Don't you hate that shocking feeling you get when you are knocked out drunk and the screaming kids in the back of the schoolbus you're driving wake you up?

As Xmas approaches, let us not forget the reason for the season; mass layoffs before New Years will increase corporate end of year profits!

Just realized I can use the Bowflex Ultimate� to hang my shirts on so they won't wrinkle! Now back to my 2nd bowl of Cap'n Crunch!

In a continuing effort to become more human than human, I attempted to telekinetically move a ballpoint pen using only the power of my mind, but while straining to do so, I accidentally farted!

Now that they found water on the Moon, how soon will it be before they start bottling it and selling it?

"2012" may have a worldwide box-office of $225M this weekend, but I found $5 between the cushions of my couch! So I too, am a Winner!

I didn't see the movie, but I saw, "Deep Impact" "Armageddon" "Earthquake" "Towering Inferno" "Poseidon Adventure" "Con Air" "Waterworld" and the trailer for "2012" and that's all I need, I think. I made a pact; if Roland Emmerich won't see my movies, I won't see his.

Maybe when it's on DVD, or basic cable and it's 3am and I've been drinking, or on painkillers... I'll watch the film and enjoy it then.