Well, I had a great Birthday!

I finally got the laundry done washed that I needed to do.

That may not seem like such a great event...

But the bottom layer of laundry had begun to turn to coal. I was going to wait and see if my stinky socks and underwear would become diamonds, however I need clean undies more than diamonds right now.

The BBQ could have used some of the coal, but who wants a hamburger that smells like ass and feet?

I hung out with some Dreamworks friends and ate burgers, fries, and drank too much tea. Then hit Pineapple Hill and drank Cosmos.

After two I was drunk.

I'm a wimp.

I'm not a drinker, but this weekend I tried my best.

I visited Tower Records with Aaron over at the Galleria and talked with a really cool and beautiful clerk that works the DVD section. She has the coolest Nancy Sinatra hairdo.

I told her about how I remember my mother having this cool space-age portable hairdryer and big round pink rollers that sat in a steam bath tray heating up before she wound her hair onto them.

The clerk giggled and nodded that nod and giggle that they use to distract you from noticing they've hit the security button with their foot.

After the mace died down I noticed Aaron had picked up quite a few DVD's. I can't remember any of them but, "Knotting Hill."

Gay, I know, but I've seemed to turn him on to the genius of Richard Curtis.

After the deafening success of my pathetic Yahoo Personals Ad, I posted a doosy on the great Craigslist.

Many people have clicked to this here site, but few have responded with an e-mail after reading enough to know I'm not their type, or their friend's type, or their mother's, or even their perverted uncle...

Mostly I think people may be shy.

Mostly, I think they might believe I'm insane.

But would an insane man do this?

(He said, typing with his penis.)

I dare say, "Not!"

My Craigslist ad:

Subject: It's my B'Day today... What did you get me?
Date: Sun May 30th 03:16
Besides a swift kick in the pants...

All you need to know about me, when you decide to ignore me, can be found here:
----------

Short and pointless I know...

I have heard from a few...

Subject:
I need you real bad, Jerry!
Date: Sun, 30 May 2004

Hey, don’t be so down on yourself.  Its your birthday.  My birthday came and went just like any other day.  And I tried not to let it bother me….even if it did maybe just a little.  Hell, it seems like everyone in LA is searching for love….in all the wrong places.  So here we are on Craigslist.  Well, anyway, Happy Birthday Dude…from a total stranger.  So if a total stranger can wish you Happy Birthday, life can’t be all bad.

Later………

Jude
-----------

I wonder if Jude is a guy? I hope not... Wasn't Saint Jude a guy? Wasn't "Hey Jude" written for Julian Lennon, a "man?"

Then, again in the name of abusing intellectual property...

Here's another ad and e-mail...

Subject: Non Babe wanted! Where are the interesting and smart ones?

Date: Mon May 31st

I am so tired of Model/Actresses...

Tired of looking at them in magazines.

I just want a nice, sweet, smart, funny, cool, weird, goofy, lady who likes movies, books, and hanging out and talking.

Everything you'd need to know about me, to use against me, even before we breakup... Can be found here:

Also the Library of Congress has info available.

I have references from the many girls I've dated in the past that have found Lesbianism to be their best option after suffering with me.

Also, a credit report is available for viewing.
--------
Subject: craigs
To: suffering

Ok....your sick of model/actress types.....well, it's not me...even though that's what I hear I should be.....

You drive your ex's to lesbianism...well how interesting, did you ever think that they were just bi to begin with.....that's ok, my ex's date fat ugly women after me.....poor bastards....well you & I should have some fun.....

so you don't want a babe? How about a smart bitch? or pain in the ass biache......I can be all of the above....depends upon what you bring out of me...I'll throw some simple clothes on, put my hair in a knot.....make myself look real mid-west and you'll still want me.....the trouble is if I actually do something with myself and put some sexy shoes on you might start acting like an ass.......

the library of congress & credit reports.....how enticing...if you've noticed I'll mirror your attitude, be careful you may not like a taste of your own lips......

suza
-----------------

Hey suza,

Thanks for responding. I don't think I have an
attitude, it may just read that way.

I was just tasting my lips and, no, I don't like their
taste. Cherry Chap Stick will change that now.

Thanks again,

Jerry
------------------

Stupid! Not all the women I've dated have become Lesbians.

I think at least two are dating men.

I don't believe I turned the women into Lesbians, I feel I provided a safe environment for them to explore their true repressed sexual preferences.

Just because they later began hating me and bringing other women into the relationship... To also hate me... Has nothing to do with me "turning them into Lesbians."

Also, for the record, I know I was sexually fantastic!

There was never once where any of the girls faked an orgasm with me. I never even heard them moan, or cry out in ecstasy... Ever!

Because sadly, it seems I had dated women who were incapable of feeling sexual pleasure. Some of the ladies even had a shared disease...

Amazingly, like some strange coincidence, I was dating a series of narcoleptics!

Every time I undressed or began giving them pleasure, they would begin to yawn and fall into a deep sleep.

In an effort to help them I turned to porn. I rented porn for them to watch. I had to rent hundreds of tapes. I knew that they loved me and didn't want to think about cheating on me, so I knew they wouldn't want to watch a porn video with any men on them. So I sacrificed and rented only Lesbian porn.

It was horrible for the first few years...

Every day young fresh lipstick Lesbians, rubbing, licking, and grinding each other...

Nothing helped, but the videos...

My girlfriends seemed to find it more helpful to watch the videos while I was away, or they'd watch with their girlfriends from work or school.

Then the relationships just seemed to peter out...

I know, I suck...

Today was my B'Day...

I don't feel older or old.

It seems to be a day like any other. Not like 9-11, or when my Mother died, but like an average day.

A girl asked me today if I like the change in the Seasons one can experience in areas unlike here in Southern California.

Here it's one long season that moves fast. Time moves and you can't break the year down in four segments.

You find yourself growing old fast here.

Cosmetic surgery is our biggest staple industry next to porn. Porn is for the young. Not young viewers, but young looking actors.

I heard Dave Attell on Conan say watching "Barely Legal" porn was like saying one is "Almost Pedophile."

I usually shave my head. I started losing my hair around 15 years old, but I like shaving my head. When I let it grow out now, I see the silver and gray hairs. When I shave I seem to have a youthful appearance.

Friends and blind people guess my age at twentyfive.

I got a B'Day card from one of my brothers who has a huge silver beard. He looks like a farmer/wizard. A Gandolf the Gray of Hay.

I got an e-mail B'Day card from an old friend that has been hurt by me in the past. It was nice to get it.

I talked with a cool chick in Australia named Kathe who is dating a guy from Detroit and are moving to Vancouver... He's in music and she's a filmmaker... Damn, if they can hook up overseas and shit by internet...

What can I do?

Mail Order Russian Brides!

I met my e-mail pen pal who responded to my Yahoo Personals ad. I took her to a Pizza place I eat at and like.

She's pretty and very smart and cool.

A Mexican busboy there I like sees me with her and after she gets up to use the bathroom, he walks over and pats me on the back.

Good job well done?

Glad you're not Gay?

I like Latino girls too?

I don't know what his pat on the backs mean.

I think she might have been disappointed in me. I don't know for sure. There seemed to be big silences and staring off into space.

She may be too smart for me.

She may be too beautiful for me.

I'm just not her type. She wants a "Man."

I felt awkward and after ice cream we separated with a sweat hug. She headed back to her house and I thought I'd walk around reading magazines at Borders or something free.

I didn't.

I started getting depressed and drove to the Good Luck Bar next to the Vista Theatre where, "The Day After Tomorrow" was playing.

Was that a sign that my day was a disaster?

I walked into the bar and got myself a Mandarin Cosmopolitan.

The bartender was nice and friendly. The place was almost empty except for three groups of three girls each in a set.

Odd, I thought.

The place is dark and Chinese Red.

The bartender even asked to see my ID. I appreciated that. Maybe I look young. Maybe the place is just too fucking dark.

I have three Mandarin Cosmos and the fourth one is on the house due to my Birthday... How cool!

I am so drunk.

I hear the girls all talking. They sound like High School girls. I know that sound. I spent the day at Fairfax High School watching, "Guys and Dolls" they have that same ear grinding chatter.

Two girls walk up to me and ask if the chair next to me is taken. One girl is probably 7 feet tall and the other is maybe 4 feet tall. They're both cute and they sit.

It seems every person in the place is a girl. I may be a girl as well I think. The bartender's a man that's for sure. A kind man. Giving me a free drink is opening him a place in Heaven.

I am getting really truly drunk. I'm getting scared and I start playing with my glass nervously. I start thinking everyone is watching me.

The glass tips slightly, but it is me over compensating the catch that causes the drink to empty itself all over me and the bar.

I'm all wet.

I refuse to make eye contact. I fear the looks.

I hear the tall girl whisper, "D'jou see that?"

I see the big tip I left there is totally soaked.

I get up to leave and my legs stay seated. I'm nearly at the door before they leave the seat and stumble to me.

Say goodbye to the doorman, he says, "Y'okay sir?"

Just what I need on my B'Day... "Sir."

I walk past the crowd piling up for "The Day After Tomorrow' and notice the entire front of my shirt is soaked with lighter fluid smelling Vodka.

There are some looks aimed at me as I stumble off the curb. I almost make it to my car. I'm thinking I'll just lay the seat back and rest before getting on the move behind the wheel of death.

I get in, but a car is waiting for my spot.

FUCK!

They honk.

I start the car knowing I'm dangerous.

Down Vermont I drive. KROQ is playing some "Greatest Party Songs of All Time" thing and General Public is playing, "Tenderness."

I don't know where to start or where to stop
my lucks like a button
I can't stop pushing it
my head feels light
but I'm still in the dark
seems like without tenderness there's something missing

Tenderness, where is the
Tenderness, where is it
I don't know where I am but I know I don't like it
I open my mouth and out pops something spiteful
words are so cheap
but they can turn out expensive
words like conviction can turn into a sentence

I held your hands
rings but none on that finger
we danced and danced
but I was scared to go much further with it
just half a chance
make sure that one night you're here but
next night you're not
it always leaves me searching for a little

Tenderness, Tenderness, Tenderness, where is the Tenderness

Whistling in the graveyard
calling up your girlfriend
just trying to make her understand
you're squeezing the telephone like it was her hand
no question
so many questions
she's going to catch you out boy
it all seems so underhand
now she's the only thing that ever made you feel like a man, man
madman madman

Where is the Tenderness, Where is the Tenderness, where is it

Tenderness, tenderness, tenderness
where is the Tenderness

When you're sick to death of second best, pet
why should the morning always find you unimpressed?
is your love like a button?
you can't stop pushing it?
oh this all night longing can be such a long time
------------

Life shouldn't be so hard. I pass Universal and see couples holding hands and walking all happy and seemingly in love.

I know I need to be nicer to myself. I don't know what to do. I want to be happy, but I think it will be fleeting and I'll only be sadder. Like if I stay depressed my life will be on an even keel.

A smooth roller coaster ride?

I wobble up to my pad and flop on the bed.

There must be a girl out there to love me. I can't be here on this planet to suffer alone like this...

There just has to be someone to suffer with...

I have a craving for pancakes and bacon...

I can't get up to move.

I'm so wasted.

Wasted.

Today was one busy Mother...

Glad it's over.

It was good later in the day when I saw my friend Michael. He made me a shrimp dish with pineapple and teriyaki sauce. Damn, it was good.

Too bad he's a dude.

I've been reading a good book, "Keystone: The Life and Clowns of Mack Sennett," by Simon Louvish. It's been really good. I love stories about Mack Sennett and the early days of silent cinema.

I learned some good stuff in the book. Like that Heroin was created and sold over the counter by the Bayer Aspirin corporation.

Hollywood in the Twenties was using Heroin to calm people down from the cocaine that was in Coca-Cola.

I always wondered why the Keystone Cops were so manic.

The other day one of the non terrorist people responding to my New and Improved Yahoo Personals ad and I began heavily e-mailing back and forth.

She's smart, funny, pretty, Hispanic, or Latino, or something like that, cool, sexy, anyway... We started talking by phone.

Dangerous I know...

Evidently she's been showing her friends and former gang members my e-mails. They all hate me.

They've visited my website and think it and I suck.

She was kind enough to let me know all this.

Already I feel this is turning into a West Side Story story, or maybe a Romeo and Juliet... Wait aren't they based on the the same story?

That's right...

"The Warriors"

I loved that movie!

Anyway, the world is already against us... Or against me anyway.

She's homefree.

I was impressed with her, but her yawns told me a different story.

A story that was followed by her sitting the phone down for long periods of time while I talked about myself.

She e-mailed me really cool pictures of herself. She's really sexy, but almost every photo had Ben Affleck hanging on her arm, or P. Ditty standing next to her.

How can I compete with that?

Her parents have been together for something like 45 years. How cool is that? Her dad's from Mexico and her mom is a member of English Royalty.

I know I'm screwing everything up just telling you about her. She'll read this and never talk to me again.

That happens...

That would be so sad, cause just talking with her I think we could really get along, if she'd stop making fun of me and calling me names.

Other than that she really cool. And I just wanted to tell you how cool she is before I mess it all up.

I'm so damaged.

Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY!!!

Get me something... Now!

There are so many films that I should go see this weekend, but probably won't.

I kinda know that the world is coming to an end and the trailer pretty much spells it out in, "The Day After Tomorrow."

I just doubt I'll see it this weekend. I'll wait for it's BO to drop off by 75% and then see it next weekend.

"BAADASSSSS!" opens at the Laemmle Theatres SUNSET, MONICA, PLAYHOUSE, TOWN CENTER, so I should find one theatre to see it in... I just don't want it to be all Black theatre.

When you live under a shaved head and just happen to enjoy wearing Doc Martins, you're pushing your luck sometimes partaking in and supporting your Negro interests.

For a look back at the film that was not only the first of the "blaxploitation" genre but one of the original "indie" movies... "BAADASSSSS!"

I watched Tavis Smiley last night on PBS and The Van Peebles' were both on... It was pretty fun.

Then there's "Bukowski: Born into This" at the Nuart Theatre. Ever read Love is a Dog from Hell, Notes of a Dirty Old Man, or Women, Hollywood and Post Office, the screenplay for "Barfly?" Charles Bukowski's the man even now that he's dead.

I hung out with one of my favorite broadcasters... Steve Hartman.

The guy who is doing the throw the dart at a map and everyone has a story to tell and looks to be replacing Andy Rooney and is a corespondent on "60 Minutes 2"... Yeah, that guy!

I really think that guy is a true artist. I love his storytelling and easy going manner. I fear that his talent is in trouble in a channel flipping ratings dominant world.

When I feel down his stories have a way of picking me up. They should put all his stuff on DVD like "Firefly."

Saturday I'm off to see a High School production of "Guys and Dolls," that'll be fun. I think it's kinda funny that I actually have friends in High School. I'm like John Hughes.

That was a B'Day gift from a nice sweet High School girl... And former runner up for "America's Next Top Model," or was it, "America's Most Wanted?"

Maybe I'll meet a hot wealthy single mother. Like Liam Neeson, when he meets Claudia Schiffer at his step son's school in, "Love Actually."

Ahhh, the movies...

They make real life seem so dull and boring and depressingly below average.

I saw my friend Michael today and he was nice enough to bring a really hot looking chick with him.

That is a real friend.

Some guys just show up and don't bring anything.

Michael brought a girl for me to look at and talk to, but mainly look at...

I don't remember anything she said. I don't remember her name. But I do know what she looked like.

Michael bought me the best incense ever. My eyes started watering up instantly. I had them in my car and nearly passed out and died on the freeway from the blurred vision and lack of oxygen. I hadn't even lit the sticks yet.

Never do that in a car. Unless you need to cover up the smell of pot.

I hung out with my friend Francis today as well, speaking of pot. He's like the head of some "Make pot free and legal" organization. He gets to meet famous, wealthy and important potheads and sign then up for important stuff... Or something.

Recently, I've had many people comment and ask if I smoke pot. I wasn't offended. I think should be legal and mandatory, but I do not smoke anything.

So I wondered why people were constantly asking. Then, while showering it occurred to me that as a gift a friend gave me some soap made out of hemp. It smells good, not great, but certainly doesn't smell like weed.

I figure there must be some subliminal pot smell that potheads can zero in on.

I hope I don't get drug tested anytime soon with that and the poppyseed buns I've been eating.

I met some people that worked on a movie that is totally Greenscreen like I've been wanting to do, and Steven Soderbergh is an executive producer on it called, "Able Edwards" about a cloned Walt Disney type guy.

Then mear moments later walking down the street I ran into a guy I used to know about ten years ago that was a writer for SNL and more recently, "The Drew Carey Show," we talked about his new show that's being totally done on a Greenscreen that my friend Steve is working on...

I received another e-mail from a possible publisher interested in what I've accomplished in this blog and the idea of a book deal. Who'd want to buy this?

It's here free.

Should I even respond to the inquiry? It all sounds like too much work.

I'm looking for the kind of editor that Faye Dunaway was in "Barfly."

Or Tilda Swinton in the fantasy segment of, "Adaptation."

Some smart sexy chick that loves proofreading while bent over and I'm looking up her dress. With the book world what it is these days, I like a publisher to show a little effort.

I've grown tired of my bed.

I love sleeping, but the bed takes up so much space. I've been looking to actually move down to a Twin size or smaller.

Since I'm not sharing the bed with anyone...

I don't need much room.

I've looked at moving a small mattress into the closet area...

That doesn't make me Gay does it? Moving into the closet?

I was doodling on a sketchpad and trying to design me my perfect bed. It had a radio, mp3 player, small flatscreen TV with Dish, Mac and keyboard where I could reach and type on my back, some what enclosed...

When I finished it looked like a high tech coffin.

I started thinking how cozy and dark and quiet a coffin could be. I need to widen it cause I like sleeping in the fetal position with a thumb in my mouth and the other hand clinging to a pillow in terror.

Hung out with some of my stripper friends tonight.

Seems like that would be a great replacement for "Friends" being absent from NBC...

"Stripper Friends!"

Anyway, the other night a gal I videotaped as part of a short film I once was making came by without calling... I hate that!

I thought she was someone else, so I opened the door.

It was after 2AM but I was up reading an e-mail from a friend at Warner Bros. publicity department who knows my favorite film of all time is George Lucas' "THX:1138," now they are re-releasing it as I mention in an earlier post as the "Director's Cut," with new effects.

Checkout the awesome trailer.

THX:1138

I opened the door only after shutting all the lights off inside. I didn't want her to see the mess.

We sat outside and chatted about life and movies and paint-ball.

Paint-ball?

She's really into it. She always shows me parts of her body bruised by hits.

She must be bad at it.

She wanted to see if I'd let her spend the night.

I wouldn't.

She's really cute, sexy, interesting, and too young, but my place is a mess and I just don't feel comfortable yet with anyone in my place.

Turns out she just slept in her car outside my place.

I felt bad.

She came by again, without calling and I rode with her and some stripper friends of hers to Wendy's over in Burbank.

Two of the girls were dating each other as is the way sometimes, but seemed to be having troubles with each other and trust.

They sat in their car in the parking lot and screamed at each other as my friend and I sat on a curb and ate.

Strippers can really pack away the food and still stay slim. I guess they really get a workout stripping.

Maybe I need to strip...?

Okay, I heard you!

Who knew taking off clothes was so much effort?

Lillian, who hates that I have written about her in the past on this page now has a new name.

She pulled out a ragged piece of paper with all the possible names she scribbled.

Some were very funny. I wish I could remember them.

After the girls calmed down, we headed over to Sunland to a very dark ranch where one girl had to pick up her truck.

It was very scary for me.

Especially after watching "Helter Skelter" the other night. I just knew I was going to get killed.

I hate not knowing what's going on...

Then again, I never know what's going on...

Lillian is like a lil' bird with a broken wing that I want to help, but she might be a rabid bat and bite me.

She's almost Goth.

She drove me back and we sat outside in the dark in her car. Next to my foot on the floorboard were some books. I picked some up and one was the Holy Bible.

The others were "The Da Vinci Code" and something called, "Jesus in the House of the Pharaohs."

She asked me if I had ever read that? I said no.

She began explaining to me how it says that Jesus, Joshua, and Tutankhamen were the same person...

My mind began glazing over.

Something about a teenage porn chick talking about the life of Jesus...

I picked up the Bible pretending I was interested and noticed that the rubber stamped owner address was a motel from Shaver Lake, California. I never heard of this place.

I wondered if she stole it after a night of filming a movie, or a spell as a runaway, or possibly after a happy vacation with family or friends?

The name Shaver Lake, seems oddly funny for a porno wannabe vacation location.

"Have you seen 'The Passion of the Christ' yet?" she asks.

I tell her no.

"I think you would really like it."

She puts her hand on the back of my neck and squeezes a bit.

"I'll go with you, I've seen it like five times already," she pulls me closer and kisses me on the lips.

I pull away.

She pulls harder and slides over the stick shift and gets on my lap as she kisses me again.

The whole W.W.J.D acronym of "What Would Jesus Do?" comes to mind as she grinds my house keys that are in my pockets into my hip with her ass.

I pop open the door as the interior light and "Door Ajar" warning comes on.

"Why did you do that?" she says looking very hurt.

I lie and say something about accidentally getting caught in the handle...

Not too good at the lying thing unless I have time to plan it out.

I continue stepping out of the car. She tries really hard to stay on my lap. But a lap will stay a lap only so long and the once erect, it ceases to be... A lap.

Now we're both out of the car and she clings to me so sadly and desperately like a baby who's parent is leaving.

I could be her parent as I think about our ages.

I am now trying to remove that math exercise out of my head.

I kissed her good night and told her not to read this page anytime soon.

She asked if she could just sleep on my couch?

I had to break it to her that I didn't own a couch.

Then she says, "You know what I mean."

Finally...

I watched her drive away and make a u-turn at the end of the street. I hid behind the hedge to see if she'd drive by or stop outside my place.

She drove by slowly. I thought she might be looking for a spot to park and sleep again.

I stay down, squatting just as the local cat comes rubbing up against me, scaring the shit out of me.

It walks me back up to my door. This pussy too gets a door closed on it.

Someday soon...

After my extreme makeover...

After my HGTV redecorating episode...

After Dr. Phil works me over...

I'll be ready for love.

Maybe I'll meet a cool girl that will want to go see, THX:1138 with me and we can escape society by climbing up out of this place on an impossible tall ladder leading to a manhole cover to paradise...

Ya have to see the movie to know...

Looks like I'm having problems with the website again...

The Archives are not working and some links are broken. The revamping is going slow.

I've been seeing potential salespeople for the New and Improved radio show.

That's been fun talking with these people. "Sales" seems like horrible work, but there are some people that find it exciting and fun meeting new people and having "No!" said to them over and over.

But so far the folks I've met with are really into what I'm wanting to do.

We'll see if I'm able to pull it off.

Aaron came by and picked me up to take me to dinner for my Birthday.

It wasn't my B'Day. I thought he was playing and making fun of our friend Steve who also thought it was my B'Day.

But Aaron thought it was...

So I got some goods.

Food.

...and in the seat of his car he had bought me a DVD of one of my favorite recent films.

Richard Curtis' "Love Actually" I figured he read about me talking about it Yesterday on the site, but later I found that it wasn't even up on the page...

See above mention of website troubles...

After hanging out with him.

We went to Baja Fresh, then Pasadena, where we walked by the Laemmle's Playhouse 7 673 E Colorado Blvd and thought about seeing, "The Saddest Music in the World," but after eating at Baja and getting two large shakes at Foster's Freeze, we were so fucking bloated and sick, we were ready to hurl at a moments notice.

The movie didn't start for another hour. We thought about seeing "Super Size Me" and really throwing up in the theatre just to see if we could get some press.

But we waddled over to Target and I picked up some t-shirts and man panties.

Aaron can be mean.

He made fun of my choice of Haines White Man's Briefs.

I know they're not sexy and may have in fact been a debilitating element that lead to my divorce... But since I'm only sleeping with myself it seems, I don't mind them.

Though the other night I got up from sleep to go pee and in the dim light and blurry vision, It did appear to me in the mirror that I was wearing big floppy diapers.

I was so turned off that I couldn't even get it up to wack off for almost 30 minutes.

Aaron says he never buys white underwear.

I don't know if he means he never wears it after Labor Day, or whatever that stupid fashion rule is...

I told him mine wouldn't be white much longer, meaning that my washing skills and mixing colors would turn these Pink.

He assumed that I meant my skidmark making skills would alter the blank canvas of the crotch area into a Jackson Pollack Chocolate fest in my pants.

That's true too! But how uncouth of Aaron?

Later while looking for my favorite Baby Wipes he found me in that aisle and had to shout out so all women in broadcast range could hear, "The Hell are you doing in the Baby Wipe Aisle?"

In those rare instances when chicks are interested in me Aaron likes to try and fuck it up to make himself feel better.

I'm okay with it, cause Aaron can be a yardstick to see if a woman can get past that then maybe they're the one for me.

I admit I like my ass so clean you can eat off it, as long as you don't use utensils, but I also like looking at the pictures of babies on the wrappers of the packaging.

The babies are happy and know nothing of terrorism or tragedy yet, they just know pooping and smiling and eating...

My clock is not ticking, I swear!

That ringing is not the alarm on my biological clock, it's just tinnitus from seeing too many concerts.

So glad the week is over.

It was kind a busy. Some of it was fun and enjoyable, but I sweated a lot.

I had to sweat.

I don't mind hard work, just getting hot and wet makes me kind of ill.

I guess that's why sex isn't one of my greatest joys, unless it's in a tropical waterfall, ocean, or meat locker.

Since I've never had sex in any of those locations, it just isn't high on my list.

It may be listed at Number 2...

Oh, I hate making lists anyway.

I planned on starting my weekend by taking the advice of a writer for Movie Maker Magazine and his Ten Best First Time Filmmaker's Films.

I agreed with many of his choices, so I was going to pick up many of the DVD's as Borders was having a buy three get the fourth for free sale.

I don't know if that's the best deal, but I was game.

Walking the aisle I noticed many of the films were there, but I just couldn't actually carry them to the counter. I just couldn't get myself to spend the money.

I mean, I like the films, and there were a few I hadn't seen, but Do I want them for the rest of my life?

Yet the price is right on a few of them.

$9.99 is almost cheaper than seeing them at a theatre, but just the space they'll take up in my place that could be used for housing empty pizza boxes with molding slices and wadded up tissues that missed the trashcan that is over flowing with wadded up tissues and napkins that did make it in...

I need to do what my friend Michael's done and hire a maid.

His maid is also cleaning the houses of his friends. I couldn't have that. I'd be afraid she'd tell them about all the porn I have laying around.

Then I'd probably find myself pulling gags on her like placing porn around just to see if she'd tell.

I'd leave money laying around to see if she'd steal.

Maybe I could find a young pretty maid like Colin Firth has in "Love Actually" and fall in love with her. I'd probably better not leave the porn around...

Unless it's culturally acceptable in her country, then it might be a turn on for her. But then do I want to fall in love with a foreign chick that might enjoy porn more than me?

Maybe she'll just use me as a stepping stone to a lucrative porn career.

Get her Green Card for a Blue Movie Lifestyle...

Maybe it'd be better if she just stole the money I had laying around from me right off the bat.

Think it might be easier to love a thief than a slut?

I'm so damaged...

I admit I watch Oprah, but really, she's kind a weird isn't she?

I know the show's called, "Oprah" but have you noticed how she interrupts, makes everything about herself, and no matter the subject...

It's happened to her too?

I was watching a rerun of Nicole and Lionel Ritchie and when he gets up to sing, they keep cutting to the audience, who is motionless and there's Oprah just singing and performing...

Odd.

What's even more odd is that I'm watching it.

"The Ellen DeGeneres Show" pocketed a Daytime Emmy award for best talk show.

Maybe I should switch to Ellen? She's less threatening sexually.

I hung out with one of my favorite actors Yesterday. Richard Edson who you might remember as Eddie in the great "Stranger Than Paradise," or the sweet pizza guy in "Do the Right Thing," or well, tons of stuff...

Always liked him. He showed me some cool photos he's been taking, told me some behind the scenes news about the movies he's doing now, and invited me to what might be a cool party.

Hanging with Richard Edson and seeing how nice and cool he is just makes me think Vincent Gallo can go fuck himself...

Not once has Vincent ever invited me to a party. And he knows sexy model chicks and everything.

Geoffrey Rush is in "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers," as Sellers.

The film, I wasn't so sure about because I'm a huge fan of Sellers and worried it was like some made for TV kind a thing... It will air on HBO but, is competing in Cannes.

Sellers never won an Academy Award, but had two nominations.

Charlize Theron plays Britt Ekland, who was his second wife. In photos of them on the Red Carpet Theron appears to be about three feet taller than Ekland.

Emily Watson plays Sellers' first wife.

The movie about Sellers' rise from radio with his "Goon Show" to his career in Hollywood to his hide out in a Swiss castle very much like Chaplin.

I heard Salmon Rushdie plays Stanley Kubrick, but that was from a friend that knows I've mention that he should play Kubrick, so I'm not trusting that till I see it.

I can't wait to see the film, "The Life and Death of Mike Myers."

Helen Hunt and director Matthew Carnahan have given birth to a baby, or at least one of them did, the baby's name is... And get this... Out doing Gwenyth Paltrow...

MaKena lei Gordon Carnahan.

Okay.

Apple doesn't sound like such a bad name now.

Artist Jeffrey Koons who told lawyers to "leave no stone unturned" to get his young son from his ex-wife porn star/politician, Hungarian-born Ilona Staller/La Cicciolina.

He now must pay the $3.9 million in legal fees the lawyers charged him.

Koons hired the law firm Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison in 1993 to represent him in his divorce.

He should have hired Denny Crane at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Now to cover his costs Koons will have to make some more crap to sell.

I see eBay in his future.

Jessica Simpson has the role of Daisy Duke in the upcoming film "The Dukes of Hazzard."

I now will be able to sleep.

After I'm finished thinking about it.

Looks like, "Star Trek: Enterprise" is truly on its last legs. The show will be on for another season in a Friday night time slot.

Now my sleep isn't so sure to be deep.

Maybe that, "Star Trek: Cap'n Sulu" spinoff is looking pretty good now...

Today turned out to be okay and actually not so bad...

I got a call from a radio station about getting a show of mine on the air here in Los Angeles. That was cool! It's been a few since I was last heard here in my own town.

I want to go in and see if I can actually pitch a different show than what they are thinking about having me do...

I hope I don't screw it up.

I'm working on totally revamping this website to include my radio, film, music video, and writing work. Plus, I want to sell some t-shirts online.

Okay, maybe not t-shirts.

Like that White Stripes' song I need to be like a squirrel and take all my problems and rip 'em apart and carry them off in a shopping cart...

Wait. Squirrels don't use shopping carts. Well, the song I think meant something else. You know about breaking goals down into smaller parts. Okay, if the song's not about that... Well, that's what I meant anyway.

Jesus, I got so many angry e-mails from readers asking "How can you think Meg White is hot?" because I mentioned in a previous post that I thought she was and still do.

Please calm down. It's my opinion. I think she's perfect.

You might be too! Send a photo.

One e-mail from 14 year old Maxie of Daly City, California actually said, "If you think Meg White is so hot, why dontcha marry her!" Thank you Maxie, hook me up.

Maxie has sent me a few photos and she is a cute gothchick. I would share them here, but I won't. I hope Maxie gets to see "Gypsy 83", it's a movie about two misfit "Goth" kids, who like Maxie dress head-to-toe in black velvet.

Gypsy is 25, she wraps herself in shawls and sequins just like her lifelong idol, rock goddess Stevie Nicks. Clive is 18, a skinny boy who powders his face and paints his lips death-black. They're two outcasts who feel small-town Sandusky, Ohio closing in on them.

They escape in Gothic fantasies, by the retro sounds of The Cure, Siouxie and the Banshees, and Bauhaus. Their daydreams help them escape daily abuse from a town that takes great exception to those who don't fit in.

When Gypsy and Clive learn about the annual "Night of 1000 Stevies" in New York City, their deep-seeded dreams are unleashed. With Clive's encouragement, Gypsy suppresses her fears and vows to be the best Stevie Nicks impersonator Gotham has ever seen.

They pile into a '79 Trans Am and begin a journey for acceptance. In five hundred miles they will reach New York, but not before colliding head-on with the judgments of both society and themselves.

Gypsy 83

Okay, I'll go see it even if you don't. So there!

The movie opens here in Los Angeles Friday at one of my favorite theatres, the Fairfax Laemmle. A theatre so cool I tried for months just to get a job there. No luck.

I knew Neil Young fuckin' rocks!

Rocker/Filmmaker/Electric Train Engineer Neil Young will serve as artist in residence at the 10th annual Los Angeles Film Festival.

Young has selected two films that will screen at the festival: Jim Jarmusch's "Dead Man," which I love and Aaron and I were just talking about this the other day, Neil Young wrote the score, and one of my personal favorite films George Lucas' "THX-1138."

"Greendale," will be shown as well. Still have to see that. It was all shot on Super 8!

I was reading about Bo Derek speaking out against Horsemeat! Have you ever eaten horsemeat? She says nearly 50,000 horses were slaughtered last year in the United States. The meat was then exported to Europe and Asia to be eaten... By HUMANS!

Has "Fear Factor" done the horsemeat thing yet?

I was reading about a guy who's invented a car powered by grease and get this... Horsemeat and Dolphin! It gets something like 100 miles a half pound or something like that, but the guy says the meats are too expensive right now, but soon these animals and mammals can be farmed and bread just for fuel for our vehicles.

Did they mean breed the animals, or breaded? Like breaded chicken? I wouldn't want my car getting too many carbs...

Bad for the Carburetor!

It's clean burning, but said to smell like a Chinese restaurant at lunch time. I don't know why? I guess because of the way the grease is processed in the engine.

I was watching the News and saw that U.S. aircraft reportedly kills 40 Iraqis at a wedding. It was all so horrible with Iraqis all screaming and yelling about there being no reason for the shooting. Then one Iraqi says, "We were only firing our machine guns up in the air in celebration."

See? These guys were firing weapons... During war... Into the air... As U.S. aircraft happened to be flying by... As part of their wedding celebration!

That'd be like Mexicans in my neighborhood shooting off their guns at midnight on New Years, or Cynco de Mayo, or at one of their weekly parties, or to open up a stubborn pinata... Wait a second. They do do all those things!

Can't we kill them as well?

Isn't there enough people to kill in our own country?

I really don't mind war as long as it's quiet, no shooting, or shouting... Pile up all the nude pyramids you want, but for Gawd's sake, keep it down. Some of us are trying to sleep!

Today I'm in a major funk.

Totally depressed.

I did an interview last night for the radio show and I thought it was going great.

Later I was told that about two minutes into the talk, static began building up in the show. Nobody heard any of this as it was happening, but later the evidence was there...

The show was shot!

Hopefully the guest won't be so pissed that he won't want to do it again at some later time.

I had horrible dreams last night.

I dreamed that I was a little kid and I was with a couple of other kids and there was a sort of bizarre dodge-ball game with adults and instead of balls that they'd hurl at us, they through knives, spears, darts, and some even shot at us with guns.

It was so terrifying. It seemed so real.

I remember running into this huge old house and me and another kid, a little girl hid in a big closet.

Then as we could hear the grown ups running toward us, the girl jumps out of the closet and tells them, "He's hiding in there!"

She's thinking they'll save her because she ratted on me...

They instantly chop her to pieces.

One guy swings a machete and cuts off my legs at the kneecaps. I fall back and They all laugh.

I wake up at this point in sweat.

I reach down and rub my legs only to find stumps and blood splattered all over my bed...

Okay, I was kidding about that part, but at the time, I was worried that that's what I would find.

I was sad to hear about Tony Randall of the "Odd Couple" dying. I really liked him, but have to admit as a kid I found him rather scary. He would have made a great psycho in movies.

I remember him best as the Libby's spokesman on the short lived Woody Allen shows...

Dude, am I old or what?

One of my fav directors Zhang Yimou is dazzling crowds in Cannes with his new martial arts epic. The fight sequences in "House of Flying Daggers," are causing spontaneous applause by the normally subdued crowds.

I saw my friend Butterfly yesterday. She is a cool rock chick with her own Grrl Band, she's talented, beautiful, smart, artistic, and she dates a Chinese bodybuilding actor... Just great!

I know if I could look good, workout, become Chinese, and change everything about me, she'd be mine, but I'll just have to suffer with what Gawd felt I'd be best carrying around.

It's like Gawd was on the phone at the same time he was building me. Just jabbering away with some friends, probably playing videogames at the same time. Slapping on the puddy, big wads of puddy, licking the pizza he was eating at the time off his fingers, and still sculpting.

Probably trying to show off to his buddies that he could sculpt a guy with his feet.

That's me!

I just talked with Michael Dean author of the "$30 Film School" and, "$30 Music School" books about our upcoming interview on my soon to be revamped radio show.

Last night in a restaurant I caught sight of a guy reading his "$30 Music School" book, and being me I had to interrupt this guys private time and talk with him about the book.

The guy is pretty cool. He has a rockabilly band that sometimes plays at a club I've been to a few times. I haven't seen them play before as far as I know and don't even remember the bands name now come to think of it.

He told me a cool story about the perfect place to by musical equipment. He said to go over to Van Nuys Blvd and near the courthouse is an entire block of pawn shops and bail bondsmen shops.

He said, when musicians get busted and need to post bail, the first thing they do is pawn their gear.

Just talking to this guy and his enthusiasm about making music made me want to reread Dean's book and start a band.

Watched one of my favorite actors, Gary Sinise on "CSI:Miami, or New York... Whatever, Wherever"... The dude totally rocks. I was told he's in Iraq right now hanging with the troops.

I love this guy. He's definitely one of my heroes when it comes to making your own art. I just hope this new Hollywood gig doesn't keep him from doing his own thing every once in a while.

I remember when he was still in Steppenwolf and not that well known outside Chicago, I was in the O'Hare Airport and saw him sitting by himself with a bunch of film canisters. Again, being me I walked over and introduce myself and he told me that the cans were the "Miles from Home" negatives.

I asked if there wasn't someone else that could be carrying them and he laughed and said his life was wrapped up in those cans, so he didn't trust anyone else to lose them.

I told him I was a huge fan of his work. I had only seen him it Sam Shepard's "True West." and I mentioned that I thought he sounded like Richard Dreyfuss, well with that his smile ended and he said, "It was nice meeting you."

He said it in that way that means, "Please leave now."

Sarin nerve agent bomb explodes in Iraq. Earlier a friend tried to convince me that the Sarin gas was a fairly new creation and the name was based on Malcolm McDowell's charactor's name in that "Star Trek: Generations" movie. The one where he kills William Shatner.

They said the scientist that first made the gas was a Trek fan and felt that gas needed a badass name.

I didn't believe it, but others at the table agreed. I tried to tell them that I believe his name in the film was Dr. Tolian Soran.

I'm not a geek, but I remember that film well, it's etched in my memory because my x-wife was watching that with me at a theater in Ft. Worth, Texas where she was the only female in a packed house screening for the local chapter of something called, "Promise Keepers."

We were only there because the publicists gave up a pass as it was the first screening before the opening weekend.

Anyway, when Kirk dies, there were very audible sounds of grown men openly crying in the theatre. This was too much for my x-wife who began uncontrollably laughing out loud and then had to run out of the theatre laughing all the way up the aisle.

I sat embarrassed in the dark hearing whispered name calling coming from all around. "That Bitch! She doesn't understand..." stuff like that.

In a nice e-mail from friends working in the multi-billion-dollar porn industry and I was told Vivid Entertainment Group started filming again. The e-mail said, "Lay down and get back to work!"

Many of the local companies had taken part in a voluntary moratorium pending HIV testing since actor Darren James apparently contracted the virus that causes AIDS while shooting a movie in Brazil.

Wasn't he in the "Time Tunnel" tv series?

Anyway, since I've only been dealing with Lesbian porn, I think I'm okay.

But you have to watch out for Brazil!

A friend of mine had fallen off the roof of his house and dislocated his shoulder and after about a year of physical therapy he was pretty good.

Then on a trip for some work in Brazil he was with a very young actress in a Hotel room when while she was riding him his arm came out of it's socket and he was in so much pain he became paralyzed.

He laid there unable to move just watching her go through his wallet and stealing all his clothes and passport and leaving him there in pain.

He laid there for two or three days until housekeeping rescued him.

That was a good story. When he told me about it I was thinking the chick was going to turn out to be a dude.

But the part that got me was that Hotel only cleans the rooms every two or three days. Ewww!

20th Century Fox had a cool and brilliant marketing tool at the E3 gaming expo, T-shirts embedded with video screens that ran the "I, Robot" trailers.

I was given one of the t-shirts embedded with 11-inch monitors and stereo speakers after the show, but it was one that had been worn by a hired actress and it was all sweaty and stinky so I popped it in the washer. It seemed okay, but after clanking around in the dryer, It was shot and shattered.

I should of had it dry cleaned I guess.

I watched a bit of Jeremy Davies star as convicted killer Charles Manson tonight on CBS's, "Helter Skelter," but basically grew bored and began dismantling my phone.

I was like "Pink" in the "Pink Floyd: The Wall" movie where he tears apart that TV set and makes cool art. I just had little pieces of phone and no art.

I don't know why. I just started taking it apart. Now I have no phone. Just little bitty phone parts.

I deregulated my phone.

No one ever calls anyway. So I killed my phone. I cut myself on a wire and began bleeding. So above the wall jack where the phone was, I wrote "PIG" in blood.

I had a huge amount of laundry piled up and now the pile is gone because it was easier to carry it out to the dumpster than clean it.

I need a wardrobe makeover anyway. I guess I should have kept something to wear to the store so I could buy some new clothes.

I want more sleep.

I want more money.

I want love.

I want to start my own cult.

Those are the things I found scribbled on my "To-Do List" memo pad from several years ago.

Did I get to do any of those goals?

Guess which of those I've accomplished?

Hey the Olsen Twins are pretty funny!

I stopped, wiped up, set the lotion down, and put my pants back on and watched the rest of SNL.

I was so excited to see the poster of Jim Jarmush's, "Coffee and Cigarettes" because it has Meg White on it. Me think she's hot! I might even see the movie now!

I'm working a short film and have asked a friend to star in it. I think it's kind of a cool idea. I wrote it especially for her. Our schedules are pretty opposite, so I have to probably shoot everything in one small day. Hence it being a short film.

I'm so tired and kinda wired as I've had little sleep and my friend Michael made a shake out of a chocolate brownie, double chocolate cookies, and a thimble of milk. I think he was trying to compete with my other friend Fernando who makes great shakes.

Michael's was okay, but I felt all funny'n shit after I drank it.

I told him to make it with, "love" and I'm afraid he might had done just that. I told him I wanted my money back then he pointed out that I never in fact had paid for it.

I thought I might need to get my stomach pumped, but after a few minutes on the toilet, I'm clean as a whistle.

A whistle that's been swallowed and passed through a colon clogged with chocolate brownies and other horrible shit.

I feel much better now.

Sitting with Aaron, not on the toilet, but much earlier before I was on the toilet, I was just people watching and I noticed a rather serious looking Black man that was like us watching the Laker play, and he had a t-shirt with a big Macintosh "X" on it. Just the "X" as in the OS, "X", you know the Roman numeral...

I wondered if he was a Mac user or was he wearing it thinking it might represent Malcolm "X"? Aaron pointed out that Mac also had "Panther" as an OS. I wondered if Mac was using these to sell t-shirts to militant Blacks.

I think it might have been Aaron that mentioned that the next Operating System by Mac will be called, "OS Killmotherfuckinwhitey"...

That's one t-shirt I'll wear!

I got the word this morning that it looks like it's true, Sofia Coppola is dating Tarantino...

I'm happy I guess. I just wished it would have worked out for me.

Me and Sofia, not me and Quentin.

Oh well, I got to move on.

Gwyneth Paltrow's squeezed one out. She and her Coldplay dude, Chris Martin, have a brand spanking new little girl... Apple Blythe Alison Martin.

I just know they're going to be having more kids and having trouble remembering their names when they yell at them. Apple Blythe Alison Martin sounds like you got four kids right there.

I was just listening to, "A Rush of Blood to the Head" and was thinking about when the next CD will be out, but now that he's wiping up a snapper... Who knows?

I wasn't interested in seeing the new "Helter Skelter," at all, but now that I know CBS' Sunday movie about the 1969 murders committed by Charles Manson has Jeremy Davies...

I think he is a really great actor. He'll be great! I'm telling you, ya need to checkout his performance in, "Solaris." Fantastic!

All my Los Feliz area friends are worried about copycat re-creationists. I was thinking what if Steve Railsback went insane, jealous, and started a shotgun rampage? Think of the press he'd get.

The woman that used to live in my place, years ago told me how one of her best friends introduced her to Manson at a party. He was playing guitar and all the girls swooned.

I told her about the time I met Mason at a party.

Mason Adams who did those Smucker's Jam commercials. That always ended with him saying, "With a name like Smucker's, it's GOT to be good!"

She wasn't impressed, but I was, I thought he was a pretty cool dude and he didn't kill anybody.

That we know of...

Lions Gate is picking up distribution rights for producer Taka Ichise's six-pack horror pack "J-Horror Theater."

They're directed by six Japanese horror masters:

Takashi Shimizu ("Ju-on: The Grudge")
Hideo Nakata ("Ring," "Ring 2," "Dark Water")
Kiyoshi Kurosawa ("Cure," "Pulse")
Taka Ichise and some other guy yet to be named...
Oh and Hirosh Takahashi doing his first film, he wrote the "Ring" trilogy. Not "Lord of the Rings" but you know...

The American version of these films will be directed by the American directors who did remakes of these dudes previous work, but they will shoot them in Romania with Canadian crews...

I had passes to a really big Hollywood Blockbuster Premiere and After Party and I don't really like going to those things, so I was carrying around this invite and decided to give it to this girl I know. I thought she and her sister might like to go hang with some stars.

So, I ask her if she wanted to go see this film premiere and she got all excited and I said, "maybe your sister will want to go?"

"Wait. Aren't you going?" she asked.

"No. I don't like going to those things."

Well, she had a real weird look on her face and handed back the pass.

It occurred to me later that she probably thought I was asking her out, however I've never got the impression she liked me that way. Now maybe she doesn't.

I was telling another friend about this incident and he just shook his head in that condescending way.

Like his life is any better with his women skills...

Today was a pretty good day. I think I've found a way to actually make it through life.

Don't make any eye contact with anyone.

I use to look in the rear view mirror and catch drivers behind me all pissed off about something I've done in the way of driving in L.A., then I'd get all upset.

I might say something nice or complimentary to a waitress or clerk and see in their face some look that gave me the impression they think I'm coming on to them.

Can't anyone be nice anymore without having motives?

Whenever someone tries to show me a video of a beheading or some catastrophe, my day would be shot.

So now, I just don't look at them.

No eye contact.

Now they'll think I'm not trustworthy, but at least I'll be happy.

I guess I missed the last "Frasier" episode, but that's okay cause I never watch the show before.

Director John Waters' new film is too "shameful" for the Motion Picture Ass. of America, which micromanages movie classifications, they just stamped an NC-17 rating on "A Dirty Shame," starring Tracey Ullman who plays as a store owner who flips out and becomes a nasty sex addict after a hit on the head.

I wanna know what part of the head to hit and how hard...

Late-night TV comedian Jimmy Kimmel looks to be aiming for a part in the new, "Scanners" remake with his head blowing up.

He says it was too much Advil, as his head and his face puffed up like Jerry Lewis and William Shatner having botox cocktails during the course of his show.

He visited a local emergency room immediately after the show and was treated for what was an apparent allergic reaction. The emergency personnel actually thought he was Miramax's Harvey Weinstein when he waddled in.

A painting by Pop Artist Roy Lichtenstein at an auction of postwar and contemporary art at Sotheby's apexes, at $5.1 million. No word yet from the comic book artist whose work Roy ripped off.

"Mean Girls" star is to host the MTV Movie Awards so if you're hoping to catch a glimpse of one of Lindsay Lohan's boobs popping out, better get tickets cause you know how MTV likes to edit shit.

Australia's Muslim community have reacted with outrage following an attack on Islam by KISS' Gene Simmons. In an interview with the Melbourne radio station 3AW, he described Islam as a "vile culture" which treated women worse than dogs, forcing them to walk behind their men and forbidding them to be educated or to own property.

"Your dog, however, can walk side by side, your dog is allowed to have its own dog house...you can send your dog to school to learn tricks, sit, beg, do all that stuff," he said.

"None of the women have that advantage," added Simmons.

Gene Simmons is Israeli-born and said the west was under threat from Islamic terrorists.

"Extremism believes that it's okay to strap bombs on to your children and send them to paradise and whatever else and to behead people," he said.

"This is a vile culture and if you think for a second that it's going to just live in the sands of God's armpit you've got another thing coming. They want to come and live right where you live and they think that you're evil."

Simmons said the United Nations approach did not work and the west had to "speak softly and carry a big stick".

The radio station was inundated with calls from Muslims upset at the comments.

I don't know about you, but I think it's time I purchase some newer copies of my favorite KISS CD's and KISS ARMY memorabilia. I might even subscribe to "Tongue" magazine. It's still around isn't it?

Rumsfeld needs to book a KISS concert over there now!

How cool would that be?

Thanks to my friend Aaron for the early B'Day present last night. He bought me the Michel Gondry collection on DVD.

I was in a real funk with all that's going on with the war, all my car's brakes went out and cost me $560.00, the terrorists that live in my neighborhood and abroad... And Aaron, he thought this DVD might cheer me up.

I'm barely able to keep my eyes open, because I watched damn near all of the DVD.

That guy, Michel Gondry is a genius...

I love his quote about, "I like quantity more, because quality goes away" I think that's what he said. Who the hell can say with that thick accent of his.

Thanks to Aaron for cheering me up!

If you'd also like to cheer me up... Please do!

This day has been so F'n slow!

I've been working my tail off thinking "Where's the day gone?" only to see It hasn't gone anywhere but backwards.

I am so bored.

I can't wait to pop in that New DVD of mine... And watch it all over again.

The previews for the Spike Jonze one was cool, but dude, the Chris Cunningham trailer was pretty shitty. Like who ever put it together just didn't care.

I'm a huge fan of his, so I might pick that one as well.

The Walt Disney Company seems to have accepted an offer from Miramax's Bob and Harvey Weinstein to buy back Moore's documentary, "Fahrenheit 9/11," after it banned Miramax from releasing the film.

The movie links Osama Bin Laden and the Bush family and criticizes Bush's actions in the wake of September 11. But with alot of cool jokes and funny Moore stuff too, I imagine...

Tom Brokaw is leaving the anchor desk but not NBC. He just signed a 10-year contract to stay with the network, to produce and narrate documentaries. And co-star with, "Joey" the "Friends" spinoff.

Universal Studios, which goes through corporate owners like I go through baby wipes, has joined with NBC to become the latest media conglomerate, to rival Time Warner Inc. and Viacom Inc.. Just what we all need. A "Friends", "Frasier" and "Law & Order" Roller Coaster Ride at Universal Studios Tours.

Home Depot employees are to drop their toolbelts and aprons for Playboy. If you're looking for a screw, nows the time to go ask. They're looking for the "hotties" among the hardware store's employees. I personally like the chicks at Lowes better, but the asses at Ace's are good too!

I wish I had a rocket launcher with a nuclear warhead.

I'd settle for bottle rocket and a dirty bomb.

I stopped off at my local mosque, went inside and farted. I had one all stored up when I was driving over there, but I was so angry and nervous I messed my pants. I didn't plan it out right.

Things aren't going right with me.

Maybe just a hug will do...

Somedays I like to see if I can drive from my home in the valley all the way into Hollywood without using my brakes.

Now, I just try and see how long I can go without breaking down and crying.

I'm so excited about Mario Van Peebles' movie, "Badass."

The release date is my B'Day at the end of this month.

The year was 1971. I was 8 years old. The birth of a new era was about to explode...

Independent Black Cinema!

Mario Van Peebles' portrait of his pioneering father, Melvin, following in his dad's footsteps, documenting his exceptional journey towards political defiance through cinema.

A few years later, my best friend Matt and I walked all over Kansas City and stopped in a theatre to watch, "Sweet Sweetback's Badass Song" with a largly White audience. We may have been 13 years old.

I remember freaking out about this film. It seemed so real to me. I knew I wanted to make films like this.

I knew whoever made this film was either a madman or a genius!

Many years later in Dallas I interviewed Mario Van Peebles for my morning radio show on KDGE about "Posse" and had to mention his dad's affect on me.

I told him about how when his Dad's film ends with the title card, "Watch out, some bad ass nigger is coming to your town" a row of old White Ladies got up and ran from the theatre.

I can't wait to see what he's done with the story of him and his dad.

I failed to mention this the other day, but I'm usually the one that spots a celebrity out in the real world.

Sometimes I even spot those that are no longer celebrities.

It was Aaron however that pointed out the presence of former, "Highlander" star Adrian Paul Hewett who played Duncan MacLeod on TV series. He was with his family at Roman's.

But where else would I be right?

I also saw Christopher Walken.

Not in person, but on an old "Hawaii Five-O" episode. He was young and really great!

I'd like to meet him in person. He's really added many great moments in my life. Maybe one of my top five personalities.

Speaking of Roman's. Michael "the man" there who has all the young girls showing up, keeps printing out these pages and showing it around.

He actually prints out this website.

I find that a bit uncomfortable.

But he's showing the other employees what I'm saying about them.

Fernando really wants to know what I've said about him.

He's a very talented artist as are many of the people working there. We talked about some of the really attractive models and actresses that show up there to eat who actually have day jobs as telemarketers down the street.

He also told me he has a thing for the Black Ladies, but I would never reveal his most intimate remarks like that here in these pages.

He made me the most wicked shake today. He dropped a few double chocolate chip cookies into the blender.

It was so evil!

I received many horrible e-mails from friends and relatives these past few days, who have military experience and every one of them were upset about what I said in these pages about the Iraqi Prisoner photos.

I certainly didn't mean to offend anybody.

Oh who cares...

How about that "Van Helsing?"

You mean to tell me you wouldn't like to see Hugh Jackman, or Kate Beckinsale as the capstone of a nude human pyramid.

Yea, they're dreamy alright.

I received an e-mail from another fan of Sarah Lentz and he, or she (they made no mention of their sex) pointed out sadly that Sarah is married and that I "should back off."

Damn!

As I write this Fox News 11 is showing how the woman who was attacked and mauled by a mountain lion out here is doing with her facial reconstruction. They were talking with one of, "The Swan" surgeons.

Now women all over the area are taking up mountain jogging and biking hoping for an animal attack and extreme makeover.

Thank you Fox!

There's a guy out here who had things going pretty good and then he had to get greedy.

Here's the story by way of me:

For the last few days I've been in severe pain with a neck and shoulder muscle spasm. I can't seem to shake it.

Though shaking may be the cause.

I was told too much masturbation may cause muscle pain on the opposing side of your body.

I tried to correct this by using the other hand for a while, but that was no good.

It feels like I'm cheating.

I need a woman to do this for me.

I'd like a girl to do it, but I'd settle for a woman.

Hell, I'd settle for a feminine looking dude at this point, just no kissing.

Anyway.

I have been asking all my friends it anyone has any muscle relaxers or vicadin or oxyctin or heroin...?

No luck.

I've even started reading the spam e-mail I get thinking I'll get some of that Mexican, or even Canadian medicine.

Then I caught the News on Fox about a guy out here who had a porn site where he charged $20 a month to view his collection of nekkid people.

Some possibly photographed the Freedom Forces in Iraq.

He then started over charging and eventually collected millions from these people thinking they would never complain, because who would want to admit they were looking and paying for porn?

Remember that scam in Guy Ritchie's, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels?"

One of their money making scams was to put cheap ads in newspapers selling penis enlargers. They never ever ship any out, but keep the cash, because who's going to write a check for that? No paper trail for penis power.

Who would ever try and sue?

It's a great bit in that film.

One that I've been told by those who worked on that film... And I can't say if this is true, but was used to help fund the budget at the beginning stages.

I don't believe those penis enlargers work, but if you'd like your penis straightened and help fund a wonderful new film...

Please send $20 to me.

Ladies. How would you like your vaginas tightened to their once youthful feel?

I can do that too!

Please send $20 to me.

Order now and I'll throw in "How to buy a Mobile Home for no money down" for an extra $50.

So many movies opened this weekend and I have no interest to see any of them.

I use to go see everything.

The movies I would like to see are so far away from where I live that I doubt I'll go.

Sometimes it's not the distance. It's the traffic between that you know will be there.

Los Angeles is so spread out.

I should get cable, but I know that there's so much junk on there. I sometimes read the TV Guide section of Yahoo just to imagine what it would be like to have Dish TV.

I could just go the Netflicks route, but mailing can also be a drag.

Sometimes it's best just to have a friend tell you about a movie they saw. To me there's more intimate contact. I think it could be like when I was a kid sitting on a porch of my mom's family home in Tennessee listening to the grownups talk about old stories.

I like when my friend Aaron tells me about movies he's seen. He gets all animated, talking with his hands, his eyebrows dance... It's so much fun. He's so cool about stopping before a spoiler and asking if he should go on.

One time Steve told me about a Simpson's episode I hadn't seen where Homer sadly ate his pet lobster. Steve had me rolling. A few years later I saw that episode, and while funny, it wasn't as great as Steve telling it.

I think I have a hard time telling stories. I feel like I'm boring people. The second I see their eyes glaze over, them checking their watch, or getting up to leave, I feel I'm boring them.

I should talk with my hands more. Maybe not talk in that robotic monotone. I could use a laser pointer or illustrate the stories with erasable markers like Dr. Gene Scott does on his Tee Vee show.

I don't know...

Maybe I can just listen to other people tell their stories. I don't always have to jump in front of the parade.

I was reading a really great article about Orson Welles in Movie Maker Magazine. It was about how so many people have this opinion that the last twenty years of his life he was unproductive and how that just isn't the truth.

I was sitting in Roman's eating a cookie my friend Fernando recommended when out of the blue my friend, the talented, pretty, funny, and owner of one of the most powerful PR firms in Hollywood walked up to my table and surprised me.

Lynn is so cool!

She introduced me to her man, he's also talented, yet quiet, electronic music genius, drummer, producer and other things and stuff...

We talked a bit. Or rather I talked and they looked for ways to get away from me without completely looking like they were ignoring me. They did this by pointing at something behind me and when I turned they ran.

It didn't hurt so bad until I saw that they only ran a few tables away and proceeded to have a wonderful conversation with each other without me. Right in front of me. Like I wouldn't know they were there.

Then as I went back to reading my article a beautiful Russian woman who I've had a crush on for a while and who also is a regular there, was sitting next to me yet outside. The window divided us. I heard a tapping on the glass. I turned to see her knocking on the glass right next to my head. I was so excited. She began mouthing something through the glass. Her lips full and pouty. Slowly mouthing the words so I could understand.

Understand that she was trying to get her girlfriend's attention. Her girlfriend was standing behind me with their order of food and didn't know where she was...

I started thinking that's what love is...

People looking for a table to eat their food.

Actually, I don't know now what I was thinking. I thought I just had an epiphany, but typing that out made it just seem stupid.

Who knows what love is?

I keep thinking I might find some answer now, but that damn "Foreigner" song, "I want to know what love is..." is running through my brain and that ain't good.

I was driving back home, going down Ventura Blvd, dodging stupid people with dark clothes crossing a busy street thinking everyone should know they're there in the night, in the middle of the road, with blinding oncoming headlights blaring in my direction...

I hit no one.

No one that mattered anyway.

The radio was playing Ryan Adams' version of Oasis', "Wonderwall"...

I was thinking about how my life was going and how I can look back on my journal and it seems to me that the same shit is happening to me over and over and over...

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

I stopped at a stop light at the intersection of Laurel Canyon and saw a young couple fighting. The girls was crying.

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

I adjusted the mirror and my face was illuminated by the red taillights of the car stopped in front of me. I looked old, tired, on the verge of tears...

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
but I don't know how

The light changed and the cars in front pulled away. My face picked up the sickly green of the light and my car stalled.

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I have a kill-switch on my car and I had to completely remove my keys and use the magnet to restart my car. Horns are honking. And honking.

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

The car starts and I start to take off, but the light turns red. An SUV pulls around me peeling its tires and an angry Armenian passenger yells at me at the top of his lungs. They run the light.

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

What the hell is a wonderwall anyway? I feel like I've hit a wall that's for sure. No wondering about that...

I would like someone to save me. I know that I have to be the one that does the saving. Saving myself. It would be nice to have someone share the saving chores. I save you for a while and you save me for a while... That kinda thing.

I sat in the car for a long time outside my place not wanting to go in alone. I had to turn the radio off. I couldn't stand anymore outside stimulation at this point. I just wanted quiet.

Quiet.

I laid the seat back and watched a plane's flashing lights cross the black sky through my Honda's dirty window.

I wondered where those people in the plane were going.

I almost can't wait for this day to be over with already.

There is so much I have to do today.

I'm going to try my best to look as though I'm getting things done without actually accomplishing anything.

That's a skill I'm mastering.

Last night I ate so much that I was sick. I was so full. I don't know why I did it. It's like I'm trying to force myself to Fast again by making myself sick of eating.

It might have something to do with the story I heard on NPR yesterday about a young boy who had a throat defect where whenever he swallowed food a small portion of food fell into his lungs.

Ouch!

So doctors fitted him with a Dr. Phibes kinda thing where he would never eat with his mouth again.

Sad and weird story brought to you by tax payers dollars.

While I was eating at the table next to me these older ladies were going on and on about those photos of Iraqi prisoners.

I think even though they acted all uppity and disgusted about them, that they were secretly aroused by shots of a gal leading around a nude man on a lease.

Someday someone might make a movie like, "The Nightporter", where an Iraqi man meets up with the female Army tormentor to act out perverse fantasies.

I'm writing that right now...

I find it odd how crazy everyone is about these photos. I for one enjoyed seeing them.

There I said it. I think it should be said.

After seeing the video of Falluja and American bodies being dragged through the streets where was the outcry there (?) and we're hearing about some Iraqi dude with a woman's panties on his head. Please...

Set those panties on fire I say!

Put women's panties on all their heads and fly them into a skyscraper head first!

I hope those panties are on eBay, I'll bid on them and send money to rebuild the World Trade Center just to fly all these terrorists back into it with panties on their heads!

The thing that pisses me off here is... My stomach is really growling. I can't believe I'm hungry after all that I ate last night.

All these visions of violence has really worked up my appetite.

Or is it my hunger that makes me violent?

I should go down to the Larchmont Pizzeria get a couple of slices and then I'll be more tolerant of the needs and wants of terrorists and those that offer them safe harbor.

Cause really, all I want to do is love.

And eat.

Now if I could combine those two acts... I'll be in Heaven.

Sometimes trying to think of things to tell you gets hard.

Sometimes it seems to me that nothing much happens in my day.

Sometimes my feelings are vague and I can't pinpoint any particular emotion on a given situation.

But did that stop Anais Nin?

Will that stop me?

Probably...

Not.

My writing projects are coming along pretty well I think. I really seem to be living with the characters and plots. I hope to have something for you to see soon. I just don't want to jinx it by revealing too much too soon.

Yesterday was very busy with many projects that needed attending. Phone calls went unreturned as did many e-mails.

I did take a break to call my friend Leslie who has a spoken word beatnik trip hop project called Incantare she is a musician that at one time I dated in Texas.

I use to be so in love with her. She was talented, beautiful, funny, and gifted.

Not gifted in that retarded way, but you know...

She just acted retarded.

She reminded me how I use to have friends over to watch David Lynch's, "Eraserhead" every week!

On my Birthdays the local arthouse theatres in Dallas would play it for me too.

I use to have two parties a week in my house in Dallas. I started having the parties to give me an excuse to clean my place, but then I learned if I made it a pot luck dinner kind of thing people would leave their left overs and I would live the rest of the week on that stuff.

At one time I bought a second refrigerator just to hold all the extra booze people brought.

To weed the stragglers out of the party when I was ready for everyone to leave, I would pop in, "Eraserhead" but then that became sort of a yardstick as to who were the cool people.

Leslie was cool!

Maybe she still is?

Last week I mentioned my friend Courtney working at Cinespace , well now Leslie's L.A.M.P. will be having their events there.

Soon, I hope to show my old Earth Day, Pearl Jam, Charlatans UK, and Dramarama documentary, "Angry Blue Planet" there and possibly hold my filmmaking workshops there as well.

I got a nice e-mail from Sarah Lentz' ( No relation... Not yet anyway...) after the an earlier mention here. I just put in an order for her two CD's... You should too!

To: "Jerry Lentz"

Well, after the week I've been having this is a very
welcome email! I think it strange that anyone in LA
would know my music since I've never played there.
But boy am I happy that there's a waiter out there
playing my stuff in public! Please tell him hello for
me. I'm glad that you discovered another Lentz out
there. And I'm glad you that like what I'm up to. No
plans for a show your way. But I'll certainly let you
know when there is. Thanks for emailing me!
Sarah Lentz

I got an e-mail from one of my old friends who worked with me on one of my Canadian Radio Station affiliates asking me if I was the guy that played an agent in Quentin Lee's film, "Drift"... Seems he picked up the DVD, or caught it on cable and didn't know I was in it.

He had only known me by my voice, so now he said he can "put a face with the voice."

I wish it were a better face.

I remember my x reading the book that this movie is based on and she really dug it.

Sounds like a cool movie...

"A Slipping Down Life" Evie (Lili Taylor who I love!) is a timid woman whose monotonous life in North Carolina is shattered when she hears a radio interview with struggling musician Drumstrings Casey (Guy Pearce who I love, but not in that way!).

After she attends one of his shows, her obsession deepens and she cuts his name into her forehead with a piece of glass.

Have you ever done this?

This brings her to Drumstrings' attention-and as they forge a relationship, they begin to break out from the confines of the stagnation of small town life.

Based on a novel by Anne Tyler (The Accidental Tourist).

Directorial debut for director/co-writer Toni Kalem who appears as Angie Bonpensiero, Big Pussy's wife, in "The Sopranos."

Doesn't it seem that Phil Spector's has all the luck? I'm thinking this is turning into a CSI episode.

Do we need a new "Partridge Family?" That's like saying we need a new "Star Trek"... Wait a minute here...

"Van Helsing" looks like it might be fun, but so does Carls Jr burgers. Hugh Jackman is cool, but couldn't they have fit Sammy Hagar in the flick somewhere?

"Super Size Me" is changing things big time! I was in the drive through... I just needed some cold ice tea... I saw someone had posted a flyer for the movie on the wall where employees couldn't see it.

All my friends have been making a big deal about Letterman taping one of his shows at 4AM.... I wonder why he just doesn't Tivo it?

The staff and management of the Norton Simon Museum all know how much I love Picasso, so they e-mailed me the news that one of his paintings "Garcon a la Pipe" has sold for a record 104 million dollars.

I don't know what Pablo is going to do with it all, but I'm guessing he'll spend it on women.

Nobody ever called Pablo Picasso an asshole.

Today was one of those days where time was moving by like the hands of a broken clock, or like the hands on a digital clock with the power out, or... OH SHUT THE HELL UP!

Glad it's over, but now that it's past midnight, it means that a whole new wonderfully crappy day will begin once I wake my lazy ass up in the morning.

Watched Jonathan Demme on Charlie Rose. Inspired.

Watched Kate Beckinsale on Letterman. Bored.

Watched Lindsay Lohan on Jimmy Kimmel. Had the sound off. Read it in SAP like a foreign film. More bored.

Watched a few seconds of various infomercials. Everyone seems so happy and life seems so perfect when you buy real estate for nothing down, or have hair plugs, or can slide your workout equipment under the bed...

I want to live the life of an infomercial...

Where the kitchen always has chicken roasting and tuning in one of those Ron Popeil machines, or hamburger in a George Foreman Grill, or juicing some vegetables with the Jack Lalanne Power Juicer and some old wrinkly people...

Hanging out at one of my fav food eating joints celebrating Cinco de Mayo by treating my stomach like a pinata, a waiter friend, as most of my friends are, started playing me a CD he burned and wanted my reaction.

It was a cool sound with piano, a beautiful voice and reminded me of a great night I had once being the only dude and hanging out with some girlfriends coming back from a Lilith Fair concert and watching falling stars and listening to their mix tapes.

The waiter and everyone that works there knows I'm really into music. So I hear a couple of these songs that the waiters pops in and I really like the sound...

He's looking at me funny, so I say, "Who's this?"

Knowing my last name is Lentz, he goes, "Don't you know?"

I didn't.

So he says, "It's Sarah Lentz! You know her, right? Like you're related, right?"

"Ah, no. But she sounds cool!"

"Man, you're the only Lentz I've ever known."

Then a few tables away a kid throws a tantrum and throws all her food to the floor. The waiter is gone from me for the rest of my time there. I get no info on Sarah Lentz.

At home I hit the internet and find her.

Later Today I'm picking up her CD, or at least searching for it.

I've been spending a lot of money on music lately. I was getting worn out on all my, "White Stripes" and needed to move on to let others into my CD player for a while.

I caught Jack and Meg in a bit of Jim Jarmusch's "Coffee and Cigarettes" today. Okay they're still cool and Loretta Lynn's 'Van Lear Rose' that Jack produced, does Rock!

Meg is damn cute!

But check out Sarah Lentz' pictures, pretty hot, I know.

How cool would it be if she married me?

Neither of us would have to change our names. I could be her roadie, carry all her equipment and she wouldn't even have to pay me.

I just had 16 hours of non stop commercial free sleep!

I'm still so groggy...

They keep saying that it's because I got too much sleep.

I then look around to see, who they are.

I'm all alone.

I've heard people say that, rather. The thing about too much sleep.

Anyway.

I was talking with my friend Francis about his impression of Guy Maddin's "The Saddest Music in the World" and my desire to see it.

It stars Isabella Rossellini and I'm a huge fan of hers. She reminds me of a silent movie star, except when she talks.

Francis liked it, but I got the feeling he really didn't enjoy it the way I have other Guy Madden films.

I love old silent films. My favorite film of all time is, "Sunrise", oh and "Battleship Potemkin."

Then I dug Maddin's "Archangel."

Is he spoofing silent film grammar, or creating new work? I dunno, but I like his stuff.

I'm just hoping there is a theatre playing it here in Los Angeles sometime soon.

I've gotten so many e-mails this morning asking me what I think about Disney and Michael Moore's troubles with, "Fahrenheit 911."

Who cares...

We'll all see it I'm sure. It'll be a huge hit when it has its world premiere later this month at the Cannes Film Festival.

I got bigger things to think about than loss of freedom in America and war.

I worried about whether I will ever fall in love again.

At what point can I still go out to a cool club or bar and not look like an old creepy dude?

How long can I still say I'm in my 30's and not look like I'm completely delusional, or in denial now that I have my 41st Birthday at the end of the month?

These are the important issues, people!

I must be getting old, cause all I seem to be talking about lately is the weather and who died.

But damn, it was a 110 degrees Today and record breaking temps in my apartment causing all candles to melt along with my Anusol Hemorrhoidal Suppositories.

I talked with my brother in Missouri and they had frost on their vegetables in their garden.

I had frost on my nuts because I had a ziplock bag of crushed ice in my shorts while we talked.

It was so hot in my place I almost had to get up and walk away from watching Brad Pitt on Oprah, but I had my priorities and suffered through like a good soldier.

There was a knock at the door...

I quietly peeked out to see the UPS dude leaving a great surprise... Two cool new books by an upcoming interview named Michael Dean.

One called, "$30 Film School" and another one called "$30 Music School."

I did a very bad thing...

I sat and read "$30 Music School" all in one sitting!

Now my eyes hurt and back aches, but I couldn't put it down. I wish I had these books when I was younger and had the energy to do what they advised to create your own works.

I can't wait to talk with this author!

Been writing on my new paranormal romance novel. I think it's pretty good. So far.

I finished reading a Christine Feehan, Susan Grant and Susan Squires tri-pack called, "The Only One."

I really dug Susan Squires work. So much so I headed over to Borders to pick up more of her work, but they had none.

So I picked up Christine Feehan's, "Dark Magic."

Jamie the cute clerk there gave me a rather odd look like, "I hope you are just picking this book up for a chick" look and a, "Dude, I hope you ain't reading this..." double take.

I caught a bit of News about how because of the heat, more people are heading to the beaches and now a whole bunch of Great Whites have been spotted off the coast. I actually got concerned and worried, then it hit me not only do I never go to the beach, but I can't swim.

The News has a powerful control over my emotions and that ain't good.

Walking up to my place after another stressful meeting about an upcoming workshop I'm planning, I see my friend who I've somehow pissed off, I think, and there seemed to be some very uncomfortable moments of idle chat. I could sense she was so ready to get away quickly.

I wish I could go back in time and have not even kissed her, just so we could still be friends... Although she's a fantastic kisser!

Maybe kissing her was worth losing her as a friend, if that's actually what will happen.

I hope she she either works it out with her x, or finds some happiness, just so I won't have to feel weird when I see her.

I really like and care about her and want her to be happy.

I shouldn't even be writing about this, now that I know she read the previous mention of her, but maybe she has deleted any possible desire to read my page again after that last time.

After running inside, locking the door behind me, throwing myself down on my satiny four poster bed and crying into my heart-shaped Red pillow while hugging my sock monkey...

I realized, "10.5" was on and I just wanted to see the San Fernando Valley swallowed up and that was all I needed. I timed it out just right.

I washed my face and removed my mascara, then washed again.

Dropped some clothes in the laundry.

Played with the cat.

Sat outside and watched the full moon with blurry eyes and asked it many questions, "Luna, what is my destiny?"

No answer came.

But maybe...

Luna's delays, are not Luna's denials...

So I'm willing to wait.

It's so hot I can't sleep.

The air-conditioner is full blast, yet I'm getting no breeze and when I get up to try and focus the vents, I feel that it's not even cold.

The sound is very loud, but just having it on makes me feel better, slightly.

Earlier I tried watching my DVD of, "Heathers," but something funny happened...

I intended to watch, "Heathers" because I liked it when I saw it the first time, and had planned on seeing, "Mean Girls" Tomorrow, but as I said, a funny thing happened...

I opened up the DVD shell and lo and behold the DVD disc was missing.

I actually laughed out loud.

But for some reason it reminded me of a time back when my x-wife was my then girlfriend and she hit play on my VCR and there was a tape of a then pre-barely-legal Tracy Lords after I had been showing a friend the night before and had forgotten that the tape was still in the machine...

Damn that was a long sentence.

Anyway, I have to say this was before anyone knew Tracy Lords was underage and I was showing my friend the tape because I was trying to point out to him that it's wrong to have porn and he asked me what porn was and then of course I thought visual aids would be better than me explaining or something like that...

Damn that was a long sentence, too.

Really the important and funny thing was...

My x-wife flipped out.

She told me she did.

Cause I wasn't there to see it happen.

But later I decided to give the tape away to either my friend, or another friend, or possibly the authorities... I can't remember, this was many years ago, okay?

The thing is, between the time she hit play and was traumatized by whatever image the tape had stopped on the previous night and the time I handed the tape over, she had seen fit to put the tape in the microwave oven just long enough to destroy the tape without blowing up the microwave.

...Destroying a classic work of art.

I'm just glad my x-wife wasn't working in the Fotomat that developed Sally Mann's, "The Three Graces." Or should I say, underdeveloped?

My friend was all excited about getting the tape, then had nothing when he popped it in his VCR.

I know those two stories really have nothing in common, but somehow there was a linking connection in my head.

I don't know what it is?

So I'm changing the subject.

Anyone think it's strange that when photos of our troops torturing Iraqi prisoners and everyone is feeling sorta down about it, there comes a heroic rescue of American hostage Thomas Hamill to pick everyone up again?

Isn't it a bit like, "1984" to you too?

And really, were we that down when we saw CBS' "60 Minutes II" broadcast images allegedly showing Iraqis stripped naked, hooded and being tormented by their U.S. captors after four American security contractors who were killed and mutilated in Fallujah?

I know there are innocent people there. But let's pull out all our supposed peace keeping troops now!

I don't think oil is that important.

I believe nuclear is the way to go.

I say, lets nuke the bastards. Turn the sand into glass and make Iraq one giant solar collector.

If we can't do any of those things, lets outsource our peace keeping soldier duties to India. They'd love the extra jobs.

I think if my air-conditioner was working better I wouldn't hate so much.

Saturday was a hot day of shaking hands, meeting strangers, slide projectors, talking with the press, giving interviews, setting up wireless microphones and taking orders.

I wrote down what works in a workshop and what doesn'