A new item has been successfully listed on eBay.
Item name: Books to make Money or atleast a Millionaire
Start price: $1.00
View item:
Be like Joe Millionaire, but with real Dough and fake Hoes!!!

Metallica are going to rock San Quentin State Prison, one of the most infamous prisons in the United States.
The quartets new album "St. Anger" will have a shooting... a video shoot that is, for the title track at the prison, and will perform an hourlong concert the following day, the group said on its Web site (http://www.metclub.com).
The 150-year-old prison, just north of Metallica's San Francisco home town, was the location of one of Johnny Cash's most famous recordings, 1969's "Live at San Quentin." I love that album by the way.

No word on it but how cool would it be if Cash could show up to do, Nine Inch Nails' 'HURT'.

A new item has been successfully listed on eBay.
Item name: Rare Howard Stern Videos one in 3-D
Start price: $1.00

View item:
It's like Howard Stern in IMAX3D!!!

And this item has been successfully listed on eBay.
Item name: Peanut's Snoopy Waffle Maker
Start price: $1.00
View item:
It's like Snoopy in 3D!!!

My Mexican friends now call me, "Tomato" because my head is so red from the sunburn. They just laugh and laugh.

Saw a place on the News that I'd like to go hang out. It was a Laundromat that had a Subway sandwich place and a Starbucks, but the real reason was because there is Stand-up Comedy performed there! Wahoo! It's in Silverlake somewhere, so I guess I'll just drive around till I find it, cause I don't remember the name of the place.

A friend of mine took his family to see the IMAX 3D flick, "Ghosts of the Abyss" at my recommendation. Then last night told me how bored his kids were and how they'll never see another movie I say is good. The kids thought being 3D that it would be more like the "Bug's Life 3D" at California Adventure at Disney. The funny thing is, my friend wore his scuba wristwatch that measures the depth one descends in water. I think that's just nuts!

Yet two more eBay items have been successfully listed.

Item name: Marvel Supersize Superheroes Incredible Hulk
Main category: Toys & Hobbies:Action Figures:Incredible Hulk
Secondary category: Collectibles:Comics:Figurines
Start price: $1.00
View item:
Take your Hulk on the town!!!

Another Item? Nickelodeon Lamp with Stick Stickly
Main category: Collectibles:Lamps, Lighting:Lamps: Electric:TV Lamps
Secondary category: Toys & Hobbies:TV, Character Toys:Other
Start price: $1.00
View item:
Collect a true Cult TV Star, victim of ratings!!!

Okay! My head is hurting from yesterday's sunburn, so who knows when the "Cancer" starts. But to help make medical payments please help by bidding on my eBay items.

My latest item has been successfully listed on eBay.
Listing details
Item name: Anthony Robbins Personal Power and Power Talk
Main category: Books:Audio:Cassettes:Nonfiction:Psychology & Self-help
Secondary category: Everything Else:Education & Learning:Adult & Career Education:Personal Development
Start price: $1.00

Go get 'em!!! And be like Anthony Robbins!

Or just help me out and be like ME!!!

Had a yard sale today and got too much sun and not enough money. I think I have third degree burns to my skull.

Aaron was a huge help today.

I'm beginning to hallu-see-nate...

Need Medical attention...

Me hed iz throbbin...

My friend Aaron took me over to the Fox lot to eat with his sister Margot and a co-worker of hers. It was alot of fun. I had the best Salmon dish I've ever eaten.

We then went to see a couple of films that I've heard people say bad things about, but I liked them alot. We saw, "Identity" and "Phone Booth" one right after the other.

Today I went to watch a Parade! I used to hate them... Well, actually still might, but the Burbank Parade today was kinda fun. I was almost in it, because I accidently drove through a roadblock that was suppose to stop thru traffic. There were so many cute kids watching the floats and marching bands. I don't know what the cause was, but it was nice.

Maybe I'll go to the circus next... Then, runaway!

Well, it was bound to happen...

Surfin' the web and came across photos of my X-wife and her new dude.

It kind of hurts but, I am happy for her at the same time. Weird feelings.

I guess I can now kill myself in peace...

The Dixie Chicks have posed nude for Entertainment Weekly... Not many people left who haven't already seen that...

Orenthal James Simpson is the newest reality-television star and he is the subject of an unscripted series, slashed together from footage shot in Miami in 2001-02.

Texas-based Urban American Television Network has inked a deal with a Florida concert promoter to distribute 13 weekly episodes featuring Simpson to its 75 station affiliates this June.

Unlike Anna Nicole Smith or the Osbournes, Simpson did not sign off on the series. The show will be edited from 60 hours of candid O.J. footage captured onstage and behind the scenes at several rap concerts during the former football great's stints as a concert emcee.

Among the concerts Simpson attended was an August 2001 Florida gig featuring such artists as Wyclef Jean, Lil' Mo, Noreaga and Foxy Brown, where he signed autographs and spoke to a largely receptive crowd. Simpson didn't fare as well at a Connecticut hip-hop concert that December, when less than 100 people showed up to gawk at the embattled athlete-actor and the evening's act, R&B group Allure. The concert was canceled due to the poor turnout.

No mention of his emcee intros at any Dixie Chick concerts.

This was sent to me from a member of a group I'm in...

SEVEN REASONS TO CRAWL UNDER A ROCK...


1. CURL UP AND DIE........I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" Melinda Lowe, 39, SeguinTX

2. PAD PLEASE.......... An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run
and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our
guest. Kate Newman, 46, Winston-Salem,NC


3. HO, HO, HO............. I was taking a shower when my 2 year old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They
came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the
photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured
my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! Name Withheld


4. LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store comparing different
kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good
looking gentlemen who works at the store! . He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with
men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI


5. NUTS ABOUT YOU............My sister and I were at the mall and passed by
a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD


6. PRICELESS.............A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items
had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE
THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS." In
a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"


7. MOM'S ADVICE......... A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of
the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying
attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he
was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the nurse's office. He
was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it
and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk
with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she
screamed. "I did," he said "And she told me that if I could stick it out
till noon she would come and get me."

Yesterday, my friend Aaron and I drove around trying to find an indoor swap-meet that my X-wife and I use to visit for fun in Woodland Hills. I couldn't remember how to get there, but if you talk with anyone that knows me, they'll tell you how I am at even trying to find my way home from the mailbox.

We finally did find the place and met many proprietors of booths who said they'd been running their shops there for over 15 years. Foot traffic was rather slow being that it was Easter. There seemed to be an inordinate amount of Transvestites and carny folk working there, but it was still fun walking around.

I watched the Bob Hope B'day Special on NBC last night. I've always been a big fan of his radio and film work and since I live right down the street from him thought I should watch the show. I enjoyed it very much. Nice to see Woody Allen admit that he'd been copying Hope off all this time.

In the too bad Forry Ackerman is dead department:

(Oh are you sure he's not dead?)

Science fiction fans get their own Museum dedicated to the art, literature and film of science entertainment, courtesy of Microsoft Corp. co-founder billionaire secret Mac user Paul Allen.

Called the Science Fiction Experience, the exhibit is slated to open in the summer of 2004 within Allen's Experience Music Project (EMP) near Seattle's Space Needle.

Science fiction props such as Captain Kirk's command chair from the "Star Trek" television series, classic science fiction books and movie banners, Allen said the $20 million non-profit endeavor would provide "entertaining and thought-provoking exhibits" for visitors.

One of my favorite science fiction authors, Greg Bear of Seattle will chair an advisory board to the museum and said that respect for the genre has been long overdue.

"Science fiction is one of the greatest untold stories of science and art today," said Bear, winner of two Hugo awards for novels such as "Eon" and "Queen of Angels."

Among the items on display will be a complete set of autographed first editions of the Foundation Trilogy by Isaac Asimov, a collection of "Astounding Science Fiction" magazines, artwork depicting the future and all episode of "Jason of Star Command" on Beta.

But will they have that freaky "Commander" chick from Trekkies and the Whitewater trial.

The ultimate auction of the trash and treasures of surrealism founder Andre Breton sucked in more than $50 million. Joan Miro's "Le Piege" and a painted wood relief by Jean Arp brought in $3 million.

The small Paris apartment of Breton, a poet and leader of the surrealist movement was probably crammed to max with crap. Breton's widow Elisa had preserved the apartment, junk and all, for decades after he died in 1966. Wanna guess the monthly rent on that one?

The collection was put up for auction after her death. Some of the many items sold was a first edition of Breton's book "What is Surrealism?" that included a signed drawing by Magritte. It went for $300,000. Breton's primitive collection fetched $5.4 million and his extensive book collection brought in $5.1 million.

That said, I'm getting ready to unload some more of my crap on eBay. I'll keep you posted on the auction.

Many of my recent acquisitions will be on hold due to a demanded a freeze in global trade of all antiques, works of art, books and archives from Iraq.

The Iraqi National Museum held thousands of rare objects and artifacts documenting the development of mankind in ancient Mesopotamia, one of the world's earliest civilizations. But they didn't have an autographed pair of DeForest Kelley's Pants from Star Trek!

I went to a job interview last week with Westwood One. I was very impressed by the fact that the person I was being interviewed by was so busy, he was actually on the phone, writing an e-mail and avoiding eye contact with me at the same time. Talent! I'm really not even sure their going to be hiring. They told me about a hiring freeze, which might be a way of giving them an out. Who knows...

I see that Jay Leno is actually letting someone co-host his show after all the years of trying to distance himself from that whole Joan Rivers/Johnny Carson stuff, then Letterman has these weeks of co-hosts and now it's okay for Jay. Hmmm. Katie Couric and Jay are switching jobs. Wow! Must see Tee Vee.

I ran into my old friend Bob Burns yesterday. He told me about his new DVD that's coming out featuring all the years of Halloween shows put on at his house in Burbank that featured many Hollywood Special Effects Titans. This DVD should be amazing. Bob has worked on some great oldtime movies and has one of the best collections of Hollywood memorabilia. Bob and his wife Kathy at one time many years ago also put out a Horror Magazine that rivaled Famous Monsters of Filmland. The covers and centerfolds were great. One pull out poster featured beautiful Kathy with rotting teeth and one eye dangling out of its socket. I had this poster on my wall and I remember my Mother saying, "Normal boys have Playboy centerfolds and you have THIS?". I told Bob about this and we wondered how that makes Kathy feel to have been that kind of Pin-up girl.

Bob also talked about Tom Weaver the writer of many wonderful old movie reference books. I had mentioned that I was currently enjoying the audio commentary Tom does on "It Came from Outer Space" that Bob also makes an appearance in and how I thought Tom does an amazingly information packed audio track. The best ever. Check it out.

I've received so many calls and e-mails from people asking if this new movie called "HOLES" has anything to do with the script I wrote and had in development. Well, NO! My script and book was called, "Wholez" and wasn't a children's film or children's book. So I can't take credit for this flick.

A 40-foot-long replica of the human colon is winding its way through Little Rock to educate people on the dangers of colon cancer. I know you're wishing you lived in Arkansas, but Los Angeles locals have know that West Hollywood is like a colon Disneyland. One where Mickey Gerbil is the mascot.

Another sad day for me. Cardiologist and nutritional expert Atkins, died in New York nine days after suffering head injuries in a fall on an icy sidewalk, his book, "Diet Revolution," published in 1972 is my Bible. In his honor, I shall eat this Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar made by Atkins much more slowly than normal.

Jurors today found ex-Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee not liable in the accidental drowning death of the little friend of Lee and ex-wife Pamela Anderson's son, Brandon.

In closing arguments, attorney, Thomas Girardi, asked jurors to consider a $10 million judgment against Lee. Lee's attorney, Jim Baratta, suggested $1 million as a more apt price tag, even as he said he doubted they'd ask Lee to fork over even a dime.

The Vereses accused Lee of negligence, contending Lee of failing to properly supervise a pool party at his Malibu mansion on Brandon Lee's fifth birthday.

I think the Atkins family might consider a lawsuit against Tommy Lee as well.

A German company is marketing a new condom to improve men's sexual performance by numbing the penis to prevent premature ejaculation.

The condom would carry thin film of anaesthetic on its inner lining.

This is such a great idea, cause I snagged my hose up in my zipper and didn't feel a thing. Then I had to leave it hanging cause I couldn't unzip, my fingertips were also numb... See, I was all alone in testing its use.

Just found out that Cable TV's TNN Channel changed its name to "Spike" in an effort to appeal to Men. I'm not sure "Spike" will be enough... Maybe "Pussy-vision" would have been better. "Spike" sounds like a BET version of marathon Spike Lee films.

Jean-Yves Escoffier, a French cinematographer who shot the original "Three Men and a Cradle", has died of a heart seizure in Los Angeles. He was 52 I think. This was sad to get the call about this, cause I was just talking about him three days ago with an editor friend. I was working on a way to interview him for my radio show. He's done so much work, but will probably be remembered for his US work in "The Crow: City of Angels," "Gummo," "Good Will Hunting," "Nurse Betty," "Possession" and "Cradle Will Rock" one of my personal favorites. I'm awaiting to see if Tim Robbins will take time from his Peace work to make a statement. His last completed feature, "The Human Stain" for director Robert Benton should be great. I will miss his work, but he does live on in cinema.

Now I'll just have to subscribe... Satellite Radio's Sirius Launches All-Gay Channel! Imagine listening to the smooth sweet voice of gay activist and entertainer Harvey Fierstein between Show tunes. XM Satellite, where do I sign up?

I hope they call it "Spike Radio!"

My friend Aaron is back from a SARS infested tour of third world countries. We just got back from seeing "Ghost from the Abyss" and thought it was pretty neat. I only started getting a headache about 13 minutes into it, but since it's only 45 minutes long... was able to survive.

I totally got busted! I tried walking out with the cool 3D goggles and the "Usher" had to make a big scene of it. I really needed them for a film I'm shooting where the goggles were to be a faux military night vision type headset and I didn't want to have to build a prop. Oh well. Probably best. While licking my wounds in the bathroom, we tried to figure out what other film to sneak into, then I notice the goggles left a huge mark on my rather large forehead. I wonder how often the sanitize them? What if I get SARS? It was after all at Universal Studios City Walk and they get tons of Asian tourists there... I feel the symptoms of a possible lawsuit coming on.

I tried to pick up some stamps at the Post Office to send out some bills and totally forgot that today was Tax Day! The Post Office was slammed! I'm glad my X-wife already took care of me on the tax thingy. But I guess since I couldn't get stamps, my bills will just have to be late.

Today the weather has been fantastic after yesterday's torrential rain storm... Burbank had record rainfall and Big Bear is covered in snow. Valencia was almost flooded as I drove through it on my way to visit Westwood One. Valencia is only a little over 15 miles away, yet it took my 55 Minutes to get there.

A friend that knows I've lost over 210 pounds by using Dr. Atkin's lifestyle changing diet called me to tell me that Dr. Atkins was in a coma and that it didn't look good for him surviving. I feel really bad for him. And my friend asked me if now I'll think clearer and finally get off the Atkins diet... I asked him how Atkins got in the coma, and he told me the Doctor slipped on some ice in New York... NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS DIET!

But later while at lunch and perusing the carb section of the menu, it did occur to me that if he had been heavier, he might have had more traction on the ice, therefor his diet could have significantly impaired his health.

I woke up today realizing that next month I'll be 40 years old and I'll never be Vin Diesel, Jamie Kennedy, Conan O'Brien, Collin Ferrel, Fred Durst, Quentin Tarantino, or Wes Anderson.

It was sad, but I'm used to it.

Cause I woke up yesterday thinking the same thing only with different people.

I've started thinking maybe I should think about finding a woman that I can start getting to know. Not really dating, just getting out and meeting someone, so when I finally get out of my funk, I won't have that lag time having to get to know her before I try getting her in the sack. I know that now I'm not in the mood, but when my life turns around, I'll be really horny. Since I've been with one woman for such a long time, I'm pretty sure I'm disease free. That might be a selling point in these days of SARS and other stuff that you can get from dates.

I know I'm not much in the looks department, however if I could meet an assistant nurse or whatever who works for a cosmetic surgeon... Maybe I could get a freebie in exchange for romance. Then maybe I'll be better looking. Nurses are cool too! They're caring and giving. And some make fairly good money and have good insurance.

It's just a thought, but if you know any "Hot" looking Nurse types or whoever, let me know...

Gee, that's all pretty stupid! Nevermind. I think I'm aiming to be single for a long time.

But still, if you are a Nurse with Cosmetic Surgery connections... Contact me.

Good news!

My favorite news reporter, NBC News correspondent David Bloom, reporting from the Iraqi desert, died Sunday from an apparent blood clot, the network said. A BLOOD CLOT!

He was the best! This is just too weird, in a middle of a War, to die from a blood clot.

Not War related!

Maybe SARS is not war related too.

It's all just timing.

I was just watching "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" on NBC and was thinking how I really underestimated just how much better this flick would be as time moved forward. It somehow works better as a film now with that big NBC logo in the right hand corner and seeing "Towel-heads" lowered into molten lava.

Yet I grew bored and moved over to reading a book called, "English Gothic: A Century of Horror Cinema" by Jonathan Rigby. As I was reading how FX artist Les Bowie created a radioactive cloud out of cotton and nailed it to a photo of a mountain for a flick called, "The Trollenberg Terror" I turned the TV back on to KDOC-TV's Macabre Theater and saw just that mountain in "The Crawling Eye" which is the US title I guess.

The book went on to say that the Hammer-like studio Tempean based this on a radio and TV series by the same name, as Hammer had done with Quatermass.

I'd like to see these TV shows. Anyone ever see the Trollenberg series?

Friends were talking about how certain effects that once cost sooo much, can now be done on the cheap with Desktop stuff. I was wondering if there are any favorite effects that can be done like Les Bowie did in-camera, low-tech, non computer, but still cool to see? And fun to look at...

Nudity is always the cheapest effect... Unless you want someone "Hot" looking, then you have to spend some dough.

I spent the day going through a prescreening process as a volunteer for a Clinical Trail Group studing the effects of experimental drugs for Depression.

I was told if I didn't qualify I'd be outathere in three minutes and if it looked like I was to be accepted, I'd be there a maximum of two hours... I was there six hours.

I don't know what that means.

I hope I get in, cause that means $2000 for me and who knows what kind of horrible life long side effects.

One of my heroes is joining The Sopranos. Steve Buscemi, the character actor from flicks like Fargo, Con Air, Ghostworld, and Reservoir Dogs, is going to be a recurring character for the upcoming season of HBO's The Sopranos.

HBO has also signed Oscar nominated actor Robert Loggia who I loved in Lost Highway.

Buscemi, who was nominated for an Emmy for directing one of my fav episodes, the "Pine Barrens" installment of The Sopranos and he played a director in Living in Oblivion. But, he needs to play director John Waters and or Don Knotts.

Oh, also on 911 he pulled out his old Fireman's uniform and went down to the Trade Center and helped out... Pretty f'ing cool!

Tonight I met a man who actually lives at the Holiday Inn in Burbank. Lives in a room fulltime. Cool!

Marvel Comics legend Stan Lee and Meet My Folks producer Bruce Nash, have just created a new reality TV show called, "Superhero" where you can become the lead in a new comic-book series.

Then...

Donald Trump, Manhattan real-estate superhero is to star in "The Apprentice", yet another new reality series, this one from Survivor dude Mark Burnett, to have battling interns in the corporate world.

All these "Wonderful" show Ideas, yet my reality show has not been picked up. "Gang-Bang" where 10 Men and one lucky Woman go at it to see who has the most persistent sperm and who impregnates who. Viewers at home can call in their votes to win valuable prizes. Other episodes involve 10 Woman and One Male to see how many Women he can impregnate in one night, a Gay and Lesbian version to using toys and turkey basters.

Fodder for deciding my move.

You Live in California when...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long
it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You Live in New York City when...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You Live in Maine when...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and
construction.

You Live in the Deep South when...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are
Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
Jean,
etc.

You live in Colorado when...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he
stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You live in the Midwest when...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"

You live in Florida when...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people