The B'Day Presents are still rolling in...

Tracy sent me the DVD, "Control" about Ian Curtis and Joy Division. That movie is amazing!

After watching it, I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling wondering about life and stuff. I thought about friends who were into the band and the music. I remember being in El Paso, Texas on a drive to California and stopping at a thrift store to see if there were any good books and I noticed the Mexican girl running the cash register wearing a Joy Division t-shirt.

There's a part of the film that really got to me; Ian talks about how much he gives of himself when he's on stage, how drained he is and now they want more. The big tour is coming and he just can give, cause he hasn't any left.

I'm not on stage, but I feel it. I know what he's talking about. It's hard for me just to wake up, to get out of bed, to talk to complete strangers, to talk to friends, to meet people, to get in my car, to fill it up with gas, to change its oil, to figure out how I'm going to make money, to pay bills, to find a place to sleep, to stop feeling bored... It never ends and what's the point of going on?

I often fantasize about a country somewhere that says, "We've built all these houses. You can live here free. All bills paid. Work if you want to, but it has to be something meaningful to you. If you don't know what it is, we'll help you find it."

I'd go!