Holy crap, was it hot on the July 4th!

You know how cats will sometimes nap on the sidewalk or asphalt because it's cooler?

I'm sure it's just napping.

For some weird reason I decided today was the day for a road trip. I left beautiful downtown Van Nuys and headed over into Hollywood where when I hit Sunset Boulevard took a right and followed it as far as it could go.

Cruised around Pacific Palisades where every single person I saw walking down the street was either carrying a baby for pushing a baby stroller. Went down to the beach where I paid $7 to park my car for 10 minutes.

It was very hot and that was disappointing because my whole reason for going to the beach was for it to be cool. There wasn't even any trees on the beach for shade. More trees need to be planted on the beach!

Drove over into Santa Monica and walked around the 3rd Street Promenade. Stopped into Barney's Beanery for some much needed ice tea and chicken quesadillas. When my beautiful waitress, Korinne came by after another server brought me my plate, she asked, "Did everything come out okay?"

"I won't know until after I've eaten it."

The joke was; it won't come out until after I've eaten it, meaning... Oh, forget it! She didn't get it either. It has five different cheeses and as of this writing, it still hasn't come out.

I hopped in my car, which was in a parking garage, in the shade, yet it was still 90 something degrees inside my car! Needless to say I was soaked with sweat.

After driving another two hours my air-conditioner starts to cool the car down just-in-time to the park in another parking garage, this time at Hollywood and Highland.


You would think parking five levels below ground that it would be nice and cool, however that is not the case as it was explained to me that they pump the exhaust of the air-conditioning of the Kodak Theater complex into the parking structure, making it sweltering and suffocatingly muggy.

I walked around the shaded part of Hollywood Boulevard and rubbed sweaty shoulders with the great unwashed tourists and homeless. I climbed to the highest structure and witnessed three teenage punks leaning over the edge and spitting on the innocent below.

I imagined the joy of walking behind them and tossing them over the railing.


I was stopped twice by foreigners asking me to take their pictures, I did because I look like a picture-taking kind of guy.

Got back in my car and took Highland until it became Ventura Boulevard and on into Encino to a bookstore, then into Tarzana to park in front of Edgar Rice Burroughs old house and grave. I do that sometimes just for inspiration, and today there was a nice shade to park.

Then I headed over to Burbank and Coral Cafe to visit with Aaron, Sow and Ray. Aaron had just bought a nifty new hat that I think he looks very smart in. He and I have trouble finding hats for our huge heads and sometimes have to spend extra money because of it. Today however, he explained to me he just found this baby at the Do-It Center for $9! And by baby, I of course mean the hat.


His baby Ray is so much fun to play with!

I know this sounds weird, and maybe Aaron and Sow don't see it, but this kid can't get enough of me! I believe it's my child like personality, my round head is a pleasing shape to any baby and intelligent woman, plus I believe as a survival mechanism, infants were genetically implanted with some psychic abilities and can read the minds of those around them. Ray obviously has scanned and downloaded my info and is aware that I am safe to cuddle with and to drool on.

I was unpacking some boxes when I got home and found this photograph of me from when I was young. Look how cute I am! Or I guess I should say, was.


Can you believe that adorable boy with an immense imagination and unlimited potential grew up to be me?

What the hell happened?

Did I go left when I should've gone right at some crossroad?

How did I end up where I am?

How did I end up like this?

Should I have sold my soul to Satan?

Should I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior?

Sadly, neither have asked.

You know, I have friends that are hairstylist for film and television and music videos, I tried to tell them this and they don't believe me, but my barber used to set a bowl on my head and trim around it to get that haircut.

Try finding a bowl that will fit the size of my head today and you'll know why I shave.