Earlier today, flipping through stations I caught a bit of "Doctor" Laura. I would have quickly changed it, but I was in the middle of a turn and as much as I wanted, I was afraid if I let go of the steering wheel to do so, I might crash.

Anyway, this dad calls in all upset because his lil' girl's teacher was teaching the kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish and he needed Dr. Laura's advice. So she told him to go pull the kid out of school!

Wow!

Like the only Spanish we need to know is, "How much for you to clean my house?"

What a bitch!

Someone sent this to me and I liked it:

LET'S FACE IT, ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries
in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
index, 2 indices? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have
noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going
on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?