With Valentine's Day here, you'd have to be a complete loser not to find someone willing to bang you!

I tried my best!

Nuthin'...

I posted on Yahoo Personals, Sladura, Friendster, Myspace, E-Harmony and even Craigslist...

Still no pussy!

I even wrote some sweet things and lies that usually work, or at least back in the day.

A friend who knows I might need help loaned me his copy of "The Game" by Neil Strauss, the book that looks like the "Holy Bible" but helps you become a pick up artist.

I'm sure it works cause this guy that gave it to me it definitely a ladies magnet!

Had lunch with him one day and it was like he owned the place! The girls all came over to say Hi to him and it was enough to make you sick. It was like I was the fat friend, the comic relief, the ugly one, the guy that carries P. Diddie's umbrella, The Loser!

Look, I'm not getting any younger. Soon I'll be almost 30, I think and I need to have a baby cause all my friends got em and it's driving me crazy.

It's not like I want a kid to raise, but if the girl I meet makes enough money, or comes from enough money to support me and a kid, I'll let her take the juice in her lady business.

A lil' kid is fun to play with for a while and if she can afford a nanny and later boarding school I'm all okay with that!

Maybe you know a girl that will love me? None of my so-called friends will help me.

I know, in the past I was looking for models and pretty girls, but now I'm getting the feeling I'm not all that great a catch, so if she's rich I'll be willing to let her slide in the looks department.

Sometimes the not so pretty ones work harder to please.