.

I don't think I photograph well, I think I take good pictures of others, but haven't found a photographer yet that hasn't had some pain reflected in their face when I've asked to be the subject of their camera.

The flick is going to be so cheap to shoot that if it doesn't work out I'll just toss it.

When I was a kid I work as a dishwasher in a Triad-gang owned restaurant. The rice was so hard to wash that ofter I would sneak out back at night a throw the pot as hard as I could over a fence and down into concrete drainage river thing.

Years later, I was walking down in this storm drain and saw hundreds of pots that had collected and rusted against the iron drain grill.

Seems like every dishwasher was doing the same thing.

I have hundreds of discarded video tapes of films gone bad.

Well, I don't know if you've read any of my website, but then since it's down and I can't publish any work, you wouldn't know that my back is out.

I stood in line with some friends from CBS for 9 hours to see Reagen's coffin. The next day my back was shot!

I was watching Dan Rather that night and there was about a half of a second of footage of me walking around the flag draped casket.

Now I'm a part of history.

I'll be like John-John, immortalized on film.

Chicks will want to date me.

Then someday I too will crash a plane I'm piloting. That'll be the most realistic part as I can't fly.

With this back problem, I can't even walk...

Which will be much better after I finally score some drugs. The best way now to get drugs is to find friends who just start jobs where they drug test, cause no druggy wants to waste the good stuff, they'll just give 'm to ya, but then they'll ask you all kinds of questions, like "How was it?" like they miss the experience an all.

I wish I could type from the floor, but I should be good as new when I reincarnate.

I met this really funny and groovy girl working as a clerk at Tower Records in the DVD department. I was with Aaron and I think she would be perfect for him for at least a weekend.

I tried to get him to talk to her, but he would only do it if I was standing there talking with her. The more I did the more I thought, I'd like to go out with her.

I use to be so scared of what people would think if I started talking to a total stranger.

My x-wife hated me talking to new people. She would just run away. And then finally she never came back.

Then I did an interview with Cyndi Lauper and she told me a story about how she use to be shy and only started talking to girls in the other stalls in the bathroom, because they couldn't see each other.

She said she started thinking what if the world ended and this broad on the toilet next to her was that last person she was to ever talk to and missed that opportunity?

So after that and thinking about it, I started talking to women in the bathroom.

Oh sure most screamed and yelled and ran and pressed charges, but I did get over my shyness.

Jail time will help you make a little human interaction with the great unwashed.

I have friends that have horrible road-rage because of their traffic time, I don't suffer from that because I always carry things with me that help sooth my senses while I drive.

I always have a tape of a book, or old radio dramas from the 30's or 40's, I might listen to Deepak Chopra, I carry scented oils and candles, a cooler with a nice wine, cheese and crackers, a blanket, and a 9mm fully loaded.

You just never know...

That jackass is gonna lose that finger if he gives it to me one more time!

I was once involved with a girl about 3 ft tall, she was in the 1st Grade, but then so was I, so I may have been shorter, I can't remember.

I like tall women. I like the Statue of Liberty.

She's the only really Tall Woman that I've ever climbed.

Remember that song, "I'm Every Woman"...? I always thought she was singing, "Climb Every Woman"...

I've never had the opportunity to date outside my height, or above my height, or taller than me I should just say, but I have dated many intellectually superior women who seemed taller and more threatening.

I've met a very tall woman online, but never seen her in person. She could be lying about her height. There's nothing in her jpeg that gives a scale.

I'm sure I've dated girls taller than me. I just can't remember.

I can't remember because I wasn't writing everything down in a blog back then...

Damn late blooming technology!

These kids these days have no idea how great they have it!

DVD's, Internet, Dish TV, Laser Hair Removal, Penile Implants...

I'm not hard to please. Just ask any of the women who have left me.

But this is without a doubt the best way for a chick to get in my bed.

I was thinking about when I used to work for my uncle's nursery and sell flowers in Florida. It seemed like alchemy. Grow the plants and sell them. Like money grew on... You know.

I thought about all the interesting people I would meet. Some people just resold the plants, but others would work them into floral arrangements and make art of of them.

I had a talk today with a friend about how hard it is to be a creative person and have to actually work another job to help pay the bills while trying to be creative... Just how hard that is.

I got pretty depressed after that conversation.

I was thinking about when I was watching my friends TV while taking care of his pets when he was on a world tour, and seeing an episode of some HGTV show about a couple that lived in a treehouse in some remote Alaskan forest.

They seemed so happy. They had hardly any living expenses and made money writing and art.

No traffic. No large corporations. Fresh air. Wild bears breaking into their treehouse and mauling them...

Well, that'd be the bad part.

But it made me want to try and find another way of living.

I just talked with another friend who just had his third book published and he showed me how he had figured out his income from his writing for one year. He figured he made McDonald wages, but was happy cause he did it on his own schedule, no boss, but his rent and living budget is something like $2000 a month.

If he lived somewhere other than here he'd be doing okay I think.

I want to run away and live in a tree house...

...With some cute sweet hippy tree loving chick who is very good at gymnastics.

Boy, am I in pain!

Earlier yesterday I threw my back out. It wasn't any good anyway, so I threw it out.

Actually, I think falling down the stairs might have had something to do with it. Or the jumping up quickly before anyone could see me and acting like I meant to come down the stairs that way all cool like...

I've asked everyone I know for some muscle relaxers or animal tranquilizers, but since I'm always asking for that, no one believed my back pain.

I've had so much to tell you, but have written so little lately, that I must write all about it maybe this Sunday.

Tomorrow, or rather later Today, I'm meeting up with a girl I used to date something like... 15 years ago!

She'll probably change her mind if she happens to read this. I say we use to date, she believes I was just something less than a fuckbuddy.

I've seen her recently in the paper and in a few magazines as she is a talented artist and performer, and she looks as beautiful as ever, while I have had that reverse Dorian Gray affect... I have a painting that stays young while I melt.

I have no hope in this ever leading to anything as she is romantically involved with someone else...But I hear he's possibly a terrorist and as soon as I find out where he lives, I'm turning him in for the good of all that is American and good.

Then I'll do my best to help her through the grieving process as he sits in a cell somewhere with panties on his head. Poor bastard!

I would sit here and type more crap, but my spine has crawled away from the rest of my body and is now tangled itself around the phonecord.

If you have any drugs that might help this situation, or any other situation, or just any hallucinogenic yet relaxing drug at all please e-mail me a location for us to hook up.

Am I still sleeping?

Am I dreaming?

I had a horrible dream that I was fighting with my father. Physically fighting. Yet I was unable to punch him or return blows. It was like I was swimming in Karo Syrup.

I woke up with my t-shirt and sheet wrapped around my neck like a noose.

Maybe it's best I'm not sleeping with anyone these days, or I might end up in jail for beating someone up in my sleep.

Sounds like an alibi from, "Law and Order."

I slept so hard last night.

I actually dropped asleep about two minutes after recording some voiceovers for a radio station. I barely made it to bed.

Now I'm up.

Yet still tired and now bored.

What can you do this early in the mourning?

I know, I'll lay back down in the bed and try to sleep some more!

I can't sleep...

My mind is racing.

It must be a full moon.

Yes, it is, I think. It looks full to me. I just stepped out and took a walk around the block.

That isn't a good thing to do if you just happened to catch ABC's Peter Jennings talking about how great it is to live in Los Angeles.

While walking in the dark, I saw not one but two separate falling stars. I made my wishes. We'll see if I win the lotto and live forever.

My family all got together over the weekend. Without me of course. I live here and they live there...

I wonder why sometimes.

Someone sent me some Thomas Kincade crap in the mail as a goof I guess.

I don't really dislike his stuff, it's just funny that art can be sold in a Mall.

But then is it really that strange?

Why would I be down on his stuff so?

Anyway staring at these pictures of cabins in the woods and views down winding paths with way too many colors, unless one were on acid, or had lead poisoning as they say Van Gogh may have had from putting the paint in his mouth... I found myself longing for a place like this to step into.

PBS's "Frontier Family" looks fun after they get settled and all, but could I live like that and still feel okay about having DSL and DishTV? Could I even have those things?

No one out here in LA seems to feel any of these desires I have for living in a cabin, yurt, cave...

How can I have the best things of the City and elbow room of the country?

I ran into the friend I have told you about in the past. The one who broke up with her boyfriend and then we made out a couple of times. Then nuthin'.

Well, she told me she felt I wanted something more serious than she wanted to have so soon after her break up.

I don't know what to say, because I don't want to tell her, "No I don't want to date you. I don't want to get involved with you. I just wanted to make out with you. Hang out and kiss and see movies and stuff..."

I hope she's just using that as an excuse, cause I'd hate having to say, "I don't want you as a girlfriend, cause I don't think we are compatible, but as a friend you are the coolest!"

Anyway, I feel it's over even as friends. That "Friends" has been cancelled too...That sucks! It just feels too weird now. I feel too uncomfortable around her.

I'm sure she won't mind not seeing me around. She's got other things to think about.

I talked on the phone with my old friend Jerome Jackson last night.

He's not Black, but that is his slave name.

We use to be roommates back when he was an Elvis Impersonator. I love saying that I once lived with an Elvis Impersonator.

He now does a morning talk show on the most powerful FM station in the South. He also lives in a cabin. One that appears to be slowing dissolving by termites I hear.

He worked the Memorial Holiday by singing at his local Alabama VFW hall for the boys.

I asked if he sang, "War! Uuhhg! What is it good for...?"

But no.

He said he got $100 to sing. That's about an hour gig, so if he could just find 8 parties a day to sing that'd be some good money!

Maybe if we had more War related holidays he could rack up his sales?

I hear Julia Roberts is pregnant.

I mean if she can find somebody to love her, or have sex with her... What's my deal?

I get turned down more than the "Apprentice's" Kwame gets fired.

If you got the green, people will love you know matter what. Look at "Shrek 2" people love him.

If I could sing like that Puerto Rican walking skeleton Marc Anthony, I could get someone like Miss Universe Dayanara Torres and then divorce her just to paypack all the times I was turned down in school by the pretty girls.

Even that one armed surfer chick is getting dates now. Maybe arms and legs really aren't all that important?

I don't know if even a shark would give me a second look.

I need a pretty legless girl who won't run away from me.

Note to self: Rent "Boxing Helena" again...

Note to self: Cancel that last order...

My friends are working on that new Dreamworks movie, "Sharkstale." I can't remember if it's "Shark's Tale" or "Sharkstail"... I hope it's not, "Shark Stale."

But I worry that kids will begin thinking sharks are so cute and start feeding them body part while swimming.

I was reading an article by industry analyst Jack Myers talking about Roy Horn and partner Siegfried Fischbacher's NBC "Father of the Pride," an animated comedy with perfect timing in ways other than comedic.

Jack Myers wrote something like, "Father of the Pride" is DOA. The animated series was in far worse shape than Horn and the reaction of NBC's advertising clients was so negative that it's unlikely the program will last on NBC's schedule.

So what's next a sitcom about Nick Berg?

I remember my mom telling me when "Hogan's Heroes" came out that my uncles, who were in a prisoner of war camp went ballistic. Hard to imagine now.

I watched a bit of the War Memorial show and have to admit I got choked up a few times.

Hearing stories about getting shot and seeing your best friend blown up is just wonderful stuff to hear if you got kids, or friends, or family in Iraq.

Too bad they can't just make war movies and not war.

What if all the countries got together each year and made war movies and whatever war movie made the best box office... That country won?

But Tom Sizemore can't be in any of them.

But John Wayne can!