I know it's been some time since I've posted any messages, but I've been on death's welcome mat...

Well, I'm already into 2004 by three days...

I just now started writing 2003 on my checks without having to scratch out the 2002 I had already written.

Last year kicked my ass all over the road. I'm ready for a nice and friendly year.

Please be nice for me and better for us all, 2004.

I just heard from my Brother that some of the gifts I sent were not great choices. Ain't that sweet to be told that a gift you sent... I bought a VHS of "Moulin Rouge" for my sister in law... She hates that movie and he proudly told me this. Thanks Bro'.

I also got him a DVD of "In Like Flynt" with James Coburn, I loved those movies as a kid, plus a VHS of one of my favorite movies by John Sayles, "Matewan" because it is like stories about my Mother's family live in Tennessee coal mining country.

No word yet whether those gifts will be enjoyed or not.

I was kind enough to lie and say I enjoyed their piece of shit gift they sent me that I will now give to the homeless by way of the dumpster in the alley.

This year will see some big changes for me. One change will be that I will be getting older. It doesn't bother me so much because I watched a documentary on PBS about a scientific study that determined that the 40's are the new 20's!

Great!

Sure, I know what you're thinking...

Who funded this study Jerry?

How old are they?

Hey, don't burst my bubble, bitch!

The whole age thing never bothered me. I've never been one to judge anyone by their age.

Unless they were underage, or really old and decrepit, or senile, or unless they dressed too young for their age, or dated someone much too young for them... Other than that...

Oh, and small crying babies on planes, or in the supermarket, or anywhere near me.

Also, I don't mind breastfeeding in public as long as the kid isn't in his teens or older.

I also hate when people change a babies diapers on the table in a restaurant in public.

How weird to end last year and begin the new with this fucking Flu...

I hope it doesn't kill me.

I was watching the special features on my Xmas gift DVD of, "28 Days Later" and there is a documentary about viruses. They had Doctors on there scaring the mucus out of me. I couldn't stand it.

I decide to turn on the TV News to escape and there popping on my screen was a cow all floppy and shit like a boneless chicken running around with it's head cut off while roller-blading. I didn't need to see that.

Mad cow is really creepy because... If I understand it correctly, they can't really isolate the virus, so they really never know what to look for to stop it.

Picking out a good clean hamburger to eat is like going to a party and thinking that hot looking girl won't give you the clap because she's so cute. Maybe it'll be better and safer to eat the good looking people and fuck the hamburger.

I had to turn off the TV and drink some more Nyquil straight from the bottle.

Turn on the radio and listen to an interview with a Doctor who just wrote a book about Anthrax and how we are all primed and ready to be extinct from the new small pox, or was it chicken pox? I can't keep my plagues straight anymore.

I've been blowing my nose so much I've gone deaf. I also ran out of Kleenex and toilet paper, but thanks to my friend Gina, who left me a care package on my doorstep I now have a nice supply.

I remember once stealing some TP from a restaurant when I was once really poor. I went in to wash my hands and there in an open box ready for some busboy to refill the TP machine... Those fresh new clean rolls of TP stared up at me waiting for me to put them under my shirt and walk out looking like I was pregnant. I did.

But the joke was on me these types of TP had no perforations because they are meant to be used in a machine that tears off small bite size portions of ass wiping sheets that just are never enough. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to tear unperforated toilet paper. And the paper was only slightly less comfortable than cardboard. I think I actually got a splinter in my sphincter.

Niquil is truly my new Jagermeister.

Gina got me Costco sized family pack of Nyquil that is Cherry Flavored, boy that hits the spot!

Being sick and cranked up on Nyquil has given me some time to lay back and think about things while I rot.

Things like:

Where is all the mucus stored when not in use?

Why mucus?

I thought of other things too, but the effects of Nyquil seem to retard my ability to recall any other thoughts right now...