Picked up the book, "I Am Not Ashamed" by Barbara Payton put out by Holloway House on Melrose.

I used to drive friends by the publishing house to point out, "That's the house that pimps Iceberg Slim's books!"

Boy, Barbara Payton had some scary life!

As a kid, my mom had a huge stack of old movie magazines and I remember her talking about Barbara Payton and I always thought she was the subject of the TV show, "Peyton Place" you know, the one with Ryan O'Neal and Mia Farrow.

Anyway, a few years, actually many years back, I saw her in Hammer's "The Four Sided Triangle" and thought she was so beautiful. That film kinda rocks in a weird twisted way.

The book is a real horror show and Payton had a really horrible life toward the end. The book opens with:

"Today, right now, I live in a rat-roach infested apartment with not a bean to my name... The little money I do accumulate comes from old residuals, poetry and favors to men. I love the Negro race and I will accept money only from Negroes."

She used to make $10,000 a week when she was a movie star, then she ends up doing tricks on Sunset Blvd for $5.

Hollywood Sucks!

I just know she needed medication that pharmaceuticals hadn't invented yet and someone kind to love her and tell her she was special. We all need that, oh and the medication, too.