I hate being this ill...

I hurt all over. My eyes are watery and blurry. My chest hurts. I'm stopped up. I can't keep any food down.

I'm a mess.

I wish I could look at this comtuter screen long enough to type you a nice message about all the great things that have happened to me while I have been sick, but then they would all be lies.

Nothing has happened with me other than truly discusting things involving bodily functions and non-functions...

I'm seriously considering ending it all...

Happy friggin' New Year!!!

Still illin' like Matt Dillon...

The Flu is in me...

The virus wants to become something...

Nyquil is my new Jagermeister.

A friend reported to me that Tom Cruise also has the Flu... Even Scientologists get the Flu...

Is there no safeguard?

The taste of Cherry from the flavored Nyquil reminds me of a girl I once kissed in the barn on our farm when I was in the 5th Grade. She was sucking on a Cherry Flavored Lollipop and it was sticky and hot.

That memory was now electrochemical impulses firing synapses in my brain, trying to seek out the course of least resistance in my body just like the virus.

My bones ache...

My eyes hurt...

I think I'm dying.......................

Still sick...

How can I shake this Flu?

Come on, I still got the Flu... Gimme a break!

Man, I hit the jackpot this Xmas!

I caught that dreaded killer Flu!!!

I am so sick and achy, it's pitiful.

I can't believe it! I am such a germ phobic person, I'm always washing my hands and disinfecting everything... Why am I sick?

Other than being near death...

I got some great gifts...

Two Kubrick DVD's.

Hot Water Bottle... The rubber bag type without the enema tube stuff, maybe next year on that attachment.

A Truman Capote book.

Lotions and ointments.

Writing material.

"28 Days Later" DVD.

Cards and letters.

Auto-Lite sparkplug from the 1940's to go along with my old time radio dramas that they sponsored.

Free dinner.

And Love...

Hello Eve!

Good of you to come again

You left me cold last year

You stayed just a day

Turned and ran away

Next year will you stay?

Time moves fast when you're here

For a day

I can't sleep

You wouldn't have it any other way

You won't stay for the gifts

And easily forgets

The time we shared

On last year's date

You don't care

To elaborate

on fleeting visits

Before other Holidays

Live for the moment

You seem to say

with the briefest kiss

before you walk away

Yesterday I woke up to a seriously painful backache. I mean, I woke up from the PAIN...

That was something horrible. I pulled myself up and tried sitting still, but the pain was too much.

I didn't know what I was going to do...

Then sitting there next to my computer was a sweet little gift from my friendly UPS driver. Maybe I better not say my UPS driver, let's just say a friend who spends lots of time delivering heavy, back breaking packages all day long.

Anyway, one day I was complaining of some pain or another, and he offered me this horse pill sized Vicadin pill. He said they all carry them around and eat them like candy... Ya know, for the pain.

He's like one of my favorite best friends now, and he really means alot to me after I popped this magical capsule into my mouth.

It didn't take long before my skin and muscles began tingling and going numb.

I still felt my spine throbbing in pain, but it was like my body was all numb around it and and my mind didn't really care that the pain was there... I was listening to some streaming audio of some old time radio dramas to sooth me.

These radio shows were Horror Shows from the 40's and 50's and real good.

I passed out almost instantly and the dreams filtered through the dope and mingled with the dandling synapses's as the stories lead the nightmares on...

Great sleep!

One story from a show called, "X-Minus-One" was by Theodore Sturgeon and that episode was called, "Saucer of Loneliness" about a flying saucer that comes to Earth and gives a private and personal message to a lonely woman.

She is witnessed by numerous people and the Government wants to know the message. She tells them the message was private, but they imprison her on the grounds that she's a threat to Homeland Security.

Cool story! Very much a message in a bottle love story, check it out if you can.

This episode had many of the original commercials in the breaks from that time period. One was for a pancake mix and one local commercial talked about a special radio that you could by that would allow communication with Aliens.

This radio was manufactured in the Los Angeles area and sold in this advertisement. The voice on the spot was the owner and builder of the "Cosmic-Communicator" and he gives his address for orders.

I quickly rolled over... No back pain! And I jotted down the address.

I kinda knew the area, but it wasn't a Post Office Box, this guy actually gave the street address of the business, or his home.

Times have changed.

Imagine the freaks that would show up now!

This was the Fifties, maybe slightly less freakish.

I typed the address into Mapquest and printed out the map. I showered. Dressed. Jumped into the car.

I knew this was wrong and the guy is most likely dead now, but I was just curious where it was... Ya know, for a sense of History.

The area was an industrial part of Pico Boulevard. I drove around the same block several times before I located the boarded up storefront and stairs leading up to a second floor apartment.

It was a split address.

The storefront had old newspaper covering the inside glass, but the mailbox on the wall said in peeling stick on letters... U F L Tronics LTD.

I think some letters were missing.

The doorbell was missing and several wires hung out of the rotting wood hole. The wires were those old clothe insulated wires that would never pass building codes now.

For some reason I touched one wire and the clothe just disintegrated in my fingertips.

I heard an old man ask, "What are you doing?"

Standing there was a very old man wearing jogging sweats and an old robe with holes in it. He was also holding a lawn dart.

I don't know why, but the lawn dart stunned me. It was not only odd seeing one, but seeing someone holding one in a part of the city that has no lawn to throw the dart on to...

I tried to explain this story that brought me here, but he didn't seem to want to hear all of it.

He stepped back up the stairwell and slammed the door between us without saying another word.

I thought it best to head back to my car.

I unlocked my car door when I heard him yell to me from a window on the second floor next to a billboard for a Beeper Company.

"Are you talking about that old UFO Walkie-Talkie?"

I hadn't heard it called that on the radio show.

"Yeah, I think so..."

"Just a minute Then" he yelled back pulling his head back in the window.

The downstairs door opens and another old man stepped out. This one had a huge hearing aid on both ears and one large orthopedic shoe.

"Boy, I want to show you something." He waved me in.

The walk up the stairs was slow for this guy and he said nothing as we walked up.

Stepping inside their apartment I was hit by a bad smell of age, dust, mold, and someone canning beans... I think.

In a back room the old guy had a very messy office filled with filing cabinets and old equipment.

I could hear the other guy in their tiny kitchen banging pots and pans.

This guy pulled out a box of papers from a drawer and motioned me over to a full desk piled high with old magazines and papers.

These papers were old dusty schematics of electronic tube type stuff.

He showed me what he had been selling in magazines and on the radio. Not the actual item, but pictures from old ads and photos of him as a young man selling these at UFO Conventions.

He told me about being arrested and threatened with exposure as a Communist if he continued selling these radios to talk with Aliens.

He told me how he met a man that built the first radio after a flying saucer forced his small plane down in the desert near Imperial Valley.

The Aliens gave him a radio to give to the authorities so they could explain their needs to visit our world.

This man never was able to give it to anyone because he later crashed his plane at the Van Nuys Airport.

The wreckage yielded some broken alien components and with the help of a Naval Radio Operator friend he pieced it back together best as they could at the time.

He sold the plans to this man and he sold his music recording store and started manufacturing and selling the radios until the Government shut him down.

I asked him what they heard listening to the radios and he told me sometimes they spoke in weird strange languages and sometimes they spoke in English trying to let people know where they were going to land next.

The aliens believed the radio must be in the hands of our leaders and waited for some kind of response that never arrived. Except by people that bought the new radios he was selling.

He told me many of his radios were confiscated, but in the late sixties he began working with occultists on a variation in the radio to communicate with the dead.

The first radio he made of that kind was used by him with Sammy Davis Jr and a group of friends at a Hollywood party.

Several dead people began speaking to them through the radio.

He told me the otherside was so excited that there was a way to communicate to us without having to speak to us through dreams. The dead began racing around to find dead relatives of those in the room at the party so they could talk.

He told me the party lasted days as everyone was so moved by the stories the dead told about life in the spirit world.

He explained that the dead know the past and future and one deceased Uncle of his repeatedly told him winning horses to place bets on at Santa Anita.

Then his Uncle begged him to place all his savings on a stock for a company that would build mass transit monorails coast to coast and eliminate cars all together.

He sold everything and bought the stock.

He lost everything and asked his Uncle why...?

The Uncle told him it had been a good tip from the deceased Mother of the man who was embezzling the money from the monorail company.

So even in the spirit world there is trouble.

They also told him we would all be living on Venus in glass cities in the year 1987.

They told him the woman that worked for him would make a fantastic wife, even though he himself was a Homosexual and she later an alcoholic nymphomaniac...

It not only ended in divorce, but in Lawsuit and Prison for her.

The man told me that, "it's fun listening to the dead speak, but if they're as fucked up as we are... What's the point? Might as well watch Jerry Springer and save your money."

As I drove home I watched the skies and listened to the radio for news of space invasion... Nothing happened.

Same as it always is...

I went back to bed and slept for a little while longer.

I dreamed of living in Glass Cities on Venus.

Then the Vicadin wore off...

Driving quickly over ground

Afraid of sinking down

Christmas chores piled so high

Careful, not a sound

Surface fragile egg shell crisp

Ornament sparkles winter wish

Shake my Heart

See it snow

On the window leave a kiss

Line my gifts

up in a row

Snowball made out of sand

It melts away in my hand

Don't sleep, Don't Cry

Alone

Lost in the driving snow

Moving oh so slow

Cupped in warm hands

We spin into Dance

Fall into Angels path

Burning in the air

Engulfed in the wrath

of an abrasive atmosphere

We burn, We bleed, We cinder,

All without a Lover

Like propellant from a pistol

Pick a target, make a wish

in the heat we'll not blister

Find a spot for us to rest

Becoming ash or into gas

What to change to is the test

Am I me or am I you?

Like the Glitter in the Glue

Spell the Greetings on the card

Why is Life sometimes hard?

Don't sleep, Don't cry

Alone

Answer the phone

Patches to be sewn

Icecream in a cone

Candles on a Cake

Raindrop and Snowflake

Together they will bake

Engulfing Exploding Sun

Until then let's have fun

Holding hands in a run

to the gifts under the tree

more for you and for me

like rain into the Sea

together we will be

Together we will Be

Tonight was a night filled with Parties and people having fun. Invites and offers to enjoy the Holidays were plentiful...

I however found myself snoring myself awake with a dry mouth and a bladder full of rootbeer ready to pop.

I know I need to get out and meet new people, but could they really compete with the amazing characters I run into in my dreams?

I dreamed about seeing a girl I went to grade school with all grown up into a woman. She had tracked me down as part of a project, or book she was writing about all the boys she ever had a crush on and what they were doing now.

Since I lose contact with everyone, she filled me in on what I was missing in the world.

All the bullies were either in Prison or dead. The beauties were all old and ugly. The ugly kids were now all beautiful. The rich kids were poor and the poor kids rich.

We talked and laughed and walked through my past.

She handed me her book. The chapter with me I tried to read, but all the text was blurred and the ink ran off the page. My hands were Black. My fingerprints everywhere, but had no tiny grooves that one has that distinguishes them as individuals. Just Black dots.

I was no one...

Closing the book in Horror, I sliced my finger with the Mother of all papercuts. The tip of my index came completely off.

No blood came out, but like something out of, "The Andromeda Strain" a type of sand poured out of me into a growing pile on the ground next to my foot.

The woman laughed and said, "You've become an Hour Glass running out of Time..."

I jerked away choking from a dry mouth and throat.

All Tomorrow's Parties are Rocking without me as I sit on the edge of my bed typing this in my underwear.

My eyes are blurry andf thae texted on thea screan iz herfd to se...

I am somebody! I know this must be true, no matter what the voices in my head tell me...

After another Coral Cafe dinner with my friend Aaron, we ran into a fantastic Sound Editor/Designer for big major movies... I am a fan of hers. Solange has worked on some big loud films.

It was cool talking with her about sounds that movies use over and over. Like the same guy screaming in every movie that has a guy falling to his death. Same guy.

Did you know that the laugh tracks you hear in some TV shows... That audience is now dead...? True!

I was reading something scary while strangers coughed and sneezed on my today...

The way you react to stress influences are much you'll resist or succumb to disease, including HIV, and shy people are more susceptible to infection than outgoing people.

UCLA's Steve Cole says, "Since ancient Greece, physicians have noticed that persons with a 'melancholic temperament' are more vulnerable to viral infections."

I thought about calling this Steve Cole, because I got very sad after reading this... I would like to talk with him, but I'm a little shy about talking with him right out of the Blue.

Man, is my throat all sore now... I'm getting achy too.

This weather we're having is drying my skin out something awful. My lips are chapped. My knuckles are raw. My rectum is all itchy...

I keep putting the lotion on and nothing seems to be helping.

Wow! What a night I had!

I stopped over to my friend Gina's house for some rootbeer and Turkey roll up tubes. She had her girlfriend Rhonda there.

Rhonda is pretty nice. Funny. Sweet. Talented.

We all laughed and told stories.

We all hugged and it was time for me to leave.

Later, it occurred to me that Gina was setting me up with her friend to ease me out of the relationship without hurting my feelings so much.

I couldn't believe this...!

Later on the phone my suspicions came true.

As I cried and cried, Gina did the most amazing back-peddling, but it was too late.

I should be sleeping, but now I keep jerking awake thinking someone has just walked out of my house.

My pillow is so wet with tears I had to flip it over.

It's so close to Xmas and going through this is difficult.

Having to learn all about a new woman and figure out what kind of gift I should get her, or whether I should bang her on the first date, or second... This is all too much!

I have to admit, Gina's got Class to hook me up with another girl before the Big Brush-off.

To think, just days ago I tried dumping her before a movie started...

If my lips stay so chapped and in pain, I won't have to worry about having to kiss anybody.

Time sure flies when you sleep...

I think sleep is the ultamite time travel technique.

Not really though, cause you can't go backwards, but if you could, how weird would sleep be if you did?

I just had a scary dream...

I dreamed that Santa was in my house and I walked in on him, but when he turned around it was Saddam Hussein in a Santa suit.

That was scary enough, but I was just setting here thinking about Santa somewhere stuck in a spider hole bound and gagged.

I started thinking about how lonely my Xmas will be this year. Sure I have Gina to spent it with, but my family hasn't seen me in years and it just isn't like it was when you're a kid.

Last year, I was freshly divorced and it was the night before Xmas and I was awakened by the glow of a Red light coming from the living room.

Bleary eyed I walked in knowing that Santa, or maybe Jesus was there to comfort me in my time of sadness and need...

But it was the flashing red lights of two Police Cruisers in the alley arresting a gang of theives stealing presents from homes.

Still, I was excited and my heart was warmed by the event.

I hope this year is better.

For all of us.

I hung out with Gina tonight. She's back from the cold part of America to the cold part of the West Coast.

While eating dinner tonight I over heard two producers for "Extreme Makeover" trying to secure footage and rights to do Saddam Hussein's makeover.

Always count on Hollywood to have its pulse on the finger of America. Huh?

I've still got a bit of a hangover from all the drinking and partying this weekend. I'll have to fill you in later...

Man, another fastastically amazing night in Hollywood had by me!

This time, I had my friend Aaron along to witness and participate...

Details coming later after I get all the News about Saddam Hussein's capture, or wake up, whichever comes first and less painful...

I have got to get going on my Xmas shopping...

This year, I think I'm doing my gift buying at the 99 Cent Store.

I could spend just $100 and get 100 windshield ice scrapers!

Now who's the Santa?

I got my DV Cam.

I got my thoughts.

I've got ideas and broken hearts.

The streets sweep by me.

Stories in streams.

Fractured fairy tales.

Rusted dreams.

Books I never wrote.

My films never seen.

Fear anchored hope.

Feeding the machine.

Love's labor lost.

Fleeing in haste.

Glued to TV...

And the Police chase.

Waiting to call.

Waiting to ring.

I never answer.

Anything.

No response.

No reply.

Arrid tears.

Erupting stye.

Skin in failure.

Faith in collapse.

Crawling Fast.

Weight relapse.

Time moves slowing...

So do I.

Empty space on the shelf.

Cold area on bed.

Time ticks.

Fade away.

Wrong for this life spent so sad.

I'm in severe pain! My back is killing me! Please send me Oxycotin...

I don't know if it's from the change in weather, or what it is, but man-o-man, does my back hurt.

There were so many things I wanted to do today, but now...

I'll have to cancel my para-sailing plans...

Goodbye to my weightlifting competition practice...

Forget about me lifting a burning car off any trapped children in traffic today...

Gina has taken off from LAX to some snowbound location, so no massage.

I wish I had one of those inversion beds that they sell on QVC, where the guy clamps his ankles in and the bed flips upside down and his spine stretches. That's what I really need right now.

That and a big plasma screen TV turned upside down.

My Sister-in-Law just called and said they got six inches of snow and it's 21 degrees where they live in Missouri...

I'm glad I will be celebrating a White Xmas here in North Hollywood.

Today really sucked the big fat one!

Sometimes it's not worth trying to give up smoking crack...

Somedays it seems the "hole" World is against you. It's hard to keep smiling when everyone appears to want to see you fail.

So many people love putting you in a position where they can view you wallow in stress. It's like they get a rush out of it. Like some weird sport.

I had a strange experience...

I shaved off the mustache part of my goatee, so that I sort of look like a Beatnik-Amish guy. I think it looks pretty cool.

I went to a Restaurant that I've never been to before. Sat down. The waitress said Hi in passing. Then without taking my order placed a plate of food on my table. It was what I wanted, but she never took my order!

She came back by and I asked her about it...

She then apologized and told me she thought I was someone else who looks just like me and is a regular.

Wild huh?

I told you things are getting exciting!

I had dinner with my friend Aaron at Coral Cafe. It was good seeing him. He is doing so well at Dreamworks. He's got a pretty cool project he's working on.

We talked about lots of things like...

Women.

Homes.

Movies.

Diets.

Life.

It was fun to see him. We have both been busy and it was nice to sit and chat for a while.

He has unfortunately split with his gal. He is saddened, but since it's so close to Xmas... He might save money on gifts.

More for me. I was thinking.

It must be tough to break up with someone right before the Holidays. I would wait just after I got my gifts then split.

You never know what you might get.

He asked about me leaving my new gal as I had mentioned I was going to do in these very pages.

My plans were foiled by her knowing what I was up to by reading my plans here.

She appears to be slightly upset with my recent encounter with a rather petite model named Possum.

Possum is a model, but whenever the lights hit her she froze in a pose... Hence... Possum.

Possum is a very nasty girl and hard to resist her pale angular face.

I think Gina understands that I was rather drunk when and sleepy when Possum and I saw each other.

Gina is so understanding that she is leaving Los Angeles on the earliest flight away from me.

Leaving me to some snowbound city on the East Coast.

I know how to hurt a gal.

I am trouble. I know.

But after being married so long, it's hard to be possessed by one woman. I feel as though I'm a teenager again. Free. Immature. Broke.

Things are looking up for me. I can feel it. No wait that's just gas.

But it feels good to release that gas. Now I feel good.

Without pressure.

But Gina's gonna be gone for a week. What am I gonna do with all that empty space and time?

Boy is this going to suck...

Things are getting pretty exciting!

I have to admit I'm getting a little excited to see the end of the Trilogy by New Zealand film director Peter Jackson, he might just finally win an Oscar for his "The Lord of the Rings" flicks.

Though if he does win, it might be a sympathy vote for he unrewarded past work with, "Bad Taste".

He now says he would like to make "The Hobbit" prequel to the trilogy and work with some of the same actors again.

Remember the animated TV, "Hobbit"?

The trailers to "The Return of the King" are looking pretty good. Jackson has worked on these movies for seven years.

You just know he must be getting tired of it all. I bet there is a great blooper reel somewhere...

Jackson is getting those that can, to wrestle with the complex rights issues to resolved, "The Hobbit", J.R.R. Tolkien's prequel to the "Rings" trilogy set some 50 years earlier.

Not very many of the "Rings" characters appear in "The Hobbit" but, the wizard Gandalf, played by Ian McKellen, and Gollum, do. I wonder who'll play the younger Ian Holm?

Jackson made history by filming all three parts of the "Rings" trilogy simultaneously.

I once rented three movies simultaneously.

Jackson, 42, is only two years older than me and that sucks because I feel I've accomplished nothing...

Wait, I did sit through two of the "Rings" films, so I guess I've done something with my life.

Jackson will start a remake of the classic "King Kong" which, like the "Rings", he will also film in New Zealand, using the same team of special effects experts.

Richard Taylor, whose special effects workshop made 48,000 props for the trilogy and whose work earned two Oscars, says "King Kong" will be even better than Lord of the Rings.

But wouldn't it have been funny if he had said it would be worst than the "Rings"?

Anti-hype!

Naomi Watts is Jackson's top choice to play the female lead in the remake of "King Kong".

She is his first choice to play Ann Darrow, the alluring blonde who captures the great ape's heart.

She too is my top choice, but not for acting... Unless, she's acting like she's enjoying it.

During the meeting, Jackson allegedly outlined his vision for Kong and showed Watts sketches and designs.

Jackson will remain faithful to the 1933 original in which King Kong is captured on a remote island by a group of explorers using Darrow as bait.

They take the giant simian back to New York where he breaks free and wreaks havoc throughout the city.

No word yet who will play Kong, but I'm petitioning for Michael Clarke Duncan.

English-born Watts is highly sought after following her breakthrough in David Lynch's "Mulholland Drive". A film I see almost every day, if I have time and enough tissue.

As well as appearing in the Ring, she has co-starred in "Le Divorce" and received critical acclaim form her performance opposite Sean Penn in "21 Grams".

Jackson hopes to start filming "King Kong" in August in New Zealand where he will build New York.

Man, was last night and tonight wild...

I'll be brief as there was much going on.

Yesterday I headed with Gina over to The Grove. It was packed. All we wanted to see was some Xmas lights and get some food. Everyone thought the same I guess.

We headed over to the Farmer's Market and Johnny Rocket to eat. The Rocket was crowded and loud. Three songs by Elvis later, I was suffering from hearing loss.

I discovered an excellent replacement substitute for crack... Johnny Rocket has a Milkshake made with Butterfingers.

Jesus H. Christ!!!

High from sugar and not in my right mind I signed up to sing in the Market's Karaoke Gangbang they have in the courtyard.

While sweating out the wait to make an ass of myself to the increasingly growing crowd, Gina and I met a great guy named Ernest how hadn't been out of his house in two years due to depression.

We had a lot to talk about.

Gina was kind enough to buy him some wine. As she was searching out the bar and a place to get me a rootbeer, he told me he had just stopped taking his medication, so the wine was going to be special.

Finally they called my name, but not until about twenty fabulous and very talented singers ruined any chance of me coming across as anything but horrible.

One guy sang from a wheelchair!

I chose David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust" and the crowd quickly seemed to disperse as I wet myself and destroyed any possible memory anyone would have of that song.

Remember when Charlie Manson stole,"Helter Skelter" from The Beatles and then U2 stole it back?

I stole, "Ziggy Stardust" but crashed it in a highspeed Police chase that wasn't even televised.

I finished and quickly raced back to my two person cheering section to finish off my rootbeer and split before the angry crowd set me on fire or pelted me with stones.

The old Vaudeville standard of "Leave 'em Laughing" is replaced with, "Leave 'em before they kill ya".

I have always felt if a performance goes bad, it's best to jump right back on that bad horse and ride again... Just not in the same venue.

Gina and I headed over to Thai-town so I could get up and sing in a language few there would understand.

English.

Hollywood Thai is a fun little dive with cute Thai chicks and angry old Thai guys.

I introduced Gina to a Chinese guy named John who has always been good at buying me drinks that potentially will get me injured while driving or walking.

He loves coming over to see the Thai girls giggle and look good while vacant expression sweep across their faces.

I jumped up to sing Prince's, "I Would Die 4 U" but they had difficulty finding the song, so being the Showman I am and being nearly completely drunk from drinking something that looked like Windex, I took the wireless microphone and roamed the room asking questions of the stunned audience.

I asked if there were any Thai people in the house?

I asked why Thai-town is located in Little Armenia?

I asked the Thai people if they would please organize and move into Glendale so that they could force the Armenians out...

When I nearly had the crowd in my hands and distracted, I quickly shoved my hand into the singers tip jar and removed the cash, shoving a wad into my pockets.

They finally and pointlessly, at this point found the song. I explained that I didn't know the song well as the last time I heard it was when I saw the movie, "Purple Rain" in the theatre during it's first run. A hundred years ago...

The song kicked in...

I reminded them to please understand that English was not my first language. They seemed to like that one.

Sympathy is always good. If I could have sang from a wheelchair, I would have ruled the joint.

The lyrics began scrolling up the screen in front of me. I tighten my grip on the mic. The lyrics were in Thai.

What?

My memory raced and I pulled off the falsetto and my pants.

The singing blew. Of course.

But it was the effort they appreciated.

They appreciated it so much when I offered to come back and perform every night, the owner said, "Okay! I'll call you."

In her excitement she forgot to ask me for my number, though...

Gina was kind enough to pick up the bill. I had picked up the bill, but quickly set it back down due to its weight and my back back. I noticed because of my roof raising stage show the owner had only charged us the regular everyday price for our meal and drinks.

Everyone seemed concerned about my alcohol intake.

Gina can't drive a stickshift and I couldn't keep from falling down while walking.

Through the parking lot I inadvertently knocked the driverside mirror off a sportcar with my arm. I gained a soberness quickly as we hurriedly piled into my Honda.

Hollywood Boulevard was wet and the lights reflecting off the road and my retina made the drive to Hancock Park an Optical Obstacle Course.

Gina was so cool she didn't scream much as we made our way through illegal moves around traffic and fleeing pedestrians.

At her house I showered and washed the stench of stardom off. Peed Blue urine into her toilet. Put on clean underwear and brushed my teeth.

Climbed into her soft clean bed.

Rock stars have it made.

Her Victoria's Secret wardrobe slid to the hardwood floor.

If you are Gina's Mother, Elaine, please stop reading now!

Okay now...

Is she gone?

Are you sure?

Okay then, just forget it!

I had a great time with Gina and after she dropped me off, I stood in the cold misty rain and watched the red tailights of her car drive off into the night.

While sitting in my car listening to the radio as it warmed up. I saw a girl I haven't seen in some time. She walked over to the car and we talked.

It was cold outside so I let her in.

Her nickname is "Possum", okay?

Possum...

Is a nice girl.

Back at her place...

I was too drunk to perform anyway, so I just laid there... Like a carpet stain. Possum did all the work.

But I was rock hard.

And I then stood up and imagining myself after a large concert in a major market after the security guys had selected the choicest freshest Penny Lanes from the crowd...

I stood over her as Possum on her knees took care of herself and me at the same time.

She's really great at multitasking.

I've never been good at that. I have to write everything down on a to-do list or I forget it instantly. I can only do one thing at a time and then rarely do I finish that...

There have been times where I got excited by a sexy image of a girl, got down to pleasuring myself, realize in the middle of it that I might need to get up, go get some lotion due to dry skin and weather conditions, get back down, squeeze out some baby oil, then wonder if I might need some tissue, stop, get back up, go to the bathroom, get in there...

And forget what I was in there to get.

Possum was doing great. She finished herself off with machinery and I was still wobbly from the drinks.

She was sleepy, but still I was having difficulty sleeping at another person's place.

So again I left to take lives into my hands while driving back to the Valley in the early AM hours.

Tonight after seeing Xmas lights in various Toluca Lake areas we parked outside of Coral Cafe where I had left my car before and had eaten earlier.

Possum asked me if due to my germ phobia, if I had a fear of oral sex?

I thought she meant because the short time we've known each other, I have yet to stick my tongue on that icky place... Of course not!

I told her with the aid of a Dental Dam, you know that sheet of rubber Dentists use to keep from either giving or getting AIDS, or a sheet of Saran-wrap I would be happy to try and please her that way if I really needed to and there weren't more pressing matters going on at the time, like a new episode of, "Star Trek: Enterprise", or War some place in the World that might have priority on my thoughts... Sure I guess so...

I love pleasing Women!

And CAN do it... When money is involved... Or not.

It is the Season of Giving!!!

But she, after all that said, "No. I mean, because of your fear of germs, do you still enjoy receiving oral sex?"

I thought about this long and hard for about a nanosecond, because I wanted to give her question careful consideration.

"What do you mean?" I asked, stalling.

I thought of all those times with various girls in my past where after having my member gnawed on, chewed on, licked, sucked, and slobbered on... Then racing to the bathroom to wash my mangled baby up in the sink with some antibacterial soap with an aloe vera chaser for moisturizing while pretending I was just washing my hands for ten minutes...

"Nah, that's silly. I love it! If you are happy doing it, I'm happy too!"

Really sometimes it is worth the risk.

I love Chinese Food! Yet, I'm really gambling with my life every time I eat it. But I eat it!

We're two feet from sudden death every time we get behind the wheel!

I truly believe it's worth having my cock purging a chick's piehole collecting any Streptococcal that breaks free of her tonsils just before spooging all over her face all in the name of Romance.

I might even wait two minutes before running off to wash up after fouling her.

Two minutes tops!

Sure I wash allot!

But know that you can eat off my cock.

If you would like to eat off my cock, please e-mail me.

No Hot food please. This ain't Pink's Hot Dogs here.

No chili cheese fries!

Yesterday, I visited my favorite NY Style Pizza place in the Larchmont Village. While walking there my friend Gina pulled up in her car and gave me a ride. Everyone knows everyone around here except for the strangers.

The place was packed.

No one works in this town.

The other day Melrose Larry Green was out front harassing some cute Village girls while pretending to be on the cellphone with an important call. All the customers seemed really annoyed by him.

After he left, the owner Steve tried calming everyone down by explaining he is a regular on the Howard Stern Show. Not only did none of these people know Melrose Larry Green, but they didn't know who Howard Stern was...

Just how Famous do you need to be to be Famous in this town?

Later after Gina and I finished with our lunch I heard there had been a mugging right near where we were. It's so close to Xmas and the robberies are getting bad.

That is so sad.

I think if you steal your Xmas presents that that's bad form. I can't imagine Santa's going to give you anything if you steal. You might not even get the lump of coal unless it's thrown at you.

Tonight I have been invited to go Bowling!

I haven't done this in years. Last time I remember being severely injured. So it aught to be fun tonight. I think it will be something like Disco-bowling with strobelights and fog machines. Oh, and disco...

I really had some bad dreams last night. I tossed and turned and cried myself awake. I hate dreams where I cry myself awake.

I dreamt someone who I used to be very close to was in really bad trouble, was getting in deep with the Law and in Love... They were trying to contact me for help, but were too scared to even bring it up. Some how in the wonderful world of dreams, I floated up above it all as it transpired and viewed the agony.

In the dream some friends were trying to prank them like the popular TV shows do now, but as they prank got more evil, they really began feeding off the pain and took it to far to back off and reveal the joke. The only way out was murder, or jail time.

The dreams I had were so much work that I was and am exhausted...

I need sleep to relax and rest from the dream.

Maybe pizza coursing through my bowels was the culprit of nightmares. My incubus was a cheese pizza sitting on my stomach.

Rootbeer was the old hag taking my breath away.

As tears rolled down the side of my face, collecting in my ears, and cascading onto the wet pillowcase, I whimpered, "Need to Fast, Need to Fast, Need to Fast..."

Well...

Sometimes when I'm stuck in traffic on the 101 going through the Cahuenga Pass from the Valley into Hollywood, I start thinking about how great it would be to have Magical Powers.

Sometimes I think having Super Powers Too! But mainly I guess, I think about having Super Human Magical Powers.

Sometimes, like this morning, I think it might be great to be like Jesus... Other than that whole crucification thing, or the deal about not having any possessions, like TV.

In all the Jesus films he appears to be Homeless, but that just may be because they didn't have the Gap or Old Navy around at the time. Everybody probably just looked homeless, or like they were going to a toga party.

I wonder if Jesus would have been so approachable if he had been, say great at playing X-Box Games? Would his attention be on his game so much or healing? Would he be distracted?

I would like to be like Jesus.

I think.

I'd like to heal the sick. But since I'm a germ phobic, that might be hard to do, unless I could heal them at a distance like say from my website, or by e-mail. I can't stand being around people with colds let alone leprosy.

It would be great to perform miracles and raise the dead, but if you can't levitate your car out of bumper to bumper traffic, or fly like Superman... It all kind of sucks, really.

If I were like Jesus would Gwyneth Paltrow date me? Would she give up smoking to be with me? Would that guy from Coldplay understand that he just can't compete with me, or would he try to fight me... Son of God.

Would Winona Ryder try to go out with me?

I wouldn't let her. I think she might sap my energy like she destroyed so many good lead singers of bands I liked.

Maybe one of the chicks from, "That 70's Show" might be cool...

But if I could be Jesus... Why not the Olsen Twins?

Just got in from having a great day!!!

Finally!

Ready for sleep but just wanted to tell you about how my new break up went. Well, not so well...

I went over to Gina's house and we motored off to see Sexy and Handsome Ben Kingsley and so so Jennifer Connelly in a really moving movie called, "House of Fog and Sand". It's about real estate and how it can kill ya... I think maybe renting is sometimes better.

I loved this movie and I was correct when I wondered if Connelly would get undressed in this flick. YooHoo!!!

Very good movie!!! Perfect if you are depressed!!!

Speaking of undressed... as I was heading to the bathroom I ran into Paris Hilton in the hallway. We stared at each other for a bit. I wondered if she remembered me... Then her cell phone went off and then so did she. She has a new haircut and I think it looks pretty cool. I liked it before too though.

Seeing her kinda made me sad for her. I hope she is doing okay and everything works out for her. I think she could be a great cultural icon for our future.

Well, as you may have read I was suppose to break up with Gina right before the movie started so she would be trapped in the theatre with no escape as the movie started.

I was ready and just moments before I started she asked me, "Are we breaking up yet?" damn, girl are you psychic?

"I read your stupid website idiot!"

Oh, you know all that is just talk, baby.

I was screwed. What could I say now? I can't believe people read this shit. Why do I tell everything that's important to me? Why do I bite the hand that feeds me? Why do I destroy all thats good?

Once as a child a bird flew into the glass of my bedroom window and died on my sill. I picked up it's little body crying and held it in my cupped hands. I prayed that God would reach through the top of my head and breathe life into this small sweet bird.

Suddenly I felt warmth and the bird flipped around and began to flutter. Soon it was standing up and walking on my foot locker that was pushed up to the window like a window seat. The bird then flew out and sat in a tree. It watched me for hours. Just sitting in that tree.

I know my hands can heal.

I know they can build.

But they can destroy.

Then the movie starts and I'm stuck...

Afterwords we hit Pinks Hotdog Stand and I officially breakup with my Fast...

Later my colon got all upset and shut down... Trying to teach me a lesson I guess.

As I drove home from Gina's I thought about how the night passed by and how different it will all be Tomorrow... Or will it all be the same?

I thought about where I was in my life the last time I saw Paris Hilton. How I was ready for a change and got one. Now maybe the Universe was sending me a sign by having us see each other again... I thought it was weird that her Tee Vee show is called, "The Simple Life" and I've been looking for the simple life.

It's also weird I was just jerking off to one of her videos before heading out tonight... Weird because in that video is a girl with my last name... Whats that mean? Lentz is a rather rare name meaning, "Springtime" she might be my cousin as others that know her believe.

I came home checked the mailbox and there was a letter from the Los Angeles Superior Court... What? Another lawsuit from the RIAA for me?

No. Just more divorce paperwork, but the cool thing was...

The dissolution of Marriage statement saying that neither of us can remarry after the date of December 1st 2003!!!

I can now get married again!!! Hotdamn!!! That's what I want to do!!!

Anybody need a Greencard?

I should be sleeping. I have a very busy day tomorrow, or actually Today. I've been tossing and turning. Worried.

My new friend Gina and I talked last night and I guess maybe... Even though things are going great. Gosh, how do I even say this? It's so personal.

Well, I guess it really wasn't meant to last. I wasn't sure how to tell her. As you know I hate hurting anyones feelings. But her Mom was kind enough to break the ice for me by telling her daughter that she thought I was still in love with my x-wife. That may be the case.

But I hate her too.

But not nearly as much as I hate myself.

And only have as much as I hate Gina.

But multiply that by nine and that's how much I hate Gina's Mother...

Actually, no. Now I realize something... I felt after Thanksgiving my feelings for Gina began to dim once I met her Hot Lookin' Mom, Elaine.

Elaine is a former Swedish Bikini Model and Hollywood Playgirl from the Swinging Sixties. As I perused her photos in Gina's Family Album, I realized something...

I began having strong feelings for Elaine. I had a stirring in my stomach. That may have been caused by the wait for dinner, but I think it might have been something more.

I found myself waiting for Gina to leave the room for items she needed to get in the kitchen just so I could talk to Elaine. I even made up stories for things I needed Gina to go get for me in the kitchen. Again and again Gina would get up and leave the table for me as I stared at her mother and listened to her talk in that lovely and sexy Swedish accent.

Finally Gina knew something was up when she returned with an egg timer that I had asked for and yet had no use for.

I feel Elaine knows my true feelings and only wants to protect her daughter from the horror that can only result by me becoming her new Stepdad.

Later tonight I am going to a real Hollywood Premiere and hope to break it to Gina right before the movie starts. Cause to me, that would be perfect timing. She can't talk after the movie starts... I mean this movie isn't playing at the Magic Johnson Theatre.

Well, as Woody says, "The heart wants what the heart wants..." that line worked good for him.

I'll give Gina one more chance, maybe, cause it might be cool to be doing a Mom and Daughter at the same time.

We'll see what happens.

I saw an ad looking for people who want to be on a TV show that I think I might write in to... No, not the Jerry Springer Show!

It's a Discovery Channel show and the ad said something like this:

Are you interested in changing career paths?
Are you a mini-van mom who dreams of becoming a racecar driver?
Are you a nurse who longs to leave the desk behind to become a paramedic?
Are you a funny accountant who wants to turn "loss reports" into "laugh retorts" as a stand up comedian?

Discovery Channel's new series "Life's Too Short" may help make your career dreams come true! We are looking for people who want a chance to taste the life they always dreamed of having.

Our team of experts and life coaches will point you in the right direction, keep you motivated and guide you through several challenges and tests specific to your potential career and help you discover if you are ready to take the big leap!

I think I might like to get in on that show! I'm ready for a change. I know my underwear is ready for a change too.

I just don't know what I want to be exactly.

Maybe a mini-van mom?

I talked with my Niece and she wants to come out here and hang for a month. I tried to tell her I'm not quite ready to have anyone living in my space right now with all the trauma in my life. But she is pretty bullheaded and does what she wants... Ya know these girls today... "What a girl wants, What a girl needs..."

My brother is rather terrified that she might do as I have done and leave home at a young age and sell my body to lonely people on a nightly basis.

I just hope she chooses better clients in more upscale areas of town and not the Van Nuys Airport Shuttle Terminal Bathroom like I did. Though I did meet some nice Studio Executives while I earned my bacon.

There's so many things I want to tell you. Things that are surging through my head. Ideas and fears. Dreams and nightmares. Sugar and Pepper. Blood and flesh.

Things I want for Xmas. Things I want for me. Things I want for you. Things that won't die or grow old. Things that are whispered or only shouted from rooftops and passing cars. Things that make us happy. Things that make us warm. Things that make us forget and things that make us remember.

I want it all to disappear and then reappear one at a time. I want it all to pass before my eyes with out leaving. I want to reach out and touch something important. I want to leave a mark and circle it with a heart.

Things that never become stuff.

It is so weird sometimes driving to a job early in the morning when you haven't quite surfaced from the lake of sleep.

It seems your mind is doing other things besides controlling your driving. Trying to think of what dreams you had. Trying to get that stupid tune outa you head. Trying to remember what things need to be done for the day.

When you finally arrive at your destination, you wonder how you got there... Without crashing or killing anyone.

It was like you slept your way through the drive.

It's like you were a Zombie.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to turn that Zombie on whenever you wanted to? To do things you hated while you slept. Like cleaning your oven? Better stuff than that.

You could just fly through Night School while you were sleeping. Get a night job for extra cash. Clean your house. Maybe even balance your checkbook.

Sure, it sounds like fun!

But what happens if while your Zombie self is doing your bidding, some person meets you and falls in love with the Zombie?

Then you got a Zombie Love Triangle and you didn't even know you were involved.

That might make a cool movie.

Don't steal it it's mine!

If I can only get my Zombie self to write it while I sleep.

Today was a great day. I woke up at a very early hour and watched a little bad TV, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Then hooked up with my friend Gina to go thrift store browsing and then to see "Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" at a matinee. Very good! I loved it. I read quite a few of the Patrick O'Brian books so I was ready to be disappointed, but wasn't at all.

"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World" has a great cliffhanger at the end that just screams out, "Master and Commander: Reloaded"...

I wondered just how many were disappointed when they realized, "Master and Commander" wasn't a bondage film...

We later walked through IKEA and dreamed of living in spaces with nice furnishings and nonfunctional prop TVs and computers.

We stopped by Frontier Wok for some food and then left the night as a good one. It seemed so much more fun than the fear would have us believe after the last couple of nights. They weren't even that bad, just the feelings got hyped up.

I saw some segment on the News about a couple of seriously depressed guys who both committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. They both survived and their lives were changed for the better. I'm wondering how many people will now try committing suicide in the hope they survive to a better life?

Maybe the trauma of free-fall changed some wiring in their brains. Could it be that parachuting from a plane might do the same? Bungee jumping? Trampoline?

Rewiring the brain, here I come!!!