Things have been pretty bad for me lately.

I'm in one of my major funks. Ruts. Depressions. Slough of despond.

Not ashamed to tell you, though I'm atheist, I did get down on my knees, fingers intertwined, praying to the void for some kind of, "help."

Silly I know.

Woody Allen's, "Annie Hall" was on TV and I caught it just at the moment he describes their relationship:

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

Minus a relationship, I feel I'm the dead shark.

I'm not moving forward. I'm trying. Forces are conspiring against me, I think.

Talking with a friend who seems to have much medical knowledge, I pondered my need for antidepressants. He responded, "You are not a case of chemical imbalance in the brain, your depression is warranted by outside events."

Dang...

I couldn't afford medical help if I wanted it, with no health insurance.

People say, "You seem so happy all the time, I can't imagine that it's so bad." Or, "Where did this come from? Never heard you talk like this before."

People act like they're caring, but if you truly were honest and open, they would shut you down by saying that you were whining or dumping on them.

Everyone wants to go from point A to point B to point C with least resistance and pausing to hear your troubles slows them down.

I know I'm better off than a lot of people. I'm constantly thinking that. When I see the families whose kids have been killed in one of the daily school shootings so popular here in America, people deformed by accidents or random violence, or Republican politicians trolling Myspace for teen sex, I know I should feel better about myself, but I don't.

Maybe I should stop watching Fox News, stop listening to talk radio, stop living in my neighborhood, stop going outside in Los Angeles, stop eating out, stop shopping, stop being the first person to say, "Hello" when I meet a stranger, stop making eye contact, stop trying to make friends, stop thinking about the past, stop hoping for the future, stop looking at my reflection, stop shaving, stop thinking, stop reading, stop writing...