Had a huge party last night where all the guests left glasses and plates and books scattered everywhere...

People are so nice aren't they?

Why can't people pick up after themselves?

Spent some time with Entravision and Indie 103.1 people talking about the new offices and studios. Sales money seems to be building at Indie and the sales departments from other Clear Channel stations are out hustling, putting the pieces together with the ad dollars.

I met some nice folks and everyone mingled. Several people exchanged cards and numbers. Later people hooked up in the parking lot and continue the chatting.

I thought about heading out for late night food, however was too tired of hosting and bartending to do much of anything other than sleep.

A girl I met the other night was telling me about a number that her girlfriends hand out to guys that press them for their numbers. It is a rejection line that when the guy calls to talk with the girl a man on a message tells them that the person that gave the the number never wants to see or hear from them again.

I know it's cruel, but it is kinda funny. Also brilliant, because the message goes on to advertise printed cards with the number, t-shirts, and other merchandise that they sell.

This girl was telling me all this then later after having a great conversation she wrote down her number and asked me to call her.

Of course I wasn't going to fall for this...

I figured she gave me the rejection line number, so I didn't immediately call her. But as the days came and went, I thought I'd like to hear the the rejection message so I called the number.

She answered.

It wasn't the rejection line at all and now I was flustered because I had really nothing prepared to say to her.

I told her I really thought it was the rejection line number and she seemed very upset that I'd called her looking for that number.

Boy, I was stuck...

Now she will probably never talk to me again because she thinks I rejected her... You know, I only called to hear the rejection line message.

If you'd like to hear it... She finally gave me the real one. You can use it on friends and enemies, Or...

You can also tell people it's Indie 103.1's office number to Program Director Michael Steele.

310-495-5412

Have fun!

Pixar Animation Studios ended negotiations with Disney to renew a distribution deal that made blockbusters like "Toy Story" and "Finding Nemo."

Pixar, the animation house founded by Apple Computer's Steve Jobs, said it would go look for another studio to distribute its films.

How cool is that?!

Shares of both companies fell 6 percent after the news broke.

Maybe Disney can rehire all the animators they booted? Doubt it...

Donald Trump, star of the TV reality show "The Apprentice," has a new book coming out.

Random House will publish "How to Get Rich".

And how much is he getting paid for the book?

A source close to the negotiations said Trump was receiving "a lot more than a million dollars." Trump himself said his deal is "the equivalent of getting half a floor at 40 Wall Street."

There is a huge bidding war going on now for the movie rights for that book.

Luke Wilson is our new Woody Allen.

Just as in "Sleeper", the actor will star in Mike Judge's comedy "3001," playing a man who goes to sleep only to wake up 1,000 years in the future.

"3001" centers on Joe Bowers (Wilson), an average American who is selected for a top-secret hibernation program that finds him waking up and living among a society 10 centuries in the future. He finds that civilization is so dumbed-down that he is the most intelligent person alive.

Almost like, "Futurama", you say...?

Judge, the man behind "Beavis and Butt-head", "King of the Hill", "Office Space" co-wrote the script and will serve as a producer.

Wilson next stars alongside his brother Owen in "Around the World in 80 Days."

I saw the, "Starsky and Hutch" trailer last night...

Hip-hop actor Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel and Martin Freeman are mooching a ride in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," a big-screen adaptation of the cult hit novel by Douglas Adams. One of my favorite books/radioshows... Now will they ruin that?

I received an e-mail from the restaurant Frontier Wok, Too asking where I've been... You know you hang out at a place too long when they worry about you when you get out of your rut. I need to go visit.

I had lunch today listening to the sales department for KFI, Fox Sports, Clear Channel... I tried talking about Indie 103.1 and Entravision, but there were only smiles. I don't know what that meant.

I need a broadcast radio gig to cheer me up and kick start my career again here in Los Angeles.

Today has been a cool day...

I spent several minutes with Oscar Nominated Diane Keaton looking at old photographs. She is so cool! Neat dresser, fantastic hat, very nice lady.

She even held my arm.

I hope she wins the Oscar just for that...

There are so many things I wanted to tell her, but didn't... She's heard it all before I'm sure.

I came across a cookbook today called, "Silent Screen Cookbook" with recipes from old Hollywood. It's very cute and if you know anyone that loves old movies and likes to cook, or eat what people who are now dead eat... Wait that's a zombie cookbook... Nevermind.

I meet David Trulli today who is one of my favorite new artists. He use to be, or maybe still is a cinematographer who got into a cool film noir woodcut looking scratchboard area of art. He's a real nice guy and you should checkout his work if you can.

An old friend from Turkey, Alper Kesim of the Network Radio Mydonose, is commissioning my voice for his Morning Show. I've done much voice work in Turkey. Movies, Musicals, TV, and Radio... Dude, I big in Turkey! Every once in a while I must read something phonetically and have no idea what it is I'm saying. That's scary.

But not as scary as...

Judge tells R. Kelly to steer clear of Michael Jackson! Imagine needing R. Kelly to make you look good. Too bad John Wayne Gacy can't show up for support. Or Pennywise that evil clown Tim Curry played in Stephen King's "It", he was good to lil' kids, right?

The remake of cult horror classic "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," has pissed off Greek psychiatrists.

The film's Greek-language title: "The Schizophrenic Chainsaw Killer." Wow, I love when shit is translated...

"The title has no relation to the English title, the protagonist of the movie is not suffering from schizophrenia and so it is insulting and demeaning to those suffering from it," says the heads of three local psychiatric groups in a joint statement.

Remember when Coke's ad campaign of "Coke Adds Life" was translated to Chinese and Coke wondered why the Chinese were all up in arms about it. Then it was pointed out that it came out to say basically in Chinese that, "Coke Brings Your Ancestors Back From The Grave"...

I love that!

I pulled out some of my books by Jack Paar. I really liked him, yet was too young to remember, or even see the show when it aired, but have seen tapes. His books might have his personality captured. There are many funny, sweet and witty comments in his words.

I have yet to see that last 'Rings', but I see that it has pulled in 11 Oscar Nominations. I find myself watching more older films than any new ones. I go through phases.

There is a Spanish lady that I've become friendly with who cleans houses and she carries her new born baby as she works. Her friend is an older lady who is a psychic and the other day she told me a woman named Courtney would come into my life. I was thinking immediately that she was referring to singer Courtney Love, but later that day I found out a gal I've known as a passing regular on the streets where I hang out is named Courtney. I thought that was strange. Rarely does that name come up in my world.

Isn't it really odd that the Golden Globes set a record for NBC ratings? I know people that hate Award shows, yet watched this one...

I mean, who the Hell is the Foreign Press and why should we care? Aren't they the ones that hate the President and write bad things about America?

Yet their opinions on "Lost in Translation" is valid?

Sofia Coppola makes history with Oscar by being the first American Woman nominated as Best Director.

One day you'll be able to tell your kids you lived through this.

At the Focus Features Golden Globe after party Sofia Coppola looked so cool wearing flat shoes and no heals. I tried to move in now that she too is divorced, but she was surrounded. She looked my way a couple of times and I noticed a slight smile.

It might have been a smirk.

I'd like to think it was a smile because she noticed me looking at her, however she might have been making that kind of worried smile. The kind of smile you make when you think your stalker has made eye contact.

The people were rude and weird so I left. I didn't want to take my beat up car anywhere near there so I parked a mile away and walked. But as I was nearly out of range a bus pulled up and I began getting on. I've never been on the bus here before and with a few drinks in me I thought, why not. With one step in I caught a glimpse of two Power couples from the party I had talked to earlier when one lady noticed some drops of white paint on my black shoes and thought that funny... They walking to their Limo watching me as I got on the bus.

I saw the woman mouth something and they all laughed.

I found a seat midway back and watched the happy rich climb into a limo for their next party and movie deal.

There was wet gum under my seat and now on the bottom of my shoe and the bus turned and went completely the other way from my car.

It was cold and I was about half a mile away from my tiny silver car parked next to a huge mansion when I noticed a parking ticket stuck to the windshield. I still had quite a walk ahead of me to think about that crappy news and for the stickiness of the gum to give up.

I don't need anymore parking tickets, I get plenty on my own street, here they are bound to be even more of a pricey prize.

Finally making it to my car I found that it wasn't a parking ticket at all but a coupon for a psychic reading. I get these a lot.

It told me that great things were ahead for me in my future like money, love, fame, success...

Then I got hit with an intense spray of water as high powered sprinklers from the house's lawn came shooting over the hedge. I had to dig for my car keys. I was completely soaked. The coupon came apart like wet tissue in my hands and on my steering wheel.

I sat in the fogged up car listening to the radio. Indie 103.1 FM was on and it was X playing "Blue Spark". I sat there think and realizing the radio station was never going to hire me. They're not going to call me. Michael Steele doesn't give a shit about me. Or can they afford me as far as they're concerned... But that's just not the case...

My spirit guides just aren't working the radio angle, they must have something better in the works for me. I wish they would let me know what it is before I just totally give up.

I talked with a really nice guy the other day who seemed actually interested in what I was doing in my life. It turned out he's an Agent for CAA.

I know what you're thinking...

I thought it too...

But he was still cool after I chuckled.

I promised myself a long time ago to never again get caught up in that whole agent game. Still it's fun sometimes to dream about the good old Mike Ovitz days.

I've been collecting some short story scripts that I've been writing these past few years and I have come up with about 15, 5 minute shorts that I want to shoot over weekends and night then eventually put them together as a possible feature. Some of the stories are pretty wild and interesting and I think they will really strike a cord in some people and maybe piss alot of people off.

I still have a trailer for a feature I need to shoot before I can start on my own stuff.

Still painting and trying hopelessly to cover dark gray walls with white...

Tonight I wanted to reward myself for working so hard lately by going to see some old friends perform stand up comedy... That may not be a reward, but hopefully it will. I need to laugh now real bad.

First Mister Rogers died, now Captain Kangaroo and Helmut Newton two of my childhood heroes.

I remember asking my mom to make me some deep pockets like the Captain had. He had real deep big pockets.

Mom sewed some really deep pockets in my Footy Pajamas, but I didn't think they were Captain length, so I cut the bottoms of the pockets myself and unable to sew I used tape to seal the ends of the pockets. They were useless, so all my belonging collected around my ankles in the Footy Pajama with skidproof rubber soles that shrank and curled due to some extended stay in the dryer.

I walked around with Popeye sized calves.

I recently sold a prized signed photo Helmut Newton took of Jack Nicholson... Signed by Newton that it. I love Newton's work, so his signature meant alot to me, enough to let it go to the winning bid of $1.00 on eBay. I wish I still had that autograph, now that he's dead I bet I could get double for it.

I remember seeing Helmut's pictures in my mom's fashion magazines and his style was so different that I checked out his name and have always remembered it.

I remember hearing about Stanley Kubrick using Helmut Newton to shoot stills for "Eyes Wide Shut", yet I've never seen those photos. The movie still has that Helmut look to the women in the film.

One of my favorite trends in his style was when he started having his models wear surgical and prosthetic equipment...

That was hot!

Much sexier that those Fashion Models with really deep pockets.

Man what a day I've had...

Last Night was also a doosy...

While editing some radio shows I've been waiting to get on the air and doing Voice work for 103.1 The Buzz in West Palm Beach and doing the Voiceover for a trailer for a film called, "Killer by Nature"...

Aaron called as he was leaving Dreamworks to see if I wanted to take a break and get some food... I did.

While sitting at Coral Cafe waiting to be served I noticed Film Director Ken Hall walking over with his wife Lynda. They have just finished a film that is getting quite the buzz called, "The Halfway House" and it is premiering in San Francisco.

They sat down to chat at our table and no sooner than that an old friend Dave Parker Director of "The Dead Hate the Living" walked over and gave me a big hug. Dave use to direct my voice over trailer narrations for Charles Band at Full Moon Studios, then he directed me in the "Haunted Garage" video for "The Dead Hate the Living".

Just as Dave was asking me what was going on in my world, Darin Scott Producer of "Menace 2 Society" and a bunch of other films came over and gave me the glad hand.

Soon our table was surrounded by movie people with no where to sit and there was no waitress bringing Aaron and me food... I was starving at this point.

Everyone kept waiting for for someone else to ask about seating and yet no one was doing anything about it, so I jumped up and got them all a table, yet did not join them.

I used to hang with everyone all the time and care for all of them greatly, but they were also friends with Jackie and I feel it would be difficult getting close again with them.

After we ate and left I was in a sad state. Aaron tried picking up my spirits and then as we pulled up outside my place...

I noticed Gina walking away from my front gate. I told Aaron goodbye and got out. But not before asking Aaron to call me later to make sure I hadn't been killed.

Gina was very upset with my last post and about how things have turned out in our friendship.

She told me someone in her group of friends asked about whether she had seen my last posting and she hadn't...

Then she did and was hurt very badly by my flippant comment that our relationship was dead.

I certainly didn't mean to hurt her. But she was and she was embarrassed by the fact that all her friends can read my page and see whats happening.

I think Gina is great and cool. I like being around her. We can really laugh. I like it the way it was...

But I don't want it to be anymore than fun. I don't want it serious. I don't want another wife. I don't want two people to become one. I want to have my own identity, as soon as I can find one that I can afford. I don't want tears and worry and struggle and anger and sadness...

If it's no longer fun...

I am in a very difficult stage in my life as anyone who reads this knows. Yet I don't know when I haven't been in a difficult stage.

I am ill. Mentally and emotionally and physically. I'm damaged. Broken. Busted.

I'm no good.

I'm trying though.

But I'm in alot of pain.

I'm a 40 year old man with no plan. No money saved. No home. No marketable skills. Any day I could completely fall off the Earth.

I'm a thrift store Spalding Gray waiting to happen.

When people love me I begin to wonder what is wrong with them. I don't love myself and I know me. I've known myself all my life and I'm sick of me. I didn't divorce just my wife, I divorced myself years ago. I'm a zombie feeding on itself.

I'm an empty suitcase in the airport lost and found, coming from nowhere, going nowhere...

That said...

When my old friends at Coral were asking me what I had been up to...

I said, "Nuthin'".

When people ask me what I'm thinking about...

I say, "I don't know...".

When people ask me what do you wanna do?...

I say, "I dunno, What do you wanna do?".

I hate when people close to me cry. I hate when anyone cries. But when they're right there in front of me crying because of something they think I've done to them...

It really sucks.

Today I painted Dark Gray walls with White paint. All day I painted and the Dark paint didn't want to fade away. I painted and painted. Coat after coat...

The Gray still shows through.

Ann Miller died today...

I always liked her. She reminds me of my mother a little and not just because they are now both dead, but she kinda looked like my mother.

When I was a kid and her movies would come on TV I thought it was like my mother dancing, singing, and acting all Hollywood.

My mother never did those things in front of me so I don't know why I would imagine it was her, but I did.

Ann Miller was great in David Lynch's "Mulholland Drive". In that movie she lived in a cool building shot just a few houses down from where my friend Gina lives. We walked by there quite a bit.

And like Ann Miller, that relationship too is dead.

So maybe it's all just a sign... Ann Miller died to prove a point to me.

Why did she have to die to save me?

I would like to tell you what has happen between Gina and myself, but it weakens me to even think about it now. I'm not even sure what happened.

All I know is while on the phone with her, she asked me a series of questions and I completely shut down and didn't answer... She then paints herself into a corner by filling in the questions with her own answers that she believes I am saying when infact I'm saying nothing.

Then it's over.

There is that old salesman thing about asking the customer/sucker the question that is to close the deal and then the salesman is to SHUT UP!... Because the average person hates silence and must fill in that void by talking and that's when a person talks themselves into doing something that they do not want to do.

Try it sometime. Ask someone to pay your rent or even something smaller and see if they don't just do it.

Hell, ask a potential lover of yours if they love you and then SHUT UP... And see where the day goes...

Ask your Boss for a raise and then SHUT UP...

Ask Jesus, "What Would Jesus Do?" and then SHUT UP...

Oh, and Ben and J-Lo are no more... Thank you Jesus!

Thanks to those of you that have been bombarding Indie 103.1 with e-mails about getting me on the air. That really warms my heart that so many care...

I have seen so many celebrities that I like in the last few days. Today I saw one of my favorite comics and one of the funniest women on TV since Gilda Radner... The perky Blonde gal from SNL that looks a bit like a hot Amy Sedaris... Oh, you know... Yeah, that one. She was at my fav pizza place in the Larchmont Village.

Plus, I saw David Hyde Pierce from "Fraser" taking piano lessons at what has become known as the Angriest Piano Store on the block, because of their anti-war posters on the windows.

David will soon be unemployed due to "Fraser"'s exit from production. So see him soon performing with Jeff Goldblum, Cybil Shepard, and others at Cinegrill.

I've been hired to do some voiceover work and trailer narration for a new movie called, "Killers by Nature" and the producer was kind enough to send me a box of complementary porn goodies.

One standout from this wonderful prize package was a video called, "Oral Consumption #5" a love story about a group of young girls who like licking the ass of the star and or, I'm sure, the producer.

Also, a video called, "South Beach Academy" starring Corey Feldman.

Something tells me I'll be seeing some guy's hairy ass being licked before I see Corey Feldman's video.

My friend Aaron and I were in his car listening to the new Indie 103.1 FM a cool station from Entravision and Clear Channel broadcasting from Newport Beach I think.

The songs were songs we both loved and missed hearing. Songs from bands that we owned when they were on vinyl.

Some packed away in boxes, others sold off to the lowest bid at Amoeba's.

It was the perfect soundtrack for driving and aimlessly we drove into the night. All the way to and past Malibu.

Along the beach dark except where only the headlights fell... Where they shot the last scene in "Planet of the Apes".

We could see the surf crashing onto the shore even in the pitch Black night. I mentioned it might be because of some kind of phosphorescence. Aaron said he had brought me here to the cliffs to kill me. It was very dark and I believed him.

But never protested...

The Sex Pistols were playing on the radio and I grew a bit sad because Johnny Rotten has signed on to be part of the reality series, "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outa Here" and I kept this info to myself not wanting Aaron to have his buzz killed.

Punk, if not dead, was bleeding and wounded in my heart...

I felt cheated.

When Indie 103.1 began airing, I had so many e-mails from old friends, fans, and fellow broadcasters telling me I needed to be on that station. I really would like to...

But they don't know me there...

Or care...

Today an e-mail mentioned that someone posted a message on a message board about me and how Indie 103.1 should hire me, but whoever posted it completely misspelled my name. I haven't found where this posting was, but please, will someone post my name correctly so I might atleast get the station to know that someone out there would like to hear me on the station...?

Aaron was having strange headaches and began repeating certain things people around us said... Very loudly!

This was upsetting not only to me and Aaron, but to those around us. Especially to the bikers and the gamers within earshot.

I believe Aaron might be coming down with Tourette Syndrome. I was worried for him even if it was kind of funny at the time. He really seemed troubled, but he continued and couldn't stop.

I told him how I have had trouble just shooting my mouth off at the wrong times too.

Just the other day I was in a store talking to a French woman who I had help pick out a book and she kindly said thanks and offered me anything French she had that I might be interested in...

I said, "Do you have a 20 year old French girl that I can have?"

"Why I sure do. My daughter is 22. Would you like her, she's an actress and I want to get rid of her."

So like a jackass I ask, "Actress huh? Is she a porn actress?"

I knew this was wrong and the owner of the store was standing near by and he's a friend. Sweat started itching it's way out of my pores and the woman clearly shocked said...

"Excuse me?" yet said in a sexy French accent.

With the quickest of thinking known only to Stephen Hawkings I calmly repeated myself, "I said, Is she a Foreign actress?"

"Oh! She's French but she's here in Hollywood. Would you like to meet her?"

After she left my friend stepped closer, "Oh man! I could have sworn you said, ""Is she a porn actress?""

"Oh may Gawd! How horrible! I would never say anything like that..."

He then starts backpedaling and apologizing.

We'll see if I ever get to meet this French chick, I doubt it...

What a fantastic and beautiful day...

For a Parade...

While celebrating my Martin Luther King Day by sleeping and "having a Dream" I found it odd...

That later watching the live broadcast on TV of the parade that it was overshadowed by the breaking news that a chimpanzee busted out of the LA Zoo and climbed into the Gorilla area.

That had copters and News Reporters embedded in the situation.

Nice...

Happy B'Day King!

I toasted you at Roscoe's Chicken N' Waffles with a regular Lemonade. I also had chicken breast, mac and cheese, greens, waffles, cornbread... I'm really sick now...

Must pump stomach!

I was brushing my teeth Yesterday and I heard a sound that sounding like a fish slapping around on the floor. I looked down and it was my belly jiggling and slapping the edge of the sink.

I couldn't believe it. I've gained so much weight and fat.

I turned to my full length mirror and did a turn around to notice, "Back-Fat"! I hadn't noticed it before, because everyone know the color Black hides fat and the hair on my back is Black.

I began drinking my Cayenne Pepper/Maple Syrup Drink like there was no Tomorrow.

Today I see that my pants still fit fine, so that through me off, but my gut completely hangs over the belt and front pockets. I have to grab a bit of flesh and lift to get my car keys out of my pocket. I never noticed that before.

I was always afraid of throwing up, but since I had the Flu I kind of got used to it. I know bulimics have trouble with the enamel coming off their teeth and turning them funny colors, so I bought some Whitestrips to put over my teeth before I puke. That's thinking ahead!

I hope I lose a lot of weight today before I head over to The Village Pizzeria in the Larchmont Village later this afternoon.

I've got my priorities.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...�� God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Man, I can't believe it, the New Beverly Cinema is playing "Velvet Goldmine" tonight. On a school night!

I don't think I can stay up that late. It's one of my favorite films. I've seen it twenty something times and know all the words to all the songs. Here, I'll sing some to ya...

Really? Then screw you!

The weird thing is, on the Cinema's website they say it's from (1968)? Is this the film I know and love, or a mistake?

I'd hate trying to sing to another movie...

Today I hit the jackpot!!!

I stopped off at my local Larchmont Village Riteaid and picked up a Snickers Bar, but the clerk made a mistake and she told me to take two because of her goof.

Then, my Village Pizza joint had to deal with their front entrance being closed due to wet cement on their new sidewalk, so we customers had to enter through the back kitchen entrance. That was fun, but the best part was they gave me a free meal for all the trouble getting in to the place. Cool!

Then later tonight Gina and I visited the place and Gina picked up the tab.

It's hard being thin when there is so much free food being thrown at me.

Wait a minute... Oh my Gawd! I'm no longer thin...

I'm as Tyra Banks would say...

I'm a plus size model!

That sounds better...

As many of you know I'm a huge fan of Tim Robbins and his work as an actor and director. His film, "Cradle Will Rock" about Marc Blitzstein and Orson Welles landmark musical performance for the Federal Theatre is to me just fantastic.

It also has Jack Black!

I've seen the film several times in the theatre and on TV.

Well I had a great experience hanging out with Ruben Blades the other day. He is working on a new CD and he told me many things about how he goes about creating his music.

We seemed to really hit it off when I told him how much I enjoyed his portrayal of Diego Rivera in Robbin's film and how he created that performance.

He really seems to be a cool artist, so not once did I mention his work in "Predator 2", though he was the best actor in it.

I would tell you more stories of wild things that have happened to me these past few days, however "America's Top Model" is on right now and I've got lotion in my hand.

Since it's the first month of the New Year, I was just going over a "To Do" list of things I want to accomplish before this year is over...

#1) Travel to the moon and colonize it.

#2) Win a huge Lottery

#3) See Hillary Duff in the nude in person for several days alone

#4) Learn to spell Schwartzineggar correctly

#5) Change the oil in my Honda

If I apply myself one of these will be done!

Things you learn...

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and
"lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they
are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language that end in "dous":
tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels
in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

Yeah, I'm bored...

But it's Saturday and I just watched my first episode of WB's "Teen-Titans" and I thought it was pretty cool! So what have I got to complain about?

Well...

Hey, that Donald Trump show may be the greatest TV show ever invented since the creation of Paris Hilton's show...

What's it called...?

"The Apprentice"?

Awesome!I'm thinking this might be required watching in Business School and Lemonade Stand Seminars. I loved it! I normally don't get excited by reality tee vee, or reality itself, but there was something kinda cool and painful about this one.

I remember being quite the hustler as a young dude. I had a balloon business, made fish and tackle, manufactured battery chargers, made commercials for local businesses, made personalized animated cartoons in the corner of textbooks for fellow students at a buck a show, and made deserts for restaurants in my spare time.

Now?

I don't do squat!

Lazy bastard!

I have been putting my mind to something though that I know will break big! When I release this idea, it will spread like a mind virus. I'm thinking I'll have to come up with a way to make a good living doing absolutely nuthin' and getting paid to do it.

I'm writing the book now about that and as soon as I finish it I'll let you know. However, writing is real work, so I'm looking into having someone else do it for me... Also, I need someone to actually think up the idea for me... But I got the paper when they need to write it down!

The AVN Awards are taking place in Vegas this weekend... That's The Adult Video Awards to you! That's the porno award thing to the layman.

I'm still feeling ill, but I've been booked and all paid for, and have shooting and interviews to do there at the Venetian... I guess I won't be the only one spreading a virus there.

I've already been asked several times to share my suite. A couple of Fetish model friends and two girls from a porno-dorm need to crash at my space. This really troubles me as I fear my snoring and nocturnal gas emission will only lead to my embarrassment. Tyler, a USC porno student and skateboard spokesmodel told me not to worry about all that, she said, "You should see half the people I have to perform with..."

Somehow it all still troubles me. I get too worried about having my free space and having to share with people after working so hard.

Tyler's friend is a massage therapist and she's coming along this their group just to do massages for dealers that will be on their feet all day. Tyler already said she would give me a free massage in exchange for the girls crashing in my room. That sounds great and all but, I really need to get a good back waxing before I feel comfortable having a masseuse getting her hands and fingers tangled in my back hair safari.

Now if Tyler had a waxer coming with her...

I've been told there will be plenty of last minute waxing going on there, so I guess I shouldn't worry.

Yet, I'm still really feeling under the weather. I might have to pass.

This is going to be a very hard choice to make:

Porno chicks sleeping next to me in my suite?

Or...

Stay home and wallow in my mucus and freebase Nyquil?

YOU MAKE THE CALL!!!

Another day I wake up and I discover I'm not going to be Richard Branson...

Adventurer Steve Fossett and Entrepreneur Richard Branson showed the plane they'll use to make the first solo circumnavigation of the globe without refueling.

The Virgin Atlantic GlobalFlyer, is a single-engine jet has a 114-foot wingspan and is constructed from advanced composite materials which will allow it to carry more than four times its own weight in fuel.

There will be no bathrooms, Flight Attendants, or those cool Virgin robes they give you in Upper Class.

I have to admit I really am facinated by Branson and read everything that's published, Good or Bad and either way he still seems like a cool guy. I even find myself wanting to sign up for those Virgin Cell Phones because of those Hot Chicks in the brochures.

My friend Gina is out of town on a business assignment, so now would be the time to start looking for another chick to hang out with, however I'm still feeling very ill... Damn, my luck!

She sent me an e-mail about seeing my favorite Restaurant Coral Cafe on the News about Gov'nor Arnold's speech. Now they are going to be really famous and all the prices will rise too high for me. I know all the illigel workers there must be happy with Bush's plan to open the flood gates of workers coming in through the borders.

While eating there after the Rosebowl Parade, I over heard two people talking about seeing a woman walking around carrying a suitcase and how odd she looked. They were saying that she looked like she lost at the airport. Now, I'm thinking it was a scientists with some kind of radiation detection device to search for dirty bombs. She might have been a Homeland Security Official.

The Coral Cafe is the best place to get your News, even if it's after the fact.

Still sick...

Why can't I shake this thing?

So many people have this Flu... It's like Stephen King's The Stand.

I have this really horrible taste and smell in my nose. Well, I don't have the taste in my nose, but you know what I mean.

It must have been a full moon last night because I was tossing and turning all night unable to sleep well. I had strange and trippy dreams.

Ever wake up at night and wonder were you are? Like the room has suddenly changed? You try and make your way to the bathroom, but walls and doors seem to be somewhere else rather than their normal locations.

Yeah, that was all happening last night with me.

Gina gave me a hot water bottle for Xmas and I was using it last night, but the rubber bottle came out of my protective towel wrap and I slept some part of the morning with the rubber pressed against my face. The bottle has a pattern of groove in it that act as a heat sink. Well, those lies and patters were neatly molded to my face this morning adding quite a surprise to my image in the mirror. I was afraid to shave due to the ridges pressed into my flesh.

Those impressions should subside by noon or later as deep as they are...

I look like Alligator-Man!!! Steve Irwin feed me more babies, Pleeeze!!!

There is so much work backing up for me to do since I've been sick. Radio shows waiting to be aired, books needing to be read, writing needing to be finished, videos needing to be edited, and cleaning that really needs to be done around the house, car and studio.

I just heard that "Crossing Over with John Edwards" has been cancelled... I have to admit I watched the show time to time and enjoyed it, but I wondered if he had any advance word about the cancelation from the spirit world and if he did why didn't he do something about it?

I think that those in the Spirit World must just hate us... They are always giving me bad information about lotto numbers and jobs to take and people to meet...

Dead people suck!

I hope I don't die and become a pissed off angry dead person. It seems to me sometimes that dead people become like a necro version of the Jamie Kennedy Experiment and they are always pranking us for their own perverse amusment.

Dead people suck!

Really, man...

She said

as she looked at her face and frowned

How much will it change when I'm in the ground?

She said

More I think about it

makes my skin crawl

Come here

Hold my hand

As I watch the clock on the wall

Oh, this flesh

Once of desire

Shrouds the cold embers of my fire

Every season has its turn

Take back my time and let it burn

She said

I'm gonna cut a hole

and built a door

And leave this room for ever more

I'm cutting a hole is what I said

Is it me or just in my head?

To me

All the movements Planets and Stars make

conspire to crumble and devastate

all the dreams and plans for you that

I've made

Your hand slips away from me

and you fade

Caught in a tide of trauma we've saved

in the baggage we carried on

She said

I'm gonna cut a hole

and see it grow

Try and hold my hand

As I go

You may laugh

or you may sit and cry

It looks like the fallen

were trying to fly

So I'm cutting a hole

for a door and I'm leaving

this place for ever more

I would stay

If there was something here

worth staying for

To me

All the movements Planets and Stars make

conspire to crumble and devastate

all the dreams and plans for you that

I've made

Your hand slips away from me

and you fade

I know it's been some time since I've posted any messages, but I've been on death's welcome mat...

Well, I'm already into 2004 by three days...

I just now started writing 2003 on my checks without having to scratch out the 2002 I had already written.

Last year kicked my ass all over the road. I'm ready for a nice and friendly year.

Please be nice for me and better for us all, 2004.

I just heard from my Brother that some of the gifts I sent were not great choices. Ain't that sweet to be told that a gift you sent... I bought a VHS of "Moulin Rouge" for my sister in law... She hates that movie and he proudly told me this. Thanks Bro'.

I also got him a DVD of "In Like Flynt" with James Coburn, I loved those movies as a kid, plus a VHS of one of my favorite movies by John Sayles, "Matewan" because it is like stories about my Mother's family live in Tennessee coal mining country.

No word yet whether those gifts will be enjoyed or not.

I was kind enough to lie and say I enjoyed their piece of shit gift they sent me that I will now give to the homeless by way of the dumpster in the alley.

This year will see some big changes for me. One change will be that I will be getting older. It doesn't bother me so much because I watched a documentary on PBS about a scientific study that determined that the 40's are the new 20's!

Great!

Sure, I know what you're thinking...

Who funded this study Jerry?

How old are they?

Hey, don't burst my bubble, bitch!

The whole age thing never bothered me. I've never been one to judge anyone by their age.

Unless they were underage, or really old and decrepit, or senile, or unless they dressed too young for their age, or dated someone much too young for them... Other than that...

Oh, and small crying babies on planes, or in the supermarket, or anywhere near me.

Also, I don't mind breastfeeding in public as long as the kid isn't in his teens or older.

I also hate when people change a babies diapers on the table in a restaurant in public.

How weird to end last year and begin the new with this fucking Flu...

I hope it doesn't kill me.

I was watching the special features on my Xmas gift DVD of, "28 Days Later" and there is a documentary about viruses. They had Doctors on there scaring the mucus out of me. I couldn't stand it.

I decide to turn on the TV News to escape and there popping on my screen was a cow all floppy and shit like a boneless chicken running around with it's head cut off while roller-blading. I didn't need to see that.

Mad cow is really creepy because... If I understand it correctly, they can't really isolate the virus, so they really never know what to look for to stop it.

Picking out a good clean hamburger to eat is like going to a party and thinking that hot looking girl won't give you the clap because she's so cute. Maybe it'll be better and safer to eat the good looking people and fuck the hamburger.

I had to turn off the TV and drink some more Nyquil straight from the bottle.

Turn on the radio and listen to an interview with a Doctor who just wrote a book about Anthrax and how we are all primed and ready to be extinct from the new small pox, or was it chicken pox? I can't keep my plagues straight anymore.

I've been blowing my nose so much I've gone deaf. I also ran out of Kleenex and toilet paper, but thanks to my friend Gina, who left me a care package on my doorstep I now have a nice supply.

I remember once stealing some TP from a restaurant when I was once really poor. I went in to wash my hands and there in an open box ready for some busboy to refill the TP machine... Those fresh new clean rolls of TP stared up at me waiting for me to put them under my shirt and walk out looking like I was pregnant. I did.

But the joke was on me these types of TP had no perforations because they are meant to be used in a machine that tears off small bite size portions of ass wiping sheets that just are never enough. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to tear unperforated toilet paper. And the paper was only slightly less comfortable than cardboard. I think I actually got a splinter in my sphincter.

Niquil is truly my new Jagermeister.

Gina got me Costco sized family pack of Nyquil that is Cherry Flavored, boy that hits the spot!

Being sick and cranked up on Nyquil has given me some time to lay back and think about things while I rot.

Things like:

Where is all the mucus stored when not in use?

Why mucus?

I thought of other things too, but the effects of Nyquil seem to retard my ability to recall any other thoughts right now...