I got one last call today to reconsider being a seat filler at the Oscars. I was of course sleeping at the time of the call. It just goes to show you how crazy the organization of something so huge can be.

Also, makes you wonder how crazy any large organization can be... Like our Government.

Some think our current President is just a seat filler.

I did something kind of disgusting... I ran over and ordered, through the Drive-Thru a bunch of McDonald's crap to eat while watching the Oscars.

Now, I'm bloated and sick.

I missed the Billy Crystal opening, but I got my Supersized meal.

I was surprised Tim Robbins didn't take the opportunity to make a Political speech. We really are living in a scary climate when he can seem to speak out. But he did slip in a plug for the Actors Gang current production. That's so rap.

Renee Zellwegger was smiling so big I was worried she wouldn't be able to get her eyes open enough to see the steps as she walked up to accept. Did she thank Jack White? I may have missed it.

With everything getting its name change to Bob Hope, like... The Burbank Airport and Hollywood and Vine to Bob Hope Square... Looks like Tom Hanks is the new Bob Hope, yet Billy Crystal seems to be aiming for matching Bob's hosting stats.

How weird is it that Peter Bogdonovich is directing made for TV movies? I wonder if Christopher Walken will be portrayed as the bad guy?

Isn't if kinda funny that the Short Film people have the longest speeches?

Hobbits too have lots of things to say.

Was Sting playing a monkey grinder? That instrument was pretty neat. I bet I could play that one. Like I can play a Jack-in-the-Box.

Why are they playing all the music back to back?

Why is Liv Tyler looking like that?

Why does she sound to me like Jennifer Tilly now?

I'm getting bored already of the Oscar show... But I thank my lucky stars, I'm not having to sit through this there at the Kodak Theatre.

I truly glad I wasn't a seat filler at the Scientific and Technical Awards.

How cool would it have been if after doing his shtick, Blake Edwards would keel over dead onstage. That'd be some way to go.

I know I should be doing something more worthwhile than watching this Oscar show. I should be writing something other than this, making a video, editing the video I've already shot, editing and recording more audio for the radio shows...

Yet, I sit here stuck as the phone rings and the machine picks up a few calls from friends at various Oscar Parties asking if I want to stop by or get together after, but I just let the machine pick up and continue typing this...

Someone out there is a seat filler in the life I should be living.

Maybe I'll drop out of this show and go see a movie...

Maybe I'll finally see the "Return of the King", or just sit here and see it all as they keep showing clips.

Maybe I'll do none of this...

I keep hoping Mel Gibson will be a presenter... He yet may be, but I wonder what response he'd get.

While I loved Katherine Hepburn, I flipped over to catch a bit of "The Phantom Menace" on Fox as they played her Tribute. I think she would have understood.

There's been quite a Lian Neeson festival today as "Michael Collins" was on earlier. I watched a part of it, then decided I should just rent it and watch all of it instead.

Finally somebody...

Errol Morris almost channeled Michael Moore and I was looking forward to someone saying something that might push the Conservative envelope in this Censorship, Passion of Christ, Seven Second Delay, George Bush, FCC climate...

He almost did...

There's still hope...

Jack Black and Will Ferrel rock! They so far were the best!

Also, seeing Fran Walsh try to say something after Annie Lennox hogged the spotlight and Fran was drowned out with the "You're Boring" song.

Is John Schwartzman, ASC who was nominated for his work on the feature film "Seabiscuit" related to Jason Schwartzman from, "Rushmore"? Cause as the nominations were read out it was Jason who was seen picture in picture.

How funny if it was all a goof.

I just realized if he is related that means he's related to all the Coppolas too.

Sofia looked so pretty and you can see Francis thinking how he can sign her up under some sort of contract for life.

It really looks like the Coppolas and New Zealand control Hollywood... What happened to the Jews?

Yea, Peter Jackson won! He's so great!

Charlize Theron made a great speech and I thought she might thank Krispy-Kreme for all the work they did with her weight gain for the role.

But no...

I'm already getting hungry so I might head over to the Krispy after this shit is over.

If Tomorrow is the 1st, I'm hitting the Fast again.

Sean Penn, I don't care what people say... Is so fucking cool! He mentions WMD's! Alright!

It's Best Picture time and did you really think anything else would get it...?

But don't you think Peter's win really was for being overlooked for his, "Dead-Alive"?

Do you think all those winners are really going to be happy for any great length of time?

How soon will we be seeing the statues on eBay?

Thank Gawd it's over and I can't believe I have such a sad life that I sat and watched this all.

My ass is so sore. Now it's off to stand in line at the Krispy-Kreme.

Last night I was driving over in Hollywood, going down a side street I use as a short cut to Highland and found a rare free parking spot. It being so rare I just had to park in it. I sat there for a while just listening to Phil Hendrie on the radio and then decided to get out and see if I could walk around the Oscar set up.

I did.

I wasn't stopped, approached, frisked, obtained... Nothing.

I freely walked around and watched workers set up tents and flowers and statues.

I even got bold and walked down the Red Carpet. I wish I had my camera because it was pretty cool!

I saw a huge Oscar Statue laying on its back on the red carpet and it had a tape outline around it. I swear it looked like a homicide and chalk marks. I began to feel sorry for the Gold Guy. But I guess he was just resting and waiting for some Teamsters to prop him up.

I hung out with my friend Allan Adrian a great old Hollywood screenwriter today. He wrote the classic, "Killer Cage" and has great stories about Hollywood in the 60's and 70's. I wanted to do our usual thing and have him tell me his wonderful stories, so I suggested he buy me lunch in exchange of me having to listen to him tell me. I even tried, after several moments of thought, to get him to go to the pizza place I like. He is a vegan, so that was out of the question. I offered to listen to him talk while just I ate.

No dice.

He's so funny.

Tonight near Universal Studios, up in the sky was the biggest flying saucer shaped cloud I've ever seen. I almost freaked when I saw it and I noticed a couple in the car next to me were watching it as well. It was dark Black against the sky and perfectly shaped like the classic flying saucer. If I had a camera it would have been so convincing as a real UFO.

But as a weather phenomenon, it still was really cool to see.

I just talked with my brother about trying to find some records about our mother's death. I guess I blocked the date of her funeral out of my head, but then I've never been one for dates and time.

November 21, 1987... I think that's what he said. I can't believe she's been gone so long.

There have been so many times I wished I could have talk with her.

But I doubt there would have been anything interesting to say...

If I could just have just a few moments to talk with her now...

I guess I would tell her how much I miss her and tell her about ABC's new Stephen King mini-series based on Lars Von Trier's "The Kingdom" and how much I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

But, maybe I should think of something better to talk about...

Just in case I get the chance.

Thank Mel it's Friday!

Rosie O'Donnell got hitched to her longtime girlfriend the cutie patootie, and like Jesus she too is a carpenter, Kelli Carpenter.

Odd isn't it? The carpenter connection...

Well, I'm happy for them. I hope every Gay and Lesbian, no matter how ugly or rich, can find love and screw their lives up like I did with Marriage.

I think if straight people are so up in arms over this they should protest by divorcing each other and start having sex with strangers.

If you are planning this and are a female please e-mail me your photo.

Hurry though, I'm looking for a new country to call home.

America's Next Top Model UPN Website had cool portfolios that contained full-body shots that I jerked off to a few times, but now the photos are cropped to show only close-ups of the models' faces.

UPN said they are not going to comment on it. Viacom President Mel Karmazin issued a blanket no-indecency rule for the company, like every other broadcaster is now... Viacom includes UPN, CBS, MTV and Infinity Broadcasting among other places I no longer work.

One death by heart attack and more than $23 million at the box office on it's first day Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" atleast had no gang members busting any caps into anybodys asses... Not yet anyway.

Funny how many come out and protest a film if someone dies watching it and yet here is a film where people are dying while they watch and Families are dragging their babies to a violent R rated movie.

America is a great place isn't it?

I was so excited to that Michael Jackson was cleared... (A Scientology expression by the way) I mean, we really all knew he's done nothing wrong and he's just being persecuted.

Much like the way Howard Stern is being crucified for our sins.

Clear Channel suspended Stern's radio show in something like seven markets. I believe it's going to get worse. Soon we'll all be living in a Handmaid's Tale kind of world.

With all the fears of our free speech being taken away they have to come out with the news that oral sex is linked to mouth cancer. They don't say whether the one given or the one receiving is the one in danger or not.

I was listening to the Jay-Z/Beatles album and thinking just how cool it is and brilliant as a concept as I was gargling. I was hoping more unauthorized concept mixes and remixes of classic albums would be put together by new artists.

Maybe this would be a boost to record sales and you'd find Record Companies doing business under the table, not wanting to be seen strip mining their back catalog artists for illegal remixes.

I drove by the Vista Theatre last night to see a crowd standing in the pouring rain weathering out the Mel Gibson flick, "The Passion of the Christ".

The rain was like a Baptism. I stayed in my warm car as I hit a huge puddle sending a wave of water onto the crowd in line.

According to the Internet Movie Database, the God, was listed as a credited contributor to The Passion. By Wednesday noon, the credit was gone, but God's own personal IMDb.com page remained.

Accepting the Award for God, if he wins...

The mind boggles.

Or atleast mine does, cause I'm sleepy.

Carl Anderson, the actor and singer who performed on stage and in the film "Jesus Christ Superstar," as Judas has died of leukemia at age 58.

Or is that what they want us to think?

I'd like to ask Mel's Father what he thinks the Jews have done about this...

Six musicals in one night for Jerry Hall in London...

How annoying could that have been?

George Miller, one of my favorite director's who directed "Mad Max" and "Babe: Pig in the City," is hot now that Mel's in the spotlight with Christ.

He's got a movie he's working on called "The Sparrow," which tells the story of a Jesuit priest who leads a mission to a newly discovered extraterrestrial culture.

"Havana Nights" has me thinking about doing some Dirty Dancing... All alone in my place, in front of my full length mirror, with a bottle of Jack and a bag of pork rinds.

Ladies, I'm waiting for your calls.

The "Doonesbury" cartoon offers $10,000 for proof Bush served...

How cool is that?

'Dr. Seuss' Has his 100th Birthday. I celebrated by fast forwarding through much of "1000 Fingers of Dr. T", I had some Dirty Dancing to do and I couldn't sit and watch all of it.

Wolfgang Petersen is working on a remake of "The Poseidon Adventure" for Warner Bros.

I loved the first movie.

I hope Gene Hackman is in this one too.

I still have a scare on my index finger from when I was a kid and took a straight razor to a toy ocean line so I could get it to sink in my bath tub. The razor slid off the boat and stuck into the bone of my finger.

Damn disaster movie!

I should have sued Irwin Allen.

I love this wet and gloomy weather we here in Hell-Lay are blanketed in...

It perfectly matches my mood.

My wet mood.

My unbridled excitement about the Oscars are quickly deleted by the traffic I now have to sit through due to street closures around the Kodak Theatre.

I decided to pass on the offer to be a seat filler at the Oscars. It would have been fun, I guess, but you know how I hate crowds.

Plus, with the continuing nightmares I'm still having about earthquakes and other disasters, I don't need to be trapped by large groups of people keeping me from my exit.

I'm watching Sela Ward on Craig Killborn, who I think is one of the most beautiful women in the State, I mean Sela not Craig, but I wish I had some photos of an x-girlfriend I use to be involved with in Texas back in the late 80's so I could show you.

I think they looked very similar. That lady was 15 years older than I, a big pot smoker, divorced with a kid, and an x-husband that beat me up.

Damn, those were great times.

Anyway, it makes me think that Sela Ward must be trouble too.

I was sitting in traffic today thinking about how I need to really change my life.

I do think this alot.

I sat there, turned off the radio and actually began talking to myself hoping some unseen force would hear me and offer help.

Later near tears I lit up a green candle. I did this later because lighting it up in the car would have been dangerous, like before.

Green candle because the lady at The Psychic Eye store said it was good and because it was 75 cents more than the other candles.

So it must work.

When ever I ask for help. Meditate. Pray. It really comes across as begging. I hate that, but it really sounds like that. Then I get embarrassed. I start giggling and I think I ruin the effect.

I find myself saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and I just know this can't be appealing to an Angel trying to help.

I'm not even really sure what I want. I just know I don't like where I am with myself in this life. I can't even figure out a good question to ask, when I ask for help out in the "Field", "The Gap Between Thought", or "Heaven's Ebb", you know what I'm talking about. You've read those books too, or atleast heard the audiobooks, or watched the PBS show between pledge drives.

I guess my question of what do I want is like that trailer for the Sundance Festival Winning Film, "Primer" when it says, "What do you truly want?... To repair it all."

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know there must be something because I'm not happy and I can't find what does make me happy.

Things that use to make me happy, now make me sad.

I'd hate to find I wasted my life worrying about not being happy, or trying to be happy, when I should have just been happy.

I know it would be ridiculous to be happy all the time like those crazy people you see talking and laughing to themselves as they walk down the street. On their cellphones.

But, I'd like to be happy sometimes without thinking that soon I'll be sad.

Earlier I tried making a list as I sometimes do, of things that make me happy, or things I am happy about, and the pen opened up and ink poured all over me. I now have a stain on the crotch of my favorite jeans that is in the shape of Abraham Lincoln. Stovepipe hat and all.

It really looks like a pee pee stain. I hear the Angels, Spirit Guides, Ghosts, and Abe pointing and laughing.

Well, I don't actually hear them pointing...

Today, or rather Yesterday, I just couldn't sleep enough.

I had more dreams of devastating Earthquakes.

I wonder what they mean? They seem so real.

I received an odd e-mail with a vague return e-mail addy saying that Sofia Coppola has "read and appreciates" my webpage mentions.

I had to go back and read what I had said, because I couldn't remember. I just hope a lawsuit isn't on its way.

I caught some TV viewing with "The Midget Groom" or whatever it was called on Fox, but that chick Micca (I think that was her name) was pretty hot! She was sexy and cute and tiny and funny and... Did I say tiny? I'd do her in a minute if she was willing and I could win a huge cash prize from Fox.

Also watched the last "Obnoxious Wedding" and it just wasn't worth the torture I experienced, but that girl's family members are just a bunch of dull knobs. I feel the audience deserved that winnings. Or atleast I deserved it.

Court filing and expert witnesses claim Paris Hilton 'Directed' her sex video, imagine if she had directed, "The Passion of the Christ" someone else would have been nailed.

I've already been offered to purchase a DVD bootleg of, "The Passion..." while shopping for underwear, but passed in fear that the MPAA is reading this. I was a little dubious when I noticed the cover was a Xerox of Star Trek's Captain Pike dressed as Jesus.

I'm hoping the New Beverly Cinema will have a double feature of, "The Passion of the Christ" and Ken Russell's, "The Crimes of Passion"...

The other day I was in such a mood, I failed to mention I attended a party for the opening of a new "Curves" over on Larchmont Blvd.

I had a wonderful time. I had never heard of "Curves" before, but have been told by gals in the know, that they are gaining huge success across the country. I didn't even know what it was until I stepped in to get me some free drinks and food after receiving my invite for such nice things.

Sure there were some big girls, some old girls, some strange girls... But isn't that what makes the World great?

Well, I think so...

Hmmm?

Okay, I had fun. I don't care what you think.

I even met one of the owners Alyson Kiperman whom you may remember played Taylor on "Power Rangers: Wild Force!", she was also I believe on MTV's "Undressed", but I'm not sure, I'm working from memory here folks.

Sure she's a babe.

Her family is nice, smart, and adventurous. I talked with her sister alot that night.

I met one of the trainers, a French lady who had a great knowledge of cinema. French Cinema. I found we like many of the same films.

Another trainer was a cool Black woman who had the most beautiful hair and face. We really hit it off, but of course she had to mention her boyfriend only 327 times in our short conversation. She was really neat in that Pam Grier as Motivation Speaker gonna kick your ass Honey Child kinda way.

They had great food catered and good wine pouring, but not one phone number was handed to me, but that's okay.

I plugged my new DVD player in Tonight that was given as a wonderful gift by my friend Aaron. I watched James Wynorski's Cinematic Masterpiece, "Cheerleader Massacre", then topped it off with a documentary about the Dogme 95 film movement, then had a movement of my own after that...

I haven't been sleeping well as usual and even though I woke up early Today, I am not sleepy in the least. I even moved my bed from the noisy wall of neighbor sex and violence to the cold depressed living room of forgotten toys.

I lifted my mattress up off the floor and placed it on a wooden frame so I would end this horrible trend of back pain I've found myself waking up in the last few weeks, however I now have a backache from lifting the Futon and moving it.

I needs me Oxycotin suptin' bad...

There's nothing like starting a new day like getting up to back pain.

A psychic lady who just might be slightly insane, and who I see every once in a while when I go for walks, told me my morning backache is from my ethereal self not wanting to climb back into my body after a long night's journey on a voyage through the cosmos.

And then I have to be forced into my body by my Spirit Guides.

I can see that...

I have Spirit Guides that like to rough me up.

I've had several e-mails telling me that Carrie Bradshaw ran off with Mr. Big.

Everyone has asked me if I saw it? No. I don't have cable, or anything like cable, but I knew that bitch would do it.

Hell, Mr. Big even got Helen Hunt from Tom Hanks last night on "Castaway" and that was on regular free Tee Vee.

I bet Mr. Big even gets one of those Lesbian Bitches on, "The L Word" that I can't see cause I'm too broke for cable and or Dish TV.

I use to dream that Mr. Big would end up falsely accused of a crime and be sent to that prison on, "Oz" and be wonderfully buggered by all those sweaty mens.

I'm just jealous of Mr. Big I guess. I bet he has cable.

Still in a bit of a funk Today, but better than Yesterday.

It's cold and wet. The streets have that cool Michael Mann look from the late Eighties and early Nineties. I need to get a new wardrobe for this weather... Any weather actually... I need a stylist.

I talked with my sister-in-law Tonight and got all the gossip about some of my family back in the Midwest. I don't think they'll ever trust me after leaking the false news that I had remarried.

Still single.

Not Gay.

Not looking, but I know some cool gals read this page and are too timid to e-mail me about a possible meeting.

That's cool.

I'm just not in a place in my life to date yet, but I would like to sometimes hangout, talk, walk along the beach and smoke some crack and maybe knockoff a liquor store or two. Then, if sex comes up, well we'll just have to see.

Earlier I ran into a couple of porn girls I used to know when they were seriously pursuing acting. They try and get out of the biz, but the money is easy for them and they seem to hate working office jobs and they lay back down for the cash.

One girl has put on some weight and is all stressed out because she's not getting cast so much. I think the stress of her weight gain is causing her to put on more. She began chewing my ear about Dr. Phil, his book, and TV show and how it's changing her life.

I was thinking, great she'll change her life and get out of the Adult Video Biz, but no, she just wants to lose weight.

Kory, she looks great, but has too many tattoos in the wrong places and bad designs for my taste.

Almond, is terribly skinny and I believe a heroin user, but she is cool and funny and lost in a very sad way.

They both were hanging in the Cafe of my local Borders Books waiting on Kory's boyfriend who is producing a rap group who has ads all over town on bus benches.

She said I should know who they are, but I don't. I can't even remember their name seconds after she told me.

Almond got angry when she was telling me how bad an album Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head was, and I told her it was one of my favorites.

I also pushed the envelope when I told her I was into The White Stripes. She of course hates that band and got very loud in the Cafe about how they suck and how much of a horrible time she had at the Weenieroast watching them play.

Almond looks a little like a high Renee Zellweger and I think Almond gets her name from the shape of her eyes... I think that she might also hate Jack White because of the Zellweger connection.

The table next to us got up and left because she was vitriolic and profane and obnoxiously loud.

Kory's boyfriend shows up and sees that I'm holding on to the book VX: Ten Years of Vibe Photography and we start talking about Hip-Hop and German Broken Jazz. I think his name is Todd, or Tad, but he was very nice. I was surprised to find out he went to the screening of "The Passion of the Christ" that I was suppose to go to but didn't.

I found it slightly amusing that here is a rap producer that's financially involved in the porn industry, dates a porn actress, yet proclaims himself a Christian and a thrice weekly churchgoer.

You have to love California.

This wet weather has screwed up what little television viewing I can partake in... UPN completely looks snowbound on my TV's reception, so I miss an episode of "Enterprise" directed by one of my favorite TV directors, Roxann Dawson. Not only is she very talented, but she's incredibly pretty. I've loved everything I've seen her direct.

Damn! I can't see this episode and I don't even know if it's a rerun.

I need a Dish.

I am under a lot of pressure to edit a few new radio interviews that I've had backed up and ready to load online. It's just hard lately to sit and edit audio or even the video backlog that is weighing heavily on harddrives.

I should just hire some temp help to get me uncovered.

I saw a cool documentary on KCET about production design. I wish I knew what it was called. I wish someone would send me a copy, it was very educational and entertaining.

I'm thinking about skipping all the work I should be doing now and heading over to the Good Luck Bar again like last night and drinking more Cosmopolitans. I'm beginning to live the drinking lifestyle of the gals from "Sex and the City". My show would be, "Sick in the Shitty"...

Drinking in that bar is fun, yet no one even looked at me. No one came over to talk. No one even knew I was there. Several people just walked right into me and then never apologized for spilling my drink, or theirs on me.

It was kind of sad, but freeing in a way. It was just me and my drink... And my thoughts.

My sick and evil thoughts.

I met up with my Lawyer friend from Tehran and saw him with his new very young girlfriend. She was exotic and beautiful.

I think I need to get wealthy too.

But I would be different.

I would get wealthy, and when the young girls seek out power, I would deny them my essence.

I would then only drink Cosmopolitans with pure grain alcohol and rainwater. They can make those right?

Cause if not, that just screws up all my plans.

Today mostly was a real fucking drag...

The world seemed to be filled with angry bitter people, and they all wanted to dump on me.

The rain was the best thing about the day.

The feeling I came away with after the day was over was that I don't need to be having any contact with people what so ever.

Sure there were highlights like the rain, the ham and cheese on wheat that I ate at the Larchmont Deli, the pizza later on at the Larchmont Pizzeria, talking with the girls there who were working and acting silly, hearing from people that saw me on CBS, walking in the rain with my Goth umbrella, reading about George and Mike Kuchar on a cool filmmaking website that showcases icons of underground cinema... But in between all that was cargo ship loads of crap that just had to be dumped on me.

I really am thinking I could live a pretty happy life stranded on an island like Tom Hanks in "Castaway" I watched again Tonight on TV. Yes, I cried again. I must need to unload some stress.

I don't think I'd do well on "The Apprentice". I don't do well even watching it. I was a big fan at first, but do I really need Reality TV? I'm trying to escape reality.

NBC has a deal for a boxing reality series by "Survivor" creator Mark Burnett, DreamWorks co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg and big-screen "Rocky" champ Sylvester Stallone.

As everyone in Hollywood knows, Jeffrey Katzenberg is a boxer, wears boxers, and is a buff hunk who drives the female demographic wild with his sexual prowess.

Sylvester Stallone is an actor.
 
The show, titled "The Contender," chronicles the struggle of real-life boxers as they try to make a name for themselves. Contestants will get to date and or rape models, bite off the ears of other players, or act in movies with slurred speech and punch-drunk lazy eyes.

I'm sold.

Woops... My TV just flew out the window.

Life just keeps getting better...

There is just too much information about Jesus' Crucifixion and that makes it impossible to describe the act in accurate true to life detail, as Mel Gibson attempts to do in, "The Passion of the Christ", so biblical scholars continue to argue.

I'm hoping to see this tonight if I'm not too drunk.

Old school Christians believed that Jesus was nailed to the cross, yet there is absolutely no proof of this. Very few photographs or news footage seems to have survived.

Only some old dusty skeleton of a crucified person has ever been recovered and it indicated that the two arms were tied to a crossbar, and two nails were used in either shinbone. Ouch!

Have you ever scraped your shinbone? Imagine having nails banged into them.

The type of cross in Jesus' nailing is also in question, because Romans are known to have used both a T-shaped support, also known as a T-Back, and the Latin cross that is standard in Christian iconography seen hanging around necks of every preteen girl who didn't wear a W.W.J.D. bracelet.

Remember in "Planet of the Apes"... or maybe it was "Beneath the Planet of the Apes"... Where in the desert there were dead apes nailed up on big X's?

Did any crucifixions happen on X's rather than cross, or T shaped?

Monkeys have like four hands to drive nails into...

They must have put up a real fight.

Spartacus was no ape, but he to was nailed to a cross like Jesus and a whole lot of other people I guess.

Ever notice in artist interpretations, that those that are crucified have great abs?

I'm surprised no one has ever marketed that as an Ab builder on late night infomercials.

Benjamin, a new e-mail buddy told me, he believed "Paul was martyred on an X-shaped crucifix.

Yet, Spartacus was hacked to pieces by his own men as they were being wiped out by Crassus' legions in a major battle in southern Italy! After his defeat, 6000 men were crucified along the Via Appia as a warning to other slaves."

Thanks, Ben!

I received an e-mail from one Jane Spencer, that said...

"I'm a reporter for The Wall Street Journal. I'm
thinking about doing a story on Movieoke, and I saw your posting about it.

Have you actually tried it? If so, I'd love to chat.

Cheers,
Jane"

Brilliant!

I love Movieoke and I love the Wall Street Journal! Maybe Jane's article will spread the love and get more venues for this amazing outlet for hammy performers who lack any singing skills, yet desire to show all those hours getting pale and pasty skin watching endless movies have not gone to waste.

There is a few scraggly group of industry tech types here in Hollywood who sometimes work as foley and ADR artists for feature films who get to show off their
mimicry abilities while kicking back a few Mandarin Cosmopolitans.

We need to get The Wall Street Journal and Ms. Spencer to show entrepreneurs that this is a viable way to profit off the talentless yet hilarious wannabe actors that siphon what clean air we have left here in LA.

Once while in New York, a movie extra on a shoot took me to my first Movieoke...

It was great! People hooked up and went out to eat later, exchanged numbers, made out, dated, broke up, got jobs, got seen...

It was a microcosm of life imitating the movies.

I believe this is going to be huge. There may soon be an American Idol type of show where people perform monologues along with the clips.

Or it will be just a fad that will fade away like all great fads...

But not before some people milk it to death.

Well, I chatted with Jane for hours on the phone and realized that with all the info I gave her, it just wasn't enough... She still wanted more, and she wanted it from others and not me.

How can one ever seriously get sexually involved with a reporter? They are never satisfied. They always want more and they never truly trust what you are lying to them about...

I hope I get mentioned in her article.

I also received a nice e-mail from a staff writer on The Jimmy Kimmel Show saying that he had read my comments on Conan and have enjoyed reading my pages. I suppose I should now watch the Kimmel Show.

I hope they give me a job.

I see that the end of Howard Stern's Radio Show is imminent...

Jay Leno's new announcer on NBC's "The Tonight Show" will be "Stuttering John" Melendez.

John will be replacing Edd Hall, who's leaving the show after 12 years to concentrate on doing movies. Or just watching movies.

I also heard that Betelgeuse will be doing some fair and balanced co-hosting duties for Bill O'Reilly.

My one-time boss John Pierson wrote a book about independent films and filmmaking published in 1995, called "Spike, Mike, Slackers & Dykes" that looked at 10 years in independent cinema, from "Stranger Than Paradise" in 1984 through "Clerks" and "Pulp Fiction" in 1994.

Pierson, recently back from living in Fiji where he and his family ran a movie theater, is sitting on bookshelves once again with "Spike Mike Reloaded" a slightly revised version of his definitive indie page-turner.

I doubt I'm in this one either.

Pierson offers a first-hand glimpse into the film scene that would explode with the box office performance of Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction" and he sets the stage for the drama that would play out in
Peter Biskind's latest book.

Pierson, who later championed filmmakers like me on his IFC show "Split Screen," read an early draft of Biskind's book about independent film in the '90s and has had some praise and a number of criticisms for Biskind's take on independent films, leading to the revised version of "Spike Mike" from Miramax Books.

Should I buy it or wait for the movie?

Maybe I'll get it sent to me as a gift. Right.

I was so sad to hear about one of my fav filmmakers Sarah Jacobson, an amazing filmmaker who was funny and cool. She died one week ago from cancer. All calls went unreturned so I don't have any details, but sadness.

It's gloomy here in Hollywood today. Rain is one the way for five days...

Time for more Mandarin Cosmopolitans!

I found it so hard to sleep last night.

I don't know what was going on? It was a toss and turn, pillow flipping night for me.

I tried listening to various Old Time Radio Dramas to help me get unconscious, but nothing seemed to help.

I popped in some mp3's of Deepak Chopra and Dr. Wayne Dyer... Nuthin'.

I stared at the ceiling and watched shadows move across the walls.

Then I got the impression something was in the room. I really began to feel something was watching me.

As boring as that must have been for whatever entity could have been in my room, I was getting really scared. I kept pulling the covers up over my head.

I then began dosing off, but would shudder awake pop my head out of the covers and catch a fleeting glimpse of a shimmering figure stepping out of the room into the dark hallway.

I must have been dreaming... Right?

The house was creaking and popping all night and into the morning.

I wonder if there was some sort of Lunar activity, or geological phenomenon that might be causing weird fears to creep up on me while lying there in bed? Maybe some sort of magnetics seeping up out of the ground just before a major Earthquake causing me to have strange dreams and frights?

Today I am toast. Bleary eyed and drowsy. Weak and sluggish. Or in other words... Normal.

This morning I read an inspiration story about a Mystery Writer that writes about local spots in LA. Her name is Rochelle Krich and she has 11 novels out. None that I've read yet, but soon will be tracking down. In the photo next to the article about her in the Beverly Press, she looks very pretty.

There is an interesting story above Krich's article about a time capsule buried in 1954 with the intention of being opened 50 years later. It was buried at the location of NBC Radio Studios.

It contained an original "Gone With the Wind" shooting script, a Jack Benny broadcast, and a bunch of other cool stuff that... Unfortunately was destroyed by water seeping in and rotting it all.

Water bad!

Seal those time capsules, folks! With ziplock plastic bags!

I can't believe how many people really thought I got married...

My brother had his kids give him all the info on the last few posts and several exclaimed, "I knew Uncle Jerry was a fag!"

Yet, they were wrong.

I doubt I'll ever get married again, but if others want to fuck up their lives by getting married, that's their business and I won't care.

It is cold and wet out here today. Rain and driving don't mix, but Vodka and whatever else they put in those Mandarin Cosmopolitans at the bar Good Luck do mix well.

That's what I need now that it's cold, but I haven't become a total alcoholic. Not yet anyway.

I talked with the manager at The Vista Theatre about seeing "The Passion of the Christ." I can't wait to see it. I loved "Last Temptation of Christ" and I got a feeling this will be real good. I like the actor Jim Caviezel, he was great in, "The Thin Red Line."

I heard Mel Gibson talking about the scene where Jesus gets nailed that that was his hand that drives the nail in...

I hope his hand doesn't try mugging it up for the camera... Ya know, doing Three Stooges type hand gestures while crucify.

All my Hebrew friends are so concerned that they will be portrayed badly in the film and I didn't even know they were actors. How did I not get cast in this film?

I hope there will be more portrayals of Messiahs of our time in film...

Phillip Seymour Hoffman as L. Ron Hubbard.

Eddie Griffith as Tupac Shakur.

Charlize Theron as Oprah.

Conan O'Brien apologized for offending any French Canadians during his Toronto shows.

I laughed my ass off on many of those episodes.

"People of Quebec, I'm sorry," O'Brien said.

His remarks translated into French and subtitled:

"People of Quebec, I'm an albino jackass."

"We meant no harm with our comedy piece the other night."

The translation: "The other night, I wet the bed like a little girl."

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was awesome as usual.

Sometimes I think I wished I lived while Jack Benny or the Marx Brothers were around, but I am glad I live in a time where I can watch Conan and Triumph. That is if there isn't some porn on that I'd rather be watching at the time.

"You're in North America, learn the language," Triumph yelled.

The "F" Word... No. Not French.

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use. Like Bono at whatever Award how that was...

They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of HMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?"

- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"

- Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."

- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"

- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"

- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"

- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"

- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....My ass!"

- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"

- Bill Clinton, 1999

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing MAD."

- Sadaam Hussein, 2003

I totally forgot I was to appear on KCBS 2 in Los Angeles in a segment on Pizza places.

Yet, I saw myself just by chance because I watched a friend perform on "CSI: Miami" and the News followed.

Man, I looked good. They got a great shot of me eating pizza sitting at my favorite table at the Larchmont Village Pizzeria.

I guess I can add that shot... All three nanoseconds of it to my acting resume.

The camera woman was a total dick, but she really captured me in a wonderful way. I think she's a true artist. I didn't look fat or anything...

I hope Tomorrow my answering machine is loaded with calls from Agents wanting to sign me.

Gosh, I hope I can sleep.

Gee, if it had only been on Fox News...

It's been kinda crazy the last few days...

Needless to say... I didn't actually get married. That was just a joke to frighten some people I know.

Saturday Night I hungout with a friend over at the Beverly Center with the biggest crowd of Blacks I've seen outside of "Freaknik"... I was of course scared. I can handle a few thousand Blacks, but this was several all crammed into a mall with little to none in the way of Security.

I never found out what was going on that brought them all together.

I was only there to see "Love Actually" again and this was the only Theatre playing it. Was it worth getting shot to see? Yes!

Later it was Hollywood Thai for the thin Thai girls and BBQ Pork!

Then it was off to The Vista to see, "The Triplets of Belleville", but not before hitting the bar at "Good Luck" for Mandarin Cosmopolitans. Sure I looked Gay drinking it, but it made me feel good. If you go, tell Megan I said, Hi. She's the Barmaid. She got me drunk.

I was tipsy watching the movie, but then after the flick we hit it again for a thorough wasting... We wuz pissed!

Heading home with a stopoff for Krispy-Kreme's sugar fix did the trick.

I slept like a big fat drunk baby. I even wet the bed.

Woke up bright and shiny three hours later... Looked out the window... Got back in bed for more.

Woke up some twenty hours later and headed out to Roman's for a cheeseburger. Then tried to leave, but the car would not start.

This has never happened in my car.

Everyone at the Restaurant was so helpful. They called a tow truck and they towed me to a place that was closing, but they stayed open long enough to get my Honda in, then walking out I slammed my head into the wheel of a car they had up on the hydraulic lifts and knocked myself out.

That sucked.

My head is still throbbing.

I know this is really going to cost me money I don't have.

I have no ride.

Being non-wealthy is a bummer.

I think I have a concussion.

I so sleepy...

I can't sleep...

Last night was weird and nutty.

I did something that is going to make my family shit their pants...

I was hanging out with a new friend, a Lawyer from Tehran, a Rock Star from Turkey, and a musician friend from Oregon while listening to local Russian Mobsters talk about hunting and eating Bear.

The subject changed to one of the Ruskies daughter getting married to a Lesbian Girlfriend up in San Francisco to protest something...

I don't know what is going on, but something like a 1000 Gays and Lesbian have married this week... Even in El Lay.

So after a few Blue colored Hypnotics and some Rootbeer, my friend Alber the Rock Star suggests we to a Brittany Spears and Jason Alexander...

I told him that I was divorced and have no plans in getting hitched again even to a guy. Alber is very good looking in that Dark European way, but I'm not Gay as far as I know.

But he explained that I should just jump into it to crash any bitterness I might hold about being divorced. I didn't think I really had any other than just the feeling of being a real loser about being divorced.

He said we should do it just for laughs and get it annulled the next day. Ya know, just to piss people off.

I don't know what he was saying but the girls at the table seemed to get a kick out of it and that lead to me saying...

"Okay!"

We got a quick license and instead of Bride and Groom got Applicant and Applicant.

Romantic.

Two Russian Bridesmaids later...

Alber and I were married in Studio City.

For fun we shot over the hill and got a room to party in at The Chateau Marmont.

Yet, sleep we did not.

We had photos taken in the lobby and we all look pretty wasted.

Later he made out with a cute girl that earlier had been introduced as his second cousin.

I however had no one...

This Valentine's Day Weekend is for me and me alone!

Later today we are to try and get an annulment, however the Lawyer from Tehran who works here says it won't be that easy on a weekend.

Then Alber's brother Sarpy tells him he is to be shipped out Monday to Turkey. Alber is in the Military. I didn't know this and he's suppose to be my wife, or whatever... Men!

So much for this being a quick goof.

I'm thinking he only wanted to get his Green Card.

After his family and our friends left, the joke was on him.

See...

Here's the thing:

As you know, I shave my bottom so when I wipe I don't get what my older brother used to call Klingons. He told me this when I was young and hadn't yet been aware of Star Trek. When I got into the show and every time they said, "Klingon" I would get a chuckle.

So, back to my butt.

I use baby-wipes. There I'm man enough to say it. I like the clean feeling I get by having an ass clean enough to see your reflection in if only my back wouldn't give out trying.

While I don't believe I have hemorrhoids, I know I do have anal fissures which itch, crack, and bleed. Gross, right?

Some say it's the baby-wipes drying the soft and tinder rectum and they get chapped.

My underwear sometimes looks like I'm on the rag. I know. You've stopped reading this, haven't you?

Quitter!

Sometimes I have to peel my shorts off me like a band-aid.

Ouch!

About a year ago I kinda solved this problem by buying some extra sticks of Cherry Flavored Chapstick. I gently rub the tip around my anus and feel the cool breeze tingle across the fragrant skin protectant and sunscreen SPF4's waxy frosting.

Sometimes I feel rather perky and give myself a few extra coats.

I like the Cherry Flavor.

Now you are probably wondering how I keep from putting the tube to my lips by accident...?

I don't.

I peel the label off of the Chapstick I use on my sphincter so that I can easily identify the one I use to protect my lips and the one for my ass.

I don't think carrying it around in my pocket is all that horrible because I don't shove the Chapstick way up my ass. And I only apply the Chapstick when my ass is sparkling clean.

Anyway...

At the Party last night as everyone was leaving, I tried getting my wallet out to pay the tab. I had so much to drink my pants were all tight an shit, so I unloaded my pocket.

Keys, gum, change, yo-yo and two tubes of Chapstick go rolling across the table. Before I can grab 'em, Alber snatches the ass stick and trying to be a tough guy smears a huge coat across his thick lips. And shoves the stick in his pocket and tries his best with English...

"Keepers weepers!" HA ha ha hahaha...

The joke was on him and so was my Chap-ass-stick.

Stupid Homo-Turk!

I'm divorcing him as soon as he gets back from the War!

.

I talked with some nice folks at Flower Films the other day. Drew Barrymore, star of the new romantic comedy "50 First Dates," has her own production company and I had called them because I have what I think is a pretty rare book that includes a photo of her Great Great Grandmother I think, whose name is Gerdie Drew Barrymore. She has the same eyes as Drew and I think it will make a nice gift for her Birthday that's coming up.

One of her assistants called me all excited, so hopefully I get together with them soon.

Drew gets lots of gifts, she has a picture hanging on her wall painted by a giant walrus. It painted the picture with a pacifier-like brush. Adam Sandler plays a veterinarian and the walrus is his patient.

Sandler was on Conan O'Brien last night while the shows are being made in Toronto. Sandler's Dad and dog recently died and he's mining some sweet material out of both tragedies.

Conan's shows have been really great lately. I think I'd like to visit Toronto now after watching the shows.

I just found out that Barrymore's boyfriend is Fabrizio Morietti of the Strokes. It's nice that she willing to date someone poor, unknown and unattractive.

Sharon Osbourne's talk show was canceled.

Now she can just rest and live a quiet home life with her family.

Have you heard about this? Movieoke, it's like Karaoke but it's cinematic.

Guests select a specific scene from a movie that is then projected onto a big screen, while a monitor in front of them shows the scene along with subtitled dialog.

The result is either a skillful rendering of the original lines or, more often than not, some sort of goof up that draws laughter from the audience.

Having a few beers upon arrival might help loosen things up.

I've attempted this at many appearances, my most popularly received performance was recreating the love scene from Pasolini's "Salo: 100 Days of Sodom"...

It's a great Valentin's Day treat for lovers and fascists only.

It's been six years after her death, but shocking audio and videotapes of Princess Diana secretly recorded during her troubled marriage to Prince Charles will get their first public airing next month on NBC.

What's weird is they also contain footage of Paris Hilton.

I saw Courtney Love today, she had her hair pulled back and looked pretty good for one that is seemingly in serious trouble with the Law. I love her new CD and if one listens to it, they can pretty much tell how her life has been going by the lyrics. I thinks she rocks!

And really, is throwing rocks through your agent or managers windows as bad as falsifying information about your military record, or not finding weapons of mass destruction, or having a Congressional Inquiry into Janet Jackson's breast while America forgets Enron...

I could go on, but I've Tivo-ed Ryan Seacrest replacing Tom Brokaw on NBC Nightly News and I want to watch it.

Man, am I getting sick of Ryan Seacrest.

The American Idol host has taken more jobs away in Los Angeles radio.

Not that I've ever listened to longtime L.A. deejay Rick Dees since I've spent so many years here, but when I was a kid just starting in radio, I used to get tapes of his shows and enjoyed his talent then.

Dees told his KIIS-FM audience Tuesday he was signing off his drive-time morning show, "Dees in the Morning," after 22 years. On Wednesday, KIIS' corporate bosses at Clear Channel Communications confirmed Seacrest had been hired to replace him.

Nice.

Let's see here...

Seacrest is already working for:

Fox's American Idol.
Fox Television's syndicated show On Air with Ryan Seacrest.
Clear Channel's syndicated radio show American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest, which he took from Casey Kasem.

Now the KIIS-FM gig...

Jesus, let someone else make money!

Walt Disney Co. top executives focused on the company's outlook in a presentation, as investors looked to Michael Eisner's thoughts on Comcast Corp.'s hostile takeover bid. Analysts say, it really looks like Eisner will be replaced with Ryan Seacrest.

For those of you that care what I look like, I'll be appearing on KCBS 2 next Monday at 11:00PM on a segment that was shot at the Larchmont Pizzeria. I hope it's not an expose on health code violations.

I was reading the February issue of The New Yorker and an Amy Wallace article about one of my favorite filmmakers Larry Cohen while I chatted with the KCBS producer on camera. I'm betting I will be either completely edited out, or edited down to just me eating a pizza and no talking.

When I was talking with my new friend, actor Kevin Tighe, he mentioned just how hard on the TV Industry Reality TV has been.

I never really gave it much thought, but those shows don't require many crew members, or trained actors, writers, and don't need much in the way of thinking when it comes to watching them.

That said...

The Simple Life girls have a second season and this time, they're taking their show on the road.

Fear Factor has made it into syndication. A Reality TV first.

And CBS raked in the ratings with Grammys, that they've decided to make it a weekly series.

Tower Records claims that their Bankruptcy is because of downloading. I guess their prices had nuthin' to do with it.

Still reading about Lew Wasserman in the new book I bought. The book is so huge at the restaurant over in Beverly Hills I was eating and reading at, a waitress came by and read over my shoulder. She was a much faster reader than I, but I may have slowed down due to the fact I find it annoying for someone to stand behind me and read over my shoulder while breathing on the back of my neck.

She got excited when she got to the part that claimed Wasserman's inventiveness actually lead to the creation of the DVD.

He was looking for a way to keep people from pirating and stealing money that he worked so hard at stealing from others.

I still think that guy was amazing and I find it so odd that few people my age even know who he was and how he shaped this town and industry.

But few know who I am either and all the things I've done for this town and the people who live and work here, but one day they'll remember me... I'll make them pay for not knowing me and I'll make them pay for forgetting me, then I'll make them forget that they paid me and get them to pay again, and then tack on some extra hidden costs and charge them more...

Then they'll really pay.

I just walked in from seeing the last dregs of Grammy after parties seeking something to soak up the alcohol and other things in their systems at Coral Cafe. The 24/7 Party People Place on the No. 1 Rated Most Dangerous Street in the Valley... Burbank Blvd.

While I was happy that OutKast won three trophies... Best urban-alternative performance for "Hey Ya!" and best rap album and overall Album of the Year for "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below", I was still a bit sad that The White Stripes and Coldplay didn't get more, those two have really solid CD's.

One of my favorite directors Mark Romanek won for the late Johnny Cash music video for the haunting song by Nine Inch Nail's "Hurt." I love that video!

Most people were tired and didn't give a shit about music anymore...

I heard several people saying they just partied and didn't even see the music show and that they'd just download it from the internet later like they do all their music.

I had a couple of e-mails from people asking if my Flight Attendant X-Wife was on the flight where an American Airlines pilot asked Christians on his flight to identify themselves and suggested the non-Christians discuss the faith with them.

The pilot asked Christians on board to raise their hands then suggested the other passengers use the flight time to talk to the Christians about their faith.

Passengers said his comments "felt like a threat" and several aboard were so worried they tried to call relatives on their cell phones before flight attendants assured them they were safe and that people on the ground had been notified about the pilot's comments.

Wow. If they ever needed to break into the cockpit, then would be the time. People are so scared to fly now, if some pilot came on and started saying prayers, I think they'd think someone had already hijacked the plane and freakout.

If I ever need to fly from Los Angeles to New York's John F. Kennedy Airport, I think I'll take a Cruise ship...

I've been working on a script I think is pretty good. It's really about the people I've met in the Larchmont Village area. I hope to get some good people to read it.

Yesterday I spent some time walking around the Village even though my ankle was all sore and brushed from falling down a flight of stairs. I sprained it real good and even tore the side of my shoes in the process.

While limping around I really got a sense that I was going to do this movie of the script I'm writing. I had a wonderful feeling of accomplishment even though it hasn't happened yet.

Over at The Grove I ran into Spike Jonze and his new girl as I was reading about him in an article about a guy that works with him in RES Magazine. I wanted hangout and be a fly on his wall for a while but I instead started talking with a lady that had a purse that was decorated with the word, "Hamburger"... The purse looked cool and I asked her if she worked in a Hamburger Stand. She smiled with the kind of smile that you make when one feels some one is belittling you. That wasn't what I was doing, but...

She said she lived near Bob's Big Boy in Toluca Lake. I told her that's where I was married and then she seemed to relax as though now she knew I wasn't hitting on her.

Then I told her I was divorced and the wall went back up.

I told her the next wedding would be at Pink's Hot Dog Stand.

I watched a guy sing Brittany Spear's "Hit Me One More Time" at the Farmer's Market as singles met and hooked up.

Today I met my friend Tanya's Mother Olga at Roman's in Studio City she was reading some serious looking documents and seemed a little sad. She didn't talk much and left rather precipitously. I worried, then my food was ready and I stopped.

My friend Michael told me he was leaving for Nigeria to open a Club...

Okay...

I stopped by Samuel French to pickup a copy of Richard Curtis' "Love Actually" script and was reading in it that he was listening to Coldplay while he wrote that script. The song he quotes is one of my favorite songs on the CD, "A Rush of Blood to the Head"...

That's the same CD I've been listening to while writing my script...

That's weird.

Maybe I should write to something else, I don't want to jinx it.

Aaron and I were in Glendale hanging out with the Armenians and sometimes I find myself looking at women with the thought of who would be a good match for him.

I saw one girl walking in front of me that I thought looked like a perfect match. She was short, dark looking, punk hair, yet very feminine... Then she started digging in the crack of her ass trying to pull something lodged up in there, maybe a thong?

She's perfect I thought.

I pointed her out to Aaron. He seemed uninterested.

Later as I walked in from all my adventures, I listened to a call from an old friend of mine who just got laid off from the BBC and wanted to know if she could crash at my dump while she was in the U. S. of LA...

I caught The White Stripes on the Grammy's in the background as I heard shooting in the alleyway behind my place.

I took off my shoes and looked at my foot all Black and Blue.

As my answering machine played on...

I found a package that was hidden under another package that was delivered by my Postman the other day, but I forgot to open. It was another one sent by my x-wife that contained a photo album of my grandparents and mother and father's families. I wasn't in any of them, but it was interesting to see them again.

Even though everyone that was in it is probably dead, they are still traveling by mail and boxes as people move around the World.

The other package from my x-wife had been a short story and a note to me from my late friend and author Richard Layman.

The package that it was bound to was from a producer I'm doing the voice over for his film's trailer. That package contained among many wonderful treats, nude photos of Jaimie Priestly.

I bet her photos will travel well. Even if some of them will be stuck together.

The baby girl with the two heads died.

I feel really sad about it, but I guess Gawd has his plan. Maybe he gave her two heads as a symbol to all of us...

A message...

I wonder what he means by it.

Two heads are better than one?

We should all put our heads together and come up with a plan?

I dunno...

The doctors said that had to operate on her fast because the top head was growing faster than the bottom head, and it threatened to consume her.

I wondered what would have happened if they waited and maybe she had lived a long and prosperous life.

Who knows, maybe the world would have changed and accepted her as a miracle. Maybe on day she could have been a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Model with two big heads.

I hope and feel in my heart she's in Heaven. She has four Angel wings. Two wings for each head.

I know I'll be thinking of her for a long time.

I'm sad, but maybe it's for the best.

I bought a huge bouquet of wonderful flowers the other day. Just to cheer me up. Then I began blowing my nose and my eyes started iching and the flowers aroma started getting very strong...

Out they went.

They looked good though...

I sprained my ankle today. Boy that hurts something unbelievable!

I can't even stand on it without screaming at the top of my lungs.

But I will tough it out.

I feel I coming apart...

Need Painkillers!

Have you seen photos of that baby born with two heads? One head on top of the other one like a totum pole. I take it that one head is dead... Dead-Head? So the doctors want to separate them.

If you want to see a picture go here:

Baby Heads

I think there must be a Horror Story there just waiting...

Imagine if Janet and Justin popped this out of her costume... Instead of a booby, you get a deformed baby head that bites the index finger off Justine and joins Kid Rock as an MC...

There's your cool horror story while you sleep.

Today I hung out with actor Kevin Tighe. He is one of my favorite charactor actors. I just gave my brother my copy of John Sayles', "Matewan" and Kevin is fantastic in it.

He's a cool actor and he's working with one of my favorite filmmakers, Peter Greenaway on his new trilogy.

I ate pizza at the Village Pizzeria on Larchmont with my friend David. He's a Lawyer and a very nice guy. He's 33 years old and dating a young girl who just happens to be in her 60's. I think that's cool as long as I don't think about it enough to actually get a visual image in my mind.

I just imagine he's dating Demi Moore's older twin.

While walking back from eating pizza, a guy I know who works at the local videostore was on a cell phone talking with a girlfriend who was outside David Letterman's show when a friend of hers fell off a ramp snowboarding in the New York snow. I don't know the story yet, but he said she told him she might have broken her back. I guess this might be a great night for recording Dave.

I was so excited earlier tonight when I turned to my local PBS station KCET and thought my pledge money was doing what my normal use for my spending cash does... Viewing Porn.

Frontline had a great look at porn and the industry. Fun, exciting, easy going, money-making, and a wonderful instructional documentary on why one should get into it as a business... Thank you PBS!

I saw so many people I know and run into every once in a while. As the should would go on, I would be listening to a porn star talk and think why isn't she getting down to business, then realize it was a documentary I was watching and not actual porn.

I talked with a friend of mine who is the father of a thirteen year old girl who found himself leaving work early to go meet the school principal to talk about his daughter letting another boy pull her breast out of her top. It seems they were playing Justin and Janet.

He was bent all out of shape in worry, but I said it could be worse...

His son could be playing Michael Jackson instead...

I picked up a book that I thought might be a fun read. I was looking for "The Last Mogul: The Life and Times of Lew Wasserman", but by accident bought "Mr. and Mrs. Hollywood: Edie and Lew Wasserman and Their Entertainment Empire" by Kathleen Sharp.

I haven't got very far into the book, but so far I'm having a good time.

Wasserman was the best. I wish some company would take me under their wings like MCA did with so many early Hollywood Stars.

You don't see that kinda thing happening anymore. Agents get no respect and clients nor agents have any loyalty.

Cool stories!

I don't really know why I picked it up, but I needed a good read.

I just can get around to reading "The Da Vinci Code"...

Today, while happy and excited, I slit my left wrist with a boxcutter.

I was opening a package mailed to me.

It was completely by accident, yet I was thinking just nanoseconds before the blade slipped through, I thought, "I don't want to cut myself here."

Then of course I did cut myself.

The blade was sharp enough to cut through without any pain for nearly twenty seconds after the blood oozed out. Now it just throbs.

I haven't yet gone to the Doctor. There is a slight bruising around the veins, but I think the bleeding has stopped.

I had a huge bandage around my wrist with blood staining through the gauze. I noticed several people eye it as I walked Beverly and Larchmont.

I wondered if they thought I had tried to off myself, did it remind them of a troubled friend, or did it remind them of themselves? Or did they think I was just a looser?

I had to reassure a friend today that I hadn't tried to hurt myself. They continued the questioning to make sure, or to irritate me, but I silenced them with the fact...

How can I kill myself now when I live in a time where "America's Next Top Model" and "The Apprentice" are on Tee Vee?

Authorities in this southeast Kansas community are investigating a case in which a 33-year-old woman posing as a 13-year-old boy sought help from a church and tried to enroll in a middle school.

Jim Jones, pastor of the Galena Assembly of God, said the person he now knows to be a woman showed up at his church in October, claiming to be Chris Gomez, a 13-year-old boy who had been the victim of child abuse.

Would you ever go to a Church with a Pastor named Jim Jones?

Jones said that after a series of inconsistencies, he confronted the person claiming to be a boy last week and that she told him she was actually a 33-year-old woman with three children.

Imagine how pissed off Michael Jackson would be if he tried undressing this boy and out popped a booby? Talk about your wardrobe malfunction...

To show you just how out of the interests of sports I am, I didn't even know there was a Super Bowl going on. I asked a friend of mine if we didn't just have that...

I saw the parade and everything I thought, but he explained that that had been in fact the Rosebowl.

I was lucky enough to catch Justine Timberlake pop Janet Jackson's titty loose from all that binding leatherlike wardrobe.

Free at last!!! Set your boobies free!!!

Of course they are saying it was a wardrobe malfunction...

Wardrobe malfunction is what I call my daily attire.