Okay, following up on the last post's mystery...

It wouldn't be hard for this webpage's most diligent of readers to figure out what and who I'm talking about here.

The day blew...

No getting around that.

I was hired by a small production company to portray an historic figure on a TV series for a small, but said to be major basic cable network.

My call time was early. I was told I would be waiting around alot with some free time, so bring something to read.

I brought Jack Stevenson's "Dogme Uncut" about Lars von Trier and the Danish filmmakers that took on Hollywood with their dodme 95 manifesto.

That book in my hands garnered me some attention by the largely non-union and bitterly pissed off at Hollywood crew.

"Danny," that's what I'll call him here, because it not only is a rather generic name, but also because it is really his name.

Anyway... Danny was a PA who hung around with me most of the day. He is maybe 20 years old and a graduate of LACC's film department.

He is a pretty cool and nice guy even when he confiscated my cameraphone saying I can't shoot anything at the studio.

We were at the CBS Studios just off Ventura on Radford Ave. That was very cool!



I was to be filmed reading material and looking very business like at a huge old desk in a great set representing the 1920's.

While sitting at the desk and the crew readied for the shoot, I rummaged through the old prop and found a yellowed business card stuck between the seams of the wood drawer.

The card was for an old restaurant called, "Florentine Gardens" the phone number given only had four digits, so it must be old. On the back of the card in great handwriting it said "Tues at 9:00 ask for De Carlo."

With everything that happened all day and night, this is the one thing that stayed firmly in my head.

Who was De Carlo?

Did the guy make it on time Tuesday to see this De Carlo?

I was put into costume. An old stinky Black wool double breasted business suit. Man did I look sharp!

The producer named Trenda is a beautiful Jillian Barberie look a like, ran me through some silent actions to perform around the office. The camera followed me.

It all seemed quick and no one cared about anything artsy, just quick and fast. I thought I was just doing a great job. No retakes, or screwed up lines.

Then the crew and I left the set to shoot on location up on Doheny above Sunset Blvd in the backyard and guest house of a great old Hollywood mansion.

About twenty people were in this huge backyard all working on their specific jobs. I reached into my pockets to grab a few quick pics with my cameraphone and realized that not only were these not my pants, but that my cameraphone and wallet were back in a dressing room of CBS.

While I was going through the panic of losing my stuff, two large guys were clamping a light to the overhang of the guest house to shine a shaft of light across the doorway.

Suddenly, they start screaming and waving their hands. I see them jump off their ladders two floors to the ground.

A huge cloud swarmed around that light. You could hear it. You could hear everyone starting to run. The gaffers had disturbed a bee hive and the bees were pissed.

Everyone ran for cover. I was by far the furthest away... About 100 yards away standing next to a pickup parked in the drive of the servants entrance. I could see the bees were a ways away, but I slowly climbed into the cab.

Of all those people... and me being the furthest away... Guess who was the only one stung?

As the door was closing a bee shot straight into my right ear.

I slapped and the bee stung me on the back of the ear.

I've never in my life been stung by a bee, I have to tell you, It may have been the most painful thing that's ever happened to me.

My ear immediately swelled up to the point I thought it might blow up and fall off my head.

Danny drove me to the emergency room and a nurse removed the stinger. She shot me up with noninflammatory drugs and a painkiller, then told me that the reason I was the only one stung by a honey bee was because I was the sweetest one there.

That was nice.



Later back at the studio, I was told by no less than three people that I should sue the production company.

Danny and I walk into the set area and I see a guy who looks abit like me in costume, acting in what looks to be similar scenes as I was to be doing.

The soundguy passes me and whispers, "I know a good lawyer if you decide to change your mind and now sue."

Trenda walks me into the dressing/bathroom and sits me down to tell me that she didn't have access to the sets for very long and had to find someone else to do my stuff.

She says, "We'll run with this guy and if we have time left over we'll come in here and get you and shoot all your stuff."

I knew that wasn't happening.

She goes on, "Here's some donuts. They're all yours cause everyone is no carbs here, so just sit back and relax and watch TV and when we're done we'll come and get you."

She left. I locked the doors and took off the wool pants and found my allergic reaction to wool have made my legs break out in Red welts.

I took everything off but a t-shirt and underwear.

On a little Black and White TV I watched Synchronized Swimming on the Olympics.

I was sad and getting really bored. I was a bit high from the medicine and painkillers.

Yet, even with the anti-inflammatory medicine meant to cause swelling to go down, I began to get an erection watching these girls with their legs all entwined in the water.

My erection wouldn't stop!



It was like I was shot up with some sort of Viagra.

Two hours goes by and I'm still sitting in this room and no one comes to check on me. What if I had passed out due to lack of blood in my head because of my huge erection?

I eat one donut.

Dunkin's not Krispy-Kreme... Damn!

I think about that joke about the guy bringing coffee and donuts down to a nude beach. Both hands he's got coffee but he'd carrying the donuts on his weener.

Bored and stupid I want to see how many donuts I can get on my penis?

I begin the stacking. I have to stretch out the donut holes, but I get three glassed ones on good. There are only five in the box, so I got two more to squish on my pecker to win the Olympics.

There's of course a knock at the door.

It's Trenda wanting to come in.

I dispense the donuts into the box and pull on the wool pants.

She steps in the doorway and tells me that she's sorry and that they got all they need and that maybe something else will come up then she'll call me then.

She asks to see my bee sting and I turn. She pulls up a chair and gets a closer look at the back of my ear.

I turn back around and she is eating one of the donuts that were on my penis.

"You know, we have a show coming up that I think I could use you on. If you are interested I put a word in for ya." She says picking up another of my penis donuts.

"Oh boy am I hungry." She crams it in.

"I love glazed donuts!"