888!

I celebrated this event, 08/08/08 by going out and I ate, ate, oh I ate!

It's my brother Stan's B'Day today, so since he was working I took his wife out.

Actually, I took her to my new apartment (okay, this is where it gets dirty!) and had her unload my car, vacuum the carpet and clean the toilet!

Yay! I just watched from the couch. I didn't lift a finger, but did lift my feet so she could vacuum under the couch.

Ladies? You too, can have a man like this in your life! I'm available, better hurry, though!

But I then took her to RibCrib and bought her dinner, too.

Nice Brother-in-Law, me!

Back to my Brother. He's been my brother all my waking life, as far as I know, so I stopped off at Target and picked out some gifts for him that should replace some of the annoying items he currently owns.

But I think the biggest gift he is getting from me is, me moving out.

My friend, Tracy once showed a film she really liked, "Closer" and I think we were eating Mac and Cheese and Hot Dogs and I think I wasn't enjoying the film as much as I was the treats, but then it seems I think about the film a lot.

Even now.

This video is so good. Makes me get all choked up.

Directed by Mike Nichols, starring Natalie Portman, Jude Law, Julia Roberts, and a great Clive Owen. If you haven't seen it, you must! I don't know why I wasn't into it at first, but as soon as the end came, I knew I had to watch it again. I saw it some time back, but I think about it so much. It really got under my skin.

Checkout this scene, but don't let it spoil it for you if you haven't seen the film!

I had another mention in GreenCine about the Elsa Lanchester video post.

I love Elsa Lanchester in this clip from Dick Cavett!

A few people I showed that to think she's just some old dead broad and I'm crazy for even caring, but look at her when she was in THIS playing Mary Shelley and as
ladylove72 says in the comments:

"I like how they made Mary "fluffy" in the picture. After all, when one's mind wanders whilst one is sewing, one's mind may imagine strange fancies...like sewing the skin of dead bodies together to make a huge 7-foot monster. Tee hee! (You know she's *got* to be keeping men captive in her cellar!)"

I wonder why it is that when I'm sad, or down, I seek old movies or books or paintings to sooth the lightning and storms in my head?

Man, today has been weird.

Seems like the World was out to hurt me today. I have been a real victim, a target for abuse today.

Today sucks so far!

I guess it being so hot an all, hasn't made it fun. I woke up dizzy and have been dizzy all night. There's an Ozone Alert out, don't know if that has anything to do with it or not.

Not even sure what an Ozone Alert is?

I have a feeling I was being irradiated, though.

I had the horrible experience of catching a couple of people talking about me when I just walked up and they quickly stopped talking and couldn't look me in the eye. Very weird.

I can't explain everything that happened, but it was one of those days where I wanted to run to my bed, throw myself into it and cry myself to sleep and dream of Unicorns and a cave filled with Gold Coins.

My brother owns a couple of "Fainting" Goats.

They're cute and all, I truly dig them, not unlike a big goofy dog with narcolepsy. Kids love them!

I had this idea of putting some sort of Demon Halloween Mask on them and shooting some video, but some genius in Mexico beat me to it!

Check it out!

I made news in cinema again!

Just think if I was making films, I'd get some buzz, I'm pretty sure.

The news and emails from friends tell tales of EVERYONE getting laid off from their jobs! Are we headed for another great depression? I know I'm depressed! Great!

Oh, I'm moving into my own place!

I hope this place I've moved to is temporary! It's kinda scary. But I'll try and make it livable. I'm not completely moved in. But I've had it for a while. I was waiting for utilities to get turned on and have some repairs done, like the 70's shag carpeting removed. The door was kicked in and I don't want anything expensive in there just yet. I doubt it will be too hard to break the lease if something big comes up, like my murder.

Just the other day I was telling a friend about how I have no one to see films with, how lonely it is watching movies alone. I don't know anyone that likes the films I like anyway.

However, today was different!

Today while it was still early and only 102 degrees, I went to see "The Dark Knight" again, but with my two older brothers!

It was great being with them. We had nice seats, too.

They really dug the film!

Afterwards we had Mexican food and I had a margaritas and got way drunk. I had to hold back all urges to say to them, "I love hanging out with you guys, I miss being with my brothers!"

No my head is throbbing and I must sleep.

Today has been rough for me.

I got a fantastic gift from a very nice and important woman to the local community the other day. She and her husband have been great to me, introducing me to their friends and politicians.

The gift was a complete surprise, but she nailed it. Perfect for me!

It is a HUGE framed photograph from the film, "Earth vs the Flying Saucers" how funny is that?

It's the Paris skyline with Three giant flying saucers!

It was in my car, took up the whole back seat, and I pulled it out to show my brother and his wife and it was upside down, so I flipped it around and my left index finger caught on a sliver of metal and the fingertip was sliced open.

Like a razor!

Blood actually squirted out onto the concrete. I had to make a tourniquet with some floss I had in my backpack.

My finger has been throbbing nonstop!

I sent my friend Tracy this link to an old movie called, "Van Nuys, Blvd" and no, it's not anything like "Sunset Blvd" but I think it's funny because not long ago I lived there!
Funny! Not one Latino in the film!

Tracy pointed out how it must have been used as research reference for "Boogie Nights," boy some of those car and vans look sweet!

If you're like me you loved those faux trailers from "Grindhouse" I'd see these again and they're the reel deal:

You know those "Grindhouse" guys watched these.

Don't forget! "Thanksgiving"

Earlier today, flipping through stations I caught a bit of "Doctor" Laura. I would have quickly changed it, but I was in the middle of a turn and as much as I wanted, I was afraid if I let go of the steering wheel to do so, I might crash.

Anyway, this dad calls in all upset because his lil' girl's teacher was teaching the kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish and he needed Dr. Laura's advice. So she told him to go pull the kid out of school!

Wow!

Like the only Spanish we need to know is, "How much for you to clean my house?"

What a bitch!

Someone sent this to me and I liked it:

LET'S FACE IT, ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries
in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
index, 2 indices? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you
have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have
noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going
on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?

Been bad about posting lately.

Everyone around me thinks I'm in a funk, a rut, gloomy, depressed, sad...

Maybe I am, so what's new.

It's hot here. Muggy. Can't seem to cool down. Feel icky.

Anyway, I'll try to be better at posting my writing, it's just my hands are all sweaty and I don't want the keyboard to get wet.

Something bad seems to be happening to me.

I started losing feeling in my right hand's index finger. Numb. Dead.

I can bend it, but it just feels weird.

I really need to go see a Doctor about this.

Been doing a lot of night driving.

I love the world at 3am on the road for some reason. It seems to help me think, clears my head, relaxes me.

I saw a huge owl standing by the side of the road the other night. It didn't even move when I passed it.

I saw a snake crossing the road.

I saw a shooting star.

I saw a mommy raccoon and little babies crossing the road last week.

Last night I was so tired I actually fell asleep while driving. Woke up in the next lane. I was the only one on the road. I hate the feeling I had when I realized what was happening. I was so panicked! My heart was racing!

Just awful.

Can't believe I could do such a thing.

I've been trying to work on a new podcast idea and my friends Steve and Aaron got me a great USB Mic connector, but none of the mics I use work with it.

A guy I met said he had the perfect mic for me that would work, but after weeks of waiting to get with him, it doesn't work.

He emailed a friend of his that said he's got the mic that will work, so again I wait.

I could be posting these podcasts and make more podcasts with out the mic and just use the ones I already have, but I need to use a mixer that powers them and it's a lot of work to hook it up, carry it around...

David Lynch is right about one needing a "Set Up" when one wants to create. He says, if you get an idea to build a lamp, you need to have an area where you can cut wood, work with tools and put your idea into action.

I need to have a nice lil' studio already set up, instead of unpacking and packing and connecting... Tiring.

Been editing a few videos for a fun local band and had to take a break and refuel by looking at some of my favorite music videos.

This Mark Pellington video for the Foo Fighters' Best of You is heartbreaking to me. Several points in the video I literally get choked up no matter how many times I've seen it.

It just doesn't get better than this!

The images are perfect, powerful and sad.

The song is also great, with so many fantastic lines in it.

"Were you born to resist or be abused?"

"Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel, The life, the love, You die to heal"

Just great powerful stuff!

Here's the video for the UFO I saw the other night!

It was about 3:30 am, of course.

I get excited when I see things like this, even if it's an experimental or military vehicle, or weather phenomenon, or some guy in a lawn chair strapped to a bunch of balloons, but something in me wants us to be visited by aliens. I want to believe!

Here's the video for a storm we had a few weeks ago that ended with the Farm being flooded and road washed away.

It includes a lightning bolt hitting a street lamp, too!

There was a few more floods on the Farm later because the ground just couldn't hold all the rain we got.

barbed wire fence cUt me down
i'd like 2 be around
in a spiral staircase
to the higher ground

and i, like a firework, explode
Roman candle, lighting lights up the sky

Stopped off at the local Movie Gallery video store to buy some cheap previously viewed DVDs, as they have some real good deals.

Usually the kind of movies I like, no one wants, so those are really cheap.

I have a friend that buys up DVDs from video stores going out of business and sells them online. I think he must have a good thing going, cause he still has time to write screenplays and act in films.

I bought, "An Inconvenient Truth," "Hot Fuzz," "The Prestige," and a film I haven't seen before, but because of this awesome article film distribution in GreenCine Daily I found director John August's post about making his film, "The Nines," so I had to buy the DVD.

I was sitting in my car as rain pelted the windshield so hard you couldn't see out of it. It looked like I was at the bottom of the sea.

I thought about a film I haven't seen in years, but now must see it again.

Ever see, "The Last Wave" by Peter Weir?

I loved that movie as a kid, it was so creepy, cool and scary. There was that one part where Richard Chamberlain (Who is great in this!) is sitting in traffic in his car when suddenly he sees the city underwater.

Check out this trailer and tell me if you remember this.

It flooded so bad here!

The Farm was under water. Cars had to be moved to higher ground. Cows were loose. Pigs were swimming. I was worried that the two "Fainting Goats" would faint from the thunder and tip over and drown.

The sewage backed up and power was out, meaning the water was out as well.

I was out in the rapids that use to be the driveway and I could barely stand up without getting washed away.

Let's see:

Ice Storms.

Tornadoes.

Floods.

Tick.

Snakes.

Violent Religious Freaks.

Ahhh, life on the farm!

Been thinking about the UFO I saw last night.

I sat in my car tonight parked in the dark on my brother's farm away from any lights other than the stars and lightning bugs.

Laid the seat way back. Rolled the window down and stared at the sky. A sky like Silver Glitter tossed on Black Velvet.

I wondered if there was a star out there for me. One to call my own. There ought to be enough for everyone. Everyone should have one.

I'd like there to be a small planet around this star, a planet that needed love. This planet would have so much to give, it would want someone like me to be there walking along its shores, picking up its rocks and eating the fruits that grew.

Maybe when we die we're each called to our own stars and planets taking with us what we should have learned in this life to survive.

I saw a UFO tonight.

It hovered over the road like it was about to land. 3 really bright white lights. The radio crackled. I reached into my backpack for my camera and shot some video as it slowly tuned and moved off behind some trees.

It might have been some strange experimental vehicle, but I sure enjoyed seeing it. Things like that can really get your heart pumping.

I'll post the video over on my YouTube page soon so you can negate and demean it there in the comments.

I was talking with a server at one of my fav diners, telling her about "The Secret" and my experiences with manifesting shit into my life.

"Oh, that's weird. I use that, too!" she blurted in.

"Really? What have you got?" I asked.

She cocked her head, "Well, I sure don't have stinky armpits."

Huh?

Turns out she was talking about Secret the deodorant.

Way behind. Stuck in reverse. Need to catch up.

Books been piling up. Movies needing to be seen. Music needing to be heard.

Letters to be written.

Haven't heard the new Coldplay music yet, other than what's been posted, but I'm really looking forward to it.

Been listening to their older stuff and find so much of it meaning new things to me now.

Sometimes songs come along again just at the right moment.

I needed this today.

Fix You

Listening to Wayne Dyer talking to Oprah on her Spirit Channel podcast about telling his secretary to get rid of all his possessions got me to thinking.

He lives on an island, has a great house, loads of money, no fear about debt, bills, health care, was getting rid of all his possessions, including his shoes, and he is now lecturing barefoot.

Or did he get rid of his houses?

But I think it would be easier to be without possessions if you had the safety net of wealth and shelter.

Image just being with only the clothes you're wearing. When you wash your clothes you are nude. No place for books, just what you carry to read. No car. Cause I can't stand to drive barefoot.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that if you were to compare the population of the Earth to a village of 100 people and apply the same statistics you would see that 6 of the people (all from the United States) have 59% of all the wealth of the world and that only 1 person would own a computer. If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep, you are better off than 75% of the world’s population.

But does that make you happy?

I've narrowed my clutter down quite a bit. There's still things in boxes that never get out of the box because Out of Sight Out of Mind... Maybe those are next. Those Family Photos. Those gifts from friends. Those childhood dreams.

Am I happier with less?

Is Less More?

I can't be without my PowerBook, my iPod, my cameras, books... My dreams.

Ahh, but Those Dreams weigh nothing, but heavy on the soul.

My friend Steve sent me this:

I've watched this like 15 times and can't stop laughing...

Bug in Mouth Brings Out the Street in Reporter

During a broadcast a bug flies into this reporter's mouth and really brings out his street side.

Been in a real Stanley Kubrick mood lately, and I've mentioned before how if I'm down in a funk, just reading about him pulls me up. Lifts me a bit. I don't know why.

There's a TASCHEN book by Alison Castle called "The Stanley Kubrick Archives" that my friend Tracy got me as a gift a while back and I swear this book has saved my life. I know that may sound ridicules, but it's true. It kept me going through Dark Times!

So needless to say, I've been sifting through that book and more YouTube stuff on Kubrick to keep me going.

Here's a Short interview with composer Wendy Carlos on her experience with working with Stanley Kubrick and the CirCon.

Crafting The Shining documentary Pt.1 of 3

Director Tony Kaye speaks about Stanley Kubrick's influence on his own life and work. Difficult to watch, but really good!

I learned a lot about Kaye in this.

Visions of Stanley Kubrick documentary Pt.1

I love Radio!

Sometimes I want to listen to a show from another city or a syndicated show not available in the market I find myself living, but I found this page and I'm so glad for it.

Talk Stream Live

Check it out, might be some new radio show or podcast you'll just love!

Now if I could only get the NY style Pizza I love from Hollywood via the internet.

I need to find where my old links went. I use to have a great links sidebar, but being a bad blogger, I've misplaced it.

It'll be back up soon, but here's a few pages I've been really digging lately:

http://lazyeyetheatre.blogspot.com/

http://burbanked.com/

http://sergioleoneifr.blogspot.com/

and...

http://quityourdayjob.com.au/

So I guess you can tell I like movies.

I was thinking about what a happy perfect life would be for me and I think watching TV, having Tivo, good sound system, and eating without gaining too much weight and living where I could walk to a theater and having money without having a crappy job.

My oldest brother and I can really get into talking about the Legitimate Theatre, performance and Stage Craft.

These talks are great!

I sent him this video from TEDTalks and one of my heroes, Julie Taymor:

Theater and the Imagination

I hope you enjoy it, too!

A former Acting student of mine (thanks Josh!) from back when I taught at The Debbie Reynolds Dance Studio sent me this joke:

A blonde moves to Beverly Hills, hoping to find an acting job. After a couple weeks with no luck, she decides to go around to some of the rich people's houses and see if she can do some odd jobs for them to make a little money.

She finally goes to one house, and a guy and his wife come to the door. "Sure, I have a job for you," says the guy, "You can paint my porch. How much money do you want?"

The blonde thinks about it and says "I can do it in less than an hour. Twenty bucks!"

The guy says "Fine, there's a gallon can of paint and a brush in the garage, let me know when you're finished."

So off she goes to the garage.

The guy's wife says to him "Fred, that wasn't fair, you tricked the poor girl. She doesn't realize the porch runs around the corner all down the west side of the house to the deck. It'll take her the whole day!"

"Too bad!," he says, "Maybe that dumb blonde will learn a lesson."

An hour later, the blonde is at the door again: "All Finished! And I had enough paint to put on a second coat! Oh, and by the way: that's a Ferrari you have there, not a Porsche. Duuhhhhh!"

Way back when I was in London I became a huge fan of the South Bank Show. Melvyn Bragg ROCKS! They have the best interviews, I think the first one I ever saw was about Clive Barker.

Now thanks to BBC America (I think they play it as I have no cable, or Dish)podcasting from ITV and YouTube you can catch some great old episodes like this:

TIM BURTON - SOUTH BANK SHOW

I use to be pretty obsessed with Norman Mailer when I was a kid. I even got the Library to order me a documentary about him. It was on 16mm and the poor old lady librarian had to wheel in this giant projector for me to watch it.

What a strange kid I was...

I really wanted to be a Writer in the worst way as a kid and to me He was a great big WRITER. But spelling and grammar and lack of ideas got in my way and has prevented me from attaining my dream.

Ever see this? Norman Mailer vs Rip Torn - on camera brawl from the 1970 film, MAIDSTONE.

My friend Steve loves the old "Planet of the Apes" movies. I do too! He even gave me a box set of the films.

There's something so perfect about the idea of it. Something in it that really gets to me.

Anyway...

He sent me this link with great pics!

I know it's dated, but still pretty cool!

My brother and his wife have pointed out something that seems to be a disturbing trend in these parts and I can't seem to shake the trauma it's causing me.

They were telling me about a women working the Drive-Thru of a local Sonic whose front teeth were rotted out and causing her to slobber as she took your money and served your food.

I thought they should be use to seeing such things and noted to them that's 45% of the people I come across here, being this is where cheap meth was invented. I hear meth either rots your teeth, or you get so high you forget proper dental hygiene.

So...

One day I went to Sonic. By shear happenstance my brother was in his car in front of me ordering his treats. I get to the window and there was a pretty girl, but with ROTTED TEETH!!!

I tried not to stare, but those blackened, cracked and jagged nubs pulled on my vision like a tractor beam drawing me near the Death Star. I handed her my debit card and as she said "Thank you" a glob of spit landed on my wrist.

I freaked!

I took my food, drink and card and left nauseous.

My brother later said, "See what we were taking about?"

Then tonight at another Sonic, a guy with the same thing going on in his mouth took my order... I should hook them up!

Sonic needs to improve their imaging, or offer Dental Insurance to their employees, cause I'm about to quit eating there!

Old friends are popping into my life again!

Out of nowhere I have received 3 emails from friends from the old daze. The really weird thing is, I had just been thinking of them, too.

It's something I heard on "The Secret", Oprah, or Wayne Dyer... Thinking hard about an old long lost friend and seeing if that person makes contact.

Well, It WORKS!

Strange thing is one of them I was thinking about is dead.

But what happened on that case, I was going through some old boxes and found a funny note he once left under the windshield wiper on my car.

I didn't even know I kept it!

Well, the Loft I was thinking of moving into has been acquired by someone else, so it's back to searching for a new place again.

Everyone is telling me I'm too picky, but I don't think so, I just want to feel comfortable in the place I sleep.

Because I haven't felt comfortable in years!

Things have been pretty crazy.

Emotionally, it's been a roller-coaster in my heart and head, but I'm reading, thinking and spending time in Nature.

Tick, snake and poison ivy nature.

Boy, I miss walking down 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica!

Went looking for a place to live Yesterday and it was so hot to me, the humidity, that I was completely drained.I think my rash is coming back. Maybe it's a heat rash? I'm all broken out. I woke up thinking mosquitoes got me, but I don't know.

Looked at some lofts in the oldest section of town. Maybe not the safest place. Cheap rents, though. I think. However coming up with 1st and last month's rent and all the deposits on all the different utilities will be tough. I have to time it out with a month long Fast so I don't spend any money on food.

It's next to the train tracks. Right next to them. If I ever get the urge to end my time here I can either hobo it and hop the train, or get under it.

I actually saw real hobos!

Maybe this isn't such a great location, but I gotta do something. My brother has been wonderful letting me stay here. It's just I need my own space to hide in. To be able to cry to myself in the dark, or snore, or write without disturbing anyone. To be able get undressed without little babies walking in on me, or to be able to walk to the car without picking up an army of ticks.

The B'Day Presents are still rolling in...

Tracy sent me the DVD, "Control" about Ian Curtis and Joy Division. That movie is amazing!

After watching it, I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling wondering about life and stuff. I thought about friends who were into the band and the music. I remember being in El Paso, Texas on a drive to California and stopping at a thrift store to see if there were any good books and I noticed the Mexican girl running the cash register wearing a Joy Division t-shirt.

There's a part of the film that really got to me; Ian talks about how much he gives of himself when he's on stage, how drained he is and now they want more. The big tour is coming and he just can give, cause he hasn't any left.

I'm not on stage, but I feel it. I know what he's talking about. It's hard for me just to wake up, to get out of bed, to talk to complete strangers, to talk to friends, to meet people, to get in my car, to fill it up with gas, to change its oil, to figure out how I'm going to make money, to pay bills, to find a place to sleep, to stop feeling bored... It never ends and what's the point of going on?

I often fantasize about a country somewhere that says, "We've built all these houses. You can live here free. All bills paid. Work if you want to, but it has to be something meaningful to you. If you don't know what it is, we'll help you find it."

I'd go!

The Maury Show ran one of my ghost videos again with a nice big credit for me over the image!

Thanks to everyone on the show! You guys ROCK! If I ever need a DNA Test to find out if I'm some baby's daddy, You're getting a call!

Got permission to enter a haunted theater and set up my equipment in the early AM, so I'm hoping the spirits will be up and talkative for me. I'm thinking if all goes well, maybe this will be part of a pilot episode for my new TV series.

Trying to think of ways to make this show stand out from all the other ghost shows and I stumbled onto the idea of having scantily clad girls join me on the ghost hunt.

You know how scary movies always have a beautiful girl in lingerie and a candle go out into the woods when she heard some unholy scream and gets curious? That's the idea! Hot half naked girls and me seeking out the paranormal!

If you or someone you know is a scantily clad half naked girl, please contact me with a photo and info. Thanks!

Early in the morning dark on the Lentz Farm with no lights I stood alone and watched distant lightning and how the clouds were illuminated from the inside like amber and cotton and it reminded me of putting my hand over a flashlight and seeing the blood glow and veins when I was a kid.

Thoughts raced through my head.

Standing there half dreaming.

A wind moved through the high tree tops and their rustling leaves to closed eyes sounded like a waterfall.

When I opened my eyes the sky was filled will thousands of flickering lightning bugs. It was so beautiful I wanted to make a wish.

Then after a few moments, I did.

There are those special memories for me where I'm in my space and I have some wonderful friend over and we're pulling albums out of boxes, off of shelves and we're spread out on the floor listening to songs.

Maybe we're drinking wine, getting high, or just zoned out trying to imagine what the song is about.

U2's October is a very special time like that and when I hear any one of the songs, I'm right back at that moment, reading liner notes, or lyrics, or looking at your face while your eyes are closed and listening to your music.

Stranger In A Strange Land is a song where I undressed you and laid my ear on your breast to hear your heartbeat. Hearing this song now is like looking at a core sample of my heart and how I felt at one time.

Soon, I'll have a space again where I hope you can come and listen to music. Then, I won't have to live in the past.

"I wish you were here."

Had a very terrifying dream, so you can start analyzing now! I know you will.

First let me say, I've never had one this heavy with emotion. My eyes are blurry with tears as I try to type this. It seemed so real. A huge weight of meaning hangs on this.

Here's the dream as best as I can give it to you.

In a very large space. A warehouse maybe. Dark. Glow of florescent lights. Dim. Sizzle and crackle of electricity is in the air. I'm standing by a door. My back is to it, but I move slightly to the side because the door is open about an inch and it's dark Black on the other side and I sense something might reach through.

I suddenly realize I'm in this space to look for something. But have I forgotten what it is I'm looking for?

A male voice on an answering machine goes off in a room in a small metal shed outside. It tells me, "It's there in the room. It knows you are there. It's walking to you!"

I'm so scared!

Looking around I see nothing but the floor and the walls and the open rafters. Then I hear feet dragging on the concrete floor. Then running toward me! It's coming to me!

It's coming to me!!!

I shut my eyes tightly. I'm not looking. It can't hurt me if I'm not looking.

The footsteps stop.

If I open my eyes, What will I see? Two ghostly eyes inches from my face staring back at me?

I'm not looking!

The voice on the answering machine yells, "It's right THERE!!!"

I open my eyes with my hands in front of me, but what I see is myself standing over by the door some Twenty feet away with my eyes shut. WHAT'S GOING ON???

Oh My GOD, I'm the ghost!!!

I start running toward myself because I know it's possessing me and I must get to my body, but then I stop and a wave of sadness hits me. I mean, a blanket of sadness. Infinite sadness! I feel the death of everything I've ever loved and lost. I buckle and go to my knees. I am crying. I'm lost and need help. I'm invisible. Dead. Fading. Vapor.

I wake up crying like a baby, seriously.

Man, I'm glad that's over!

June sounds like a pretty month to me.

Always love the start of a new month. It's like a big block of possibilities. Anything could happen.

Could start a new Fast.

Could start writing a novel.

Could start a romance, or just read a book...

But I guess I'll just spend the rest of the month trying to figure out how to make next month's rent.

Should be sleeping but the rain hitting the metal roof over my head and the noise from this severe thunderstorm we are experiencing has got me up.

Popped in "Factory Girl" and I'm watching it now. The power is going on and off, but my laptop battery is taking care of the DVD.

Stepped out onto the porch as lightning and thunder crash all around. The farm is completely lit up by the fireworks. Hope the new cows, the goats and the pigs are okay. I'd be a good farm boy and check on them, but the movie's got a good nude scene on pause and I'm barefooted. I wonder if it's safe for me to be barefooted in PJs outside. Then lightning strikes a tree.

Time to go in!!!

Got the munchies so bad and there's not a thing I can find. I usually have some snacks stashed to quell those late night hunger calls, but now I got nothing. I check my backpack and find some packets of these South Beach Living Granola Clusters I bought but hated. I should have known when I got a case on sale for $2.

However, now I find them delicious! Jesus, these are good! Only 130 Calories and 6Grams of Protein! I feel thin just typing this! I'm washing this dry sand-like mouthfuls of oats down with Minute Maid Country Style OJ straight from the carton.

Why can't I be like Andy Warhol? But you know, without the gay and dead part.

It's weird watching this because I used to have a very close friend that was Edie's boyfriend and is always mentioned in her biographies. He told me some real sad and horrible stories about their time together.

Drove past a wig shop the other day. I wonder if they have any White, or Gray Men's wigs that'll fit my big noggin? Need to change up my look from time to time. Be incognito sometimes. Everyday is Halloween, right?

I can't believe I woke up without a hangover!

Don't really want this day, or this month to end.

Drove around. Beautiful day! Gorgeous clouds.

Picked up a few movies to get my fix of flicks:

"Fast Food Nation"

"The Fountain" (Still makes me cry)

"Superbad"

"Factory Girl"

"The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada"

Here's a trailer that made me laugh out loud from the Coen Brothers, Brad Pitt and George Cloony. It looks awesome!

Wow! What a crazy day!

Today I met up with Matt, my best friend from when I was in the 7th and 8th Grade. We haven't seen or spoken to each other since then, so there was a lot of catching up.

We both look so different now.

But we seemed to fall right back in to place. Picked it right up. I can't believe I was so nervous about seeing him.

After dinner we went downtown and walked around. He showed me places we used to hang around that I had either forgotten or had been demolished. It was great seeing him! I hope we stay in touch.

Then there was a little party at a beautiful home where I met several people who were funny, crazy, wild and drunk. We talked and drank margaritas in the backyard as lightning lit up the dark skies.

I saw cool old custom cars.

I saw a basement wet bar decorated with old album covers.

I saw a Grandma doing cartwheels.

I saw big naked boobies!

It was the BEST B'Day this whole year!!!