As Halloween approaches, I have several friends who are out picking up DVDs of their favorite horror films to watch at parties.

Amoeba Records is swamped with people digging through the racks of movies to pick the cheesiest and scariest. I thought about doing that, but I have other plans.

I know I talked about this show a lot, and I drive my friends crazy because I talk about it so much, but I believe it's the greatest show on television and I'm getting together with some friends to watch it as it goes LIVE!

Most Haunted LIVE!

Friends complained to me that they believe it's completely fake, but I say, "so what?" I dig it and it makes me happy!

To me, it's compelling and at times when I watch it at 3AM in the dark, and there are noises in my space, glowing orbs or phosphorous in my eyes, with the blanket pulled up around my neck, I'm completely terrified, but unable to turn off the TV.

I get so excited seeing Yvette all panicked, shaking, crying and screaming in night vision. For some reason it turns me on? I don't know why?

I guess it's like, Have you ever picked up a really cute girl, she's at your place, she's bent over the edge of the couch, her white panties around her ankles and you're really giving it to her and she turns around to look back up at you, lips quivering, eyes tearing, with a worried look on her face, that lets you know your penis is much too large and she may pass out from the intense sexual pleasure you're giving her? Yeah, me neither, but it's kind of like that watching Yvette getting all freaked out in the dark.

Sometimes I have to pause the show just to spank it. It's like paranormal porn!

Watching the show for as long as I have, I've come to know many of the members of the crew very well. They all have distinct personalities and each give me the feeling that they would be perfectly cool to hang out with having a Guinness at the pub and shooting darts, if I did that kind of thing.

Derrick is one of the most awesome personalities on the show. He has great hair and never an episode goes by without him becoming possessed and scaring the shat out of the rest of the crew. He has a spirit partner named, Sam who gives some information about the haunted locations. I imagined Derek as a schoolboy, using Sam to help him cheat on tests.

Stuart, I feel sorry for the most, because he is far too timid and when he screams it's in a higher octave then Yvette's. He has been attacked a few times by an unseen forces and once a ghost stole his shoe.

Karl, is the one I hate the most, because of his dashing good looks and because he is married to Yvette. Actually, he seems to be the one most logical and levelheaded, so when a TV pops on at full volume by itself in a darkened room of a haunted inn and Karl is traumatized, you sense the authenticity of the event.

I'm going over to a friend's house to snack on candy corn and watch all my English and Scottish heroes encounter entities of unknown origin via the Travel Channel. I wish you would come over with me and we all could hide under the blanket together.