I thought I was divorced...

But according to the Lawyer that called me, I have to sign some more papers. Here in California, there's a six month grace period or something.

My stomach is all knotted up right now.

I don't know how to feel.

I should be over this by now.

I'm very proud of myself for not freakin' out. I've done pretty good on my own. Single. These have probably been the best six months I've had in a while to learn about myself and getting to know ME better.

I would like to have more friends, but out here people are a lil' strange to make friends with...

I get sad at the thought of starting to date again. Having to learn someone and their style again. Telling the same old stories to someone who hasn't heard them before. I'm tired of it already.

Maybe being alone is the best thing for me.

Safer (STD) virus-wise.

That's why I think it's good to have you to talk to... You seem to understand me pretty well. You know me almost as good as anybody. I think this is a pretty good relationship we have here.

Nice talking to you.

Today is another Hot one...

Last night I could barely sleep it was so muggy. I was even sleeping in front of the air conditioner.

The Hope Family buries Bob Hope early dawn Funeral when it was fairly cool. It's very hard to wear black in the heat. I love wearing black, just give me cool weather to do it in...

The "Queer Eye"-dudes need to dress up a Funeral goer. That's an episode!

A Crowley, LA woman is accused of leaving a funeral wake with a wedding ring stolen from the hand of the deceased.

Susan Duhon, 44, was booked with felony theft. She was free on $10,000 bond and is reportedly related to the deceased woman.

They suspected Duhon knew the deceased because she signed the visitor's book.

Duhon was at Geesey-Ferguson Funeral Home when she allegedly took the ring, valued at $500, as she visited the coffin of the deceased woman.

Witnesses noticed Duhon's odd behavior during the wake and contacted police, who went to Duhon's home to interview her. They found the ring and booked her into the Acadia Parish jail.

Ever see that great short film Mario Bava did in "Black Sabbath" about a woman stealing the ring off an old dead woman? Really scary! So don't do that!

Steven Spielberg is to executive produce an epic 12-hour miniseries for TNT that will chart the history of the American West.

The still-to-be-titled project, which will be produced by the filmmaker's DreamWorks Television, will be Spielberg's first western. The story follows two generations of families, one white and the other Native American, as their lives intertwine during the European settlement of the United States spanning decades of the 19th century.

Like the director's most serious works, notably Amistadand Schindler's List, the series will not romanticize or mythologize the period.

Instead, Spielberg & Co. hope to offer up a historically accurate portrait of the Old West, depicting such Americana milestones as the rise of the railroad system and the California Gold Rush, but also the grim realities of Manifest Destiny... such as the government-sanctioned decimation of the American Indians.

Good family fun!

Bring in the talking aliens!!! Come on...

Los Angeles based Profiles in History opens the bidding in an auction of Hollywood memorabilia with some 360 items for sale from the Superman costume George Reeves wore in the 1950s TV show of the same name to the gloves Arnold Schwarzenegger used in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day."

The auction features mostly items from science fiction movies and television shows, one piece up for grabs is Mel Brooks' first writing screenplay of the 1968 film "The Producers," an adaptation of which is now a hit stage play. It is expected to fetch between $8,000 and $10,000.

The Superman costume is the auction's centerpiece because it is one of only two authentic George Reeves Superman suits known to exist.

An it still smells like feet and ass... I bet.

After a Palestinian suicide bombing in an Israeli market left Elad Wassa paralyzed from the chest down, he sent off a letter to Superman.

Christopher Reeve, who played the Man of Steel in the 1978 movie and three sequels before a 1995 horse-riding accident crushed his spinal cord, said he was so moved by the young man's letter that he had to meet him.

"You are my hero," the 25-year-old Ethiopian immigrant told Reeve as they sat side by side in their wheelchairs at the Weizmann Institute of Science in central Israel.

Reeve, who has emerged as a high-profile international campaigner for victims of spinal cord injuries, chose to visit the institute because it is a key center for stem cell research, which some scientists believe could yield a cure.

We need more Mad Scientists like in the old movies... They were never afraid of experimenting on new things.

Director Peyton Reed has fallen out of 20th Century Fox's big-screen adaptation of Marvel Comics' "Fantastic Four."

Reed, who recently teamed on the Renee Zellweger/Ewan McGregor romantic comedy "Down With Love," are parting ways over "creative differences," according to a studio spokesperson. Reed signed on to develop and direct the project more than two years ago.

He would have been great at making a Gay "Fantastic Four." Though I don't know if Peyton Reed is Gay... We need more Gay Directors making movies out of comics.

I always thought Mr. Fantastic was Gay, I mean, how big an ego do you have to have to call yourself, Mr. Fantastic?!

Violence all around today...

I was stopped at a light behind a Black BMW and infront of that an average dirty beatup car similar to mine. I guess the BMW driver made a gesture to the driver infront of him and the other driver jumped out and ran back to his car. The BMW guy quickly rolled his window up, but electric windows aren't too fast compared to angry drivers and the guy was able to get his hand through the space and punch the driver. Then he said, "Got a problem now?"

Everyone around me today is gearing up for another L. A. Riot if the Police Officers get off for smacking around that slightly retarded kid. I heard that Slightly Retarded People will riot in the streets.

I rained a little last night, but just enough to make it really muggy all day.

I hope it rains some more. I left my windows down in my car just so it would rain.

We'll need rain to help put out the fires the new riot will cause.

I found a couple of neat books that I really fell into... One was called, "Raymond Chandler Speaking" just his letters to different people on different subjects. I liked it so much I read it all in one ass melting session. I was thinking how they got all his letters(?) Did he make carbon copies as he wrote them, or did they get them from all the folks he wrote to? Do people write letters anymore? Is it all e-mail? Do people save e-mail like they used to save letters? How do you know whose letters to save? What if they're not famous yet? Or if you just know they'll never be famous, do you save it anyway?

The other book I'm still reading is "Images: My life in Film" by Ingmar Bergman. It's really good. The guy shares everything about his feeling of himself. Very intimate. I picked this book up on the day of Bob Hopes death and a really weird thing happened... A few pages into the book he comments on Bob Hope's "Road to..." movies, even includes some still of Bob. That to me is strange to be reading that book at random on Hope's death-day and come across that mention of him and his work.

I was eating a salad today and bite the inside of my lips so hard I heard it crunch into the muscle. It then swelled up so big that I couldn't help but bite into it several more times while eating. It hurt so bad I thought I was going to cry. Then moment after eating I twisted my knee and fell. I didn't break my hip though, and that's a good thing.

Well, I'm going to be honest with you and tell you how I really hurt my knee...

I was laying on my back on the floor looking at some downloaded porn on my computer screen while masturbating. After I finished... and I finished big, I wiped up with a nice multi-ply paper napkin and casually tossed the wadded up bundle of lonely love goo onto the floor. I laid there a bit to cool off. Pulled up my undies and then heard my phone ring. I had been waiting for this call, so I quickly hopped up to get it because it was long distance and I didn't want to have to call them back on my dime. I wanted to make it to the phone in the other room before the answering machine picked it up.

I started to run but stepped onto my tissue of spooge and slipped falling backwards. I for a second thought I had stepped on a jellyfish. It had just that consistency. While trying to break my fall I twisted my knee around and landed right on the kneecap. Ouch!

I missed the important call, hurt my knee, disturbed the neighbors, spent needed money returning the call...

Who says Porn has no victims?

Well, Bob Hope finally died...

I was really starting to believe he'd live forever.

Now that he's gone, get ready for some nasty stories to come out since he won't be able to sue anyone.

One thing, mark my word will be the fact that he was actually 103, not 100 years old.

Bruce Campbell, an actor and another funny guy whose credits include "Evil Dead," "Hercules," "Xena, Warrior Princess" and "Spider-Man" suffered minor injuries in a weekend accident.

Campbell, 45, was driving late Saturday when his car was struck by a Jeep driven by 36-year-old Steven Michael Sellers.

Sellars, who was ejected from his vehicle and struck the windshield of the Explorer, was listed in critical condition Sunday with head injuries.

Campbell, who has a cult following among horror film buffs, was treated and released from a local hospital.

Sellars was cited for driving under the influence of intoxicants, assault, failing to maintain lane of travel, driving while suspended and for outstanding traffic tickets.

"Evil Ash" appears to be unharmed.

I hate it when you go shopping for groceries and forget a couple of very important and delicate items...

Then have to go back just for...

Chocolate Flavored Laxatives and Hemorrhoidal Suppositories.

Just those two items gliding along the checkout conveyor belt can bring concerned looks from the clerk and other shoppers.

I don't know why, but I had break the ice by explaining they were for a pregnant friend. A lie of course. I think people would be less likely to judge a pregnant friend and think rather highly of dude shopping for her.

My diet of meat requires me to use some sort of stool softener, so I shouldn't be ashamed of using a laxative. Also, hours and hours of sitting on my butt writing and eating said meat seems to cause painful hemorrhoids. Therefor I need the suppositories.

I needed them so bad I sat in my car in the store parking lot attempting to insert one of them bullet shaped babies quickly before any shoppers returned to their car. I had my jeans at my knees when I heard the alarm of the car right next to beep. A family of six were piling in to their wagon. I hastily grabbed the plastic grocery bag and covered my crotch, but I hit my horn in the rush drawing the families attention toward me.

I caught their stares, as I'm sure they thought I was honking at them. The father started walking to my car, so I quickly fumbled to roll down the window. I said, "Sorry. Just hit the horn."

"Oh, I thought you looked familiar." He said getting closer.

I heard the suppositories spill out onto the floorboard. I smiled and they all got in and drove off.

I pulled my pants up and zipped.

At home, I stepped out of the car and felt something scratching its way down inside my pants leg. I looked down and on the ground was a box of Ex-Lax that I zipped up in my pants. Then I remembered all the suppositories on the floorboard.

Oh, by the way... Single Ladies... I am available.

I woke up this morning with the horribly shocking news that...

Liza Minnelli, and her husband David Gest separated.

How can that be? They were perfect for each other. Let's pray that they can work it out...

At breakfast this morning, I heard two Hollywood Union guys talking about, what I thought was David Lynch making a War movie. How cool! I love David Lynch and would like to see what he could do with that genre. Then as I listened more, it sounded like it was going to be about Iraq...

Then I figured out they were talking about the Jessica Lynch Movie.

Oh well...

Jack London's home on market for $259,000...

That might be a nice place to try and be creative. But then it's in Oakland...

The two-bedroom Victorian is one of 22 Oakland residences that the author of "The Call of the Wild" and "The Sea Wolf" lived in before he abandoned city life for a farm in Sonoma County.

London moved to the Oakland rowhouse that's now up for sale in 1898 at the age of 22, when he was a struggling writer who had just returned from prospecting in Alaska.

Although he lived there only two years, many consider it the best surviving architectural example of his life in the city. It, in 1977, was declared a local landmark. And that's better than being declared as a skidmark.

Has anyone notice that we have a Gov. Gray Davis, "Recall", and Arnold Schwarzenegger was in a movie called, "Total Recall" and he's running?

Another of my favorite directors, Mike Newell, who made, "Four Weddings and a Funeral" and "Pushing Tin", is the latest director being courted to make "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire".

This British director would be the third dude to direct and first Brit, to drive the franchise.

Mexican director Alfonso Cuaron, who directed "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban", has the third installment already shot and scheduled to hit theaters in summer 2004.

Cuaron, took over from American director Chris Columbus, who bowed out after the first two installments, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets". Columbus still serves as a producer on the franchise.

Newell has yet to see a script or meet with the studio, so an official announcement is not expected for at least a few weeks.

Expect Hugh Grant to star...

I was driving by an old apartment building on Ivar street today that was the hangout of the screenwriter played by William Holden in "Sunset Boulevard" when I heard the News on the radio...

The Hammer Museum at the University of California, Los Angeles will name a new theater after late filmmaker Billy Wilder.

Audrey Wilder made a $5 million donation in honor of her late husband to create the Billy Wilder Theater. Construction will begin next year on the project, which also will be used for screenings by the UCLA Film and Television Archive.

Wilder died last year at 95. The influential Austrian-born writer-director's films included "Sunset Boulevard," "Some Like It Hot" and "The Seven Year Itch."

Audrey Wilder said her gift "reflects Billy's passion for film and art, and his dedication to supporting and encouraging artists of all kinds."

As co-writer, director and producer of the 1960 film "The Apartment," Wilder collected three Oscars, the only person to do so for one film until Frances Ford Coppola won three for 1974's "The Godfather: Part II."

Wilder also won an Oscar in 1951 for co-writing "Sunset Boulevard" and two others in 1946 for co-writing and directing "Lost Weekend." Other hits included "Double Indemnity," "Stalag 17" and "Witness for the Prosecution."

A nine-disc collection of Wilder films was recently released on DVD.

A friend just sent this after we were talking about Kate Hudson's anti-American comments...

ENGLISH AROUND THE WORLD

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered
throughout the world.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to
do such thing is please not to read notice.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in
the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

Another great cloudy morning today...

The power has been going on and off. That's been kinda scary. Scary because I was looking at the photos of Oday and Qusay and their mangled bodies. So when the power went off the first thing that popped in my head was "attack".

'Seabiscuit' starts today... I'm taking a friend, an old Chinese friend who loves the Horse track to see the movie.

John Schlesinger , the director of "Midnight Cowboy" and "The Falcon and the Snowman". He was 77. I really loved his work.

A weird thing happened yesterday, I was thinking about that property I was looking at, ya know the mercury mines, when suddenly I was introduced to a guy named Jack who is a writer... Now get this... A writer for the San Jose Mercury News!

Mercury?

Is that a sign I need to buy the land?

What?

What would Jung say if he were alive today?

Other than, "Getz me outinzy, ofz zee ground!".

This morning it was all foggy and cloudy...

I pray that it stays that way all day. Even all year would be fine for me.

I've been looking for property to buy. I found 80 acres in Northern California for about $40,000! I was so excited. Perfect for building my underground, solar power, wind gemerated, party shack... Guess what? There's even mines already on the property! I couldn't figure out the low cost... What? Mercury mines? Isn't that toxic?

Can't beat that price though...

Might be worth a deformity.

Did you hear about that kid in India who has flies shooting out of his penis? These damn flies somehow are breeding up in his pecker. That's nasty!

I'll pass on the curry...

Matt Jefferies the guy who designed the original Star Trek Enterprise has passed away. He was in his 80's. Think how that guy has inspired so many people.

Ethan Hawke is directing an adaption of his novel, "The Hottest State"... I want to hate this guy so much, but really can't figure out how... I think I love him... Please stop me from saying this... It's true! He's smart, good looking, talented, ... okay, now I hate him.

Another amazing hot day today...

I talked with some older folk, who said they love the heat. They were probably in their eighties and could remember back before ice was invented.

There have been so many people leaving their kids in the car with the windows rolled up... I think they'd die with the windows rolled down. It's that hot!

One good thing though about this weather...

My penis seems long. I know it sounds strange, but it is long, hot, sagging, droopy, and all around depressed.

It's been to hot to even get an erection. I might actually faint if I got one.

And imagine trying to have sex...

Have to put a condom on and everything...

That'd be like putting on a vinyl raincoat in this heat. I'd better be having sex with an Eskimo...

Even my air conditioner moans when I turn it on... Like it's too hot to work.

If I didn't think I'd electrocute myself, I'd try typing from the tub.

This has been the only time in recent history that I didn't have to wait for the water to warm up before stepping into the shower. Turn it on while standing under the showerhead even...

I dropped an ice cube into my lemonade and it nearly exploded.

I need to get outa town and go someplace nice and cool...

Like the South Pole.

It looks as though Uday and Qusay are now dead, so I feel safe in saying... Without fear... That I didn't like them.

There.

Bad men now gone...

One of my favorite writers now passed away has a book of short stories put in a big collection... And I can wait to read them, and reread them. A. E. van Vogt's "Transfinite: The Essential A. E. van Vogt" is out by NESFA Press is something I'm really looking forward to getting my eyes on.

I wish I had met him. I've been told we would have hit it off.

Tom Hanks playing the role of Wilson, the volleyball from, "Castaway"?

Tom Hanks playing a role of Charlie in a, "Charlie's Angels"?

No...

Hanks optioned George Crile's book, "Charlie Wilson's War", about the wild Texas congressman who convinced the CIA to fund and help mujahadeen fighters in Afghanistan in their fight against the Soviets that helped bring an end to the Cold War.

Wilson, a womanizing alcoholic who kept a bevy of former beauty pageant contestants he called "Charlie's Angels" on staff and nearly had to give up his job after being caught in a hot tub with cocaine-snorting Vegas showgirls.

He's also got alot going on with friends Spielberg and Gary Goetzman. They are reportedly using scribe Bruce McKenna, who won a Writers Guild of America award for penning several episodes of "Band of Brothers", to take charge of the writing team for the new "Untitled Pacific War Film" campaign.

The trio is expected to meet and strategize over the various episodes once McKenna finishes up adapting "The Perfect Mile", helmed by Frank Marshall, for Universal Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment. The writer is also hard at work plotting "Hands of Shang Chi", another Marvel Comics' adventure for DreamWorks.

Oh, and Hanks' also got...

...more epic history lessons from Playtone's upcoming slate including "John Adams", a 13-part mini about the American Revolutionary War based on David McCullough's book "John Adams".

All that work... Think he has to sit in traffic like the rest of us?

Two Zimbabwean mortuary workers have been arrested on charges they rented out corpses to motorists to enable them to take advantage of special fuel preferences given to hearses.

A mortician and an assistant at a public hospital were arrested on charges of violating dead bodies.

The two are accused of running a racket under which they sold fake burial orders to motorists who then took the corpses and transported them to service stations.

That allowed them to jump long queues to fill their tanks.

After buying the fuel they returned the bodies in their coffins to the mortuary.

I thought carrying a mannequin in the passenger seat to take the carpool lane was bad of me...

Yesterday, infact everyday lately has just flown by...

I feel like I'm not getting anything done. Nothing accomplished. Not enough sleep.

I got out of the heat by deciding I was finally going to buy the book, "Stanley Kubrick: A Life in Pictures" at the bookstore, but just found a seat and completely read the book in one sitting. I saved money, but would still like to own it.

When I look at a biography like that, it only makes me realize I just don't have nearly enough photos of myself. Not that my life is worthy of a biography... Yet.

Soon something worthwhile will be worth reporting.

Soon, I hope...

Sunday's post just completely disappeared. It was a real good one...

Maybe it'll come back.

I had a really interesting conversation with a group of young guys yesterday about Kobe's situation. They were all very open about their feelings. They mainly couldn't figure out why, when they were involved with a girl, they would still have desires for another woman. Each guy, there were about seven of them, all admitted to having urges to do it with other girls even though they were with someone they cared about.

Life is tough...

Even if Kobe didn't rape the girl... Even if she made it up... The sad part of this story is Kobe's wife. She IS a victim no matter what happened.

I had a friend provide me with an intervention yesterday...

He thinks it is time for me to start meeting females...

He said that I've spent too much time now alone...

He offered many options to meet ladies. They best one was taking night classes in some Art School. Cause chicks, easy chicks take Art classes, he said.

We'll see...

Woody Allen has a great way to meet young girls...

Woody Allen's "Anything Else" will open the 60th Venice International Film Festival, with the stars, including Allen, Christina Ricci, Jason Biggs and Danny DeVito.

The story "Anything Else" is of a New York artist who gets involved with a younger girl (Ricci). Biggs plays Ricci's boyfriend, and DeVito plays her father.

The Catholic Church has settled out of court with a former choir boy who claimed he was abused by the priest-son of "Lord of the Rings" author J.R.R. Tolkien.

Father John Tolkien, who died in January aged 85, was accused of sexually abusing Christopher Carrie in the 1950s when he was curate of the Church of the English Martyrs in Birmingham.

Police investigated the claim in 2001, but decided Tolkien, eldest son of the bestselling author, was too ill to stand trial.

The surviving Tolkien family have remained reclusive despite massive interest in the author after his world of hobbits, orcs and elves was brought to the big screen as "The Fellowship of the Ring".

You can rearrange Tolkien to spell, "Like Not", did you know that?

Hey kid, wanna see my Bilbo Baggins?

Ever been teabagged by a Baggins?

I knew Kobe was a bad boy...

How are these women standing by their husbands when they admit doing wrong after getting caught in a lie and even worse?

I never cheated on my x-wife, but I was guilty of just being boring...

Come to think of it, maybe I should have cheated just to appear exciting to her.

Maybe if I were wealthy and had lots of commercial sports endorsements we could have stayed together.

Or atleast we could have had more money for the settlement.

Oh well...

I've been interviewing college English Majors for handling my manuscript editing workload. I've met some nice people. I wonder how they are going to handle some of my diverse subject matter...

It's pretty early here and there is a Police helicopter scanning my windows with a very powerful spotlight. All my neighbors are rustling around. Some are outside. Wonder what's up?

There's nothing on the News about any Live Late Breaking High Speed Police Chase in my hood.

But, Star Trek: Voyager is on... I love this show now that it's canceled. I never caught it before because everyone I talked with hated it. I love it. There's some really good stories, but then maybe it's just watching it at 3AM that makes it seem really good.

I guess compared with the infomercials that are on at the same time gives it that great drama factor.

This weekend is going to be a big movie weekend for me I think... I'm going to do one of my movie marathons at the multiplex. Sneak in a bunch of snacks and drinks and sneak myself in as well.

I was contacted by Disney Representatives yesterday about my mention here about the pirated copy of "Pirates" I was offered to buy in Hollywood. Nice to know someone reads this website.

Glad to hear about Hef and the Playboy Bunny's new animated TV series... I hope the quality of animation is above that of PBS's Book of Virtues.

Orson Welles' Oscar for best screenplay for "Citizen Kane" is in an entertainment memorabilia sale next week. I think I might try to place a bid... If the starting bid is $1. But I doubt it. I hope Michael Bay wins it.

I almost forgot to tell you how I was involved in a "bad taste" incident yesterday at Trader Joe's. I was shopping for my fav Atkin Bars and Caesar Salad and an elderly gentleman plowed his cart into my ribcage. I was squatting down at the time. He noticed he hit me, but said nothing. I said,"Hey Pops, this isn't the Santa Monica Farmer's Market!"

Three other people heard me and everyone near me was totally stunned. The sudden silence freaked me out. I quickly moved on leaving their mouths agape. I was actually worried I was about to get beat up by Vegans.

I think sometimes the speed-bump between my brain and my mouth has been plowed over.

I'm really ready for some cool weather...

I wish I could afford to travel to some distant land where it's nice and cool. Meet some fun people. Fall in love.

I don't know where I'd go, but I just woke up from a dream where I made friends with an English girl while we made our way up to Scottland. It was so grean. We camped out in the open landscape. Watched the stars. Met some Druids.

It was one of those dreams where you're sad that it had to end. I wish I could Tivo my dreams.

I'm looking around my apartment and I notice how crappy it is... I need to clean the place up so bad. I keep thinking I should sell it all, but really I should just throw it all away. It wears me out just looking at it all.

I was listening to a radio drama on Ultimatescifi.com and there was a story about a planet of robots and a traveling couple land there and the boy desides to stay because the robots need his help. The robots were friendly and seemed like nice hosts. The girl wanted nothing to do with it so the guy chooses to stay and sends the girl off into space. I wish I had some robot friends...

They seem like they'd be cold, but here in Hollywood it's everyone I meet that seems cold. I think my computer gives me more affection and that's with crashes and all.

I was watching the News about a Japanese firm that has built some Translators so you can understand what your cat is saying to you... I think that's really saying many things about our time that we'd need somthing like that. I think we need to have some sort of Translator just for everyone we meet. I'd really like to know what people really mean when they talk. You know, their hidden meanings to what they say...

I am thinking of seeing, "Johnny English" today. I want to laugh. And I think he's absolutely brilliant.

I need a lil' British humour now. When I was last in London, I watched Atkinson all the time. He is perhaps most famous to America for Mr. Bean, but in Britain he also is known for his more nuanced comic portrayals in Blackadder, The Thin Blue Line and Not the Nine O'clock News.

In America, comedians need to be liked, to be cool, nice to children, the Brits don't mind being cast as genuinely unpleasant or disturbing people.
 
American comedians are hoping the audience will loves them. The British don't care about that. They're willing to be stupid, ugly, mean, vicious and fall down the stairs and look bad and I like that...

Something completely different

In a classic Goon Show...

A man proclaims, ''This man isn't a shepherd, he's a spy!''

His companion nods knowingly: ''Ah, he's a shepherd spy.''

Anarchy in the U.K.

Convention and rebellion seem to run hand-in-hand in much of British comedy.

There is something kind of primly anarchic within the British spirit, there's the veneer of behavior and when no one's looking they'll drag an umbrella over someone's Rolls Royce because we don't like that someone's that wealthy.

Bean looks like a very conventional man, Atkinson knows his character. He believes things should be done the right way. He's someone who's torn, as many English are, between great empathy and understanding of the conventional, sober Establishment and at the same time there's a raging anarchist screaming out against it. It's like their attitude toward the monarchy. They love the Establishment, but love to slap it silly at every available opportunity.

Trying to analyze what makes people laugh can make one's brain hurt... remember, "THe Killing Joke"?

A lot of these characters are childish. I think that's what a lot of comedy is. Charlie Chaplin, Stan Laurel, Benny Hill. Clowns, if you like. Naive characters have a universality. They appeal to the child in all of us.

So that sounds like a good flick to see today, or...

"Dirty Pretty Things", from director Stephen Frears about a Nigerian who is trying to make a new life for himself in London, where he works days as a taxi driver and nights as a hotel desk receptionist.

When he discovers a human heart in a hotel-room bathroom, he cannot go to the police because he is an illegal alien with a mysterious past he refuses to talk about.

Suddenly he is thrust into the middle of a dangerous situation that threatens tragic results for him and those around him. 

French ingenue Audrey Tautou (AMELIE) costars as a Turkish woman who has sought asylum in England, where she is allowed to live but not work. But she must make money, so she works secretly while the government tries to catch her.

Frears directs really good films, I'm a huge fan of his.

Or... I could go see, "Bad BoysII"... ahhhhh....

Maybe I'll just go back to bed.

One of my absolutely favorite filmmakers is Terrence Malick and he's got what sounds like a cool project coming up.

He is attached to direct Benicio Del Toro in "Che," an epic about the life and death of Cuban revolutionary Che Guevara that Laura Bickford is producing.

Steven Soderbergh was considering directing the project but now may just be producing.

Section Eight, the production company headed by Soderbergh and partner George Clooney might be involved.

This will be an important film for me as well... As a young Junior High student, I was expelled for a week for doing a book report on Che Guevara's Guerrilla Warfare book. I remember reading that book all the time. Over and over... I was a weird kid I guess.

It is really gonna suck to get old...

I'm feeling very bad for this old guy who ran over all these people in Santa Monica. Everyone seems so upset at this guy just because he may have confused his gas pedal for his brake. How many times has that happened to you?

I saw an Alzheimer's patient think he was playing a clarinet, when he was actually holding an electric razer. That was pretty trippy.

I'm up early as usual, this time I'm watching the Emmys announcements. I could really care less about them, but my life kinda sucks right now and I'm living through the hopes and dreams of these Hollywood types for a while.

Salsa Queen Celia Cruz dies after just looking dead for so long.

Simon Cowell gets Book Deal for big bucks... I hope it's a SciFi Novel. Do you think it will be about him?

A writer friend left a message on my machine last night about the life of a husband of a romance writer.

The Romance Writers of America's 23rd annual conference opened, bringing together more than 2,000 published authors, want-to-be-published writers, editors and others connected to a lucrative section of the fiction market.

He said while his wife signed books and worked the panels he walked around and noticed how many people were over 300 pounds. He said he actually just started counting how many people were under 200 pounds cause it was an easier number to count. We talked about this not because we were making fun of them, but because we both have lost so much of our own weight. If you love books and just sit around reading and eating chips and Krispy Kremes that's what happens to ya.

I knew it was going to happen, but this was fast...

I was waiting to see how long it took to be offered a pirated copy of "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl". Yesterday while visiting a Staples in Hollywood, I was approached by a scary movie-lover and a copy for just $5.00. I passed, because the movie was recorded over a Microsoft instructional tape.

I might have to get The Dish, or atleast cable again...

"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," in which five gay men with expertise in fashion, food, grooming, culture and design remake a straight man, set new ratings records for cable channel Bravo. That sounds like a great idea.

Also...

Check out this chick from New "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA"... I can't wait!

Man it's not only hot today, but old folks are driving their cars over people...

Some 86 year old dude drove over and killed 8 people and injured something like 30 just down the street from me. I don't know what was going on, it may be the heat confused him, but he just drove through the Farmer's Market and the crowd shopping there. He drug someone under his car from quite a ways before he stopped.

In other less violent news...

Miramax will release the new Quentin Tarantino film, "Kill Bill," in two parts. The first part of the movie will be released in theaters on October 10, with part two "Kill Bill-Reloaded" debuting between two to six months after that date.

Tarantino's latest, a martial arts movie that stars Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu (again, with her), Daryl Hannah, Vivica A. Fox and Michael Madsen, was a three-hour project with a 200 page script.

After surviving a bullet to her head, Thurman's character emerges from a coma and swears revenge on her former master and his deadly squad of international assassins.

This sounds like a perfect date movie...

Italian filmmaker Matteo Garrone, 34, got the inspiration for his new film when he first read a sensational tabloid story about the murder of a gay dwarfish taxidermist in Rome. Intrigued by the motif behind the murder, he and script writers Ugo Chiti and Massimo Gaudioso started to fill the blanks with their own imagination.

The result was "The Embalmer," a well-received movie which became a hit last year in Italy. The film tells the story of a 50-year-old dwarf, Peppino (Ernesto Mahieux), who works as an embalmer to preserve dead animals and also disposes bodies for the local mafia. His lonely life turns upside down when he falls for his dashing male assistant Valerio (Valerio Foglia Manzillo). Their amicable relationship becomes deadly when Valerio falls in love with a beautiful young woman (Elsabetta Roccetti).

A campaigner for Japanese men who complain they've been falsely accused of molesting women on trains has been arrested for allegedly taking photos up a woman's skirt.

Mitsuru Nagasaki, 46, was detained by passengers who claim he aimed his camera-equipped cell phone at a woman sitting in front of him on a Tokyo subway. Well, what's a camera-equipped cell phone for anyway?

He was turned over to police and arrested on suspicion of being a public nuisance.

Nagasaki has been an advocate for the rights of men accused of sexual harassment on crowded trains. Perfect...

Harassment has long been a hazard for women on Tokyo's trains, which are packed at rush hour.

Nagasaki was returning home after distributing his group's leaflets when he was nabbed. He first denied any wrongdoing but later said he was too drunk to remember what he did.

I think I need to join a cult...

I once wanted to start one, but everytime I tried, it seemed like all the good ideas were taken.

I think if you're single joining a cult may be the way to go.

They keep you busy.

You make friends.

You might even have sex. It may be forced upon you, but...

Did you hear about that guy who said voices told him to cut off his penis and fry it up and eat (?)... and he did...

That and the Baseball/sausage attack in the same day...

It's like the two Buddy's dying so close... (Ebsen and Hackett)

Weird.

Hilary Duff of "Lizzie McGuire" has plans for her 16th birthday. She will star in two music specials for the WB network, one in connection with her Sept. 28 birthday and the other for Christmas.

Duff and musical guests will perform. Both specials are to be directed by Roman Polanski.

I've spent most of the night recording detailed audio hypnotic instructions that will play while I sleep and program me into become more human than human...

I want to be smarter...

I want to be happier...

I want to be healthier...

I want to be okay with being alone...

I want to be making more money...

Ya' know that kind of stuff. I also slipped in some audio programming to have great dreams about solving major world problems and being rewarded with my own space station and lunar moon base...

I see that "Pirates" looted some $46.4 Million in Pirate booty... But not from me, I rented "Goonies" and "Cabin Boy" instead.

I got the call last night that Judas Priest and Halford are back in leather and a tour is on the way. Just in time for my suicide.

Playboy's 50th Anniversary is coming up, but I thought they already had their 50th. I haven't read (or seen) a Playboy in years. Now that I'm single and they have a new editor I might check it out... Maybe...

At breakfast this morning some film dudes were telling me that they were prepping for a Schwarzenegger "Conan the Barbarian" sequel, to be produced by Larry and Andy Wachowski, the twins behind "The Matrix." Can a Red Sonya sequel be far behind?

It looks like it's gonna be another hot one today. Maybe it'd be a good one to spend either in a cool multiplex cinema sneaking into one movie after another or just sleeping with the air conditioner on while listening to my new hypnosis tapes dreaming of living on the moon.

Pretty much a non-day for me...

Just hot and dull.

Pamplona's running of the Bulls had a terrorist supposedly stuff a bomb in a angry bull hoping to take out some tourists. That's pretty weird.

Well...

That's all I can think of talking about right now.

Maybe something will pop in my noggin' later...

Several people on my block were out early this morning putting spare tires on their cars. I wondered if some Firestone commercial was being filmed on my street.

No.

Some funlovin' person went around my 'hood and slashed as many tires as he could. Luckily mine and another person parked next to me were okay.

Isn't Friday nights with some booze just great?!

D'jya hear about the thing that happened on the set of J-Lo's new movie?

In the Canadian province of Manitoba, a piece of jewelry stolen from the set of Lopez's romantic drama, "Shall We Dance?", turned up in the hotel room of a man found not only dead, but dismembered.

The necklace, worth $4,000, was stolen from a prop trailer. It appears around Susan Sarandon's neck in the film.

Could be a thriller in itself...

Lynda Obst, one of my favorite producers got busted...
 
She worked on Flashdance, Sleeplessin Seattle, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Contact, and she almost had some serious contact with a full body search Sunday, as baggage handlers searched her luggage at the airport in Austin, Texas, discovered some marijuana and shipped her off to the cops.

She wrote one of best of the bestselling inside-show-biz books Hello, He Lied & Other Truths from the Hollywood Trenches. Here's more good stuff for her to write about.

Won't see Jerry Bruckheimer getting caught with his pants down with pot...

He's just too smooth. He's got so much going on, with, "Pirates of the Caribbean", "Bad Boys II", "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation", "CSI: Miami" and "Without a Trace", now he's got, "Fearless" on WB, "Skin" on Fox and "Cold Case" on CBS...

Forget Spike TV. They should just call TV simply, "Jerry", I wouldn't sue.

I finally caught part of the Jerry Springer Steps Closer to Senate Bid infomercial last night. Not as good as the "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial.

How about this as an idea for a movie... A Philadelphia furniture salesman Sam Byck, who hatches a plot to kill Richard Nixon after Byck's attempts to live out the American dream are dashed. Byck had planned to hijack a commuter flight in Atlanta and crash the airliner into the White House.

Sound unlikely?

Guess what it's a true story. It stars Sean Penn, Michael Wincott, Naomi Watts, and Don Cheadle. Niels Mueller will direct from a screenplay he wrote with Kevin Kennedy.

Kennedy... hmmm, didn't he have a secretary named Nixon...?

Well, it never seemed to cool down last night even with the air on...

It was hard to sleep. The pillow kept sticking to my big bald wet head. The neighbors were at it again with another knock-down drag out fight. Doors slamming all night long. I was sure I would hear gunfire. I guess if I did that'd be the last of the fighting. Unless they're bad shots.

I heard David Duchovny's going to be on "Sex and the City", I used to love that show, but since I don't get cable anymore it just sucks. Well, I really don't know if it does, it just feels better thinking it does.

Ashton Kutcher is hooking up with KirstenDunst in "Elizabethtown". DreamWorks and Paramount will cofinance the flick, being produced by Crowe and Tom Cruise. So it looks like Cruise and Crowe still like each other after Vanilla Sky and Jerry Maguire.

I wonder how it would be if Crowe directed Tom Cruise's produced remake of, "The Eye"?

Tom Cruise came out of the closet and said he learned to overcome his learning disability through Scientology.

We all knew that didn't we?

After "Top Gun", Cruise became a Scientologist and discovered the "Study Technology" the religion's founder, pulp SciFi writer, L. Ron Hubbard, developed in the 1960s.

"I realized I could absolutely learn anything that I wanted to learn," Cruise said.

The guy seems to be able to do anything he wants to. I too have a learning disability, it took me about twelve times to be able to spell, "Sceintology" corectly (sic).

LRH where are you?

Like LRH Katharine Hepburn is dead, yet a book she has written is published. Hopefully it will stop at one, unlike LRH who still writes even in death.

She (Hepburn that is) recalls in a new biography that a drunk Spencer Tracy once hit her and says although she fell for Tracy as if "hit over the head with a cast-iron skillet," she never wanted to marry him.

She was such a babe when she was young. She supposedly posed nude for an artist while underage. Nobody told her what to do!

Traci Lords recalls that her centerfold in Penthouse at age 15 was overshadowed and how an FBI raid that ended her career in adult films "saved my life."

In her autobiography "Underneath It All," Lords, 34, says she used a fake ID to pose for the magazine in the same 1984 issue with nude photos of Vanessa L. Williams, who was forced to resign her title as Miss America. Man, I think I used to have that issue, but all I remember was Vanessa Williams.

"The ID said I was 22 or 23 and of course I had a made-up name (after acting hero Jack Lord) and a fake ID and the whole thing, but I look like a kid," Lords said.

I actually know the guy who went to prison for being her agent. But do I know her...? No!

Lords, who made dozens of adult films while a teenager, remembers subsequently being happy about an FBI raid on her apartment.

The Sex Pistols want to perform in Iraq, a live concert with the message that democracy has its pitfalls. I show up if Sid shows up.

Have you heard about the "Hulk" dolls (or action figures) that have massive weeners? They're out there if you like that kind of thing. People are freakin' out over them.

Pamela Lee and Stan Lee (no relation) are being sued by another stripper for stealing her idea for, "Stripperella". I hate when great ideas are stolen.

Now, there's word out that Bob Dylan stole his lyrics from obscure Japanese text. Least he is reading cool things.

Robert Wagner, (cool dude) is suing the "Charlie's Angels" producers saying he owns a big part of that machine.

All this excitement and I'm not any part of it.

While listening to radio talkshow host George Noory interview an Astral Traveler last night I fell asleep (finally) and left my body. I wanted to go on an adventure, but couldn't think of any place so I just went to the Burbank Mall. It was pretty boring. It was about 2AM and all the stores were closed. I decided to go back to my body, but it too looked boring all sprawled out like a seal washed ashore rotting in the noon day sun. So again I left and have yet to return. I'm typing this with the body I possessed.

That's right, I'm speaking to you from the body of Ashton Kutcher... Moore details coming soon!

Another ball boiling hot one today...

Both balls boiled today.

I can't stand the heat. Gotta get outa the kitchen.

I need some rain, snow, and clouds...

My keyboard is even hot.

All my candles in my apartment have warped.

That's all I have to say until the airconditioning kicks in...

In Asaka, Japan He's the "Japanese Andy Warhol," he's pop artist Takashi Murakami.

And this guy's got the right idea...

A 6-foot-tall fiberglass figure of a waitress in a miniskirt recently sold for $567,500 at a Christie's auction in New York City.

The Louis Vuitton bags with his smiling-blossom designs are hot sellers.

His cartoonish characters are mascots at a new Tokyo shopping mall that's drawing crowds like Disneyland.

Murakami work asks the same disturbing and subversive questions as did the work of Warhol: Art? Or money-hungry commercialism?

Ponytailed, bespectacled Murakami, 41, has emerged the darling of the fashion and art world here, popping up on TV shows and in magazines.

He has had exhibitions in New York, Los Angeles, Paris and London. He is working on an installation project at the Rockefeller Center in New York set to be completed in September... a 33-foot tall bubble-headed Buddha-like sculpture with a fat dopey face, colorful horn and dozens of tiny hands.

His collaboration with luxury bag-maker Louis Vuitton, which produced vibrant pastel-hued versions of the classic brown bags, has catapulted him lately to talk-of-the-town here.

Like Warhol, Murakami runs a studio that works as a factory in the Tokyo suburb of Asaka, where dedicated youngsters on a humble payroll toil and paint in prefabricated warehouses to the rhythm of techno music spewing from a portable stereo.

"I'm an animation otaku," says 24-year-old Tomohiro Hoshino, a k a Shisho, which means "The Master." "Daily work here is a battle with Murakami. And because he never compromises and he's so demanding and his standards are so high, it really makes it worth it."

Sounds like fun working for him... Doesn't it?

He lives in a prefabricated building that's his studio and uses a sleeping bag. I got the sleeping bag part down, now just need the money part.

A project in the works is an animation film he wants to finish in a couple of years. I believe it will be a cartoon of the Empire State building for 6 hours.

Is there a Japanese Valerie Solanas in his future?

Princess Diana?

Marvel Comics just announced that the late Princess of Wales will have a five-story cameo as a mutant superhero in its popular monthly X-Statix comic.

Marvel's Brian Reinert says Her Royal Highness will be part of a story arc called Di Another Day. Diana will be cast as an errant crime fighter.

Buckingham Palace is not thrilled about the news. The royal family calls the comic "utterly appalling," and saying the planned book is a "cheap attempt to cash in on Diana's fame and the tragic circumstances surrounding her death."

Diana's fan base is not particularly delighted with the plan either.

Michael Keaton is said to be interested in playing her in the movie based on this comic.

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has sold more than 1 million copies of her memoir "Living History," in almost exactly a month, her publisher announced Wednesday. It really pays to have a million friends. If I had a million friends, I say, "Can you give me a dollar?" to each one, then I'd be a millionaire.

Does Stonehenge Depict Female Genitalia? Stonehenge is a massive fertility symbol, according to Canadian researchers who believe they have finally "cracked" the mystery of the ancient monument in southern England.

In the arrangement of the stones, the researchers say they have spotted the original design: female genitalia.

And the Pyramids were ribbed for her pleasure.

Anyone who ever wanted to own a piece of Elvis Presley, log on right now. A tooth from the mouth of The King himself is being auctioned on eBay.

No word yet on any turds from the death scene being auctioned.

Britney Spears has come out of the closet on the fact that she is no longer a virgin.

That just sickens me!

I will no longer masturbate to her photos any more. I'm pretty sure I will stop after I see the August W magazine photo spread. Then I'll stop.

Definitely stop then.

Maybe I'll go back and devote part of my penis massage time to one of my earlier loves. Angelina Jolie says there's nothing left of the love she once shared with Billy Bob Thornton.

Jolie, 28, and Thornton, 47, married in 2000. They even wore vials with each other's blood. Cool.

The pair were divorced last May very near my Birthday.

She said she misses dating but that nobody's caught her eye yet.

"I think I'll never get married again. ... I don't really know if I'm meant for marriage," said Jolie.

I've said that too.

"Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life," starts July 25.

Maybe after that we can hook up, ya'know just to talk about stuff...

I didn't hear it but Michael Savage, the conservative talk show host fired by cable news channel MSNBC for wishing AIDS on a caller, apologized for his remarks.

An MSNBC spokesman said it had canceled Savage's show, "The Savage Nation," after an incident in which the controversial radio show host got into a verbal exchange with a caller whom he dismissed as "one of those sodomites."

In the midst of the heated exchange, Savage told the caller, "Oh, you're one of the sodomites! You should only get AIDS and die, you pig!"

I wonder if he would have been fired if he had used, "Monkeypox" or "SARs" instead? AIDS is a bad thing, we need more mention of it in the news and Savage has done that part of it.

It's just hard to imagine that Savage has gotten so controversial since all those, "Wonder Years" episodes. He was so cute.

More sad news to get me upset and depressed... I even got choked up and I really don't know why...

I have no relationship with them, but when I heard the news my heart sank.

I had been following their story closely.

Something about them. Separation. Together. I'm not sure but I was moved by their story and now saddened by the loss.

29-year-old Iranian twins joined at the head were separated after two days of delicate surgery, but both sisters died shortly after their parting.

The hospital announced Ladan Bijani's death, then, a few hours later, her sister Lelah had died.

I worried when I first heard about Ladan's death. I worried how Lelah would handle the loss of a sister she had been joined to for life.

The risky, marathon separation procedure began about 10 p.m. Saturday. Before the operation, doctors had warned that the surgery could kill one or both of the twins, or leave them brain-dead.

The brains of Ladan and Laleh Bijani were separate, but were nonetheless stuck together after years lying alongside each other.

Dr. Kumar had warned that controlling the bleeding and moving the twins from a seated position onto separate beds would be the biggest challenge, and that the condition of either twin would remain largely unknown until they wake up after surgery. The twins were seated during the operation.

As one of the final points of the separation procedure, surgeons cut a finger-thick shared vein from Ladan, leaving her to rely on a similar sized vein taken from her right thigh that was grafted to her brain.

German doctors told the twins in 1996 that shared vein made surgery too dangerous.

The team of doctors had to contend with unstable pressure levels inside the twins' brains just before they worked to uncouple the sisters' brains and cut through the last bit of skull joining them.

The operation was complicated further when the team discovered that the pressure in the twins' brains and circulatory system was fluctuating.

Although the sisters knew the operation could kill one or both of them, they decided to face those dangers after a lifetime of living conjoined and compromising on everything from when to wake up to what career to pursue.

"If God wants us to live the rest of our lives as two separate, independent individuals, we will," Ladan said before the operation.

An international team of 28 doctors and about 100 medical assistants were enlisted for the surgery. The Iranian government said it would pay the nearly $300,000 cost of the operation and care for the twins.

This is the first time surgeons have tried to separate adult craniopagus twin siblings born joined at the head. The surgery has been performed successfully since 1952 on infants, whose brains can more easily recover.

Participating neurosurgeon Dr. Benjamin Carson, director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Children's Center in Baltimore, has separated three sets of craniopagus twins.

Because this operation is a medical first, surgeons have encountered unexpected obstacles not seen in infants. It took longer to cut through portions of their skulls because their older bones were denser than previously believed.

As the procedure dragged on, surgeons tried to get adequate rest, slipping out of the operating room for breaks when their expertise was not needed.

Classical music played softly as surgeons worked simultaneously in tight spaces in front of and behind the twins, who sat in a custom-built brace connected to an array of lines feeding them intravenously and monitoring their vital signs.

The sisters were born into a poor family of 11 children in Firouzabad, southern Iran, but grew up in Tehran under doctors' care.

I have seen videos of them driving, hanging out and goofy off with friends. They seemed so cool and friendly and even funny. I really hoped it would have all worked out them.

For some reason I feel so alone right now...

This morning I got up to meet a friend at the Gun Club for some target practice. Well, he did all the shooting. He is a former Navy Seal who's now a Body Guard and has just finished a book on his adventures protecting Hollywood types and Political folk. He was in a few Hollywood movies, wants to be a bigger actor, but seems sad about his life. To me he seems to have everything going for him, but he too is recently divorced. Girls just throw themselves at him, but he is too troubled about what he wants to do with his life and career.

Even though I was wearing hearing protection, I still have a dull ringing in my ears. What you say?

Buddy Ebsen, who played on "The Beverly Hillbillies" and "Barnaby Jones" but enjoyed a rich creative life beyond television, died today. I met him a couple of years ago and had the pleasure of seeing some of the paintings this guy did. This man was a real artist I thought at the time.

Ebsen and his sister Vilma danced through Broadway shows and MGM musicals of the 1930s. When she retired, Ebsen continued on his own, dancing with Shirley Temple and turned into dramatic actor.

He had an allergy to aluminum paint and would have been the Tin Man in the "The Wizard of Oz."

He lived, like I did in Orlando, Fla., and he began pre-medical studies. But financial problems forced him to leave school and, at 20, he decided to try his luck as a dancer in New York.

Ebsen toured in "Show Boat," then to Hollywood, where director Norman Foster recommended him to Walt Disney to play Davy Crockett.

Disney had already chosen Parker for the role but he hired Ebsen as Crockett's partner. When the Crockett episodes were shown on the "Disneyland" series in 1954-55, both Parker and Ebsen became heroes. Millions of children began sporting coonskin hats and singing "The Ballad of Davy Crockett."

I remember first discovering him when I worked at Disney World and on a break saw an animatronic test film of him dancing in from of a grid so the artists could recreate his moves in the machine they were building.

"The Beverly Hillbillies" attracted huge notice, but I didn't watch them until they became reruns.

"Barnaby Jones" was a favorite of my mom's. But I watched it because of a crush I had on his daughter-in-law, played by Lee Meriwether.

Ebsen's later films included "Attack," "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "The Interns," "Mail Order Bride," "The One and Only Genuine Original Family Band."

A book expert working for a Scottish auction house has found a rare first edition of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" in a bunch of old boxes in London. This is the second time he's made such a find in a year. There were probably only 1000 first edition copies printed at the time. She wasn't exactly the J. K. Rowling of her time.

I don't know if this is true, maybe I'm late on this, but I overheard about a QVC Host who has nude photos out there... Quite the scandal! Anyone know anything about this? My relatives shop that channel, so I need some fun ammo for family discussions.

A weird thing today, I was beginning to shave and the shaving foam I use was empty so I dug around and found some old cheap shaving cream that I hadn't used in probably a year. I shook it up good and squeezed the trigger. It nearly exploded. A small hard chunk of old dried foam shot off the nozzle and bounced off the mirror with a bang.

After just using soap to shave with, I turned on the tube and saw NASA shooting foam through some reinforced carbon at an attempt to create the effects of the shuttle's initial damage.

Syncronicity?

It pays to have powerful friends and an icon for a father, even if the father is no longer with us...

Screenwriter and director Nick Cassavetes is writing a movie about a fugitive drug dealer.

Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio will produce it and help arrange financing, but won't appear in the as-yet untitled film.

Cinemark Palace in Kansas City is turning kids away from the theatre. Children under 6 were no longer welcome at the movie theater even if they were accompanied by their parents.

Theater officials are not trying to exclude children, but instead reinforcing a more adult-oriented film menu.

Dallas-based Cinemark USA, said the theater would no longer show movies rated G or PG. Instead, fliers in the lobby announced the theater will show "adult films, independent films and films geared toward adult audiences."

The Palace also has a VIP room, where adults can drink alcohol and sit in recliners while watching a movie.

Theater staff appeared to be stopping families with children who clearly were younger than 6.

I wish they'd do that here in Los Angeles. I'd go to the movies more if they'd get rid of the crying babies and the teenagers shooting at the screens.

I was so tired today. The heat is draining me. I didn't see any movies today as I thought I would. I just came home and went to sleep at 6:30PM! I woke up at 11PM in wet sheets and a soaked pillow. No I didn't lose bladder control. It was just hot. I had the air conditioner running full blast too.

I had a strange dream that I was in London. I somehow had lost all control of my senses and just dropped everything in my life and without a safety net just left for England. Once there, no money, friends, job, or clean clothes. It seems so strange but these are the sort of nightmares I have as an adult now. Used to be Monsters chasing me, but now it's fear of a loss of connection with people and lack of money. Just like in my waking life.

I am laying here on the floor. I have the TV on with the sound off. It's KCET showing their late night filler, "Clasic Arts Showcase". They show clips of what appears to be public domain performance art pieces and film snippets. They are showing, "The Mermaid" by Georges Melies right now as I write this.

I also have the AM radio on. I was scanning the the dial looking for some good talk, but wasn't having much luck. I remember as a kid pulling signals from distant cities and towns and hearing talk shows from different communities. I use to love having the blanket pulled up over my head with the glow of the dial lighting up the space underneath. I would hear scary stories and pretend that the blanket was a cave I was exploring. The flickering red LED signal strength meter was like a torch illuminating the cave. The patches on the quilt my mom made was cave paintings by an ancient race who lived here before. But like diversity in radio they too died off.

I was sitting in a restaurant yesterday eating my diet of scrambled eggs when I noticed a booth next to me. Three guys in their 40's and 50's were talking about a waitress who must have been a part time high school student. They were talking really scary about what they'd like to do to her sexually. She couldn't have been older than 16! I was actually getting kinda scared and disgusted. I noticed her working and tried to see how these guys could think of her in that way. She could be their daughter, or younger sister, and here these guys are going on about what they'd like to do to her.

I worried for her. I worried for her parents. I worried for the families of those three guys sitting so close to me.

Things like that really make me afraid of living in this world. The potential for violence is around us all the time. It certainly is where I live.

Sometimes it's better to pull the blanket up over my head and crawl into the cave.

It's not even Noon and it's already hot...

There's the strange smell of gunpowder, fireworks, and hotdogs in the air.

This morning I found the remains of fireworks on my car.

Last night at about midnight there was a knock at my door. I shouldn't have answered it, but I did. There was a guy telling me he got locked out of his house and he wanted to ask me for a Dollar. I don't even know him. He said that I seemed like a nice guy. I didn't have a buck on me and I was half dressed. He left, but now I feel he's casing my place for a robbery or a murder just for revenge. That sucks.

I didn't sleep well.

I was thinking of trying to see some more movies today. I'm feeling a bit in the mood for some artsy-fartsy films. I still haven't seen, "The Swimming Pool". I'd like to see that and maybe sneak into another, but the Arthouse theatres are more difficult than the AMC Multi-plex theaters where there's one highschool kid running all 65 screens.

Well, made it through almost the whole day without blowing off and body parts...

Actually didn't even light any fireworks. Here in Hollywood it's illegal to have fireworks, so firing your gun is the alternative. Living on the top floor of my apartment, as I do can be dangerous when it comes to stray bullets.

It was another hot one today, so I stayed cool by sneaking in to the local multiplex cinema and watched, "Terminator 3" and "Charlie's Angels". Back to back. I would have snuck into a few more but my back started hurting. I think they make the seats uncomfortable to keep people from sneaking into too many showings.

I missed seeing Guy Madden's, "Dracula". I was sad. It was only showing for one week and that wasn't long enough for me.

I talked with my sister in law tonight. She lives in Missouri and my brother was working on the 4th to save up some days off for their 11 year anniversary. She seemed sad that he was off working and their kids are all grown and living on their own. She was at home by herself. Alone in an underground house in the woods.

They actually live in one built in the side of a mountain. It's pretty cool.

Speaking of being underground, Barry White, died this morning in Los Angeles. He was 58, but I could have sworn he was older than that. He had a great voice.

Sharon Stone and lunch for Komodo dragons, Phil Bronstein, a Pulitzer-nominated journalist and executive editor of the San Francisco Chronicle have split. It makes my depression over my divorce somewhat easier knowing there are others also suffering.

Gee, that's kind of sad to think I could ease my pain by seeking out others pain.

Just thinking that I feel as I've moved past that petty thought. I don't want anyone to feel bad. If they do feel bad, I won't enjoy their pain... Not anymore anyway.

I'm ready to feel good. I'm ready to hang around happy and healthy people.

Hopefully, in that group of happy people there will be a nice woman who will want to spend time with me. Maybe she can be happy around me. Maybe we can be happy together.

Maybe she'll enjoy taking care of my needs and picking up around the house and doing my laundry. It couldn't hurt if she would find enjoyment in shaving my back, or letting me take seductive photos of her and posting them on the web, or selling erotic videos I could shoot of her...

If she has a problem with that... Well, she can pack her shit up and move her ass out. I've had it with her.

I'm already, ready to meet someone else to be happy with...

Who's next?

It was so HOT today in Hollywood...

Tomorrow is suppose to be hotter. Great! Today my balls were not only wet and runny, they were scrambled. I hate that.

How are you suppose to impress the ladies with hot sweaty balls? Sure, Latino girls seem to dig it, but Eskimos? Well, maybe they'd snuggle up to your hard boiled balls for warmth, but I can't see Hillary Duff needing to have my sweaty balls slapping her around the face and chin. I'm not even sure she's of age. Regardless, I feel there needs to be some sort of contraption that not only cools the hot sweaty ball location, but maybe massages them gently as well.

I also feel there might be a source of tapping the heat generated down there to run a turbine or something to create some alternative energy to run a cell phone, power a small air conditioner, or live completely off grid solely on heat emanating from my rather large, hot, sweaty balls.

Still not sure how I feel about the proposal that would have married the Screen Actors Guild (the film actors' union) with the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (TV and radio, broadcast journalists and recording artists) into a new union called the Alliance of International Media Artists.

AFTRA members had voted overwhelmingly to approve the merger. Of the 36,310 votes cast, 27,553, or roughly 76 percent, said yea.

Although the majority voted in favor--33,626 of the 58,192 ballots cast, or 58 percent--the measure required 60 percent for approval, meaning it failed by just over 1,200 votes. There were 107,817 ballots mailed out to SAG members.

I'm so late in paying my dues, I need some acting work bad... I couldn't even afford to pay attention to the voting.

Giant Sea Creature stories are great... Even when they are real!

The latest creature found, believed to be of the species octopus giganteus, was found near Los Muermos, 683 miles south of Santiago.

And get this, remains weigh about 13 tons!

Cetacean Conservation Center, said that similar animals have been found recently in New Zealand.

Originally believed to be part of a whale, its size, texture and even the smell point to an octopus.

What if they are all coming out to invade the surface like those old monster movies?

I feel kinda sad about Fox Movie Channel bowing to complaints from Asian American groups, and canceling a summer-long festival of decades-old movies featuring the Chinese detective Charlie Chan.

In a statement on its Web site, Fox Movie Channel said it has "been made aware that the Charlie Chan films may contain situations or depictions that are sensitive ... as a result of the public response to the airing of these films, Fox Movie Channel will remove them from the schedule."

Fox said the Chan films were made "at a time where racial sensitivities were not as they are today."

The campaign against the series came from groups that included San Francisco's National Asian American Telecommunications Association (NAATA) and Washington, D.C.-based Organization of Chinese Americans.

Even though I support them and have attended their events, I feel Charlie Chan helped me in my interest in Asian culture. I loved the movies. I know Asians who love them as well. I have two very old Asian men who asked me to record the shows for them. Now I don't have to tell them I don't even have cable, I can tell them that their people canceled the festival.

Eddie Wong, executive director of NAATA, said the groups objected to many aspects of the films. Chan, for instance, shuffled as he walked and spoke in sayings that sounded like they came straight out of a fortune cookie, Wong said.

He said that while he understood that many people liked the Chan films and that Chan was a good character who pursued criminals, the movies still reinforced negative stereotypes.

"Unfortunately, what is pleasurable to some is painful to others," Wong said.

I know English people that can't stand Benny Hill, Whites that can't stand Archie Bunker, Witches that hate Harry Potter, and Blacks that hate Bill Cosby. Everybody can't stand something else...

Charlie Chan movies were made over several decades starting in the 1930s. The first versions put out by 20th Century Fox film studio were popular but have been criticized in modern times for their stereotypical depictions of Chinese people.

The character was mainly played by Swedish-born actor Warner Oland, beginning in the 1930s. I was fooled...

The Fox Movie Channel, which originally began as fXM:Movies from Fox in 1994 and changed to its current name in 2000, reaches some 20 million U.S. households on cable TV systems. Fox is a unit of News Corp. Ltd. . It is considering changing it's name to Spiky Chan TV...

While waiting for "The Hard Word" to start, I saw a preview to a flick I really want to see...

"The Swimming Pool"

Francois Ozon has been called current French cinema's enfant terrible. I've been called enfantile, that's close right?

But he shrugs off the expression: it's rarely used in French, he says, and he harbors no conscious desire to shock. Yet provoke and unsettle he does. Often compared to Hitchcock and Chabrol, in just a few years, Ozon has carved out his own niche with an eclectic cluster of films marked by transgression, bizarre humor, and a masterly control of pacing and tone. Whatever else, Ozon takes you to dark regions where you've never been.

After graduating from FEMIS, the prestigious French national film school, from 1986 to 1990 Ozon turned out 30 Super 8 shorts. His debut featurette "See the Sea" (1997) sparked instant controversy on the fest circuit. A creepy tale of a young mother alone on a seaside vacation who opens her home to a surly backpacker, the film is a gem of psychosexual horror (and was inspired by a real-life crazy he knew in film school). It displayed from the start Ozon's ability to convey a sinister subtext without overt cues.

I can't wait to see his new film.

Hey, Trees have feelings too!

Their bark is worse than their bite.

Can't sleep...

Thinking too much about my future, or lack of one. Also, thinking too much about my past.

Sometimes I find myself actually happy, then I question myself as to what I have to be happy about and then I have to start a list... Over and over it goes. My head just won't stop grinding on and on... Any minute some guy with a samurai sword is going to go Postal and chop it off.

Shopping with Samurais.

But how can I really be so depressed when there are cool people in the world making things like David Merriman's recent fun project, a R/C Flying Submarine from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

Sniffing glue underwater can't be good.

I hope I get some health insurance soon... While writing this I found a lump. Great! Now I really can't sleep.

I'm hoping that Los Angeles's KPFK will pick up my radio show. If you are a fan or a publicist for some book publisher, send the Program Director an e-mail for me saying just how much you'd like to hear my show on their station.

KPFK email

I seem to have a lot of "friends" who feel that the whole 9-11 thing was a Big Hoax per-patriot-ed on U.S. Citizens... Check out this guys site and his books.

Really what is truth anyway?

Since I've stopped eating large amounts of carbs I need another use for my oatmeal containers...

Take the oatmeal out first.