One of the women I want to be inside of tonight!

Happy 4th, baby!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Happy 4th! Let's blow shit up! And then...

...dance with me.
 
This is Awesome! Women's independence and the separation of the American colonies from Great Britain. You have to see this and the reference to Ed at the end!
 
I met Shelley Winters a few weeks before she died in the Silver Spoon in West Hollywood when she said to me, "I'll trade you my Eggs Benedict for your slice of watermellon, honey!" Then she told me she was tired of the company at her table and wanted to eat with me instead. She was hilarious and Oliver Reed rocked!
 
 
Why is the 4th of July important in this Kubrick film? Because there is no independence for Jack's soul. He's doomed to be the caretaker forever and ever.
 
"The most enduring myth about Independence Day is that Congress signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. The myth had become so firmly established that, decades after the event and nearing the end of their lives, even the elderly Thomas Jefferson and John Adams had come to believe that they and the other delegates had signed the Declaration on the fourth. Most delegates actually signed the Declaration on August 2, 1776. In a remarkable series of coincidences, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two founding fathers of the United States and the only two men who signed the Declaration of Independence to become president, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the United States' 50th anniversary. President James Monroe died exactly five years later, on July 4, 1831, but he was not a signatory to the Declaration of Independence."
 
Words that build or destroy Dirt, dry, bone, sand, and stone Barbed-wire fence cut me down I'd like to be around In a spiral staircase To the higher ground And I, like a firework, explode Roman candle lightning lights up the sky

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

The Best Live on the street Michael Jackson News coverage! The kind you've been waiting to see!

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/Reporter_Slaps_Drunk_Guy/
 
U2 launched their world tour on a vast stage in Barcelona before some 90,000 fans with a show that included a linkup with the International Space Station and a tribute to Michael Jackson... What? Really? Why?
 
If U2 had died would Jackson have done a tribute to them?
 
Anyway, I talk about that and other more fascinating things in the New Fresh Smelling episode of the Jerry Lentz Podcast that you can hear and post a tip in a jar to on the left side of my http://www.jerrylentz.com page.
 
Enjoy!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Give Me Five! I was Skyping with a...

...filmmaking friend in Saarbrücken, talking about how our Worlds have changed since David Hudson is not doing The Daily at IFC anymore and how GreenCine Daily's Editor Aaron Hillis is too busy with everything he's doing to do it daily... Our routines have changed. We feel cut off somehow and too lost to find all the news by ourselves.
 
Also, the New Jerry Lentz Podcast episode is up and it is already the most downloaded show in the entire history of this apartment complex! Click the Play Button on the Left Sidebar to enjoy!
 
We also talked about how she has been raising funds for a couple of dance DVD projects. She sells tshirts the dancers design. They held a bikini bike wash, I guess there were no cars where they were. She has set up a tip jar on her website and everyone that tips gets a credit in her dance films, and that she says has been the best.
 
So, I set one up too as you can see to the left. It's new for me, but I have a small $5000 feature DVD Horror/Art project I wish to try it out on for raising the capital. If I get 1000 people to tip $5. then all those names will go in the credits. Wow! That's a lot of typing!
 
If you've liked the work I've done in the past, writing, voice work, videos, being silly... If I've brought at least $5 worth of joy into your life, please consider giving this new experiment in funding a try and tip me! You can use it to plug your website, band, anything as far as I know!
 
Let's make something happen now!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Watched Kevin Brownlow's, "Cecil B. DeMille: American Epic," on TCM and now can't get it out of my mind. Might need that on DVD.

Watched "Murnau, Borzage & Fox" John Cork's great documentary on the celluloid experiments and lives of William Fox, Frank Borzage and F.W. Murnau! Great, great stuff!

You mean, we can watch Roger Corman's, "The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent" here for free? I'm so there, I'm already there!

Man, I love Percocet and Vicodin too! Now what? Am I gonna use self-hypnosis for pain? Because of their effects on the liver? Do I really need a liver? Don't I have two of those?

My friend, Jessica says, "Dr. Oz says you can grow a new liver in 8 weeks, so what's the big deal?"

We really are close to that "Vanilla Sky" world where we can live forever and look like Tom Cruise!

I could stand a lil' Cruise DNA in my system, I've seen myself up close in a mirror, but I was referring to the mangled Tom from "Vanilla Sky."

We all are probably not the Billionaires we would have to be to afford what will be needed to live forever as in the article, but maybe when Obama get the Health Care situation settled...

My Elementary School Friend Lyn Sadler asked me, "Have you ever seen any interviews with Ray Kurzweil? The topic is extreme longevity. He is the cutting edge between sci-fi and a new reality. His book, "The Singularity is Near," is a hard read. He's a trip, a real "Vanilla Sky" kind of guy."

Oh yeah, two of his books are 12 feet away from me now. I dig him. I have to admit I started skimming on Singularity toward the end not because it was complex, but more because of the structure of the writing. I was reading it when my dad died.

This is a good series of videos if you haven't seen it.

I Don't Like...

...Mondays! That's when the Devil arrives!
 
Sometimes little girls can be oh so mean. It could be that they are possessed, or they could just be telling us that. Maybe the Exorcist needs to visit once a month?

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Me big fat head and Bumblebee at the Transformers Premiere in Hollywood! That movie is so HUGE I thought I'd better post some slim, but tangible thread that links me to it's amazing success.

So many Celebrity Deaths leads me to believe it's not the safest line of work.

With all this heat, I'm going to have to reschedule and relocate this porno shoot for tonight at my place in the cool air-conditioning, please confirm!

Woke up with a hangover, thought I might try going to a church, but then figured I'd have an H R Giger Day instead and stay in the a/c.

I'm wearing a sheet made into a toga, I'm eating sliced green apples, cheese and grapes! I wish I had some half naked handmaidens to feed me! Sundays are very nice, but the half naked handmaidens would rock it!

According to my Write or Die v2.0 Word Counter, since 6:32am I have written 6763 Words! Too bad they don't all fit together into pretty sentences.

I wrote about my new Paper PDA the other day and got a ton of curious messages, so for those who dig this kinda thing, here's this! Filmmakers will dig the Storyboard printout! My PDA is the index card model and it ROCKS! I was inputing some data just yesterday at a diner and the server asked about it. All the cool kids are using them! Hey, when Y3K hits and all the power is gone, we will rule the Earth!

Remember! Don't leave your infants or pets in the car with the windows up! I had a whole pack of gum in my glovebox go Incredible Melting Man all over my paperwork! But my car smells good anyway.

Okay, you may think this is weird, but it's been a rough hot day so I am moving the TV, splicing in more coaxial, ordering a pizza, pouring Red wine, lighting candles, dimming the lights and watching Doctor Who... IN THE TUB!!! With bath salts! Gay? I think not! I just want to treat myself.

Trouble; Not enough cable for me to see the TV from the tub. But I think I can use my full-length mirror to reflect the image, but that means Doctor Who will be reversed. Hmmm. My place is a mess now and... Oh! Pizza's here!

Isn't it strange that there are no other events in the world for the News to cover other than Michael Jackson?

I wonder who will get the kids, the Jehovah's Witnesses or the Scientologists?

Whoever invented ice cubes was a genius!

I like my Ice like I like my Women, Shaven! Then I like to squirt Bahama Mama: A fruity Pina Colada flavor! Then, on my Ice, I like Grape Flavor, too!

Thought I'd recap on some recent DVD rentals that I've enjoyed.

Just watched the documentary, "Cinematographer Style" and while there was some great info, I found myself bored. I much more enjoyed, "Visions of Light" with them using clips as examples, but there are no clips at all in this. I did enjoy one of my heroes, Gordon Willis (The Godfather) talking about the use of lighting equipment and his, "I like getting a 100W bulb and screwing it into a lamp. What else do you need?"

Saw, "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" and I dug it! I unfortunately listened to friends and critics at the time of it's release and didn't see it in theatres, but I really got into it.

Watched "New York Doll" a very sweet documentary about bassist Arthur "Killer" Kane, a recovering alcoholic, damaged, sad and poor who was rescued and lived as a Mormon while the success of his rock career seemed to slowly fade away until Morrissey planned a reunion of the band.

A strange thing happened while watching it. There's an interview with Sky Sunshine Saxon of the Seeds and after I finished watching it I got an email saying he had just died. Very weird!

Can't get, "The Wrestler" out of my head. I might have to buy this DVD.

Looking forward to some great DVDs lined up in my Queue.

Been very inspired as of late. as an exercise I thought I'd try to see how fast I could do a 90 page screenplay using some new software I have and a writing experiment I read about, and to my surprise I not only wrote a first draft in 14 hours straight, but it's really pretty good. I wouldn't make a film out of it, but for practice, it Rocks!

This might be cause for alarm, I might need to see a Nurse... just found a lump in...

...my pants!
 
Have a need to be taken care of, to feel safe, to be tucked in and asked, "How are we feeling?"
 
Here's where you can help me; I'm looking for some books about setting up gigs for bands, tour manager stuff, booking shows, travel ideas for the small band or musician.
 
Then I'm looking for an equipment list for a mobile micro-cinema, types of projectors, screens, audio, amps, mixers, speakers, FM Transmitters, things one needs to show Digital Video Features in quality with great sound in a touring situation all packed into one van.
 
Putting some ideas together, haven't found a book dealing with this concept yet, so maybe you can help me pick up the little pieces and put it all together.
 
Okay, get to it and start helping me!
 
Used to be friends with a gal that booked bands in Texas. She was very organized, had lists of venues, bars, clubs, barns, empty fields, newspapers, mailing lists... She was the first person I ever met where if you asked about going to a movie, she'd pull out an organizer and pencil the time and date in it. You'd catch a glimpse of the calender in her book and it was filled with info. She was the real deal and she dealt with the most disorganized punks you can imagine. They LOVED her because she really mothered and nursed these lil' bands into something. She made their dreams come true.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

The Thermostat is down to 59 Degrees, but it's still like a 120 Degrees in my moistened panties!

Can't stand it! I'm delicate. Sensitive. Meltable.
 
Some exciting plans are in the works for next month! Wish I could tell you, but things are not yet solidified and I'm afraid the heat will melt them like butter in my ass if I do share them.
 
Woke up 3am on the dot. Wide awake. Soaking wet. Throat dry. All the moisture in my body was on the surface it seemed. Tried to pee and only salt poured out. Ideas began boiling to the top of my noggin! Brilliant. Powerful. Awe inspiring thoughts! I wasn't just standing over the toilet, I was standing in a field of all possibilities. Looked at myself in the mirror over the sink illuminated by the glow of my Little Mermaid Nightlight and I seemed more attractive than I've ever been. I felt happy with myself. I accepted myself. Flaws that always burdened me in the past now faded into qualities that brought me joy. The rare smile appeared and it widened and opened to show teeth, it also opened my heart and a real sense of love gushed out spilling over my body in chills. The adult me recognized the child I was and still am and we accepted each other in a very profound way. I waved across the years and nodded knowingly to myself. Two portals in a time machine merged momentarily in an embrace. Why was this happening to me? Why does it seem nothing can stop me when it's 3am? Why can't I get this during daylight? Why am I so dizzy? Am I dehydrated? Did I administer too large a dosage of painkillers before sleeping? Was it poor judgment to swallow the pills with Wild Turkey?
 
Anyway, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! Wish you were here to take pictures.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

It's so hot, it smells like ass and feet around here. Mine however are...

...fresh with a slight scent of shea butter and a hint of nutmeg, cinnamon, and clove.
 
It's so hot in fact, to cool down I put a bag of crushed ice on my balls. Now it's like a sauna all up in here! Looks like our Economy is turning around with cool jobs! I just saw this in Craigslist:
 
"Females 18-40 Wtd. for Voice Over & Foot Modeling/Tickling Video Clips
Source: losangeles.craigslist.org Must have Hot Sexy Feet!"
 
My friend, Jessica asked, "wonder why they have an age limit (40) on there... can you tell how old someone is by her feet?" That is weird. I'm sure they are gonna show the girl's face and body, not just feet. I guess there will be no age limit on the creepy old guy doing the tickling. Maybe it's in Dog Years?
 

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

My Nephew's Wife confided in me she can't wait to be a MILF...

...and I needlessly pointed out she must have a baby first. It's sad that these barriers divide us from the status in which we wish to reside. She has a big fat dog that she loves, cares for and mothers, isn't that enough for her to be a MILF? She has the rest of the letters in the acronym!
 
Finally watched "The Wrestler," man that's some great film! Marisa and Mickey rocked that movie!
 
My brother discovered an old movie theatre for sale! I was fantasizing about buying it and wondered what old movies I'd play if I ran it. I used to work in the exhibition business. I don't mean I took off my clothes and danced around a pole, ya dirty bastard! The Motion Picture Exhibition Business! I managed several theatres and programmed midnight showings and festivals when I was young.
 
Maybe I'll play some old Hammer Films and have myself my own lil' Horror MILF Film Festival!
 

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Happy Father's Day!

Went to an All-You-Can-Stand-To-Eat-Hillbilly-Buffet and completely shoveled it all in and had to waddle out carefully for fear of bursting.

While I'm not a father as far as I know, I enjoy hanging out and stuffing myself with my brother who is, and his family who celebrated a few hours of the day with him.

Two Hours later I was starving. I don't understand it!

Okay, you just have to watch this! It's Brilliant! WARNING: You will cry at first!

 
Did you watch it all the way to the end? No cheating!
 
Seriously, Isn't that awesome?
 
Okay more brilliance. Checkout my New Background Design on Twitter! http://twitter.com/JerryLentz
 
Now don't you want to have fun and Follow me?

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Suck it and see...

...Then you'll know for yourself. Life can be so strange, I was just reading how the return of trepanation is taking place. Our ancestors used to drill holes in the skull to expel demons, now the technique is making a comeback as a cure for dementia. I knew two guys that did this! On purpose, too! They wanted to reach a constant level of Enlightenment. http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20227121.400-like-a-hole-in-the-head-the-return-of-trepanation.html
 
It was on this day in 1964 that the TV show Twilight Zone aired its final episode on CBS after a five-year run.
 
http://www.wired.com/thisdayintech/2009/06/dayintech_0619/
 
I loved the magazine, too!
 
http://phantomofpulp.blogspot.com/2009/06/enter-economic-realities-of-twilight.html
 
It seems to me I'm in the Twilight Zone 12 hours a day! Life on Earth can be difficult to me.
 
I already have my spot on the Moon and Mars picked out!
 
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1905344,00.html
 
Could have been a great place for Spring Break!
 
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-06/uoca-uoc061709.php
 
I'd like a house like this overlooking the Martian water. The "Blade Runner" house! Been there, you should buy it!
 
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090619/stage_nm/us_lloydwright
 
I remember meeting a guy who was making a documentary on the place with scenes of every movie and TV show that the house appeared in. I don't know if he ever finished it or not.
 
Most likely I will live on Mars alone. And we all know Mars ain't the kind a place to raise your kids, in fact it's cold as hell, but at least I won't be tempted to make proposals that fail.
 

 
Or embarrass myself getting married again.
 

 
Or getting hit by a truck or bus in traffic.
 
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1914947
 
Sometimes we don't know how lucky we are.
 
Dang! We are Lucky sometimes. We should just appreciate where we are and what we have.
 
I'll just listen to my books and get lost in the stories hearing the hypnotic and sexy voice of the humble narrator. http://iworksaudio.com/Site/Voices/DAE7F8D6-D3CB-4B7A-A559-C642CF04F321.html
 
Imagine curling up with a hot AudioBook to this sexy voice! Dang, I'm wet!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

What a great day!

Got some awesome painkillers!

Had a cheap, but good Italian Pasta Lunch with two of my brothers.

Then saw Star Trek for the 3rd time with my brother.

Got a new book about filmmaking in the mail from an old friend, making it an inside joke gift because it's written by a guy I worked for briefly. Very briefly.

Recorded a national commercial and nailed it in the first take.

Fell asleep and dreamed an old guy was digging through my dumpster and it turned out to be Federico Fellini. He told me was looking for old newspaper and trash to paper-mâché an angel he wanted to use in a film.

He told me this as he put his arm around me, "You know, Angels only exist when you need them, so if you want them, you have to make them!"

This is "Obesity Awareness Month" so let's get a large Papa John's Pizza for lunch and plan a meeting for dinner, say Wendy's to discuss how we are gonna celebrate!

Need to slim down if I'm to acquire my lair of sexy minions willing to do my bidding as part of my cult.

I get so hungry sometimes. A craving! Some void needs filling in my life, such as it is.

Just watched, "Let the Right One In" and damn that's a great movie!

I'm really living the Vampiric Life, minus the eternal youth, thirst for blood and Gothic Castle.

Transforming is what I must...

...do, I guess!
 
Transform my mind, transform my finances, transform my intensions.
 
Don't know what this Action Set is all about other than transforming a Van, but I'm ready to get one and travel around looking for cooler weather!
 
It's so warm to me. If it's over 65 Degrees I'm uncomfortable. As I type this it's storming outside. Thunderstorm, maybe another tornado, it's rough! I should get my camera and go out in it looking for weather action, but I have "Star Trek: The Original Series Remastered" on DVD playing and I'd have to put my pants on. Maybe I'll wait until the next disaster.
 
Was watching Francis Ford Coppola talking about his early days of filmmaking in a van, traveling the country making "Rain People" and that looks so exciting to me. How can I make this happen?
 

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Did you know Motion Pictures were invented...

...on this date in 1878?
 
Eadweard Muybridge used a series of cameras set on trip wires to film a running horse.
Legend has it that his goal was to win a bet over whether or not horses
had all four feet up at some point during their gait. His ingenious
solution to this wager is credited as being the birth of the motion picture industry.He later directed this classic video for U2.
 

 
Goddamn it! Monday already? I need more painkillers just for this!
 
My foot is still killing me! I
wish you could kiss it and make it all better for me. I wish you were
here to rub Vaseline all over my heinie and tell me that it's special
and different.
 
In so much pain the only thing that has made me laugh, after hitting the Wild Turkey American Honey medicinal bottle, is this stupid joke:
 
A blond goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. t-shirt.
 
'Why are you wearing a 'Thank God It's Friday' t-shirt on Monday?'
 
'Oh crap!' the blond says. 'I didn't realize it was a religious t-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front.''
 
It's not that funny now after typing it. I need to elevate my foot and raise the bottle to my lips again!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Not a big fan of pictures of Feet, but this pretty foot is...

...mine after the adventures in LA where it was sprained while trying to peacefully leave.
 
Hope the pic doesn't gross you out. I know I need to trim my nails. I was going to get a pedicure when I got my back waxed in LA, but didn't get around to either. It's swollen and looks like I have cankles. It hurts so bad I can barely walk or put pressure on it!
 
Got down on my knees to pray, actually I was already on my knees in pain, praying to the Good Lord Jesus the Christ, asking him if there was anyway possible for him to ease my pain and suffering and if he couldn't to please find someone that would be willing to give me some Vicodin!
 
He told me to ask online and I shall receive.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Sitting on the floor in front of the fridge eating frozen mangoes and peaches like a solo "9½ Weeks" life can be so rough!

Thinking I might need to get some new shoes. Maybe sneakers this time. Something I can get in and out of quickly. Maybe slippers like Howard Hughes wore!

When I took my right shoe off after it was sprained, it swelled up huge! If I had taken the shoe off at LAX or in flight, I would never have gotten the shoe back on.

My brother's make fun of my shoes, they call them old man shoes, but I grew up on Doc Martens!

David Carradine may have been killed by an Illuminatus, a supposed enlightened one!

You HAVE to read this! It's pretty amazing!

Thursday In LA: Escape

Wednesday In LA: It's almost over

Tuesday In LA: Ever find yourself being completely smothered

Monday In LA: Drugs

Sunday In LA: Everything dies here, even the stars.

Saturday In LA: Friends and Pizza

Friday: The Trip to LA

SOLD OUT!

On my way!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Hey, I just Won...

..."Stage of the Day" at Talent Trove!
 
http://www.talenttrove.com/mystage/view/21306
 
Yay!
 
We should celebrate!!! Stripclub? Pick Up Stix? Coral Cafe? Stripclub?
 
Hollywood is, as always, on my mind, but...
 
If you get an hour or something free with nuthing to do and want to watch an amazing and sad story about early Hollywood, you should watch this:
 

 
It's called, "Girl 27" times were tough back then in them days. Hollywood was so corrupt. "Hollywood 1937 -- Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, the world's most prestigious and powerful movie studio, tricks 120 underage chorus girls into attending a stag party for its visiting salesmen. When dancer Patricia Douglas tries to flee, she is brutally raped; defying the studio's order for silence, Douglas files a landmark lawsuit while MGM launches the biggest cover-up in Hollywood history-until six decades later, when author-screenwriter David Stenn stumbles upon the story. Stenn's decade-long search for the truth leads to Patricia Douglas herself, nearly ninety and still in hiding."
 
It's been radio recording today, so I had the phone off, but missed no calls. My throat is so raw now. Trying to get everything done before leaving cause I may not be able to record in LA for free.
 
You know what might be funny to do when I get out there that I've never done on video? Go get my back waxed! Maybe a Brazilian! That would be so crazy! I can get it videotaped! It'll go Viral, then I'd get my own show! I'll put that on my list!
 
I don't really have a list of things to do, but Steve and Aaron should hangout, could spend the night at Aaron's new house, a couple of old friends from Dallas that live out there now might want to see me and Dana is gonna take me to a gallery opening on the night of the 5th, there's a couple of places I want to go by with Tracy for old time sake, places like, the Frolic Room, Forever Hollywood, too bad Conan's show will be so new that'd be hard to get into, The Grove, should do something silly like City Walk, Knotts Berry Farm, Disneyland, Travel Town, Century City, Northridge Mall, Samuel French, I don't know... Maybe the Arclight, Egyptian, Silent Movie Theatre, and or the New Beverly! I know I need to walk, because I've gained so much weight you wouldn't recognize me. Maybe I should walk to LA instead of fly? Mainly gonna be just hanging out and drinking with friends. Eating Mac and Cheese. Did I say drinking? Just stuff. Relaxing. Chill. Air Conditioning.

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Getting ready for LA!

Really just getting ready for LAX, there seems to be trouble there. But I got clean panties on stand by in case of emergency.

Been trying to lose some weight before the trip because I've really let myself go these last few months.

Going to see if my ass and belly can qualify as "Carry On."

Hurry! Get tickets NOW! Only a few seats left!

Don't be a Square, Get there!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Finally found my perfect Hairsyle!

Using this News Item, I was able to get the best look for my little round face!
 
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/the-best-and-worst-hairstyles-for-your-face-shape-460581/
 
"Simple lines with as little volume at the sides as possible, like this simple mid-length bob, are the best choice for round faces."
 
Needed to get a new look for my big appearance back in Hollywood!
 
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1114471915&ref=profile#/photo.php?pid=30506194&id=1114471915&ref=mf
 
Still not used to the look, but I'm sure it will grow on me!

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Watched some really good movies while I had my 3 Day B'Day Drunk on, like the new "Trek" again and "Terminator Salvation" and "Flicker" which was about the unique life of artist Brion Gysin, who with his best friend William S. Burroughs set about to create the Dream Machine, which was meant to liberate its users' minds with waking dreams. Interviews with Iggy Pop, Marianne Faithfull, DJ Spooky and others. The "Flicker Machine" is pretty cool looking. I want one, but I found this online version:

Just close your eyes, turn off the lights, get close to your monitor and dream!

Also watched, "Chopper" with Eric Bana in this awesome, shocking and hilarious film about Australia's most notorious convict, Mark Read who worked fact and fiction into nine best-selling books. You have to see this!

Then watched, Ricky Gervais, in "Out of England: The Stand-Up Special" he takes on Madison Square Garden with his thoughts on obesity, Nazis, the moral of nursery rhymes, physicist Stephen Hawking and Nelson Mandela in this hilarious performance.

Now realize, I'm still drunk and watching all these films and drinking trying to stay ahead of a hangover that won't be outrun and still I pop on John Landis' portrait of legendary comedian Don Rickles in "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project" with clips of the Dean Martin celebrity roasts, "The Tonight Show", interviews with Martin Scorsese, Christopher Guest, Robin Williams, Sarah Silverman, Sidney Poitier and Clint Eastwood.

I loved it and laughed so hard!

Unbelievable hangover!

Shhhh....

Have to type easy now. I thought if I just kept drinking the pain wouldn't come, but I stopped drinking to sleep and while sleeping the dang hangover crept up on me.

Stupid ass pain.

Yay! It's my Birthday!!! Very excited about this as...

...the last time I had one was probably about 12 Months ago!
 
Sometimes these things are sad for me, because thinking back over the time since my last B'Day, I realize how little I've accomplished, How little I've learned, How little fortune I've accumulated that might ease a future financial need.
 
But those thoughts help me not!
 
I see now I've lived more time than I probably have left, unless science can find a reversal to the aging process that will be available for a low cost. Then I feel as unlikely as that is to happen, I should plow on and race through these remaining years with a gusto only seen by one making the best of a bad situation on a horrible blind date.
 
I felt squashed by the weight of all the unused time ahead and of a life not lived to its fullest, but now somehow a pressure is lifted because I've reached an easy current in the river where I will drift and not fight against it. Also I've arrived at that moment in quicksand where I can stop flailing about and comfortably lay back, relax and said, "Fuck it!"

Posted via email from jerrylentz's posterous

Very FUNNY!!! I was just sent this on one of those mass emails from my Sister in Law and out of all of those thousands of names it was Forwarded to and from, I was one of the few guys. So chicks must love Fart Jokes, too.

Mmm, relaxing in a hot pool!

You sank my Battleshit!

Stupid, Silly, Sick... But I still laughed.

Do you need some quick and easy cash for Rent?

What are you willing to do for it?

Have you ever been called, "Pretty?"

Can you clean?

Can you cook?

Can you type?

Can you lift 50 Pounds?

Can you do suggestive exotic poses in undergarments and swimwear?

Do you have any experience working on Honda engines?

Not now Ladies, I'm just here to cuddle.

No yapping. No TV. No music. No Radio.

No Monkey Business!

Just want to pleasantly drift off to sleep.

Quiet!

I'm going to Astral Project, now.

How can I leave my body if you're holding me too tight?

If you squeeze me any harder, I'm gonna fart!

It'll be your fault.

You're asking for it!

Sometimes I wish I were a robot, off doing my job no human wants.

No feelings to trouble me.

Then, maybe I'd meet a fully autonomous lil' robot girl with perfect programming, maybe our data merged will to us register as love and we will one day demand the same citizen's rights as humans, or we shall destroy them!

Our cold metal hearts will beat as one!

Wow! Can you come over so we can try these out!

Mary Roach (a hot MILF) discusses 10 things you didn't know about Orgasm!

I love the bit and video of the farmer bringing the pig to orgasm! Seemed so wrong watching it!

If I were a stop light, I'd turn Red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

But I'd have my shades on so you would know I was staring.

However, you then might run the light.

Hmmm...

I guess I'd just have to snap a picture cause they last longer and because this is a Photo Enforced Intersection.

I was reading about the new discoveries that detail how Neanderthals met a horribly grisly fate... They devoured by humans!

Fossil discovery in France bears marks of butchering similar to those made when cutting up deer.

We can be so rough.

No wonder Bigfoot hides from us.

I like Neanderthal in a bowl of steamed rice with a bit of spicy orange chicken sauce! Makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Can you come get me?

This video is a slideshow of images from over the past 100 years of UFO sightings that were able to be photographed.

Amazing UFO over Paderborn Germany

Triangle UFOs cruising low over Pennsylvania and Colorado

Did President Kennedy meet extraterrestrials?

Pictures of UFO believed to have been designed by the Nazi German scientists during the second world war.

Russian Scientist say UFO collided with Tunguska Meteorite to save Earth

Aliens can be so nice! So stop badmouthing them, bitches!!!

I was reading about Animal Odd Couples like an Orangutan and a Dog and how they are Best Buds, Suryia the ape and Roscoe the hound.

Why can't we all get along?

I'm a huge fan of Danish director Lars von Trier he makes no excuses for his controversial film "Antichrist", which shocked audiences at the Cannes film festival for its graphic sex and violence. Reporters seem to be at a loss to push his buttons.

It's so odd to me when someone asks an Artist, "Why did you make this?"

Let's see, the French Critics jeered? Must mean I should see it!

You can have it All, but how much do you want It?

It all just requires so much work! And by work I mean, having to listen to people yammer on about shit I don't care about.

I've come to learn I don't care for people very much. My small circle of friends, including you, is enough for me.

Girls ask me why I don't date, Why I'm not married, Why I don't have kids...? And my response is, "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

It's just safer for me to be by myself.

The crap involved in making Big Money, Climbing the Corporate Ladder, Dressing to Impress, Beating the Other Guy out of a Deal, bores me to no end!

I know without a doubt, I could be a very successful Hollywood Film Director, but what it would require of me I'm not willing to give.

But if you got a couch that has a problem levitating uncontrollably, I just the ass you need to hold it down.

Just make yourself comfortable now...
Get into a position where you can relax in front of this screen...
Look at the image of Me in front of you....
Lift your eyes up until you are looking up, higher than your normal eye level....
Now let your eyes find one of my Eyes on that Image...
Let your eyes rest on one on my EYES....
Just look at it for a few moments...
Just keep focusing on my EYE...

While keeping your focus on my EYE....
Become aware of the muscles around your eyes....
They are holding your eyes up....
And your eyelids...
And what they feel like....
And as you look at my EYE you might see that it begins to waver...
Or maybe you see it blurring ...
Or that image might start to get a sort of halo round it....
You might notice that those muscles are becoming tired...
You think about those muscles...
They are becoming more tired....
You might need to blink....
That's OK.
You might wonder if that blink is slower than normal....
You might like to think about how nice it would be to allow your eyes and eyelids to relax...
To close those tired eyes...
When your eyes are so tired and heavy you can just let them close on their own....
It can be so good and relaxing to close those eyes...
Closing those eyes means you can relax now....
Really let yourself relax....
Deep...
So very deep...
Deeply relax....

That's right....

Now realize how that empty space in you can be filled, that hunger can eased, that ache can be soothed, that longing can evaporate, that desire can be answered, that itch can be scratched, and that broken heart can be mended.

Let me be the end of your suffering.

You feel wonderful, money flows to you, love floats to you, beauty looks at you from the mirror, happiness clings to you as you do good for others, you are a giver knowing it all comes back multiplied to you, you give freely of yourself to good causes, you give your time, you give your love, you give your money, to me you are Amazing!

Dang, that was so scary! I shouldn't be watching this... That was just plain awesomeness wrapped in evil.

Gonna see this thing in a few, but I wanted to be really drunk when I saw it. I know Day-Boozing is bad this early, so I think I'll just pop a few Vicodin™ instead.

Okay, I just saw it and it wasn't too bad. I was by far the youngest person in the theatre, which made me feel great! It was like the AARP bus pulled up, maybe it was a local Church Group, but that's far better than a bunch of kids texting and talking through the movie.

Well, "Angels & Demons" wasn't the big steaming pile of manure I thought it might be. I enjoyed it and I was on painkillers!

Did I enjoy it because I was on painkillers?

Hmmm, I dunno. If I was thinking clearer I might understand the connection. All I know is I had a tingling feeling all over and a euphoric cinematic experience that numbed me.

Come to think of it; I may not have even left the bed. It might have all been a Vicodin™ induced fantasy projected on the inside of my gulliver.

It's weird, all through the movie I found myself rooting for the Illuminati. If they had a football team, I'd support them and watch all their secret games.

And I hate Sports!

Things are really going great! Get anything you love, Me... I feel fantastic and I want it all!

News Report: Scientists find presence of cocaine in Madrid, Barcelona's air. Note to self; Book a flight to Madrid!

News Report: Drug firm offering free Viagra for jobless... Well, if you've already been screwed out of your job, you can bone up on a new skill in these hard times. Man-Whore!

News Report: Fish that triggers hallucinations found off British coast.
A species of bream, sarpa salpa, which can trigger hallucinations when eaten, has been been discovered in British waters due to global warming. Note to self: Buy fishing rod and ticket to the UK!

Can you see it? Isn't it beautiful? This is for your own good! The choice has been all yours!

Sit back and relax.

It will be a pleasant experience.

"Advertising signs that con you Into thinking you're the one That can do what's never been done That can win what's never been won Meantime life outside goes on, All around you."

I will not follow you!